Our Beloved Tekken Characters
By BahamutZERO
Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken. Really, I don't.
Author's note: WHOA! I can't believe the kind of feedback I'm getting! Thanks to all who reviewed (and if you read it and didn't review, thanks anyway).
Lil' Reeses Cup 2010- I was never particularly keen on raising the rating but after looking at some of the old chapters, I decided it might not be such a bad idea after all. From now on, this story will have an R rating.
Burraku Ookami- For this chapter, I was thinking almost the same thing you were.
On with the story!
=
"Ugh."
Bryan's eyes slowly opened. A blaring light above him pounded on his weakened retinas. He squinted and shielded his eyes from the obnoxious light. Soon, the sound of a chair moving pulled his gaze over to the left.
A small old man wearing a lab coat was sitting on the chair. With some difficulty, he got up and approached the slick metal "bed" Bryan was lying on.
The man flicked a switch and the lighting dimmed to a more comfortable level. Slightly blinded, Bryan rose up on his hands and looked the man in the eyes.
"So," he said. "You've finally awoke."
"Argh." Bryan held his head on one hand. He had one hell of a headache. He looked up and said, "Dr. Abel, how are still alive? I thought I kicked your ass across the room in my Tekken 4 ending."
Abel chuckled and motioned over to a large hole in the wall, shaped like a human being.
"You certainly did. However, I had my ASS PACK on. I created this nifty for times like that. Basically, if I get knocked across a room, the ASS PACK will soften the blow on my old, sagging, wrinkly ass and-"
"Spare me the details," Bryan moaned. He fell back on the bed.
"I suppose you're wondering why I am here?" Dr. Abel said.
Bryan thought about it and tried to think back to before he fell asleep. Let's see, he met Dr. B., he explained some shit, Yoshi was there, and then Dr. B. put him to sleep, saying he was going to be reborn in a new body. Bryan looked down on himself and found that he was just the same as before.
Abel noticed this and chuckled again. "Well," he cackled, "I couldn't reverse the process once it started. I gathered together some of Heihachi's Tekken forces and we ran Yoshimitsu and Boskonovitch out of here. Then, I just waited..."
"But, what about this new body?" Bryan inquired.
"Oh, you have a new body, alright," Abel shot back. "The size of your penis has doubled!"
Bryan jumped off the bed. "WHAT!?" There had to be some truth to this. After all, his pants did fell a bit tighter than usual.
"So, this key to defeating your bio-weapon is-?"
"-contained within your dick," Able finished for him. "Unfortunately, I can only access it when you die naturally. Old age, you see."
Bryan nodded. "So basically I just need to stay alive until I die from old age? I can do that."
With that, Bryan got up and left the lab. He climbed the stairs up into the antechamber and then walked out in the gleaming sun. Without warning, a honking noise issued from down the street. Bryan turned just in time to see a truck headed his way.
Bryan awoke with a start in the lab. "What the fuck just happened!?"
Abel was bent over laughing. "You just got run over by a truck! I had to bring you back to life. You see, in this new body, you have lost all of your zombie powers. Basically, you are no more powerful than the average human. That means no more surviving a hail of bullets, and no more ripping turrets off of tanks and hurling them down streets."
"Damn, that was so fun."
"Well, just be careful out there. Every time I bring you back to life, we start over. So just try not to die."
Bryan left the lab again. With no real goals or prospects in life, he decided to go do the next best thing: eat.
Bryan walked into a Red Lobster and ordered a medium-sized lobster. As he was sitting in the air-conditioned room, he saw Paul and Jack walk into the restaurant. They sat down at a table right across from Bryan.
The former zombie was about to say something when his order arrived: the waiter placed a large platter with a lobster on it in front of Bryan. Bryan couldn't wait to dig in.
"Hmmm," he thought. "I wonder how one eats a lobster?"
He looked around and saw people doing some very complicated things for eating their lobsters. With nothing to do, Bryan picked up the lobster by the thorax, opened his mouth, clamped down on its head, and bit it off.
