Chapter Six: Kissing Cousins. While Xander pursues a relationship with Buffy's beautiful houseguest, he has to contend with being stalked by a very persistent Spike.

"I want to go," Buffy pouted. "Dance. Music. Fun. Giles, do you remember fun?"

Giles rolled his eyes. "Buffy, that's not the point."

"Then what is the point?" She took her anger with Giles out on Xander, landing several punishing punches on the bag he was holding. He winced reflexively, though with the heavy padding he was holding, it didn't really hurt.

"The point is that you have a secret that you have to keep. A very important secret."

"Yeah, yeah, saving the world from the forces of evil, blah blah blah. Anything new, Giles, or are you going to repeat yourself at me all day?"

"Buffy, it's going to be hard enough hiding your secret identity as it is, with someone living with you."

"Then I should be going to the dance like a normal girl, so no one can suspect."

"Buffy, you need to be alert. You need to stay sharp. You need to-"

"Be as stuffy as my Watcher?"

Xander, tired of being pounded, abruptly took a step back and tossed the padding to Giles. "I'm taking a break. Giles, your turn to get beaten on."

Xander crossed the room to sit on the counter. He watched, kicking his feet idly as Buffy pounded on Giles for a change. "I. Want. To. Go. To. The. Dance."

He winced as each punch or kick drove Giles a step further back. Giles didn't look happy with it, either. Buffy stopped to correct her stance, and wheedled, "Come on, Giles, budge. No one likes a non-budger."

He frowned at her, and she shifted to kick again, which prompted him to drop the bag and hold up his hands in surrender. "Alright, you may go to this dance. Just... be careful."

He winced his way back into his office, and Buffy bounced over to Xander. "So. Dance. What are your plans for the night?"

"Taking my mom's car, so I've got wheels for the night. Picking up Willow- can I give you a ride, too?"

"Well, you said you're taking Willow-"

"Not taking. Just, you know, in the sense of taking her there. Not taking her there with me. Three is safe. I don't want her to-"

"Get the wrong idea. Yeah, I know." Buffy said cross-legged on the table and sighed. "Oh come on, Xander, don't you ever think about her that way?"

"Not really," he said. "She's my best friend. And also? Recently I've been more for thinking about guys that way, Buff. You know that."

"Yeah, I know that. Still, you also told me that you weren't sure. I mean, you did say that you were attracted to girls, too, right?"

"Right," he said, but he felt far from sure. "I'm still the girl-loving Xan-man." He heard the little voice at the back of his head that told him that he was fooling himself, but he told it firmly to just shut the hell up and let him live in denial if he wanted to.

"Hey guys," Willow said. Xander turned around and smiled at her.

"Hey Wills. We were just discussing my pathetic love life. Want to take a stab or two?"

"Um, no thanks." She looked upset about something, and Xander frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, it's Rodney. He's missing."

"Missing? As in, not in school? Color me shocked."

"Xander, I think it's more than that," Buffy said. "I didn't see him on the bus yesterday, coming home from the museum."

"Huh, me either," Willow said. "I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum."

"What, like waking the mummy or something? Never happen."

They all stopped, and looked at each other, then at Giles.

"Er," the Watcher said. "Perhaps we should check?"

"I don't think I liked that guy," Xander said thoughtfully as they made their way back into the library. "He seemed just a tad bit unfriendly."

"Knife-happy is perhaps a better description for it," Buffy corrected. "I wonder who he is."

"More importantly," Willow pointed out, "what does he have to do with the mummy? And how did Rodney get all mummified, anyway?"

"Valid questions, all," Xander said. "But the most important one is this: Where on earth did he get his clothes?"

The other three glared at him, and he held up his hands defensively. "Joke, but it's still a valid point. Not exactly high fashion in this era, you know?"

Giles sighed. "Yes, Xander, it is indeed a valid point. However, we don't know the answer to any of those questions, and I'm not sure where to start looking. It's not exactly my area of expertise."

"Well, whatever the answer is, I think we can be sure that it's locked in that," Buffy said, and nodded at the seal.

"Again, not my area of expertise," Giles said ruefully. "It could take me weeks to get an accurate translation of these pictograms."

"Yeah, you should probably get right on- Impata!"

Xander blinked. "Was I the only one who just got an unhappy image there?"

