Authors NOTE: I squashed together my first and second chapter of this story to make it longer so next chapter will be a little longer or shorter.

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

At the hotel the blade breakers were currently staying at, a light was on in the bathroom of a room shared by a certain Chinese blader and a certain cold-hearted captain. Kai blinked feeling alive again as he dragged the silver pocket knife across his arm. He enjoyed the warm numbness circulating around him like a blanket. He let out a sigh of relief. He always cut himself to feel alive again. When the numbness was gone, He washed the blood off the pocket knife. After washing the blood off the pocket knife he bandaged the cut up. He then shuffled back to bed making sure not to lean on his wound and let out a yelp waking up his teammate.

Kai closed his eyes thinking…….

Kai's current thoughts.

"Why am I here? Why do I have to act so cold? Why can't I be like Tyson so care free?" He answered himself mentally "because I'm not Tyson. I've seen more than anyone of my teammates. As long as I'm captain they won't suffer what I did. That's why I have to stay alert." Another voice popped in "Kai. You shouldn't mutilate yourself. You'll only be showing your teammates reasons to help you." Kai answered with a mental sigh "yes I know dranzer but I can't help it. Cutting myself makes me feel so…..so…….so…….alive. I don't feel like a cold-hearted bastard when I do it. I feel like a normal human being."

Dranzer let out a sigh in his head and said "but kai. It hurts you I can only help you so much" Kai answered softly "I know dranzer I know." Dranzer said "kai don't kill yourself please get some help." Kai said "dranzer I will be fine don't worry" Dranzer said quietly "I am kai. I am worried."

End Kai's thoughts

Kai closed his eyes and fell asleep tossing and turning in bed. He seemed to moan quietly "please no! no please don't hurt him! I'll do anything! I – I - I promise!" Rei woke up to the noise and looked at kai who was tossing and turning in bed. Rei was used to this it happened once or twice a month when he was around.

But lately…………..Lately it had become more frequent and the dreams seemed to become more and more violent each time kai had them. Rei was starting to get worried about kai. Kai had become colder and more detached than before. This wasn't like kai. Sure kai was cold. But lately he had become even colder and more detached. It was starting to scare him. Rei prayed silently "Whoever is kai's guardian angel please please watch out him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." With the prayer done rei crawled back into bed with a sigh and went back to sleep listening to kai's soft moans of protest.

What Kai is dreaming at the moment.

A 10 year old Kai was running through a large hallway. Men in lab coats were chasing him. He wore a white hospital gown. He thought "I have to get out of here I can't stay. I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back to him again. I don't want him to hurt me anymore." Kai rab but was stopped at the end of the hallway by a group of men with sniper guns. They had the red beam pointed all over him. Kai froze. He turned to run the other way but was surrounded by more men in white lab coats. Kai put his hands up in the air.

An old man came walking down the hall using a cane. He stopped in front of kai and clapped. He stopped clapping and said his voice cool and commanding. Sort of scary if you will. "Very good. You tried to escape. Again. This has been your what 4th, 5th attempt?" One of the men piped up and said "Actually sir this has been his 10th" Voltaire turned and glared at the man who spoke up. With a nod of his head the beams were focused on him. The man gulped. Voltaire said cooly "fire" Everyone fired at him.

The man died. His screams reverberating down the hall while his blood spattered the men in front and behind him. It also splattered the wall. The mans dead body fell to the ground. Several men rushed forward. They picked up the body and moved to dispose of it. Voltaire turned back to kai. Acting as if nothing happened he barked "Kai. Come with me to my office" kai flinched in terror. Voltaire roughly grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to his office.

Kai Didn't struggle as his grand father dragged him. When they went in they didn't come out for several hours. Screams of pain and agony were heard from there the office though.

End Dream

Kai woke with a start. He was sweating all over. He took off his shirt ((a/n drools)) Hoping to cool himself down. But since it didn't work he decided to take a shower. He went into the bathroom and turned on the water really hot. It cascaded down his bare back burning him. It made his thoughts go faster and move quicker. As he took the searing hot shower he thought determined. "I will stop you grandfather and save everyone from that damned abbey" He remembered tala he said thinking "I will save you too tala. I will save you all I promise" he got out of the shower and dried himself. He got dressed in his usual style of clothing and went to wake the boys up.

