Déjà Vu I Love You

Chapter 2

Author's Note: Alright, I have to admit, it took me a while to continue, but finally I've finished this chapter! It's a bit different from the first one, because I had to bring some kind of plot into it (yes, there actually is something like a plot in this story!). So the first two paragraphes are backflashes from Tokyo Babylon. Subaru remembers it, as he is standing now in front of the hospital again (just like nine years ago, after Seishirou got his eye stabbed). I hope you'll enjoy it, especially the second part of the story!
Secondly, I wanted to thank you for all those sweet reviews! Thank you very much!
PS: I already got something in mind for a third chapter (taking place at the house of the Sakurazukamori... ;-)) So, again, if you like it, I'll continue!

Disclaimer: Subaru and Seishirou (and all the other characters made by CLAMP) of course belong to CLAMP. The story belongs to me :-)

Blood.

Drop... Drop... Drop...

The sound echoed deep inside his soul.

He felt his heart being brought to another place, another time, so that he could run, escape from the sight of the reality, which had come so suddenly and unexpected. The sight which ended his innocent and naïve life. And now…

The blood continued dropping. The sound of the bitter liquid shattering on the smooth floor of that one dark room at the hospital, resounding in that one instant of total silence, like a single raindrop crushing eternity.

Blood. His blood.

The blood of that one person so close to him, the one always being there, listening to him, teasing him…

So why now? Why did the blood continue dropping?

Why!

"Hurry! It's an emergency!"

"Someone's eye's been stabbed with a knife!"

"A doctor! Fast!"

Stabbed…? But…

But this cannot be…

Why stabbed?

Subaru hardly realized the white dressed men running into the room.

They were rushing towards that one person standing right in front of him. The one usually wearing a cheerful smile was now covering his right eye with his hand.

He hardly realized that this was reality. It was like a dream, a nightmare. Too cruel to be true. Too far away to be grasped. Too terrible to be imagined.

But it was real. And it had happened. Reality cannot be changed, never.

And suddenly he was standing alone in the dark room. No one else was there, only himself and the blood on the flood. The red, glaring blood, piercing against the perfect white of the floor.

It was everywhere, the blood. Suddenly it was everywhere inside his mind.

And then he realized for the first time, what had happened just an instant ago.

Seishirou's eye had been stabbed to protect him.

Seishirou had given his eye for him.

Subaru felt like losing his life. Like losing the world and everything around it.

Seishirou-san…!
"Seishirou-san!" he whispered as his emerald-green eyes started to fill with tears. "Seishirou-san!"

With his eyes opened wide in shock he rushed outside the dark room into the hospital's corridor.

The first thing he saw was the flashing red sign above the big door at the end of the corridor.

Operation.

"Seishirou-san!" he screamed and hit the door with all his force. "Seishirou-san! NO!"

"SEISHIROU-SAN!"

That day at the hospital, the moment I hit the door crying his name, something within me changed.

I didn't know exactly what had been, but from now on, something was different. Hokuto-chan told me to go to the hospital in order to apologize, because that was what I wanted. I thought Seishirou-san would be angry with me, I thought that he would hate me. But that wasn't the case. He smiled at me, just as usual. He teased me as if nothing had happened… He seemed as if he didn't care about the loss of his right eye at all, as long as it was for my sake, to protect me.

But it was my fault after all. And the proof of my selfish behaviour would be carved into his face forever and look back at me whenever I glanced into his eyes.

Still, he had forgiven me.

I wanted to visit him every day. I wanted to be there for him, whenever he needed me. I was ready to do anything he ever asked of me. Anything.

So what does Sumeragi Subaru think about Sakurazuka Seishirou? That's what you have to think about, Subaru. That's what you have to ask yourself. You are the one who inherited most of our family's magical powers, not me. But there is one ability I have, you don't have: The ability to see into your heart, Subaru.

Yes, what does Sumeragi Subaru think about Sakurazuka Seishirou?

I…

The moment Seishirou-san was injured, I cried like never before in my life. I was dismayed, didn't know what to do. I was so worried about him.

