Chapter Two: Sire. Xander faces Angel, and finds out exactly what it means to have a Sire.

Xander knew where Angel's apartment was, and he was hoping against hope that Angel would be there. There was this pain in his chest, and it had nothing to do with being hungry. He'd had a huge breakfast as soon as he'd gotten up- way more than he could usually eat. Just another change in on a growing list of changes, and every one could be placed at Angel's door.

Of course, he also owed Angel his life, and that was why he wasn't going to Angel's place to spew condemnation at him. He was going to say a very nice thank you, and then demand what the hell was happening to him, because he wasn't exactly used to having a desperate need just to see Angel. It rankled, especially when he didn't even like Angel that much.

Thankfully, Angel opened when Xander knocked. The vampire didn't look at all surprised to see him there, and after a moment's consideration, Xander had to say that he wouldn't have been surprised either. Angel obviously knew what was going on with him, so it followed that he'd have known that Xander would have needed to see him.

"Xander, come in," Angel said. "I thought you'd be here, sooner or later."

"Really?" Xander strolled past him, then stood in the middle of the living room, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels. "Did you really, cause honestly? I didn't think I'd be here anytime soon. So, can you tell me- why am I here?"

"It's because you had my blood," Angel said quietly, shutting the door behind him. "A lot of it. I wasn't sure how much to give you, because you were pretty close to death as it was, and I was worried that it wasn't going to work. But it obviously did."

"Yeah, and thanks for that. I'm grateful for having my life back, honestly I am. It's just... I hurt. All the way here, it was like my heart was on fire. And then you open the door, and it goes away. Why is that?"

"Blood," Angel said again. "You're not actually a vampire, but your blood thinks you are. And your blood wants to be near your Sire- which would be me, as far as it goes."

"Well, cool, glad that's explained, but what the hell can I do about it? I can't exactly be with you 24-7, and I can't function very well when I'm not with you."

"It usually goes away with the first kill," Angel said. "The only other way is..."

"Is?" Xander prompted. Angel remained silent. "C'mon, Deadboy, I'm not going to be killing anyone. What's the other way?"

"To be claimed by your Sire," Angel said quietly.

Xander was silent for a moment. "Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means," he said slowly. "Please tell me that I wear a little dog collar with your name on the tag. Tell me that you frigging well bite me again, just tell me it doesn't mean..."

"Sex," Angel said. "Yes. That's what claiming is."

"Shit," Xander said succinctly, and whirled away to pace back and forth across the room. "You're sure that there's no other way?" he demanded. "Because really, really not liking this idea."

"It's not exactly my dream date either," Angel snapped back. Xander curled his lip back from his teeth in a silent snarl and ignored that. "There's no other way," Angel said more gently. "Those are the only two options."

"What happens if I choose door number three?" Xander said. "What happens if I do neither?"

"The pain will just get worse," Angel said grimly. "I've seen it happen before. You either kill or get claimed by your Sire. There is no door number three."

"Fuck that," Xander said. "I'm leaving."

"Xander, you're not going to be able to keep going like this," Angel said. "Soon you won't be able to move. You'll be crippled, wracked with pain from forehead to heels. Do you really want that?"

Xander cast a vicious glare over his shoulder. "Better than the alternative," he snarled, and slammed out of the apartment.

"You're sure?" Willow said.

"Well, he was sure," Xander snapped. "And somehow, I don't think this is all an elaborate plan to get in my pants. He looked about as happy with the idea of fucking me as I was with the idea of getting fucked."

"That's.... insane," Willow said. "You can't have sex with Angel. He's... Angel."

"Yeah, Wills, I noticed," Xander said bitterly, and flopped back against the pile of pillows that Willow had put there for his comfort. "Even if he weren't a guy, and a vampire, and someone I don't like very much, I still wouldn't have sex with him. I mean, hello, Buffy?"

"Not exactly good friend behavior to have sex with her boyfriend while she's in LA," Willow agreed. "You know, if it weren't for the guy vampire and seething hatred thing."

"Well, not so much seething hatred," Xander said with a shrug. "More mild dislike. I mean, he did save my life and everything. Even if I currently resent the fact that I apparently have to either have sex with him, kill someone, or suffer blinding torment, I still have to be happy about the fact that I'm not dead."

"Hey, I'm pretty happy about it too," Willow said. "I just don't like the sex or death or torment thing. That's not so much of the good."

"You're telling me," Xander said ruefully. "I just- Ah!" He curled around himself, clutching his stomach, his face screwed up in a grimace of pain.

"Xander?" Willow said hesitantly, touching his cheek with one cool hand. "Xander, are you okay?"

He slowly straightened again, and gave her a weak smile. "I'm fine. That was just a really bad one, is all. I'll be okay in a minute."

"Are you sure?" she said. "Because really, you don't look very okay."

"I'll be okay," he said determinedly, and left the rest of the thought unsaid. The part where he thought, I have to be. The alternative in unthinkable.

Willow was feeling less than comfortable with herself at the moment. It was three days after Xander's... incident, and he was not doing well. At all. She'd finally had to take him out of his own house and install him at Giles', where she was currently spending all of her free time, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

She was less than successful.

Xander was in constant pain. She loaded him up with extra-strength painkillers and didn't ask where Giles had gotten them, but they barely made a dent in the pain. For one thing, his new vamp-ness seemed to give him a resistance to medication of any kind, but the pain was also just so great that no amount of medication could get rid of it.

