Our Beloved Tekken Characters
By BahamutZERO
Disclaimer: It's the same; it's that good.
Chapter 9: Eddy Gordo
Eddy awoke with a start from the blaring cacophony of his alarm clock. He groggily reached over and slapped the button, turning off the cursed machine. He rolled over in bed and let his eyes droop shut. Just when he was about to go back to sleep, the door was kicked open and Christie entered the room.
"HEY! GET OUT OF BED!" she said calmly.
Eddy sat up and pondered. "What the hell is-?" he started.
"WHAT'S WRONG, EDDY?" Christie said in a very soft voice.
"Umm, you're talking in... uh, well, the caps are..."
"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? COME ON, YOU'RE GOING TO MISS YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL."
Christie left and Eddy was left sitting up in his bed. He got up and walked out to eat breakfast. Once finished, he headed for Mishima Poly-Technical High School.
The hallways were congested with students milling about, almost aimlessly. Some hurried to their classes; others loitered around. Eddy shouldered his way past a group of giggling girls and bumped into Jin.
Jin raised an eyebrow and said, "So, you've finally decided to get educated. I was wondering about you."
Eddy managed a small smile. "Well, Christie kept annoying me about it and-"
Eddy was cut off by a high-pitched scream. Xiaoyu bolted down the hallway, jumping off the walls and doing a double back flip, landing right next to Jin.
"Jin!" she squealed. "I can't take this anymore! I NEED YOUR BODY!" Jin shrugged and the two immediately engaged in a make-out session right there on the floor.
Eddy shrugged and continued to his first class...
...only to find that it was taught by Kazuya Mishima. Kazuya glared at Eddy and pointed to an empty seat in the back row, which was roughly 100 feet away from the board. Eddy took his seat and waited for Kazuya to start.
A small moaning noise issued form the left, and Eddy glanced over to see Hwoarang, quite high at the moment, smoking 12 cigarettes at once.
Kazuya cleared his throat, "ATTENTION! This class begins now! I want you all to take out a paper and pencil and write down what you did over the summer. If you don't like that, then I will toss you out the window."
Eddy got started right away. He had some sympathy for Forest Law, who was fidgeting with his pencil sharpener. Kazuya casually strolled over.
"Are we having a problem?" he thundered.
The petrified Law answered in a high voice: "Well, it seems to be broken."
Kazuya eyed him for a moment longer, then, without warning, picked up Law by his shirt and flung him across the room. Law smashed into the wall and fell to the floor.
"What the hell!? You're a fucking teacher, you can't do this!" Law screamed.
"HEY!" Kazuya retorted. "No goddamn profanity!" With that, Kazuya kicked Law in the face with a roundhouse and followed up with a Dragon Uppercut, knocking Law to the other side of the room. While Law was getting up, Kazuya crouched low, with his right leg extended, and spun on the ball of his heel, sweeping Law's feet out from underneath him.
"I'll teach you some respect, boy!" Kazuya shouted as he picked up Law and threw him out the window. Law landed face-first into Wang's lap.
"Well, hello!" Wang happily said. He gave Law a quick spank.
"SHIT!"
Kazuya smugly looked out the window and then turned to see Hwoarang slouched in his chair.
"Dude, I just saw you throw that guy out the... uh... the... thing."
"A window?" Kazuya inquired.
"Yeah, dude, that was messed up. I think, I... whoa, colors... um... CHICKEN DIPPERS!" Hwoarang got up and defenestrated himself. Kazuya looked out the window to see Hwoarang splash down in the fountain.
"Okay, class," Kazuya. "Who would like to read his or her paper?"
Paul raised his hand and bounded up to the front of the class. He cleared his throat and began to read: "All was dark. I entered the room and the fragrance of a freshly lit candle entered my senses. Nina was stretched out on the bed, a seductive smile spread across her perfect face. I came closer and she beckoned me to sit down. I did so and slowly began to slip off her blouse-"
"What the hell is this shit!?" Kazuya interrupted.
