Chapter Four: Jealousy. Grave robbery abounds, while the events of the summer tie all three participants of the love triangle in knots.
Xander leaned against a tree and sighed. This was... not one of his best days, frankly. He'd failed at least one test, gotten in the middle of yet another parental fight, and now he was patrolling through the graveyard, for no other reason than that he was bored and didn't want to stay in, because staying in meant time to think.
Buffy was still not speaking to him, which, while it didn't surprise him, also sent a particular pang through his heart. She'd been one of his best friends, and his biggest crush ever, before this whole mess had started.
He sighed again, and straightened back up. Might as well keep going, see if he could meet a fun new demon to test himself against. Giles had been training him during his spare time, and he was pleasantly surprised by his success. He'd quickly reached the limits of Giles' endurance, and so that was reason number three for patrolling tonight- to find something with more-than-human strength, to see if he could beat it.
His sensitive ears caught the sound of voices before he actually caught sight of the couple, and for that he was grateful. He didn't particularly want to stumble into the middle of an argument between Angel and Buffy, especially since, from what he could hear, they were arguing about him.
So, in the interests of self-preservation, he hid behind a bush. And eavesdropped.
"What would you have had me do, Buffy? Let him die?"
"Yes- No, of course not. But you had sex with him, Angel. That's not exactly good boyfriend behavior."
"Yeah, and I'm sorry about that, and I've said I'm sorry about that. But I'm surprised you even care- the way you were acting when you showed up at the Bronze that night, you weren't exactly wanting to start up where we'd left off."
"I was just doing that to make you crazy!"
"Well, congratulations. You were practically fucking Xander yourself out there on the dance floor for no better reason that to 'make me crazy', and you're pissed at me for fucking him to save his life?"
"That was different!"
"Yeah? And how, exactly, was it different?"
"It was-" She was interrupted by a snarl from the vampire that had just risen behind her. "We're not done yet," she promised him, and then turned to swiftly fight and then dust the vampire. "It was different!" she exclaimed as she tucked the stake back into her waistband. "That was just one little dance, and we had all our clothes on. It wasn't like-" She stopped suddenly, and sighed. "Okay, so you're right. I wouldn't want you to have let Xander die. Just... there wasn't any other way?"
"There really wasn't," Angel said. "Believe me, I would have found one." He paused, then seemed to just go ahead and say it. "Buffy, neither of us exactly wanted to. I only want you. You should know that. And Xander... well, Xander pretty much only wants you too."
"I know," she said, and drooped. "I just... I can't get my mind around it, you know? I look at him, and all I can see is the guy who had sex with the guy that I consider 'mine,' you know? And it doesn't help that he feels more like a demon than a human to my Slayer sense. It's like... not only is it my dear friend Xander who had sex with you, it's not even Xander in there anymore. Does that make any sense at all?"
"It makes plenty of sense," Angel assured her. "But this is really something you should be telling him, not me. You two need to talk, you know."
"I know." She sighed. "Well, it looks like I'm going home now. I'll... see you later, I guess."
"Yeah, later," he said, and watched her as she walked away. "I know you're there," he said as soon as she was out of earshot. "I can smell you."
Xander shrugged as he emerged from his hiding place. "I figured," he said. "That was... illuminating. I'm glad you two are getting along now, at least."
Angel snorted. "Were you listening to the same conversation that I was? If that's your definition of getting along, well, I'd like to see what you consider an argument."
"Well, it did sound a little... bitter," Xander said delicately. He sighed and leaned back against a nearby tree, then slid down to sit at the base. "Hell. What are we going to do?"
"What, about Buffy?"
"No, about us," Xander said. Angel remained silent, and Xander smiled mirthlessly. "What, cat got your tongue?"
"There is no us, Xander. We both know that."
"Oh, I know it," Xander said. "That doesn't prevent this... thing between us to make us incredibly uncomfortable in each other's presence."
Angel sighed, then came over and sat next to Xander. "You're right. But I haven't turned anyone- so to speak- since before I got my soul back, and sex is slightly less awkward when you're evil."
"You mean there's no ugly morning-after's?" Xander said. "Damn, sign me up."
Angel half-smiled. "Yeah. It's just... This is always going to be between us. It's partly a Sire-Childe thing, and partly..."
"Partly the fact that I remember what it's like to have you inside me? Yeah, I know."
Angel closed his eyes. "Yeah. That. It's not exactly comfortable for me. When Buffy was dancing with you, all I wanted to do was tear you two away from each other, and I was having trouble deciding whether I was trying to get you away from her... or to get her away from you."
