Our Beloved Tekken Characters
By BahamutZERO
Disclaimer: Same as always
Chapter 6: Kuma
Click.
Kuma flicked the TV on with the remote and sat down on the couch. No amount of time could satisfy his insatiable desire to watch TV. The hours dragged on.
Occasionally, he would get up to eat something or use the bathroom, but as soon as he was finished, he'd plop right back down. Finally, Heihachi entered the room.
"Kuma," he said. "That is enough. You must walk with me."
Kuma gave a low growl of disappointment and reluctantly turned off his favorite show: Pokemon. The two went outside and walked among the gardens of the ridiculously huge Mishima estate. Kuma wasn't paying any attention to Heihachi's ramblings. He was thinking of one thing that that he like the most, besides TV.
Panda.
Yes, he was madly in love and would do anything to get her to notice him. But how?
Later, Kuma returned to the TV set and watched it for several more hours. Suddenly, an ad popped up about these strange phrases called "pick-up lines."
It was midday at the Mishima Polytechnical High School. She would be out here soon. Kuma knew that. He needed to find some way to get that stupid girl, Xiaoyu away from her. Kuma sat down and thought for a moment. Then, he got an idea. And it had nothing to do with flowers.
Xaioyu came out of the building talking up a storm with a Panda. Kuma waited by the gate, ready to put his plan into motion. Closer, closer... Then...
WHACK!!
Kuma jumped out from his hiding spot and bashed poor Xaioyu with a baseball bat. She hit the ground, extremely dead. Kuma and Panda eyed each other for a moment before Panda said in bear language "It's about time. I was wondering when you were going to do that."
Kuma did a bear smile. "Now for that groovy pick-up line from TV," he thought. He stood up straight and said "Let's screw, you bitch." Panda happily obliged and they trotted off to the woods.
Kuma couldn't believe this wonderful turn of events. For the longest time, Panda had always shunned and ignored him but now, she was his to screw. Soon they would be united as one, so to speak.
Panda stretched out on the ground, showing off her "equipment." Kuma used a bear grin and settled himself atop Panda, his mind screaming with the burning desire to take her. But suddenly, things turned for the worse.
Panda stopped him and inquired one question that would really screw up Kuma's "plans." "You wouldn't happen to have any, uh... protection, would you?" SHIT!! Kuma sprang to his feet and said "Okay, just stay in that position and I'll be right back."
Kuma raced back to the Mishima estate as fast as his feet could carry him. Only man could help him.
Heihachi sat silently meditating when the door burst open. He looked up at the looming animal. "What can I help you with?" Kuma explained the situation in bear language, which Heihachi could understand for some reason.
"So what exactly do you need from me?" Heihachi asked, curiously. After Kuma sat silently for a few seconds, it dawned on him. "Oh... ooohhhhh..." Heihachi reached into his drawer and pulled out a condom that was roughly as wide as his fist. "Will this do?" Kuma nodded happily and grabbed the condom. Then, he went back to the woods...
Two huge roars issued from the forest and reached the ears of Kazuya Mishima. He sat straight up in bed. "The fuck was that?" he asked his wife, Jun. "I don't know honey. All I know is that I can't stand in another minute. COME HERE!" Unable to think of a reason to not return to bed with Jun, he jumped back in.
"I think what we just did is only legal in several countries," Panda giggled excitedly. The two got up and returned to the Mishima estate. As they passed by the high school, they found the body of Xaioyu lying on the ground. "Hmm... she's still dead," Kuma said thoughtfully.
When they got back, Panda sat down with Kuma on the couch, as Kuma flicked the TV on again. "You know, I was thinking..." she said. Kuma stared straight ahead.
"Hello?"
No response.
"Kuma?"
No response.
"HEY!"
No response.
"FUCK THIS! I'm leaving, you insensitive bastard!"
With that, she stormed out of the room. Two minutes later, Kuma looked up and said "I'm sorry, what?"
*
Tune in next time for a day in the life of Kazuya Mishima.