"Pervert," Buffy said. "And also? Ew. But that's not what I meant. I meant, I was supposed to pick him up there twenty minutes ago. I'm seriously late."

Willow smiled at her. "I'll tag along, if you don't mind? I'm kinda curious to meet this Impata."

Buffy shrugged. "Sure, no problem." She glanced over at Xander. "Xan? Coming along?"

He shook his head. "Heading home, if you two lovely ladies don't mind. Feel kinda tired."

"Okay then. Will? You ready?"

"Yep," Willow said. She looked over at Giles. "You're research guy tonight?"

"As always," Giles said wryly. "You two go ahead. It wouldn't do for you to be too much later at picking up your guest."

"So," Buffy asked, as they make their way down the darkened street toward the bus depot. "How much of my conversation with Xander did you actually catch?"

"Pretty much all of it," Willow admitted.

"And are you upset?"

"About Xander not feeling that way about me? No, not really. Well, maybe a little. But I already knew that he didn't want me- not like that, anyway- and he did tell me a while ago about the liking guys things, so it wasn't like there were any great surprises. I just... wish that things were different, sometimes, you know? But they aren't, so there's no point moping about it."

"That's the spirit," Buffy said. "Take it from the lips of experience: moping only leads to bad things, like abandoning your friends and violently crushing bones with a sledgehammer."

"I don't think I'm in much danger of the sledgehammer thing," Willow pointed out. "But Buffy, you know that none of us are upset about that. You'd had a hard summer, with the nightmares of the Master and everything, and then the whole thing with Angel and Xander... well, no one's exactly blaming you for not taking it that well."

"I blame me," Buffy said, then sighed. "Okay, this is share time. Don't tell Xander this, okay?"

"My lips are sealed," Willow said.

"Well, when Xander first told me what had happened, I didn't believe him. I mean... this had to be a joke, right? Even my life couldn't get that screwed up. And then I saw the look on his face, and I believed it. It happened. And then... it was like I couldn't think. Total mental meltdown. All I wanted to do was tear him into little bitty pieces, and Angel too, and then curl up in a corner and cry."

She sort-of smiled when Willow made sympathetic noises. "And then I started to get over it. It wasn't like Xander was trying to cut in on my turf, or anything- Angel was saving his life, after all. Then I talked with Angel- argued is possibly more accurate- and then I talked with Xander, and then I talked with Angel again, and it was okay. But- and here's the part that we're not sharing with the class, okay?"

"Okay," Willow said, looking encouraging.

"After I calmed down about the whole thing, I started to think about it. You know, with rational thought processes rather than homicidal rage. And then I had this dream."

"A Slayer dream?"

"No, just your average hormonal teenager dream."

Willow was silent for a minute, then said a very quiet, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Buffy was blushing. "I can kinda picture the two of them... you know... and it's... not that bad of a picture, if you know what I mean. There's hotness potential there. Definite wig potential, but when I suppress the thought of it being my boyfriend and my best friend, there's the hotness."

Willow smiled, though she, too, was blushing. "I can kinda see what you mean. Especially since Xander's all different now."

"Yeah, he dresses way better, and did you see him dance?"

"And that one time I was watching you two sparring..."

Buffy pretended to fan herself, then grinned at Willow. "Okay, horny teenager time definitely over. We have an exchange student to pick up, and I don't want to creep him out by giggling at the weirdest times."

Willow grinned back at her. "You know that I'm gonna start laughing as soon as I see him, don't you?"

"You better not," Buffy scolded, then called out, "Impata? Impata Gutierrez?"

There was no answer, and Willow turned to shrug at Buffy. "Maybe he went somewhere else?"

"Maybe," Buffy said doubtfully, and called again, "Impata? Are you here?"

"I am here," a low, accented female voice said. They both looked up to see an incredibly beautiful woman emerge from between two buses. "I am Impata."

Xander hummed to himself as he bounced down the sidewalk. Buffy had her houseguest coming tonight, and there was the whole mummy thing going on, so what the hell. He wasn't going to be a bored Xander any time soon, which pretty much meant that he was a happy Xander.

"You're looking good, pet. Surprised that Angel's letting you out on your own."

Xander whirled to face the owner of the voice. "Spike. You haven't managed to impale yourself on Buffy's stake yet. Color me amazed." He stopped, as if considering his words. "What is the color of amazement, anyway? A nice blue, maybe?" He shrugged. "Not important."