"Well, you told us to write what we did over the summer," Paul shot back in defense.
"Is this really what you did, or is it just another one of your perverted fantasies?"
Paul went beat red. He wasn't red for long, though, as Kazuya executed an Electric Wind God Fist, sending Paul out the window to land in a dumpster. The bell suddenly rang and Eddy hastily left the class in order to avoid Kazuya's wrath.
At lunch, Eddy sat next to Yoshimitsu, who was twirling a fork with his mechanized hand. Eddy spotted Christie walking in and headed towards her.
"WELL, HOW IS IT GOING, EDDY?"
"Um, why is your dialogue in caps?"
Everyone stared at Eddy, who continued to question Christie.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
"Look, you just did it again!"
Getting impatient, Christie started break dancing for no reason. Eddy joined in and soon the entire room gathered around to watch the two (except for Jin and Xiaoyu, who were making out on a table).
Kazuya suddenly showed up.
"What in the high holy fuck is going on here!?" he shouted. Everyone spun around and cowered as Kazuya's devil side started to show. He rushed forward and grabbed Christie, punting her into an oven.
"Hey!" Eddy yelled. "I can't believe you did that! What was she doing wrong!?"
"AUGH!" Everyone turned around to see Xiaoyu and Jin, still making out. Xiaoyu smiled, glad that everyone was noticing their pre-marital sex, but frowned when everyone turned back to Kazuya and Eddy.
"HEY! THERE IS NO FUCKING PROFANITY IN THIS SCHOOL, DAMN IT!" Kazuya turned purple, fur swept down his legs, his eyes turned blood red, two horns shot up from his head, and a pair of leathery wings sprouted from his shoulders.
Eddy backed off a little, fearful of the inevitable beating. Kazuya advanced, intent on killing Eddy. Just when he was about to, Jun came up behind Kazuya.
"Honey-pumpkin, stop this!"
Kazuya turned and gave her some puppy dog eyes.
"But, snoogy woogy-" he began.
"Don't you 'snoogy woogy' me! How dare you attack innocent people like that! And would you fucking stop with the swearing?"
Kazuya reverted back to his old self.
"AUGH!" Again, everyone turned to see Xiaoyu gleefully riding on Jin. Her glee, however was short lived.
"JIN! You will stop this at once!" Jun shouted.
"AH! UGH! Okay, I'm done." He got up and left (without putting his clothes on), leaving Xaioyu staring at the ceiling in wonderment.
"Oh," she said in a dreamy voice. "I'm done, too."
Eddy walked up to Jun and thanked her. "I thought Kazuya was going to kill me. Is he always like this?"
"No, just when he's mad," Jun said, smiling. "Other than that, he's a cute, cuddly pumpkin!" She and Kazuya immediately hit the floor and made out. Eddy quickly backed off.
Jin and Xaioyu were at it again as well.
Steve suddenly fondled Nina's breasts. "What the-!" She slapped Steve, who went spiraling through the air, landing on a grill. "WAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!"
Without warning, Hwoarang smashed through a window with a bottle of glue stuffed up his nose. He raised his hand as if to say something, and then collapsed.
"What the hell is going on here?" Eddy wondered aloud. Without any answer, he headed home (not bothering to help Christie out of the oven).
LATER
"I had no idea Paul was going to give a speech before the school board," Eddy whispered to Christie.
"ME NEITHER." Eddy gave her a sideways glance and then turned his attention back to Paul.
"...perfect face. I came closer and she beckoned me to sit down. I did so and slowly began to slip off her blouse-"
CENSOR:
DUE TO THE NATURE OF PAUL'S SPEECH, IT WAS NOT INCLUDED IN THE FINAL VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER.
SORRY.
=
I know, that chapter was really weird, but "weird" is my middle name. Not really... Did I fool you? I guess not. Anyway, next chapter: Bryan Fury.
