By Spectra16
Disclaimer: Yeah . . . I'm a loser. I don't own Splinter Cell. Actually, that's not the only thing I don't own. I only own Pandora Tomorrow too. I would buy the other two games . . . But I have no money right now.
A/N: I got this whole dog chasing idea from chasing my little puppy out into the street and nearly getting hit by a car. I said, hey wouldn't it be funny if Sammy Fisher had to do this in London? Thus, I story is born.
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Chapter Three: Not In Kansas Anymore
"This is ridiculous," Sam tore open crate after crate in search for the hidden documents that had the plans to a new, very illegal casino owned by a crime lord by the name of Vincent. Sam became frustrated after he opened every crate in the warehouse, and found nothing.
"Lambert, there's nothing here," Sam wiped his forehead of sweat. Lambert frowned.
"Hmm . . . Must be ill-advised advice," Lambert pondered.
"What did you just say?" Sam asked.
"Nothing. Listen, I want you to go to London," Lambert stopped.
"What's in London?" Sam asked, agitated.
"I don't know. I just think it's a good idea," Lambert leaned over Grim's chair. Grim stared into her screen.
"What are you doing?" Lambert asked her in the most serious tone he could muster. Grim jumped, since she didn't hear him coming with her head phones on. She ripped them off and closed the window.
"Nothing," She said, clearly lying.
"No. Go back," Lambert demanded, and she opened up the window.
"Aw man! I love the Numa Numa dance!" Lambert started dancing in the middle of the room. Grim started dancing too.
"Hello? Hello? Lambert, what are you doing?" Sam called, and there was no reply. "I guess I'll be going to extraction now."
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Sam crawled around the unreasonably dark London streets, in search for . . . Whatever it was that he was searching for. Out of nowhere, a random guard started walking toward him. He panicked and picked him off with his sniper pistol. Sam kept crawling.
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"Have you ever seen "Ze End of the World"?" Grim asked Lambert, whom were still dancing.
"Yeah! Fucking kangaroos! That was the best part!" Lambert screamed and danced more. "Have you ever seen Zeeky Boogy Doog?"
"Yeah! I watch that every day!" Grim cheered.
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Sam sipped a mocha at the nearest coffee shop, in his suit and little green goggles. He was getting pretty strange looks, and a few comments suggesting he was American, but besides that, no one bothered him. He waited for Lambert to stop playing hide and go seek, and ate a scone. Two men at the table next to him were talking in a suspicious tone.
"So where did you put the plans for world domination . . .err . . . My casino?" One man said. The other sighed.
"First I hid it in some crates, but then I realized that someone might go in there, so now. . . They're safe with Pugsie," The man spoke and laughed. Sam rose an eyebrow.
"Who's Pugsie?"
"My dog."
"Oh."
There was a long silence between the two then.
"Somehow my wife left the back door open and Pugsie got loose," The man said quietly.
"WHAT!" The other man and Sam stood up and yelled. Sam made a strange, embarrassed face and sat back down. The two men ignored him.
"That's why we should look for him because those plans are in his collar! I called the pound, but he wasn't there."
Sam left in a hurry to find the dog with the plans of world domination. (That just sounds so wrong on so many levels.) The first place he figured he'd look was the parks.
He looked under benches, in trash cans, near other dogs. He needed to find a pug. But he only found one so far, and it belonged to an elderly woman that beat him to a bloody pulp when he tried to run off with it.
Same became frustrate and beeped in Lambert.
"Hey, Lambert, are you there?"
Lambert turned down the music him and Grim were dancing to. Redding had joined them as of a few minute prior to this.
"Yeah. What can I do for you?"
"I need you to bring up satellite imaging of this London area and search for any dogs with an internal chip, hopefully our target will have one," Sam sat on a park bench, and dug his fingers through his hair. Just then, a small pug dog ran right past him. It took a few minutes to sink in, the fact that the dog just ran past him by chance. Sam quickly looked in the direction it ran, and saw it crossing the street. Sam immediately starting running for the small dog.
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Ten miles away, Douglas Shetland was reading a Maxim in the bathroom of his trailer. (I just thought you all would like to know.)
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Sam dodged a Dodge Caravan, a bus, and a cop car chasing the pug into the next street. Sam jumped over hoods and people, until he finally grabbed up the pug.
"AHA! I have you now!" Sam looked to find the collar under the flabs of skin, but there was none. Sam almost cried.
"WHY GOD WHY!"
And thus, Sam went to cry in a corner, and Shetland ate some Doritos. And the world ended. I'm done.