Spike gave him an odd look. "You think of the strangest things, pet."

Xander snorted. "This from the guy who thought it would be a good idea to attack the Slayer two days before the night when you'd be at your highest strength. Can we say bad planning, anyone?"

"You'd have a sight more trouble saying it with your tongue ripped out," Spike growled. Xander just laughed, casual and carefree, and slipped one hand into his jacket pocket, where he carried a stake.

"Try it," he invited.

"Think you could take me?" Spike sounded amused at the thought.

Xander shook his head. "No, but at least you'll remember me when I'm dead."

Spike smirked and took one sauntering step closer. "Oh, pet, I already can't get you out of my head."

Xander took a reflexive step back at that. "What? What are you talking about?"

"You're just so luscious," Spike purred. "Dark eyes a man could fall into, a mouth that begs to be kissed, and the sweetest arse this side of the Atlantic. Pretty unforgettable."

Xander just stood there and blinked at him. "Have you gone insane?" he wanted to know. "Taken some quality drugs, perhaps?"

Spike leered and took another step closer. "Just you," he whispered. "You're intoxicating."

"Okay, whoa. Brakes." Xander pressed his hand to Spike's chest and shoved, ignoring the feel of cool muscle under his palm. "If you're going to kill me, please do," he said after Spike had stumbled back a step. "But get it over with. Don't make me crazy with lame-ass come-ons. That's just rude."

Spike straightened up, looking offended. Xander valiantly ignored how good offended looked on a face like Spike's. "Lame? I'll have you know that those have worked-"

"On thousands of lucky lads and ladies, I'm sure," Xander interrupted. "But not me. I'm going home now. Good night."

He turned on his heel and marched off, blocking out the low chuckle that followed him down the street.

"I have the coolest costume," Willow gushed. "I spent forever working on it, and it looks awesome."

Xander grinned at her. "Good for you."

"Do you know what you're wearing yet?" she wanted to know. When he shook his head, she smacked him on the arm. "Xander Harris, the dance is tonight, and you don't even know what you're wearing? Bad Xander!"

He shrugged helplessly. "I've been a bit distracted by the evil mummy thing, what can I say?"

"Even Buffy's already planning what she's wearing," Willow scolded. "And she's got Impata to show around."

"Speaking of Impata, how'd that go last night? Is he nice, or someone that I have to be manly and threaten?"

"Um, about that," she started, then stopped when Xander did, which was when he caught sight of Buffy walking up the steps, Impata in tow.

A very female Impata.

He turned slowly and looked at his friend. "Something you forgot to mention, Wills?"

"Um, oops?" When he continued to stare at her, she sighed. "It turns out there was a mix-up of some sort, and Impata is, in fact, not a guy. And they're coming over here, so you might as well hear everything from Buffy, anyway."

"Right," he told her, then smiled cheerfully as Buffy waved and towed the apparently-not-male Impata towards them.

"Hey," he said. "I'm Xander."

"Xander, this is Impata," Buffy said, waving one hand towards the girl. "She got here last night."

"Good to meet you," he said with a friendly nod. "How was the trip here?"

"Interesting," she said with a smile. "Buffy told me a lot about you last night."

He smiled back at her. "Good things, I hope."

"All good," she reassured him.

"Hey, Buff, didn't Giles say he wanted to meet Impata?" Willow said.

"Yeah, he did," Buffy said. "Impata, you've gotta meet Giles. He'll love you."

Buffy stared at Xander and Impata's retreating back. "Is it just me, or was that just a little bit weird?"

"That was definitely weird," Willow agreed. "He was all polite and everything on the way in here, but he didn't seem to be, you know, attracted to her or anything. He didn't seem that interested in her at all, really, except for the fact that she was a girl rather than a guy, like he was expecting."

"And then all of a sudden he offers to take her around for the day, and he's being all touchy-feely, with one hand on her back and leaning close and stuff," Buffy finished. "Definitely weird. Especially after that little heart-to-heart yesterday."

Willow gave her a slightly panicked look. "You mean..."

Buffy shook her head quickly. "No, not that heart-to-heart, Wills. The one me and Xander had. About liking guys more than girls, remember?"

"Ah yes," Giles said, looking up from the seal. "I, well, overheard most of that. It does seem a little odd, in light of his confession, especially if his behavior toward her earlier was as you said."