"MMMM!" he moaned aloud. "This shit's good!"
He continued to munch on his lobster. Each bite into its hard shell caused some of the greasy juices to spray out and land on Paul's hair. The angered biker turned around.
"Do you mind!?" he yelled. Bryan gulped down a particularly large chunk of lobster and responded: "Sorry, but I haven't been able to enjoy a good lobster in a long time."
Paul turned back around while Bryan stuffed the last of the lobster down his throat. He was about to get up and leave when:
"Freeze!" A gunshot rang out and everyone ducked for cover. Bryan looked up to see Lei entering the restaurant, gun still smoking. Bryan followed the direction of the barrel and found that he had shot Paul... in the hair.
Paul was sticking his finger in the small hole in his hair, which promptly collapsed in a messy heap. He stood up and activated Jack.
"Wait, guys, maybe you should do this somewhere-"Bryan could not finish his sentence as Jack took a hearty swing at Bryan, causing him to fly though a wall and out into the street.
Just then, Xiaoyu was driving along with her instructor. Her car promptly flattened Bryan.
"OH MY GOD!" she screamed.
"Xiaoyu! You just ran over an innocent pedestrian! You have failed your test," the instructor bellowed.
"I'M SO SORRY!" Xiaoyu responded as she slammed on the brakes, causing the instructor to go flying out the window.
"OH MAN, I'M REALLY SORRY!" Xiaoyu spun the car around, executing a three- point turn over Bryan's body and sped off, hitting some trash cans in the process.
Bryan awoke in the lab again.
"What did I just tell you!?" Abel yelled at him.
"Relax, doc," was all Bryan offered as he fell out of the bed, cracking his skull in the hard metal floor. Abel slapped himself.
"I'll revive him again later. Right now, I need to unwind."
Abel strapped on his ASS PACK and punched himself in the face, creating another human-shaped hole in the wall.
=
Yay, Bryan's chapter is done. Next up: Yoshimitsu.
By BahamutZERO
Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken. Really, I don't.
Author's note: WHOA! I can't believe the kind of feedback I'm getting! Thanks to all who reviewed (and if you read it and didn't review, thanks anyway).
Lil' Reeses Cup 2010- I was never particularly keen on raising the rating but after looking at some of the old chapters, I decided it might not be such a bad idea after all. From now on, this story will have an R rating.
Burraku Ookami- For this chapter, I was thinking almost the same thing you were.
On with the story!
=
"Ugh."
Bryan's eyes slowly opened. A blaring light above him pounded on his weakened retinas. He squinted and shielded his eyes from the obnoxious light. Soon, the sound of a chair moving pulled his gaze over to the left.
A small old man wearing a lab coat was sitting on the chair. With some difficulty, he got up and approached the slick metal "bed" Bryan was lying on.
The man flicked a switch and the lighting dimmed to a more comfortable level. Slightly blinded, Bryan rose up on his hands and looked the man in the eyes.
"So," he said. "You've finally awoke."
"Argh." Bryan held his head on one hand. He had one hell of a headache. He looked up and said, "Dr. Abel, how are still alive? I thought I kicked your ass across the room in my Tekken 4 ending."
Abel chuckled and motioned over to a large hole in the wall, shaped like a human being.
"You certainly did. However, I had my ASS PACK on. I created this nifty for times like that. Basically, if I get knocked across a room, the ASS PACK will soften the blow on my old, sagging, wrinkly ass and-"
"Spare me the details," Bryan moaned. He fell back on the bed.
"I suppose you're wondering why I am here?" Dr. Abel said.
Bryan thought about it and tried to think back to before he fell asleep. Let's see, he met Dr. B., he explained some shit, Yoshi was there, and then Dr. B. put him to sleep, saying he was going to be reborn in a new body. Bryan looked down on himself and found that he was just the same as before.