But that was not all.

I was afraid that Seishirou-san would hate me.

Yes, I feared that Seishirou-san would hate me. I knew so many people, and I had made good and sad experiences, but I… I had never had that feeling towards someone… 'I want so much that he likes me'.

No one can force another one's heart, but, hitting the door of the emergency room, I cried the whole time because I was so afraid… that he would hate me… and that I would never see him again.

Subaru hesitated to knock on the door of Seishirou's room at the hospital.

"I… simply… love him."

"Yes, I…" His voice sounded a lot deeper than his voice almost nine years ago in front of the door at hospital.

That day, he had realized for the first time what he felt towards Seishirou, and as he had entered the room in order to tell him, he had been caught in the illusion of the Sakurazukamori and the Bet had been ended.

The resemblance between now and then was scaring.

Now again, he was standing in front of the door at the hospital and lifting his hand hesitatingly in order to knock.

He finally forced the memories from long ago to leave his mind. It was of no use to rethink again and again what could have been…

Maybe if he had entered the room that day and told Seishirou about what he'd been feeling, then maybe…

Maybe.

Maybe not.

It didn't matter now, anyway.

His thoughts raced forward to yesterday evening. Sitting on that bench next to Seishirou and hearing all those things… All those things he never had expected.

And now? How should he go on? How should he behave towards Seishirou? What should he say?

Knock. Knock.

"Yes? Come in."

Subaru swallowed. For the tiniest instant there was the fear of being caught inside an illusion again on his mind, but, shaking his head, he forced that thought away and pushed the door.

It was so like that day nine years ago. He somehow had the feeling to relive the incidents of that day, like in a déjà vu…

What if, again, suffering and pain waited for him behind this door?

Maybe…

Maybe this time he would be able to prevent it…

Slowly he set one foot into the white room. The sun was sending its bright beams through the large window pointing to the park next to the hospital and to the bench they had been sitting on yesterday evening.

"Subaru-kun...!" A familiar voice said with the tiniest hint of surprise.

Subaru closed the door and walked inside.

Seishirou was sitting on the edge of the bed with a cup of tea in his hands. He was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a white sweat-shirt with hood and pockets. It was in perfect contrast to his dark hair. Somehow, he almost looked like Subaru.

On the bed there was a packed bag. It seemed as if Seishirou was about to leave.

"I have to admit, you were the last one I'd expected." he said, the surprise still not leaving his eyes. "Why did you come?" He looked up in order to face Subaru.

The younger man was standing right in front of him. "Well, it's kind of my fault that you're in hospital, so I thought…"

Seishirou chuckled. "Come on, nothing's your fault, Subaru-kun. I wanted it that way. Even though it turned out a bit different than I had imagined. But still, it is not your fault. One can rather say that I merely used you in order to make my sinister intentions reality." Smiling, he winked at Subaru. "I'm glad to see you."

Subaru suddenly felt his heartbeat getting faster. Seishirou really looked… awesome, even without his back coat and the sunglasses.

Seishirou quickly looked around the room, then sighed slightly. "Once upon a time there were two or three of these rare objects called 'chairs' in this room…" He said ironically and looked back up at Subaru. "But the guy who's with me in this room loves to drag them into the corridor for what reason ever. Thinking of it, he does a lot of strange things, like setting the clock back at half hast three every night. I tried to reset it thousands of times, but the next morning it's half past three again." Seishirou murmured rather to himself.

"That's alright, Seishirou-san." Subaru said politely. "I don't mind standing."

"You can sit next to me." Seishirou said and patted on the bed.

"No, no, really. I don't mind." Subaru answered quickly.

"But I do mind looking up to you all the time."

Finally, Subaru gave in. "Alright."

Content, Seishirou slid aside, so that Subaru could sit down next to him.

"Uhm, I… haven't even asked yet you how you're feeling, Seishirou-san." Subaru said and glanced at the bag on the bed.

