I love reading what you guys have to say! Yeah… so some of you are wondering if a lemon was going to be involved in this. ::blushes madly:: No! ::dies:: Aside from the fact that I absolutely cannot write a decent/fluffy lemon, it really wouldn't fit. I mean… Kai was raped. stares Even if you can't really tell, it's a serious matter! I'm thinking it's going to be years before anything like that could happen between him and Ty-kun. I'm trying (and failing) to make this as realistic as possible. XD Enjoy.

--------

Chapter Twenty-five

--------

Nearly an hour later, Kai and Tyson were still in the park, still on the same bench, and still coddling like newlyweds. Tyson felt that they deserved every last second of time they spent together since they'd been separated for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually about a month. Kai seemed content for the most part, but now that it was nearing noon and the sun was directly above them, he thought a change of scenery was appropriate. He'd already shed his jacket, but it was getting hot. Besides that, his lack of sleep was catching up to him.

"Tyson, let's go back," Kai proposed, pulling his face a few inches away. Tyson reluctantly opened his eyes, his lips set in a pout. Kai wasn't fazed and detached himself from Tyson's arms. He leaned down and picked up his baseball cap that had been dropped in the grass earlier, handing it to his partner.

"Back to your place?" Tyson asked, standing and stretching a little. Kai picked up his jacket and shrugged.

"I guess, if you want."

"Oh, I want." Tyson grinned. Kai shook his head with a tiny smile and they set off at an easy pace to Kai's car. Tyson suggested that he drive them back and Kai took him up on his offer, glad to kick back in the passenger seat while Tyson weaved through the lunch crowd.

"Coffee," Tyson said as he was driving, with a smile. "You taste like coffee."

"You taste like fruit-filled pastries. About fifty different types."

Tyson laughed and they chatted easily for the rest of the drive. Once they reached the university, Tyson handed Kai his keys back and followed him as he picked up his mail and went to his room. Unlocking the door, he tossed the stack of envelopes on the table and fell into a chair.

"You have phone messages," Tyson noted, the blinking red light catching his eye.

"Who cares?" Kai muttered, resting his elbows on the table and rubbing his face. Tyson came and sat down next to him.

"You suddenly don't look well," he stated. Kai shook his head and sighed.

"I'm fine. I think it's a side effect of the medication I'm taking." He pointed to the bag on his desk and Tyson went over and picked up the small capsule, scanning the label.

"Let's see… 'side effects may include but are not limited to drowsiness, nausea, cramps, fever, sore throat, dry mouth, and rash. Do not take if you are pregnant, nursing, have bleeding problems, or are facing surgery.'" He blinked. "Well, damn, what are you taking this for, anyway?"

Kai came up behind him and took the bottle, tilting it to the side to read it himself. "Cramps," he grumbled, putting the container down with a rattling sound. Tyson steered him back to table and gently pushed him into a seat. Kai groaned and dropped his forehead against his palm.

"You know what's good for cramps? Hot tea," Tyson said. "I'll make you some."

"Tyson, please, I have enough to worry about without you burning my kitchen down."

"For your information, I can make tea," Tyson said, affronted. "Where do you keep your tea maker? You can't have Mr. Coffee without Mrs. Tea."

"I don't have a tea maker. I don't drink tea on a regular basis and Wyatt doesn't even like coffee, which is why you should sit down and let me make it." Kai stood up and went to the kitchen. Tyson frowned.

"Okay, look, it cannot be that hard to make. Boil water, add the tea, and voila, it's done."

Kai poured two cups of water in a pot and placed it on the stove after adding two cups of milk as well, then crossed his arms while he waited for it to boil. Tyson smiled and rolled his eyes, slipping his arms around Kai's waist from behind and resting his head on his shoulder. He felt Kai relax and breathed in deeply.

"Your hair smells like strawberries." As an afterthought, he added, "And crème."

"Well, now you what kind of shampoo I use."

"Your pillow smells the same way." Tyson closed his eyes and nestled his nose in Kai's hair. "I slept in your bed a few times while you were gone. I missed you like hell and it made me feel a little better."

Kai reached up and stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," he said softly.

"It's okay. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?"

"Bullshit. I like you more with every minute we spend together. Absence just causes heartache."

Tyson chuckled. "Still blunt as always."

"Well, those old sayings are such crap."

"Oh, Kai! Parting is such sweet sorrow!" Tyson said dramatically, a grin on his face.