Abel noticed this and chuckled again. "Well," he cackled, "I couldn't reverse the process once it started. I gathered together some of Heihachi's Tekken forces and we ran Yoshimitsu and Boskonovitch out of here. Then, I just waited..."
"But, what about this new body?" Bryan inquired.
"Oh, you have a new body, alright," Abel shot back. "The size of your penis has doubled!"
Bryan jumped off the bed. "WHAT!?" There had to be some truth to this. After all, his pants did fell a bit tighter than usual.
"So, this key to defeating your bio-weapon is-?"
"-contained within your dick," Able finished for him. "Unfortunately, I can only access it when you die naturally. Old age, you see."
Bryan nodded. "So basically I just need to stay alive until I die from old age? I can do that."
With that, Bryan got up and left the lab. He climbed the stairs up into the antechamber and then walked out in the gleaming sun. Without warning, a honking noise issued from down the street. Bryan turned just in time to see a truck headed his way.
Bryan awoke with a start in the lab. "What the fuck just happened!?"
Abel was bent over laughing. "You just got run over by a truck! I had to bring you back to life. You see, in this new body, you have lost all of your zombie powers. Basically, you are no more powerful than the average human. That means no more surviving a hail of bullets, and no more ripping turrets off of tanks and hurling them down streets."
"Damn, that was so fun."
"Well, just be careful out there. Every time I bring you back to life, we start over. So just try not to die."
Bryan left the lab again. With no real goals or prospects in life, he decided to go do the next best thing: eat.
Bryan walked into a Red Lobster and ordered a medium-sized lobster. As he was sitting in the air-conditioned room, he saw Paul and Jack walk into the restaurant. They sat down at a table right across from Bryan.
The former zombie was about to say something when his order arrived: the waiter placed a large platter with a lobster on it in front of Bryan. Bryan couldn't wait to dig in.
"Hmmm," he thought. "I wonder how one eats a lobster?"
He looked around and saw people doing some very complicated things for eating their lobsters. With nothing to do, Bryan picked up the lobster by the thorax, opened his mouth, clamped down on its head, and bit it off.
"MMMM!" he moaned aloud. "This shit's good!"
He continued to munch on his lobster. Each bite into its hard shell caused some of the greasy juices to spray out and land on Paul's hair. The angered biker turned around.
"Do you mind!?" he yelled. Bryan gulped down a particularly large chunk of lobster and responded: "Sorry, but I haven't been able to enjoy a good lobster in a long time."
Paul turned back around while Bryan stuffed the last of the lobster down his throat. He was about to get up and leave when:
"Freeze!" A gunshot rang out and everyone ducked for cover. Bryan looked up to see Lei entering the restaurant, gun still smoking. Bryan followed the direction of the barrel and found that he had shot Paul... in the hair.
Paul was sticking his finger in the small hole in his hair, which promptly collapsed in a messy heap. He stood up and activated Jack.
"Wait, guys, maybe you should do this somewhere-"Bryan could not finish his sentence as Jack took a hearty swing at Bryan, causing him to fly though a wall and out into the street.
Just then, Xiaoyu was driving along with her instructor. Her car promptly flattened Bryan.
"OH MY GOD!" she screamed.
"Xiaoyu! You just ran over an innocent pedestrian! You have failed your test," the instructor bellowed.
"I'M SO SORRY!" Xiaoyu responded as she slammed on the brakes, causing the instructor to go flying out the window.
"OH MAN, I'M REALLY SORRY!" Xiaoyu spun the car around, executing a three- point turn over Bryan's body and sped off, hitting some trash cans in the process.
Bryan awoke in the lab again.
"What did I just tell you!?" Abel yelled at him.
"Relax, doc," was all Bryan offered as he fell out of the bed, cracking his skull in the hard metal floor. Abel slapped himself.
"I'll revive him again later. Right now, I need to unwind."
Abel strapped on his ASS PACK and punched himself in the face, creating another human-shaped hole in the wall.
=
Yay, Bryan's chapter is done. Next up: Yoshimitsu.