"Well, as you can see, I'm about to leave. Thanks to your magic the wounds healed amazingly fast." He put his teacup on the table next to him. Then he glanced at Subaru.

"But a 'broken' heart takes it's time to heal."

Getting the double entendre of Seishirou's statement, Subaru started to feel uneasy.

Seishirou realized it. He decided to change the subject. "Actually, I'm just waiting for the permission to leave. But somehow I've the impression that they forgot about me. And that's why I'm sitting here with bag and baggage, drinking tea and am bored. But now, fortunately, you're here in order to keep me company."

Subaru turned to him. Once again, he had this innocently questioning look in his eyes, which made him look incredibly cute.

Seishirou couldn't help smiling. "So what about you, Subaru-kun? Still working as an onmyouji?"

"Yes." Subaru said quickly. "Grandmother asked me to continue."

"Ah, so you live in Kyoto now? Or still in Shinjuku?"

"I have an apartment at Tokyo, but it's not the same one as in Shinjuku." Subaru explained. "I'm rarely in Kyoto."

"I see." Seishirou murmured. It was somehow difficult to make a conversation with Subaru. He wasn't very talkative in the first case and secondly there were so many topics, Seishirou didn't want to bring up. For example he couldn't ask about Subaru's grandmother, as she was sitting in a wheelchair because of him. He couldn't talk about former times, because that would remind Subaru of his sister and thus of her death.

It was really difficult.

"How long did you stay on that bench yesterday evening anyway? I still saw you from the window at about quarter past ten."

"I didn't feel like leaving." Subaru said briefly. It was obvious, that he was thinking about something else.

There was this one sentence on his mind. The one that would have prevented all the suffering and torment, if he'd only been courageous enough to say it that day almost nine years ago.

And now, as he was given a second chance, he still didn't know where to start.

"Uhm, Seishirou-san…?" He finally started.

"Hm?" Seishirou looked up quite astonished. He was so busy to think of something to talk about, that he had never expected Subaru to start a conversation himself. Somehow, he was quite anxious for what it could be about.

Subaru swallowed audibly. "You know, that day, when you ended our Bet… I mean, when I was standing in front of the door…" Wrong. Inside, Subaru hit himself. He had started entirely wrong. He simply should have said what he wanted to say instead of beating around the bush for fifty years. He was such a loser at conversations.

Just at this moment the door opened and a small, grey-haired doctor entered the room.

Immediately, Seishirou stood up and grabbed his bag.

Somehow, Subaru was quite pleased with the interruption. At least he didn't have to finish his sentence.

"Good morning." The doctor said friendly. "I'm here to tell you, that you are allowed to leave now. The injury has healed up so far. You should come back in about two weeks, so that we can make one final check."

"Alright." Seishirou stepped towards him. "Thank you very much."
"Well." The doctor smiled and shook hands with him. "It was already a miracle that you survived an injury like that in the first case. The fact that it healed up so fast is simply impossible." He let go off Seishirou's hand. "I wonder where you got such an injury from." He murmured merely to himself.

"Well" Seishirou said smilingly. "I wish I could remember. Thank you again, doctor. Goodbye."

"Uhm, yes, goodbye. And take care."

Seishirou had already left the room. "I will." He muttered with a dark tone of voice. "Be sure of it…"

As he walked along the corridor, he heard Subaru's footsteps after him.

"Seishirou-san!" Subaru called and Seishirou stopped to wait for him.

"Don't be cross with me, Subaru-kun." He said and continued walking as soon as Subaru had caught up with him. "But the sooner I get out of here the better."

"Don't worry about it." Subaru took a quick look at all those people standing around in the corridor. Most of them were patients, some visibly ill, some seemed to be rather visitors. "I can carry your bag, Seishirou-san." He suddenly said.

Seishirou smiled at him. "That's very sweet of you, but not necessary. It's not that heavy after all." He said putting on his sunglasses.

Quickly, Subaru looked away. He felt a sudden heat building up all around his body, his heart starting to speed up. Seeing Seishirou like that – without trench coat, but wearing jeans, pullover and sunglasses, which made him look a lot younger than he actually was…

He looked so exceedingly… attractive. Subaru swallowed hard and pushed this thought away vehemently.