"There is nothing sweet about parting," Kai ground out. The contents of the pot reached boiling point at that moment and Tyson loosened his grip around Kai's waist slightly so he could reach over and spoon in the tea.

"How're those cramps?" Tyson asked, poking at Kai's stomach lightly.

"The cramps themselves are doing great," Kai muttered. Tyson clucked his tongue sympathetically and took Kai's hand, pulling him out of the kitchen and steering him to a chair.

"Sit. I'll bring you your tea," Tyson said firmly. Kai grumbled under his breath, but did as he was told. Tyson returned to the kitchen and finished stirring the liquid before hunting down two teacups and pouring the tea. He brought them to the table and set one in front of Kai, nudging him on the shoulder to get him to sit up.

"Sugar?" he asked.

"No." Kai lifted his head and stared into his cup at the steaming liquid. Tyson plunked down at the table and dumped two spoonfuls of sugar into his tea. He hesitated, then shrugged and added a third. Kai watched him, disgust showing on his face.

"You're going to get diabetes."

"Hush. Drink up."

Kai took a sip and sifted through the mail. He stopped at an envelope marked with the official logo of the BBA and tore open a side, pulling out an engraved invitation.

"I got one of those," Tyson said. "They're throwing some kind of gala."

"It's tomorrow night. You going?"

"Yeah. Max is flying in, too, so you should come if you're feeling up to it. And…" Tyson paused. "Rei'll be there, so you guys can talk."

Kai put the invitation down and picked up his cup. "You really want me to talk to Rei, huh?"

"Well, yeah. You guys should clear everything up. I mean, Rei told you he liked you way back when we were young and it had to have been pretty deep for it to have lasted until college. You're twenty now… that's a long time." Tyson began fidgeting with his spoon.

"I may be totally off, but I get the feeling you're worried," Kai said softly. Tyson frowned.

"Well… maybe a little."

"About what?"

Tyson shrugged. "I don't know… about you and Rei. Something might happen."

"Something like what?"

"You could decide that you like Rei… you've known him longer and stuff. You know him better."

Kai was silent for a moment. He rested his chin in the palm of his hand and gazed across the table. "I should slap you right now. Really hard."

Tyson started. "What? Why?" he demanded.

"No, I should dump my tea in your lap. You idiot."

"What did I do?"

"Do you really think I'm that fickle? That I would just leave you for someone else just like that? And for your information, I met you first, so technically, I've known you longer than anyone else that I still talk to today."

Tyson squirmed. "It's just so easy to think that I could never compete with Rei. I mean, look at him. It's like… me going against you for someone's affections. You, of all people."

"I got dumped by Rei. How many times have you been rejected?"

"Um…"

"There, see? I'm not so great after all. Why are you so worried?"

"I just told you." Tyson sighed and stirred more sugar into his tea. "It's just that… Kai, I really like you. I mean, really. I couldn't stand it if we broke up."

"Why do you keep talking like I'm about to go run off with Rei? I like you, too, more than anyone else in the world, I can safely say." Kai scooted his chair closer to Tyson's and pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his neck. "You're the only one who ever accepted me like you did, in spite of my flaws and really bad people skills. I've adored you forever, I just never realized it." He paused. "And since when have you began feeling inferior to Rei?"

Tyson shook his head, settling an arm around Kai's shoulders. "I have no clue. Honest. And I didn't even know I was until you just said it right now."

"Well, you are and it's starting to bug me. So, stop. Just trust me when I say you're the only one for me and don't make me doubt love again."

Tyson smiled and played with Kai's hair absently. "Ever since we were kids, this is exactly how my perfect future was like. I envisioned it like this."

"For that long?"

"Yeah, I used to have these little dreams about you. We'd kiss and then everything would be all cute and fluffy."

Kai's eyes softened. "You're such an idiot," he said affectionately. Tyson grinned and Kai reached over for his teacup, draining its contents. Tyson blew on his and took a small sip.

"It's so hot," he complained. "How can you drink it so fast?"

Kai rolled his eyes and walked over to his bed. "I don't think you're old enough to appreciate such an adult taste, Tyson. Or maybe not mature enough."

"Hey! I like tea just fine, thank you very much."

"Speaking of which, your birthday's coming up in two days."

Tyson blinked. "You remembered?"

Kai shot him a mild glare. "Of course I remembered. You're finally turning twenty."

"Finally is right! I feel like I've been nineteen forever," Tyson said with a laugh. "You know, you're only a few months older than me."