Disclaimer: It's the same; it's that good.
Chapter 9: Eddy Gordo
Eddy awoke with a start from the blaring cacophony of his alarm clock. He groggily reached over and slapped the button, turning off the cursed machine. He rolled over in bed and let his eyes droop shut. Just when he was about to go back to sleep, the door was kicked open and Christie entered the room.
"HEY! GET OUT OF BED!" she said calmly.
Eddy sat up and pondered. "What the hell is-?" he started.
"WHAT'S WRONG, EDDY?" Christie said in a very soft voice.
"Umm, you're talking in... uh, well, the caps are..."
"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? COME ON, YOU'RE GOING TO MISS YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL."
Christie left and Eddy was left sitting up in his bed. He got up and walked out to eat breakfast. Once finished, he headed for Mishima Poly-Technical High School.
The hallways were congested with students milling about, almost aimlessly. Some hurried to their classes; others loitered around. Eddy shouldered his way past a group of giggling girls and bumped into Jin.
Jin raised an eyebrow and said, "So, you've finally decided to get educated. I was wondering about you."
Eddy managed a small smile. "Well, Christie kept annoying me about it and-"
Eddy was cut off by a high-pitched scream. Xiaoyu bolted down the hallway, jumping off the walls and doing a double back flip, landing right next to Jin.
"Jin!" she squealed. "I can't take this anymore! I NEED YOUR BODY!" Jin shrugged and the two immediately engaged in a make-out session right there on the floor.
Eddy shrugged and continued to his first class...
...only to find that it was taught by Kazuya Mishima. Kazuya glared at Eddy and pointed to an empty seat in the back row, which was roughly 100 feet away from the board. Eddy took his seat and waited for Kazuya to start.
A small moaning noise issued form the left, and Eddy glanced over to see Hwoarang, quite high at the moment, smoking 12 cigarettes at once.
Kazuya cleared his throat, "ATTENTION! This class begins now! I want you all to take out a paper and pencil and write down what you did over the summer. If you don't like that, then I will toss you out the window."
Eddy got started right away. He had some sympathy for Forest Law, who was fidgeting with his pencil sharpener. Kazuya casually strolled over.
"Are we having a problem?" he thundered.
The petrified Law answered in a high voice: "Well, it seems to be broken."
Kazuya eyed him for a moment longer, then, without warning, picked up Law by his shirt and flung him across the room. Law smashed into the wall and fell to the floor.
"What the hell!? You're a fucking teacher, you can't do this!" Law screamed.
"HEY!" Kazuya retorted. "No goddamn profanity!" With that, Kazuya kicked Law in the face with a roundhouse and followed up with a Dragon Uppercut, knocking Law to the other side of the room. While Law was getting up, Kazuya crouched low, with his right leg extended, and spun on the ball of his heel, sweeping Law's feet out from underneath him.
"I'll teach you some respect, boy!" Kazuya shouted as he picked up Law and threw him out the window. Law landed face-first into Wang's lap.
"Well, hello!" Wang happily said. He gave Law a quick spank.
"SHIT!"
Kazuya smugly looked out the window and then turned to see Hwoarang slouched in his chair.
"Dude, I just saw you throw that guy out the... uh... the... thing."
"A window?" Kazuya inquired.
"Yeah, dude, that was messed up. I think, I... whoa, colors... um... CHICKEN DIPPERS!" Hwoarang got up and defenestrated himself. Kazuya looked out the window to see Hwoarang splash down in the fountain.
"Okay, class," Kazuya. "Who would like to read his or her paper?"
Paul raised his hand and bounded up to the front of the class. He cleared his throat and began to read: "All was dark. I entered the room and the fragrance of a freshly lit candle entered my senses. Nina was stretched out on the bed, a seductive smile spread across her perfect face. I came closer and she beckoned me to sit down. I did so and slowly began to slip off her blouse-"
"What the hell is this shit!?" Kazuya interrupted.