She was deeply worried about him. Angel's words came back to her, filtered through Xander's mocking and bitter voice: You either kill or get claimed by your Sire. There is no door number three.

She was starting to believe it- really believe it. Sure, she had listened to Xander when he'd told her and made all the appropriate noises, but inwardly she'd sort of passed it off as a cruel joke or something. But this- this she couldn't ignore.

Giles was as worried as she was, but he was sure that he could find some sort of cure. Willow wasn't so sure. She figured that Angel knew what he was talking about, and so if he said that there wasn't another option, well, there probably wasn't.

She just wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about it. Xander had steadfastedly refused to go see Angel, though Willow guessed that Angel's presence would probably at least alleviate the pain. The one time that she had called Angel and gotten him to come to Giles' place, Xander had refused to even let him into the room. Willow wasn't sure what to do.

Well, she actually was sure what to do. She just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. It would be going against Xander's wishes, that's for damn sure, and she was probably betraying Buffy as well, but... this was her best friend. She wasn't just going to let him die because he didn't want to have sex.

Decision made, the only thing she had left to do was get it to happen.

Angel was feeling less than certain, himself. Willow had called him ten minute ago, and told him what would have to happen. She'd made all the arrangements, and had gotten Giles out of the house for a good while, but he wasn't going to be gone forever. Angel stood in the hallway outside of Xander's temporary room and tried to tell himself that he was doing the right thing.

It was just... This was Xander Harris. This wasn't Buffy Summers, and she was the one he was in love with.

If he'd known this would happen, would he have... No, he had done the right thing in saving Xander's life. And if he didn't want all his efforts to be in vain, he would have to do this now.

Taking a deep and unnecessary breath, he opened the door.

Xander looked up at his entry, and his expression was not friendly. "I don't want to see you," he snapped. "Go away."

"Willow called me," Angel said. "She said that I should at least take a look at you, see if there was anything I could do."

"You told me yourself- I could either sleep with you or kill someone. There's nothing you can do that I'm going to let you do, so get the hell out."

Angel took another deep breath. Christ, this was hard. "I can't let you do that."

Xander looked like you'd hit him over the head with a two-by-four. "What?"

His resolve crystallizing, Angel said firmly, "I'm not going to stand by while you die by inches. I'm going to fix this, for once and for all."

"Oh no you're not," Xander said. "You stay away from me. We are so not going to do this."

Angel took a determined step towards the bed. "We have to."

"I am not going to betray Buffy like that."

"Would Buffy rather you die?" Angel snapped. Xander drew back, and Angel gentled his voice. "Look, I love Buffy, more than anything in the world. I don't exactly want to do this either. But as much as I love Buffy, I'm not going to let you die, and if she were here, I think she'd tell me to do exactly what I'm going to do."

"I'm not going to let you," Xander said, his voice weak but very firm. "So you might as well leave."

"No."

"What?"

"No, I'm not going to leave. No, because we're going to do this. I've tried reasoning with you, but if that won't work, well, too bad. We're doing this anyway, and you've just lost your vote."

"What? I definitely get a vote! I'm an American! I totally get a vote!"

"Not anymore you don't," Angel growled, and started to unbutton his shirt.

Xander lay on the bed, feeling like the survivor of a shipwreck. The crippling pain was gone, but it was replaced by a lingering soreness in his ass, and the way he felt at the moment, he almost wanted the crippling pain back.

He'd just done the worst thing in his life. He'd had sex with his best friend's boyfriend, and that was just.... wrong. Wrong beyond all measure of wrong. He was moving into new realms of wrongness, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be alive, not if he had to live through the guilt of doing what he'd just done.

The door creaked open, and he tried to find the energy to lift his head, but catching the person's scent, realized that it wasn't worth it. "Willow, I kinda want to be alone with my evil self right now."

"You're not evil," she said, very firmly. "You're the same Xander you've ever been. And I, for one, am thankful that you're alive Xander." She sat down next to him, and bumped her hip against his shoulder. "Deal with your aliveness, rather than your horrifically painful death."

"But Willow... Buffy..."

"Buffy will deal too," she said. "You know she will. Yeah, she'll be wigged, and probably really pissed, but when she gets through that, she'll just be grateful that you didn't die, that you're all better now. You are all better now, aren't you?" she said, suddenly worried.

"Don't worry, Wills, I'm all better. Better than ever, really, with the vampire strength thing going for me. I'm just..." He sighed and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow and hoping that the cloth would muffle his next words. "I just suddenly gay, is all."

"What?" Willow said. "What do you mean by that?"

He rolled back over and glared at her. "I liked it! I just got fucked by a very male vampire, and I liked it. What does that say about me?"

"That you're potentially bisexual?" she offered. He glared harder, and she sighed. "I don't know, Xander. And neither do you. You're just going to have to wait. This isn't something that's going to be worked out in a few minutes of best friend talk and a hug, okay? It's gonna take time."

"I know," he sighed. "And in the meantime, I have to learn how to deal with my new strength and stuff, and figure out what I'm going to say to Buffy when she gets back."

They sat in silence for a moment, and then he threw a plaintive look her way. "Can I get a hug anyway?"

She laughed at that, and threw her arms around him. "No matter what you decide," she whispered in his ear, "I still love you. Remember that when you next decide to hate yourself, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered back, and held her close.