"Those few months make all the difference." Kai settled down on his bed, propping up a pillow and leaning comfortably against the headboard. Tyson made a face at him before abandoning his tea and climbing in the bed next to him, pulling Kai close and holding him with a contented sigh. Kai rested his head on Tyson's chest, feeling the vibration of his heart beating under his fingertips.

"What do you want to do for your birthday?" Kai asked softly. Tyson shifted, running a finger down Kai's back while he thought.

"Well, I hope you haven't planned anything huge, because I don't want a big celebration or anything. Honestly, I would be happy just spending time with you." Tyson smiled.

"You're such a romantic," Kai muttered, fondness seeping into his voice.

"I won't deny that. And you have to admit that you love it." His eyes twinkled cheerfully. Kai merely grunted in response, closing his eyes languidly. The phone jangling loudly broke the serene moment, and Kai groaned in irritation and sat up, reaching over for the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Kai."

Kai's tranquility was instantly shattered at the voice on the other end. Tyson immediately noticed him tensing and gave him a questioning look.

"It's Voltaire," Kai said softly to Tyson. Tyson frowned, his forehead creased in resentment. Kai cradled the receiver against his ear, telling himself not to lose his composure.

"Well, how have you been lately?" Voltaire asked. Kai gritted his teeth.

"You know exactly how I've been."

"Why such a harsh tone? We haven't spoken in quite a while."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to keep it that way. What do you want?"

Voltaire clucked his tongue. "It's quite an honor to be speaking with the one who murdered Boris Balkov, you know. I don't get to chat with killers everyday."

Kai felt a twinge in his chest and he sighed softly, closing his eyes. A torrent of bad memories flooded his mind like a waterfall. He vaguely felt Tyson's hand on his shoulder.

"Son of a bitch," he whispered, the receiver falling from his fingers and landing soundlessly on the bed. His vision blurred for a moment, but he blinked quickly, not letting any tears fall.

"Kai, wh—"

"I'm not talking to him." His voice trembled as he spoke. Tyson took his hand, but Kai wrenched himself away and left the bed, moving to the other side of the room. Tyson wanted to go after him even though he knew Kai probably wouldn't appreciate it. He picked up the phone.

"Look, Kai doesn't want to speak with you, so whatever you have to say you can say to me and I'll decided whether he needs to hear it or not," Tyson said curtly. He heard Voltaire chuckling.

"I shook the boy up, didn't I? I guess all that training as a young child to rid him of his petty feelings went to waste since now he seems so maudlin."

"He's perfect the way he is," Tyson all but snarled. "You've never understood emotions, anyway."

"They're not needed. You're stronger without them."

"Shows how much you know! You have no idea what you're talking about. In all my life, I've never met a stronger person than Kai. He's always been there for me, even when we were kids. If there were only one person in the world that I could count on, it'd be him. He's never let me down," Tyson said, sincerity etched into his features. Kai stood listening silently.

"Would you put him back on the line now? I've wasted enough time talking to an idiot like you."

"He doesn't want to talk to you. What don't you understand about that? I'm hanging up!" Tyson glanced at Kai. He came over and took the phone from him.

"I have nothing to say to you. You're not even my grandfather anymore, so just leave me alone. Don't call again," Kai ground out before slamming the phone down. He bit his lip and looked at Tyson. "You didn't have to say all that stuff to him. He'd never understand, anyway."

"Well, you heard it," Tyson said. "And you understand."

Kai sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes. "I did."

"I meant all of it, you know. You may not see yourself like that, but I think you're the most dependable person I know."

"That's funny because I think the exact opposite."

Tyson snorted. "Well, obviously you would. Brooding is what you do." Kai smiled at that and Tyson grinned in delight. "There's that smile again. You really should do that more often—I'm surprised your face doesn't make a creaking sound when you do!"

"Shut up. I'm surprised your face doesn't permanently get stuck in that stupid grin."

Tyson laughed. "We sure make an odd couple sometimes."

"I guess it's true that opposites attract." Kai picked up the teacups and went to the kitchen as Tyson climbed off the bed and trailed after him. He placed them in the sink and left them there, dumping Tyson's half-finished brew down the drain. He turned around and Tyson presented him with a plump kiss.

"Look, don't let your grandfather get you down," Tyson said, looking earnestly into his eyes.

"He's not my grandfather."

"Okay, don't let Voltaire get you down."

