Title: Mathematics of a Pineapple
Author: Artemis Rain
Spoilers: None
Rating: K
Genre: Gen, Humour, Fluff
Pairing: Luke/Grace
Warning: May contain traces of math.

Summary: Luke. Grace. Pineapple.

Disclaimer: I own neither Joan of Arcadia, nor any of the characters therein. Also, bits of this story were inspired by an episode of Numb3rs (though most of it came from a google search on "pineapples" and "math"), and I don't own that either. Nor do I own the Fibonacci sequence, though I sure would like to!

Note: This itsy-bitsy little ficlet is a going away present for Wizened Cynic, who is leaving me to go live in Hong Kong for the rest of the summer. Farewell, Wizened Cynic, I hardly knew ye.

By the way, this fic is entirely her fault.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Dude, it was a stupid comment, ok? Just forget I said anything."

"I'm telling you, Grace, math not only applies to the real world, it appears all over the place in nature."

"Uh-huh. And you got the pineapple… where?"

"It was in the fridge. I think Joan got it for some sort of project. I don't ask questions. I'm just grateful she hasn't tried to explain."

"And what the hell is this? It looks like a giant corkscrew wrapped around an empty toilet-paper roll."

"Uh… I think it's a pineapple corer. It was sitting right there on the counter when I got home. Again, I don't ask, I don't wanna know."

"Ok, Girardi, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm counting the rows on the pineapple! There should be three different directions of rows…"

"I'm not seeing rows."

"I think this is a row… wait… no…"

"It looks like a bunch of bumpy things."

"That's because it is a bunch of bumpy things, Grace. However, these bumpy things just happen to form rows in three different directions! I know they do!"

"Whoa there, Einstein. No need to get all sweaty... yet."

"Sorry. I just know… yes! That is definitely a row! One set of rows goes this way! Now, there should be … one, two, three, four, five, six… wait…. Damn, I lost the row. Well, anyway, the three directions have 8, 13 and 21 rows."

"I don't think so, Dude. I think this pineapple is defective."

"This pineapple is not defective, Grace! It's just a little, you know…warped."

"Yeah, right."

"Ok, I can't count the rows, but I know they're there! They have to be! 8, 13 and 21 rows! That's part of the Fibonacci sequence!"

"Oh, God. Not the goddamn Fibonacci sequence again!"

"Uh, Grace? What's with the hostility? What did the Fibonacci sequence ever do to you?"

"It's totally clichéd."

"How can a sequence of numbers be clichéd?"

"It just is. It was just another boring math thing until Dan Brown got his claws into it. Now it's like this totally overblown 'secret code' thing that's not a secret at all because everybody keeps talking about it all the damn time!"

"I can't believe you just made air quotes."

"Shut it, dude."

"Yeah, yeah. Look, clichéd or not, I'm just trying to show you that the Fibonacci sequence appears on this pineapple… Well, ok, maybe not THIS pineapple, which is clearly mutated and disfigured beyond any means of logical analysis…"

"Looks like your basic, run-of-the-mill kind of pineapple to me"

"… but on pineapples in general. And the ratio between the pairs of numbers in the Fibonacci sequence that appear on this, well, a pineapple, larger to smaller, is 1.67, the golden ratio, which appears all over the place: in nature, in the cosmos, in ancient manmade constructions, like the pyramids, I mean, it's everywhere! Math IS the real world! If you just look at – Mmph!... mmmm…"

"…mmm…"

"…"

"Dude? I get it, ok? Fine, I take it back. Math may not be completely useless. Now, put the pineapple down, forget about ratios and golden numbers, and stick your tongue back down my throat."

"Yeah, ok, that… that sounds like a good idea…"

"Mmm-hmm."

"…mmm…"