Rei was not a problem as he was already waking up. Kai walked over to max and tyson's room. He shook max awake. Max sat up sleepily he said yawning "what is it kai? More training?" kai answered in his usual cold voice "yes now get up." Max hopped out of bed sleepily and got dressed. Kai went to Kenny's room and left as soon as he saw Kenny was awake. Kai tried Tyson then. Tyson hit kai in the stomach with his fist. Kai flew back a few steps with a soft oomph. Tyson woke up yawning. Noticing kai Tyson hopped out of bed worried. Putting a hand on kai's shoulder Tyson laughed sheepishly and said "eh heh sorry kai are you ok?" Kai glared at Tyson and said simply "Change now." Tyson nodded and ran to change. Kai looked out the window and said mentally "tala what would you do if you were in my position?"

I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

It started to rain as they trained. Kai made them do pushups first. He counted them. "97…….98…..come on wimps. 99…..100" after doing that everyone except kai collapsed. They then started running a mile. At the end of the mile Kai was bent over panting. Tyson max rei and Kenny were all breathing heavily. Kai checked the time. He called out "one hour break." Tyson and max cheered they rushed off to do who knows what. Kenny got up and went to his room. Rei just yawned. He said "kai are you ok?" Kai said "hn." Rei shrugged and walked back to their shared room knowing the captain wasn't going to answer him.

An hour later rei Tyson max and Kenny came running realizing they were a few minutes late. Kai was standing there waiting for them. He was angry you could tell by the look on his face. Tyson said rubbing the back of his head "eh heh sorry kai." Kai glared and said "you won't be when I get through with all of you." Tyson, max and Kenny sweat dropped. Rei looked a little startled. He didn't say anything though. Kai just glared at them all. He said coldly "Tyson launch your blade at that tree and with one shot knock it over." Tyson nodded and launched his blade at the tree. Kai glared and said "keep going." He said "max work on your attack. Attack the tree next to Tyson. Hit the tree down with two attacks of your blade." max said "alright kai" and got to work.

Kai stared at rei and said "rei work on your speed. Your attack and defense is not bad." Rei nodded and said "thanks kai" Kai nodded. Rei launched his blade shouting "go drigger!" Kai watched for a few minutes. He then moved back to watch them. Tyson launched his blade shouting "go dragoon!" dragoon landed before the tree spinning. Tyson then proceeded to work on his attack on the tree. The first several attempts failed but finally he did it. Tyson jumped up and down cheering for joy he held the V sign in kai's face and said "not bad huh? Kai?" Tyson gloated kai said simply "hn do it again." Tyson said "w-w-what Kai! I just did it!" kai growled "now Tyson" Tyson glared and said "alright kai I will do it." Kai nodded and went off to watch max and comment while Tyson went back to practicing.

A few hours later everyone walked home tired including kai. He had been forced to put up with tysons whining and he had to show them how to do several techniques. So when they got inside everyone headed for the showers. Kai waited till rei Tyson and max came out before he went to take his. As soon as kai left Tyson flopped down on his bed grumbling. He said grumbling 'Kai is harsh he makes us train while he just stands there" rei said "Tyson you forget that kai was a member of the bladesharks." Tyson ignored rei and continued to complain "I mean who does he think he is. We never expect much from him yet he expects more of us than we do him. He is such a cold hearted bastard. Why doesn't he just go back to the bladesharks we'd be better off if he did that." Rei shouted "Tyson! Enough" Tyson glared and said sighing "your right rei I'm sorry" Max piped up "kai may be tough on us but it's for our own good." Tyson nodded and said "I guess so"

Unbeknownst to them Kai had been listening the whole time. He had taken a quick shower and come down to hear tysons ranting so he stopped and listened to what Tyson said. He stiffened when Tyson said he was a cold hearted bastard. Yet he knew it was true. He sighed softly and said mentally"Tala help me. I can't do this by myself any more I need you."

Kai a few minutes later walked into the room his face cold and empty. Rei, Tyson and max looked up from whatever t was they were doing before they looked down again each thinking about the conversation that had just been shared with each other about their captain.