"I won't. I'm okay."

Tyson gave him a skeptical look. "You sure?"

Kai nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Oh, so now you're saying you'll be fine. That means you're not fine right now," Tyson pointed out. Kai shook his head and kissed Tyson gently on the lips.

"If you don't stop worrying about me, you'll give yourself an ulcer. There's nothing wrong."

Tyson smiled faintly. "I know you want to forget it all, but you can't just ignore everything that happened and act like it's nothing." He poked him in the chest. "It's not healthy. I think my worrying is justified. You went through a lot and—" he was cut off as Kai placed a finger over his lips.

"Tyson. Stop. Trust me, you'll know if I suddenly have a mental breakdown."

"That's kind of what I want to prevent." Tyson wrinkled his nose.

"I'm fine right now. Okay?" Kai looked at him until Tyson sighed resignedly and nodded with a smile.

"Okay. I've got classes right now, so I should get going. I'll swing by at around nine to say goodnight before I go to work, all right?"

"Sure…" his words trailed off as his eyes shifted to the window. The sun was shining down brightly, casting yellow rays onto a small square of the floor. Tyson tilted his head.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just that at night…" Kai seemed to be struggling with his words. "At night… I don't know how to explain it. Everything comes flooding back to me and I get really scared," he said in a rush.

Yeah, I saw that last night, Tyson thought. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No! I never used to get scared at night," Kai said accusingly. "I was fine. And I want to be fine again." He sighed and looked heavenward. "When are things going to go back to normal?"

Tyson shook his head. "I don't know. Are you… happy?"

"Am I happy? Are you crazy? I'm miserable and in love. The conflicting emotions are enough to drive a person mad." He paused. "I hate the way I don't make sense anymore. Do you remember how I used to be?"

"Yeah. You were a huge jerk when we were kids. You kind of mellowed out after a few years and I thought I was finally getting through to you when you completely clammed up after what happened with Rei."

Kai frowned. "Thanks for reminding me."

"I'll see you later, okay? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure. Bye, Tyson." They shared another quick kiss before Tyson left, leaving Kai alone. He sat down at his desk to catch up on his note-taking for class, not exactly trusting himself to simply sit and think, for he knew that eventually everything he wanted to forget would come rushing back. He sighed and chewed on his pen idly for a moment, allowing himself to wonder whether he really was all right or not.

--------

True to his word, Tyson came back a little after nine at night, looking forward to a nice cuddle before work. When he opened Kai's door, however, he was distraught to find Kai practically in shambles. He was sitting on his bed and he wasn't crying, which Tyson took as a good sign, but he could see the pure sadness in his eyes. Amidst the unhappiness, he could see severe anger reflecting in his magenta orbs. The sheets were crumpled and strewn over the bed messily as if he had attempted sleep and gotten frustrated when he failed.

"Tyson!"

"Kai, you look terrible," Tyson said, his eyebrows furrowing. He dropped his books on the table and went to the bed where Kai was giving him the most helpless expression he'd ever seen.

"I can't sleep. Every time I lay down, the same thing happens," Kai said jadedly. His fingers tightened around a fistful of the sheet. "I'm tired of it."

Tyson sat on one knee beside Kai. "What happens when you try to sleep?"

"Cleft!" Kai said, looking at Tyson despairingly. "I'll close my eyes and that's all I see. The same memories, over and over." He let out a deep breath. "I feel like… killing something. It makes me so angry, thinking about what he did!"

"That's—"

"And the worst part is that I can't do a damned thing about it! It just keeps coming back. It's like I'm reliving it all over again. I don't want to remember." He sighed raggedly, covering his eyes with the heels of his palms. "I wish I could just erase the last month of my life…"

Tyson sat quietly, biting the inside of his lower lip pensively. When he didn't say anything, Kai looked up with troubled eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked despondently. Tyson shook his head slowly.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't know what to do." He shifted his gaze over. "You can't erase the memories. They'll probably be with you for the rest of your life."

Kai stared at the rumpled bed sheets and shook his head. The only light in the room was a lamp beside his alarm clock. "I can't live like this."

"I'm sorry…"

"There has to be a way. A way to forget it all… the only way I can erase those memories with Cleft is to replace them with something else." Kai reached his hand out and stroked Tyson's cheek. "Replace them," he repeated in a strange tone. "Tyson, do you love me?"

Tyson blinked. "You know I do."

"How far are you willing to go for me?"