"Christ, tell me about it," Xander sighed. "When you two were doing the comforting embrace thing after her smashing up the Master, well, let's just say I had the same reaction. Still attracted to Buffy- nothing wrong with my eyesight, that's for sure- but it seems like I'm attracted to you too." Xander shrugged and eyed Angel's faintly panicked expression with tired amusement. "Don't get all wiggy. I'm not gonna go panting after you. I'm just saying it, because it seems like it's better to just get it out there rather than dance around it."
"So, it's said," Angel said. "Now what?"
"Now we both go home, and pretend we didn't say it," Xander said, and gave him a lopsided smile. "Relax. This doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. We'll deal, and you'll get the girl, and I'll hang back and be Funny Xander. It's how it works."
"What about you?" Angel wanted to know.
"Me? Well, maybe Buffy and I'll patch things up, and maybe we won't. Either way, the world will go on."
"No, I mean... will you find someone?"
"Maybe." Xander shrugged. "I'm not thinking about it right now, you know. I'm just trying to get through one day and night at a time. It's a simple way to live."
"Can't argue with that," Angel said, and stood up, brushing off the seat of his pants before offering a hand to Xander. "You going home?"
"Yeah," Xander said, and let Angel pull him up. "Was looking for a fight tonight, but I think I've tapped all my energy with this lovely little heart-to-heart. You?"
"I think I'm going to look for the fight you're giving up," Angel admitted. "Kinda in the mood, you know?"
"Oh, I know," Xander said. "Guess I'll be seeing you aro-"
The rest of the word was cut off when he fell into the open grave in front of him. Angel's head was immediately visible over the lip of the hole. "Are you hurt?"
"Only my pride," Xander said wryly, and pulled himself neatly out. "Another vampire?"
"Not vampire," Angel said distractedly. "Look at that. The body was dragged out of here."
Xander stared at the tracks. "Well, that's new and different."
"That's one word for it."
"Two words, actually."
"Whatever."
Xander finished telling Giles what he'd found the night before with a sighed, "Can you tell Buffy for me? I somehow doubt she wants to hear it from me."
"Hear what?" Buffy said from the doorway. Xander looked up sharply, then took a deep breath and decided to just keep it professional instead of dancing around with joy over her speaking to him at all.
"I was in the cemetery last night, and I found an open grave. Tracks indicate that the body was dragged from it, rather than walking away on its own power."
"Ew," she said succinctly. "Even by Hellmouth standards, that's creepy. Any lead on who did it?"
He shrugged. "You and Angel pretty much trampled all over the scent tracks. I doubt I'd even recognize the guys if I got near them."
She blinked. "Scent tracks... right, vampire sense. I forgot." Her expression said that she'd have been happier without the reminder.
He shrugged again. "I just got done telling Giles. Hadn't gotten to the theories part yet. Giles, contributions?"
"Well, it could the work of a demon that eats only the flesh of the dead. It could also be the work of a voodoo practitioner."
"Zombies?" This came from Willow.
"Yes, exactly."
"It could be a garden-variety human psychopath," Xander pointed out. "I'm sure that we could manage to get those, even on the Hellmouth."
"Yes, that was absolutely the most encouraging thing you could have said," Buffy pointed out snidely.
Xander held up his hands, palms out, in a defensive gesture. "Just a suggestion." He glanced over at Willow and Giles, then said, "Well, I'm done. I'll just head off to class. You lot can do the Slayer thing."
He was almost out of the library when Buffy caught up to him and grabbed his elbow. "Xander, I... I need to talk to you."
He took a deep breath, prayed to whatever deity would listen, and turned to face her. "Of course. Now, or do you want to wait?"
"I think putting it off would be of the bad," she said tightly. "Can we just..." She gestured toward the door.
"Sure." He left the library and headed for a classroom he knew was empty this block, knowing by the near-silent footsteps behind him that she was following.
He shut the door behind her, then leaned against it. "Shoot."
"I just wanted to say... Well, I... I'm glad that you're not dead."
He was silent for a moment. "So am I?" he offered. "Buffy, what do you want from me here?"
She sighed and sat on top of the nearest desk. "I don't know. It drives me crazy to think that you've had sex with Angel when I've never done anything more than kiss him and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him, but I also wouldn't want you to be dead."
"It can't help that I'm not entirely human anymore," Xander added, drawing on what he'd learned from eavesdropping the night before to help him now.
