Our Beloved Tekken Characters
By BahamutZERO
Disclaimer: No need to repeat this.
Chapter 12: Heihachi Mishima
Heihachi awoke with a start. A deep blackness had enveloped his vision but it was slowly clearing, revealing his surroundings. He has expected to wake up in a hospital but instead he found himself in his bedroom. The plush carpet and towering drapes were undisturbed but he could hear the muddled voices of several people down the hall.
The old man swung his legs out the bed and sidled up next to the door, trying to listen in on the conversation. Without warning, the door burst open, knocking Heihachi to the ground.
"Whoops," said the paramedic. "Sorry about that. Your wrist is broken now."
He then burst into laughter. Heihachi's jaw dropped; what the hell?
Another paramedic came in. Both of them were Asian with teal green operating clothes. They looked professional enough, yet they were laughing at the old man and his broken wrist.
"Hey, Chuck, what happened?" the second paramedic to the first.
"Oh man, you should have seen it! I opened the door on this old fart and broke his wrist!"
They both exploded in laughter. Infuriated, Heihachi stood up, grabbed his bedside lamp, and cracked both of the paramedics on the head. Chuck yelped in surprise while his companion hit the floor, quite dead.
"Now, will you calmly tell me what happened?" Heihachi inquired.
"Well, you see," Chuck replied, oblivious to his dead comrade, "you were in the bathroom when the accident occurred."
"What accident?"
"You know, your accident."
Heihachi shook his head.
"Well, shoot," Chuck said, slapping his knee. "Guess that knock on the head made you lose your memory."
"No it didn't."
"Yes it did."
"Okay."
"Anyway, when you had your accident, you slipped and fell on the floor."
Heihachi scratched his head. "What accident are you talking about?" he said, exasperated.
"You know, when you have an accident," Chuck replied. "I don't think you were wearing your diaper when it happened."
It finally dawned on the old man.
"You mean, I pissed myself?" he asked.
"Yep, that sure sums it up," Chuck replied. "You really should been wearing your-"
Heihachi cut him off. He was tired of this game. "First of all, it's not a diaper. It's called a mawashi and it's sign of honor." Chuck could only snicker.
"Secondly, where the hell are you from? You sound like you're from Texas."
Chuck slapped his knee again. "Really? I am from Japan but them rootin' tootin' Texans don't when to quit harassin' little ole me."
Heihachi stood in a state of dazed confusion. "What? I- Never mind. So how did fall on the floor?"
"I think you slipped on your piss, man."
"WHAT!?"
"Yup, you done gone and slipped in your piss. Hit yer head pretty hard, there, I'd say. Bloody hell!"
"Now you sound British."
"Indubitably."
Heihachi dismissed the schizoid and proceeded back to the where his accident had occurred. Sure enough, there was a large yellow puddle in the middle of the floor. Several paramedics were standing around it. One was tasting it.
"Hey!" Heihachi bellowed. "You sick bastard, you're drinking my urine!"
The offended paramedic stood up. "You're the one who's sick, fighting in that diaper!" he shot back in defense.
"I told you, it's a not a diaper, you-"Heihachi's cell phone rang. "Hold on a minute."
Heihachi reached into his mawashi and removed the phone.
"Eww!" the paramedic said in disgust. "That thing's been near your balls and you still answer it!?"
Heihachi ignored him as the call connected. The person was disguising his voice. "Hello, Mr. Mishima. I trust I got my message across."
"What? You mean you planned this?" Heihachi said. "How?"
"It's quite easy. While you were asleep last night, my silent assassin quietly slipped in put a pill in your morning tea. This pill causes you to piss uncontrollably at the touch of a button."
"You bastard!"
"Now, now," the voice cackled, "there's no need for obscenities. Just know that I own you now."
"Ha! I'll just give my doctor a visit and he'll fix the problem."
"Oh no, he won't. He'll just think you have an overactive bladder. It's not uncommon for some your age. How old are old now? 84?"
"I'm 74, dammit."
"Sorry, I've lost count over the years. In any case, I think you know what I want."
"A cruise?"
"No."
"A prostitute?"
"No."
"Money?"
"Well..."
"Stock options?"
"Um..."
"A cruise?"
"No, you just said-"
"A prostitute?"
"NO! I want your company! All of it! All of the money and assets will be mine! If you do not comply within two weeks, you'll piss yourself dry."
With that, the man on the other side pushed a button on a controller. Heihachi suddenly felt the need to let loose.
"SHIT!" He turned and a stream of urine flew out of his mawashi, striking a paramedic in the back.
"HEY! Stop that! Ohh, that feels good."
Heihachi emptied his bladder just as the caller spoke again. "You have seen my power. You have two weeks. That is all."
Heihachi's mind raced furiously. He needed to find this man and bring him to justice. He needed investigations. He needed the police. He needed to identify possible suspects. He suddenly needed to go again.
However, Heihachi knew there was man who could solve this case. Hong Kong's famed "supercop" was about to get a call from Heihachi Mishima.
Yes, this a special two part story. You'll have to find out what happens in Lei's chapter. Also, for those of you interested, I am not the same person who wrote the Tekken Committee. I do portray some of my characters the same way they are in the Tekken Committee but that's because it does sort of make sense to have Hwoarang a junkie, etc.