"Well, you told us to write what we did over the summer," Paul shot back in defense.
"Is this really what you did, or is it just another one of your perverted fantasies?"
Paul went beat red. He wasn't red for long, though, as Kazuya executed an Electric Wind God Fist, sending Paul out the window to land in a dumpster. The bell suddenly rang and Eddy hastily left the class in order to avoid Kazuya's wrath.
At lunch, Eddy sat next to Yoshimitsu, who was twirling a fork with his mechanized hand. Eddy spotted Christie walking in and headed towards her.
"WELL, HOW IS IT GOING, EDDY?"
"Um, why is your dialogue in caps?"
Everyone stared at Eddy, who continued to question Christie.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
"Look, you just did it again!"
Getting impatient, Christie started break dancing for no reason. Eddy joined in and soon the entire room gathered around to watch the two (except for Jin and Xiaoyu, who were making out on a table).
Kazuya suddenly showed up.
"What in the high holy fuck is going on here!?" he shouted. Everyone spun around and cowered as Kazuya's devil side started to show. He rushed forward and grabbed Christie, punting her into an oven.
"Hey!" Eddy yelled. "I can't believe you did that! What was she doing wrong!?"
"AUGH!" Everyone turned around to see Xiaoyu and Jin, still making out. Xiaoyu smiled, glad that everyone was noticing their pre-marital sex, but frowned when everyone turned back to Kazuya and Eddy.
"HEY! THERE IS NO FUCKING PROFANITY IN THIS SCHOOL, DAMN IT!" Kazuya turned purple, fur swept down his legs, his eyes turned blood red, two horns shot up from his head, and a pair of leathery wings sprouted from his shoulders.
Eddy backed off a little, fearful of the inevitable beating. Kazuya advanced, intent on killing Eddy. Just when he was about to, Jun came up behind Kazuya.
"Honey-pumpkin, stop this!"
Kazuya turned and gave her some puppy dog eyes.
"But, snoogy woogy-" he began.
"Don't you 'snoogy woogy' me! How dare you attack innocent people like that! And would you fucking stop with the swearing?"
Kazuya reverted back to his old self.
"AUGH!" Again, everyone turned to see Xiaoyu gleefully riding on Jin. Her glee, however was short lived.
"JIN! You will stop this at once!" Jun shouted.
"AH! UGH! Okay, I'm done." He got up and left (without putting his clothes on), leaving Xaioyu staring at the ceiling in wonderment.
"Oh," she said in a dreamy voice. "I'm done, too."
Eddy walked up to Jun and thanked her. "I thought Kazuya was going to kill me. Is he always like this?"
"No, just when he's mad," Jun said, smiling. "Other than that, he's a cute, cuddly pumpkin!" She and Kazuya immediately hit the floor and made out. Eddy quickly backed off.
Jin and Xaioyu were at it again as well.
Steve suddenly fondled Nina's breasts. "What the-!" She slapped Steve, who went spiraling through the air, landing on a grill. "WAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!"
Without warning, Hwoarang smashed through a window with a bottle of glue stuffed up his nose. He raised his hand as if to say something, and then collapsed.
"What the hell is going on here?" Eddy wondered aloud. Without any answer, he headed home (not bothering to help Christie out of the oven).
LATER
"I had no idea Paul was going to give a speech before the school board," Eddy whispered to Christie.
"ME NEITHER." Eddy gave her a sideways glance and then turned his attention back to Paul.
"...perfect face. I came closer and she beckoned me to sit down. I did so and slowly began to slip off her blouse-"
CENSOR:
DUE TO THE NATURE OF PAUL'S SPEECH, IT WAS NOT INCLUDED IN THE FINAL VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER.
SORRY.
=
I know, that chapter was really weird, but "weird" is my middle name. Not really... Did I fool you? I guess not. Anyway, next chapter: Bryan Fury.