The sky was cloudy now, as he and Seishirou were stepping out of the hospital into a pleasantly warm afternoon.

After they reached the street, Seishirou stopped and looked at Subaru. "Thanks again for visiting me." He said smilingly. "Where are you going to go now?"

Subaru met his gaze, questioning. "What do you mean?" The sunglasses prevented him from seeing Seishirou's eyes.

"I was wondering if you had to work tonight." Seishirou explained calmly, then he looked aside at the street. "You see, I thought…" Goodness, I can't even talk properly anymore…, Seishirou thought to himself. I'm acting like a fool…! "Well, I thought…" What if he declines…? "Maybe we could go somewhere together." He finally said.

Subaru felt some kind of shiver inside him. "So, what place do you have in mind?" he asked and prayed that he looked calm on the outside.

"Tokyo Tower."

The wind was playing with Subaru's hair, as he was looking down hundreds of metres onto an ocean of lights illuminating the city by night.

He laid his right hand on the cool metal handrail, his left hand hidden in the pocket of his waving white coat.

"The place where the Final Battle is destined to take place." He murmured merely to himself.

"Yeah." Seishirou was leaning on the handrail, letting his gaze wander as far as possible, before his sight was taken by the devouring darkness of the night. "At least one of us will find his death here."

Subaru didn't answer. He only made a faint sound of consent. The thought of the Final Day made him feel sick all of a sudden. He had never been caring about the world's future and thus not about the End of the World, but now… since that moment at the Rainbow Bridge and yesterday on the bench…

Somehow… Something inside him didn't want the world to end anymore…

"Remember the last time you and I were up here?" Seishirou said with a nostalgic tone of voice.

"Yes, I remember." Subaru said, staring into the distance. "I had a job here… The girl who killed herself."

Seishirou listened to Subaru's soft voice, which sounded so new to him, so deep, so unfamiliar. But of course, he couldn't have expected him to, still, have the voice of a teenager. The 'new' voice sounded good, after all. Fitting his quiet nature perfectly.

"I wonder if she found peace." Subaru added hesitatingly.

"She did." Seishirou replied reassuringly and turned his head shortly around to look at Subaru. "I'm convinced she did."

The dark sky was totally covered by clouds. Seishirou wondered if there might be a thunderstorm tonight. But it wasn't cold after all. It almost seemed, as if there was an invisible warmth coming from the younger man, or rather as if there was a gentle warmth inside himself every time he looked at Subaru or thought of his presence.

Maybe it was wrong to enjoy his company, maybe it was wrong to be here with him in the first case, but…

He didn't know what. All he knew was that there was no other place on earth, no place he had been during the last nine years, maybe even all his life, no place he'd rather be right now.

Something inside him wondered if Subaru was feeling that way as well.

Seishirou glanced back at Subaru. His face seemed thoughtful, not hinting any emotion at all.

Seishirou felt some kind of disappointment layering onto his mood. He lowered his head.

Subaru noticed the change in his posture. "What is it, Seishirou-san?" He asked quietly.

"You know what?" Seishirou answered quickly. "I still don't understand how everything between two people on this planet could go so incredibly wrong like between the two of us."

Subaru made a sad sound of regret and turned his eyes to Seishirou, who was not looking back at him right now. "I guess everything was nothing more than one huge misunderstanding."

Seishirou closed his eyes in agreement. "Yeah. Probably."

The wind was getting stronger now, tugging at Subaru's coat and hair. Except them, there was no one else on the platform.

"So what now, Seishirou-san?" Subaru said slowly. "What is going to happen to…" he hesitated a second "…us?"

It was somehow strange to think of Seishriou and him as us. For such a long time there had only been me and him for Subaru and now…He couldn't even remember how long it had been since he'd used that little word for the last time. Us. Not me. Not me alone.

Us.