"Kai… what are you talking about? I'd do anything for you." Tyson was suddenly caught off guard as Kai pulled him down almost violently. The next thing he knew, he was on top of Kai with a leg on each side of him, looking down into his dark expressive eyes. Kai looked like he was about to cry.

"Tyson," he choked out in a shaky voice. "I can't stand thinking about it anymore. I feel like I belong to him!"

"You don't," Tyson said desperately. "Kai, you don't. It's not your fault. It's not!"

"All these ifs come into my mind. Maybe if I had struggled more, if I had screamed louder, if I had been stronger, it wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't killed Boris, if I had never taken that gun from Tala…"

"You can drive yourself crazy with all the things you could have done differently, but it won't change anything." Tyson took a hold of his shoulders firmly. "Look at me. You've got to pull yourself together."

Kai lifted his index finger and placed it on Tyson's lips. "I will as soon as you replace that awful incident with something else," he said softly, despairingly. Tyson paused.

"What are you talking about?" He shifted slightly and upon hearing Kai groan under his weight, he realized how uncomfortable Kai probably was with him sitting on him like that. He was about to get off when he felt Kai's hand grasp the front of his collar and wrench him down until their faces were inches apart.

"Kai, let go. I don't want to hurt you," Tyson said, nearly losing himself in Kai's wine-colored depths. He could feel his soft breath on his face.

"Maybe it'll take you hurting me for me to forget," he whispered. Tyson's breath caught in his throat.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying make me forget. Don't you want to ease my pain?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Tyson asked softly, his heart beating faster. Kai looked pained by his slowness.

"Love me. Make love to me."

Tyson stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. Time seemed to grind to a halt as he gazed down at the boy underneath him. Kai was in serious emotional suffering and Tyson wanted nothing more than to help him overcome it, but he felt wrong about the whole thing. Kai had worded his request in a way that if he refused, it would be like he didn't want to help him. Tyson opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Kai was looking at him so powerlessly and Tyson knew he could never do anything to him in such a vulnerable state. He swallowed and tried again.

"Kai… no."

"Why not?" he cried.

"This isn't the way to cope, Kai! It's only going to hurt you further; it's not going to make any of your memories go away. If anything it'll stir up the entire ordeal."

"It won't! Don't you understand? If I'm with someone I love, it'll make me forget what Cleft did. You'll replace the things he did."

Tyson shook his head. "I'm not going to do that to you. It's nothing short of rape."

"How can it be if I'm asking you to?"

"But you're not thinking! You're scared, you're hurting, and you're so confused right now. This can't be what you want, I know you better than that. You can beg and scream all night, but I refuse to have sex with you. That's what it is—it's not making love, it would be cold, hard sex and it'll leave you empty inside feeling even worse than before. It wouldn't even matter if it were with me!"

Kai turned away, pushing Tyson off with surprising strength. He buried his face into his pillow and for a moment Tyson thought he was crying, but when he touched his shoulder, Kai looked at him with dry eyes.

"Kai… you've got to understand," Tyson said softly.

"I do understand. It wouldn't have helped but…"

"But what?"

Kai sighed haggardly, closing his eyes. "I'm so sick of it."

Tyson rested his hand on Kai's shoulder. "I am, too. We can be sick together." He got on the bed beside him and embraced him gently, and after a moment, felt Kai's arms wrap around his waist.

"Hey, Kai? I didn't want our first time to be like that," Tyson said. "That's not how I pictured it happening. You weren't happy and it just didn't feel right."

"I don't want our first time to be like that either," Kai said softly, his face nestled against Tyson's chest. "I just…"

"Shh. You can talk about it in the morning. Get some rest."

Kai fell silent at that, letting his breathing become deep and even. After a moment, he spoke quietly.

"Don't you have to go to work?"

Tyson shifted, looking at the alarm clock beside the bed. "Yeah. But I can stay a little longer." He tightened his grip around Kai and gently rubbed a finger against his shoulder. Kai closed his eyes again, feeling tremendously more secure with Tyson with him.

--------

To Be Continued

--------

My horrible judgment strikes again. As you can see, Rei and Kai did not talk in this chapter. (insert huge sigh) here The next chapter will hold the little gala thing the BBA is throwing and Rei and Kai WILL talk! Grr. I'll make sure of it. Max will also show up. I think it's about time that little blonde made an appearance here. Anyway, thanks for your continued support. Leave me a review and tell me what you think, please and thank you!