Willow looked from Buffy to Giles. "He's not possessed, or anything, is he? Under a spell, maybe?"

Buffy was staring at the door that the two of them had disappeared through. "I don't think it's anything quite so paranormal, Wills," she said quietly. "Though I think you'll have to ask Xander to find out exactly what's up."

Buffy pulled Xander away from everyone else, ignoring his protests that Impata was upset after the attack from the knife-happy freak. "I have to talk to you," she said firmly, and dragged him into Giles' office, shutting the door to make sure that they weren't overheard.

She turned and glared at him. "Okay, what gives?"

He gave her the confused look. "What gives what?"

"With you and Impata, dufus."

"Well, it was like I told you. We were eating lunch, and then the guy jumped down and waved his knife around and-"

"Not that, Xander," she said, and crap, that was the Resolve Face. When had she learned that from Willow?

"What, then?" he stalled.

"Why were you all cool and distant when you were first introduced, then suddenly Mr. Lover? It was a little weird."

He shrugged uncomfortably. "I was just surprised at first, was all. You know, I was expecting a guy, and there was a girl. An extremely beautiful girl, who I'm incredibly attracted to," he lied.

"Well, I was kinda wondering, after what you said yesterday about liking guys and everything. It was a little odd."

He shrugged, and gave her the patented, everything's-okay lopsided Xander Harris smile. "Sorry if I worried you or something. It's really not that complicated, though. Xander see pretty girl. Xander like pretty girl. Xander wants to take pretty girl to dance."

Buffy smiled at him. "So ask her," she said. "Willow won't mind."

Xander cocked his head. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I'll get Mom to give her a ride with me. Take the pretty girl to the dance, Xander. She looks like she really likes you. Be happy."

He smiled and hugged her. "Sure, Buff. I'm a happy guy."

He kept smiling when he walked out of the office, and he wondered when he'd become such a good liar.

He was rethinking his plan later that night, swaying on the dance floor at the Bronze with Impata in his arms. It wasn't one of his better ideas, he had to admit. So what if he'd been thinking about a certain bleached blonde too much? Taking a girl to the dance just to prove to himself that he still wanted to wasn't fair to himself, and it certainly wasn't fair to her.

Especially since he didn't particularly want to be here with her. He stared into her eyes and pretended to be starstruck, when all he could think was that things would have been better if he'd let Buffy take Impata to the dance and he'd been the one hunting mummies with Giles.

She was staring back at him, and she looked almost as lovestruck as he was pretending to be. Not a brilliant idea, Harris, he jeered at himself, and, filled with disgust, he glanced away from Impata's adoring eyes.

And looked right into the smirking face of one William the Bloody.

What the hell? He sure as hell wasn't supposed to be here. Why was he here?

Stalking him, of course. Stupid question.

He looked down at Impata. "I need to go," he said. "I'm really sorry, but there's someone that I need to talk to, and I need to talk to him now. Go sit with Willow- I swear I'll be back in a minute."

She frowned at him, but nodded. "Alright."

"Thanks," he said gratefully, and then disappeared into the crowd in the general direction of where he'd seen Spike standing.

Spike wasn't there, of course. That would be too easy. Sighing, he started scanning the crowd, only to stop when he saw a flash of leather near one of the exits.

Bingo.

He followed, going right out into the alley since he knew that that's where Spike would be waiting for him. And sure enough, there he was, leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face and a cigarette between his lips.

"Alright, Blondie, you got my attention. What do you want?"

Spike took a drag on the cigarette and then tossed it away before leering at him. "Obvious, innit? I want you. You're so bloody tempting, it's a wonder some other nasty hasn't snatched you up by now."

Xander grinned at him, and it wasn't a pleasant grin. "One or two have tried," he said easily. "They didn't succeed."

"That's right. You're a Consort. Angel's Consort, and isn't that just... delicious. Angelus taking a Consort, well, it's unthinkable. Or was until you came along."

Xander shook his head. "There was a poison. Only cure was an exchange of blood with a vampire." He stopped. "Why am I telling you this?"

"Because you can't resist me?" Spike suggested. When Xander didn't dignify that with an answer, the vampire continued, "Maybe because you recognize something in me that you're not finding with your other friends."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"Darkness," Spike answered simply. "The Slayer, well, she's the same sort of thing, really, but the other side of the coin, you might say. But me, well, you've got part of the essence of what makes us more in your veins."

