Our Beloved Tekken Characters

By BahamutZERO

Chapter 13: Lei WuLong

Lei sat in the desk facing Hwoarang. The red-headed youth had stumbled into the police station, quite high, and was promptly arrested for the use of illegal substances. Lei was now questioning Hwoarang but getting absolutely no where.

"Can you tell me your last place of employment?" Lei asked. Hwoarang continued to stare into the wall.

"Hello?"

Nothing.

"Anyone there?"

Hwoarang suddenly looked up, his eyes bloodshot. "Robots in disguise," he whispered softly.

Lei perked up. "What was that?"

"Robots in disguise..." Lei shot a glance at the officer sitting next to him, writing the criminal report.

"Um, Hwoarang," Lei said slowly. "Could you clarify-"

"More than meets the eye!" Hwoarang shouted. Lei was about to stand up when Hwoarang jumped up from his chair.

"TRANFORMERS!" He then slammed into a wall and slid down into a twisted heap on the floor. Lei was silent for a moment when the officer asked, "What do you want to do with him?"

Lei shrugged. "Uh... book him."

"What's the charge?"

"He's a fuckin' wacko."

"I can't put that down as a criminal offense."

"Sure you can. Here, give me the pen." Lei took the pen and wrote "Fucking wacko" on it. "Give that to the chief. Trust me, I'm doing society a favor." The officer left. Lei called in the next person and was quite surprised to see Heihachi Mishima enter, still wearing nothing but his mawashi.

"I know it looks like a diaper but it's not," Heihachi said after seeing Lei's inquisitive expression. "Listen, I have a serious problem. Only you can get me out of it."

"This is funny," Lei said. "I was about to talk to some girl who's been driving recklessly in, like, the last two chapters and in walks this big business CEO. So, what can I do for you, Mr. Mishima?"

Without warning, Heihachi whipped out his wang and let loose with a stream of urine. It splashed all over the papers and into Lei's coffee cup. Heihachi sat down, embarrassed, while Lei looked on with a puzzled look on his face.

"Okay... thank you for... pissing on my desk. Um... so is that all?" Lei was about to take a sip from his cup when he realized that it was full of urine. He threw it over his shoulder.

"About that," Heihachi said.

And so, the CEO explained his terrible plight to the Hong Kong super cop. Now would be a good time to elaborate on an issue that might be bugging you. These events are basically taking place in the same area of the world. I know sometimes I actually state that we're in Tokyo and other times I don't mention anything. Sometimes someone that was in Tokyo may interact suddenly with someone who was not in Tokyo but just be assured that consistency is not one of my good points. Anyway...

Lei, after taking in the old man's story, was not the least bit intimidated. He had dealt with all sorts of criminal scum and he was shocked to think that someone would go this far; far enough to implant this evil device which would make this poor old man urinate on the spot (the urine on Lei's desk was now giving off a funny smell).

"Alright, dickhead, let's hear the recording of the conversation between you and the other guy," Lei said.

"Hold it, did you just call me a dickhead?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I think it's because the author really didn't know how to transition this part so he just threw in the dickhead thing for good measure."

"Oh."

Heihachi pulled out a tape and put it into the player. He pressed play and they listened to the recording. Lei listened intently; he recognized that voice.

"I think I know who is behind all this," Lei finally announced.

"Who?"

"Ready for a dramatic revelation? It is none other than:

BRUCE IRVIN!1112"

DUN DUN DUN

(Author's note: I added the "DUN DUN DUN" for a dramatic effect but I think it was piss-poor. Anyway, this will be resolved in the next chapter)