"I don't know, Subaru-kun." Seishirou said in a low tone of voice which almost seemed to be swallowed by the constant noise of the blowing wind. "Maybe there is no solution at all."

Subaru clenched his fists. But... There was a solution. Inside his head. Or better, inside his heart. "Suicide is not a solution." he said expressionlessly. "It only makes other people sad." He added almost whisperingly.

Seishirou turned around. "You of all people are the right one to say that."

Subaru widened his eyes. "I…"

Seishirou only smiled at him. "It's alright. After all, we both intended to kill ourselves, didn't we?"

Subaru looked aside.

"Subaru-kun…" Seishirou took one step towards him so that he was standing right in front of him now. He took off his sunglasses.

Subaru felt his heart starting to speed up once again. That closeness… so sudden… His gaze was captured by those familiar amber eyes, so clear and warm, and that understanding smile… The smile which he had missed for such a long time… He… wanted… to… tell… him…

"Seishirou-san…" he whispered. "I…"

"Hm…?" Seishirou slowly lifted his right hand.

"I… wanted to tell you something before the doctor came in… remember…?" Subaru couldn't force his gaze away.

"Yes. So why don't you tell me now?" Seishirou looked right into the other's eyes. There was no need for him anymore to look down at Subaru. He was now… just as tall as Seishirou. He sure had… grown-up…His eyes… So beautiful… Still so innocent… Seishirou noticed the increasing adrenaline in his blood.All he wanted was…
His right hand touched Subaru's cheek.
Like one single spark.

Subaru felt a cold shudder running down his back. That hand… That touch… So warm and so gentle…
He was overwhelmed by that one instant.

Seishirou stroke the soft skin with his fingers, cradling the other's face with his hand. So beautiful…
He wondered if Subaru could already to hear his heartbeat…

Suddenly, cherry petals started to fall all around them, like a rain shower made of millions of little pinks stars.

Subaru took a quick breath as the first petal touched his body. Diverted, his eyes traced the way of this one petal, which had gained his attention in that special way. Beautiful, seeing the petals dancing around them.

Seishirou smiled softly and took his hand off Subaru's cheek again.

"It… It is so pretty…" Subaru whispered, overwhelmed.

"Let's make a promise." Seishirou said gently.

"A… promise?"

"Yes. A promise." He lifted his little finger and looked deep inside Subaru's eyes.

The cherry petals continued dancing.

"Never forget about what happened in the past, but…

…let's try to start all over again…"

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru felt his eyes filling with tears again.

Seishirou kept on holding his little finger in front of Subaru, his expression was serious.

Finally, Subaru lifted his finger as well and hooked it in. "Promised." He said and tried to smile.

The wind was getting stronger and the way the cherry petals were dancing around them getting wilder.

Seishirou noticed his breath stopping. Seeing Subaru smiling… He was so… breath-taking beautiful…

Subaru swallowed. He looked at their entangled fingers. Then up at Seishirou's face.

And suddenly there was Seishirou's other hand stroking his cheek again, tracing the pale skin of Subaru's face into his hair.

Subaru winced at the intimacy of that touch, and found himself almost unable to breathe anymore.
He didn't resist. Not now.
All he wanted from this world was one moment. One moment where Seishirou wasn't Hokuto's killer, one moment where he was not his prey. One moment where there was no demonic Sakura Tree and no End of the World.
Only one moment… please…
"Seishirou-san…" he whispered weakly, hesitatingly closing his eyes. "What I… wanted to say… Seishirou-san, I…"

Sweet warmth like never before touching his lips, like angels' feathers stroking him.
He felt himself melting away under that heavenly sensation, affectionate and gentle.
He felt himself melting away under this one tender kiss.
That's what heaven must feel like.
Captured forever in that one instant of total blissfulness, of overwhelming love.
For the first time in his life he experienced that kind of sweet sensation.

Seishirou's hand ran through his hair, their fingers still hooked.
He lifted his own hand unconsciously, touching Seishirou's neck and pulling himself even closer to his opposite.
Don't let go… not now… Hold me…
The sensation of Seishirou's lips moving against his own, the other's mind only focused on him and him alone in the world, took his breath entirely and made his heart stop during that one special moment.