"I'm not like you, Spike. I've got the strength, and the senses sometimes, but I'm not like you. I'm not a vampire."

"Vampires, Consorts- they're kissing cousins, pet. Close as makes no nevermind. The only difference is your pulse, and my lack of one."

"And my soul, and your lack of one," Xander pointed out. "Pretty big difference."

"Not so big," Spike said with a shrug. "It's not keeping us apart right now."

"Right, so what is keeping us apart then?"

"Your willpower," Spike said. "Which, I'm guessing, is less than strong when it comes to me. So if I want to kiss you, all I have to do is take two steps forward, and just... do it." He suited action to word, and somehow, even with all his strength and speed, Xander couldn't find it in him to stop it.

It was amazing. Cool and wet, Spike's tongue slipping into his mouth to twine around his own and invite it to play. And for some reason, his tongue took him up on it, and slipped into Spike's mouth to tickle gently against the roof of his mouth.

Spike pulled back after a moment, sucking gently on his lower lip before releasing it with a loud pop. "Be seeing you around, pet," he whispered, then turned and stalked off, his duster flaring behind him.

Xander leaned against the wall, totally dazed, before remembering that he had left his date inside with Willow. He shook it off, did his best to put it to the back of his mind, and went inside.

Buffy grabbed him as soon as he came through the doorway. "Xander! Where have you been? Are you okay?"

He nodded, wondering if he looked as confused as he felt. "Yeah, Buff, I'm fine. What's wrong?"

"It's Impata. She's the mummy. I was hoping to get here before she could suck the life out of you or something."

"Well, you succeeded. Where is she, anyway?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "You mean she wasn't with you? Shit! Willow said she ran off a minute ago."

Xander shook his head. "No, she wasn't with me. I was just... checking something out."

"Whatever." Buffy shook that off as unimportant. "But if she wasn't with you, then..."

"Then she's with some other schmuck, sucking the life out of him," Xander finished for her. "We've got to find her."

Xander sighed and hunched his shoulders. "Buffy, do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes." She gave him her stern-face. "You've been acting weird, and I want to know why."

"I dated a life-sucking mummy?" Xander tried.

"I think this doesn't really have anything to do with Impata," Buffy said gently. "Will you at least give me a hint about what's up with you?"

Xander sighed. "There's this... guy," he started, and was interrupted by her squeal.

"Ohmigod, Xander, why didn't you tell me about this before now? Who is he? What does he look like? Is he yummy?"

"Buffy, do you mind?" he snapped, then sighed again when she pouted at him. "Sorry. It's just... I'm not entirely comfortable with the whole guy thing, you know? And I picked a real doozy to be attracted to, that's for sure."

Buffy made a sympathetic voice. "Not exactly an upstanding citizen, huh?"

He gave a little bark of bitter laughter. "That's a bit of an understatement, there, Buffy. I can't figure out if he means it, or if he's just messing with my head for kicks."

"One of those, huh?" She wrapped her free arm around his waist in a half-hug. "I sensed a 'but' in there, somewhere."

"But I can't stop thinking about him," Xander admitted. "It's insane and possibly suicidal- definitely self-destructive- but I just can't get him out of my head. Does that make me fucked-up?"

"No more than the rest of us," Buffy said with an eye-roll. "Dating the undead here, remember?"

"Yeah, but Angel loves you. He wouldn't ever hurt you."

"And I'm sure this guy won't hurt you either," Buffy told him. She stopped, and grabbed his head, forcing him to turn back towards her. "Xander, you're one of the best people I know," she said. "One of the bravest, and certainly one of the most loyal and the most caring. There's no way that anyone could know you, and still want to hurt you."

He smiled down at her. "Thanks, Buff," he said. "I'm sure you're right, and there's nothing to worry about."

"Damn straight," she told him, and started pulling him along towards the door. "Now come on, we've got classes."

"Right. Class. School." He knew he sounded inane, but he couldn't help it. What was Spike playing at? Because no matter what Buffy said, she didn't know. Spike was just as likely to kill him as fuck him, and Xander wasn't sure what he was doing, letting Spike mess with his head like this.

But he'd been telling Buffy the truth. He couldn't stop thinking about him. The main question now was this:

What was he going to do about it?