"No, it really doesn't," she agreed, then shook her head. "What am I saying? It's awesome that you're more than human. It keeps you safer, and could even make things easier for me. I should be overjoyed."
"But you can't convince your instincts that I'm totally Xander anymore, and my non-human-ness is what led to the whole mess with Angel."
She flinched, and he sighed. "Am I not supposed to say his name? Are we dancing around the subject again?"
"No, we're not, it's just... it hurts, you know?"
He smiled lopsidedly. "I know. But if it helps any to hear it, it didn't mean anything. There's something between us, yeah, but it's not... it's not like I think you're worried it is. Angel loves you. Actually, Angel loves you more than he loves anything on this Earth or beyond it. And if you don't know that, then you're a fool." He finished his little monologue with a much harsher tone than he had meant to, but decided not to apologize for it.
Silence reigned for a moment. "I know. I don't always think about it, and definitely don't talk about it, but I do know that he loves me. It's just... you said you had a thing between you. What sort of thing?"
"Not sex," he reassured her. "I am possibly starting to think about guys in a way I hadn't previously, but not about Angel. We're just... friends, sort of. It's complicated. I never liked him that much-" He stopped and smiled when she gave a snort of laughter. "Yeah, I wasn't exactly subtle about it, was I? Anyway, I never liked him that much, but now he's my Sire, as far as that goes, and so there's a bond there. A very reluctant bond," he added, "but a bond nevertheless. And even that bond of blood is nothing compared to the bonds that tie you to him."
She stared at him in silence for a minute, then abruptly closed the distance between them in a few strides and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back and rested his chin on the top of her head, smiling a little mistily.
"I missed you," she said into his chest. "It's not the same without you there, making witty comments about everything."
"That's me, Funny Xander," he said, and felt a little pang at the unconscious echo of his conversation with Angel. "I missed you, too."
They stood there for a minute before she finally pulled away to kiss him on the cheek. He smiled down at her, and returned the kiss, on her forehead.
"Are we okay now?"
"We're okay," she said.
"Good. Wanna go deal with grave robbers?"
"Yeah, I think I do."
"Cool," he grinned, and with one arm around her shoulders, he opened the door and guided her back towards the library.
Another night in the cemetery, another conversation that Xander was just as glad to have been able to avoid stumbling into. Was this déjà vu, or what?
"Sounds like he took it too far to me," Angel was saying, as he and Buffy strolled through the graveyard.
"Love makes you do the whacky."
"What?"
"Er, crazy stuff."
"What, like a vampire with more than two centuries under his belt getting tied into knots over a single dance?"
"Yeah, and a girl who should know better getting wiggy over her boyfriend saving her friend's life?" Buffy smiled and sighed. "We've both had our share of bad moments the last few days. Me more than you, I think."
"I don't know. I think we're pretty evenly tied, as these things go."
Buffy shook her head. "I went crazy. I can see that now. Xander told me about you two, and I just... flipped. Didn't get over it, not really, until I talked to him yesterday. He made me see that there's nothing to be jealous of. That you two belong to each other in some weird way, but that it doesn't necessarily have to get between the two of us."
Angel made some sort of affirmative noise, and Buffy glanced sideways at him. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking. He's been more mature about this than either of us, hasn't he? The boy who couldn't even stand to hear me say your name just did his best to make sure that things between you and me were as smooth as possible. Makes me feel a little stupid, truth be told."
Angel smiled and her and hitched one shoulder in a half-shrug. "He's growing up. Doesn't mean that you're not. You listened to him, didn't you? That means that you've got a fair share of maturity under your belt."
Buffy gifted him with a brilliant smile. "I did, didn't I? Good for me." She stopped, and looked around the cemetery. "Okay, this place is dead, no pun intended. I think I'm going to go home and get caught up on my beauty sleep."
"I could... walk you home?" Angel offered. She smiled at him again, this one shy.
"Okay," she said, and clasped her hand in his when he held it out. They started to walk together, but Angel paused and stared hard at the spot in the bushes where Xander was hiding.
Xander gave him a thumbs-up, and Angel smiled back at him. "What is it?" Buffy asked. "Did you hear something?"
"It's nothing," he said, and smiled down at her. "Just saw a shadow or something."
Xander watched the two of them walk off together, and ignored the pain he felt in his heart. It didn't matter than he loved them both, albeit in different ways. They were meant to be together, and nothing could change that, not even him.
No matter how much he might wish otherwise.