Seishirou-san… I really…

Seishirou pulled back.

Subaru felt himself intoxicated, unable to realize the kiss had ended.
Like in a dream, he looked at Seishirou, into the one beautiful golden eye fixed on him…
All he ever needed to live on.

Seishirou smiled gently at him. "I never dared to hope that this would ever happen."
He enjoyed the pleasant sensation of Subaru's raven hair brushing against his fingers one last time, then he dropped his hand.
The two hooked fingers caught his attention. He bowed slightly and lifted them both in order to kiss the back of Subaru's hand.

"Don't tell me I'm dreaming…" Subaru eventually said with a tensed tone of voice.

"You're not." Seishirou let go off Subaru's hand, and their fingers came undone.

Subaru started to realize that they were still standing on the platform of Tokyo Tower, the wind blowing around them.
On the ground, there was the illuminated city, cars and people…
He realized that this was the real world; it was today, now…
The cherry petals were gone. Nothing was dancing around them anymore, except the cool wind.
The angels' feathers were gone… The dream was gone.
But Seishirou was still there. And that was all that mattered.
"Seishirou-san…" Subaru looked at him, enchanted. He smiled in the same shy way he used to as a teenager.

Seishirou smiled back at him and put his left arm around Subaru's waist.

"What I wanted to tell you…"

"Shhh…" Seishirou put his finger on Subaru's lips. "Don't talk…"

And one instant later, Subaru felt himself falling for another kiss, thousand times sweeter than the first one.
He closed his eyes to lose himself again to the man holding him, falling apart into a dream of blissfulness.
His pulse started to race.
The world disappeared again.
There were only the two of them left.
Seishirou and him.
No one else.
He didn't realize putting his left hand onto the soft cotton on Seishirou's left arm, which was holding his waist.
That incredible warmth all around and inside him was so unfamiliar.
He lifted his right hand unconsciously to the back of Seishirou's head and grabbed into his black hair.
The sweetness he tasted… intoxicating…
He found himself being swept away by the enthralling gestures of the other man.
The one, his nemesis, his love.
The only one in the world.
The only one to hold him like that, to lift him so high to a place of dreams and bliss he'd never experienced before in his life…
Seishirou's lips were so softly, so tenderly caressing his own.
Subaru's breath speeded up at the thought, the realization of Seishirou kissing him in such a fervent way…
The taste of cherries…
So sweet, so alluring…

Suddenly he felt something cold and damp on his head.
Again.
Again.
Drop.
Drop.
Rain.
It started pouring.

Confused, he felt Seishirou giggling slightly, trying to suppress his laughter.
Sensing the smile on Seishirou's lips against his own, Subaru started to giggle himself.
For almost nine years they had been waiting for this one moment, and now…
The rain became stronger every second and Subaru felt himself getting wetter and wetter.
Both realised gradually that their kiss was kind of senseless now, and finally Subaru pulled back, laughing.

"Great timing." Seishirou murmured shaking his head and winked amused at Subaru. "Come on, let's hurry, or we'll get soaking wet!" Quickly, he took Subaru's hand, pulling him with him.

Subaru found himself being led by one warm, soft hand, clutching his own. Somehow, he did not really realize what was happening around him. He was captured inside some beautiful dream, so perfect, that one could hardly imagine that the real world still existed.
The one he needed so deeply right in front of him, so close… finally so close…
Even if it was wrong… Even if the whole world and his loved ones would condemn him…
Even so…

He followed Seishirou through the pouring rain, till they reached a tiny canopy where the rain couldn't reach them.

What I wanted to tell you since that day nine years ago is…

"I love you so much, Seishirou-san…!" Subaru cried.

Holding both his hands, Seishirou dragged him towards him under the canopy.

Subaru fell into his arms, losing himself in a renewed, everlasting kiss, letting the whole world and even time stop just around him and his love.