By BahamutZERO
Disclaimer: Same as always
Chapter 6: Kuma
Click.
Kuma flicked the TV on with the remote and sat down on the couch. No amount of time could satisfy his insatiable desire to watch TV. The hours dragged on.
Occasionally, he would get up to eat something or use the bathroom, but as soon as he was finished, he'd plop right back down. Finally, Heihachi entered the room.
"Kuma," he said. "That is enough. You must walk with me."
Kuma gave a low growl of disappointment and reluctantly turned off his favorite show: Pokemon. The two went outside and walked among the gardens of the ridiculously huge Mishima estate. Kuma wasn't paying any attention to Heihachi's ramblings. He was thinking of one thing that that he like the most, besides TV.
Panda.
Yes, he was madly in love and would do anything to get her to notice him. But how?
Later, Kuma returned to the TV set and watched it for several more hours. Suddenly, an ad popped up about these strange phrases called "pick-up lines."
It was midday at the Mishima Polytechnical High School. She would be out here soon. Kuma knew that. He needed to find some way to get that stupid girl, Xiaoyu away from her. Kuma sat down and thought for a moment. Then, he got an idea. And it had nothing to do with flowers.
Xaioyu came out of the building talking up a storm with a Panda. Kuma waited by the gate, ready to put his plan into motion. Closer, closer... Then...
WHACK!!
Kuma jumped out from his hiding spot and bashed poor Xaioyu with a baseball bat. She hit the ground, extremely dead. Kuma and Panda eyed each other for a moment before Panda said in bear language "It's about time. I was wondering when you were going to do that."
Kuma did a bear smile. "Now for that groovy pick-up line from TV," he thought. He stood up straight and said "Let's screw, you bitch." Panda happily obliged and they trotted off to the woods.
Kuma couldn't believe this wonderful turn of events. For the longest time, Panda had always shunned and ignored him but now, she was his to screw. Soon they would be united as one, so to speak.
Panda stretched out on the ground, showing off her "equipment." Kuma used a bear grin and settled himself atop Panda, his mind screaming with the burning desire to take her. But suddenly, things turned for the worse.
Panda stopped him and inquired one question that would really screw up Kuma's "plans." "You wouldn't happen to have any, uh... protection, would you?" SHIT!! Kuma sprang to his feet and said "Okay, just stay in that position and I'll be right back."
Kuma raced back to the Mishima estate as fast as his feet could carry him. Only man could help him.
Heihachi sat silently meditating when the door burst open. He looked up at the looming animal. "What can I help you with?" Kuma explained the situation in bear language, which Heihachi could understand for some reason.
"So what exactly do you need from me?" Heihachi asked, curiously. After Kuma sat silently for a few seconds, it dawned on him. "Oh... ooohhhhh..." Heihachi reached into his drawer and pulled out a condom that was roughly as wide as his fist. "Will this do?" Kuma nodded happily and grabbed the condom. Then, he went back to the woods...
Two huge roars issued from the forest and reached the ears of Kazuya Mishima. He sat straight up in bed. "The fuck was that?" he asked his wife, Jun. "I don't know honey. All I know is that I can't stand in another minute. COME HERE!" Unable to think of a reason to not return to bed with Jun, he jumped back in.
"I think what we just did is only legal in several countries," Panda giggled excitedly. The two got up and returned to the Mishima estate. As they passed by the high school, they found the body of Xaioyu lying on the ground. "Hmm... she's still dead," Kuma said thoughtfully.
When they got back, Panda sat down with Kuma on the couch, as Kuma flicked the TV on again. "You know, I was thinking..." she said. Kuma stared straight ahead.
"Hello?"
No response.
"Kuma?"
No response.
"HEY!"
No response.
"FUCK THIS! I'm leaving, you insensitive bastard!"
With that, she stormed out of the room. Two minutes later, Kuma looked up and said "I'm sorry, what?"
*
Tune in next time for a day in the life of Kazuya Mishima.