Thanks for sticking with me this far. Luff to you all. Oh, and here's a small warning: this chapter has a lot of angst. This is actually the chapter that sparked the whole fic in my head. :D So, enjoy.

--------

Chapter Twenty-nine

--------

It had already been dark when Rake had dropped the huge bombshell in Kai's face, and now less and less cars passed by on the road and many of the adjacent shops had closed. Kai was still sitting on the bench, and between his rage and sorrow, he actually found it ironic that Tyson was inside a place he was not two feet away from, doing God-knows-what. Every time he thought about it, it felt like someone was tearing another piece of his heart away. In his hands there was an ad for The Golden Gate printed on yellow paper that the doorman had handed out. He folded it in half.

His eyes despondently rested upon the bright colors of Tyson's gift bag, still sitting at his feet, as he slipped the paper inside. A small breeze blew through, ruffling his bangs and stirring up a few leaves scattered on the ground. The night was warm and comfortable, the weather perfect for his loved one's birthday. They might have had such a good time together in these peaceful hours of the night, celebrating the twenty years Tyson had graced the planet with his presence.

But not now. Kai rubbed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. He was cursed. That had to be it. Everything that seemed good and well always had a way of turning around and slapping him in the face.

He slowly stood up, the numbness in his mind not yet completely gone. Carrying Tyson's present in one hand and slipping out his phone in the other, he called for a taxi and emotionlessly told the driver his destination when he got in. The trip was made in stony silence, and Kai paid the fare without so much as a goodbye before going into the university and riding the elevator up to his floor. Upon entering his room, he found Wyatt gone with a note that said he wouldn't be back until past two in the morning, at the earliest. It said something about a cram session he was attending.

Kai knew he couldn't sleep. He went and sat at his desk, holding back his tears until he had discovered the truth. He was almost sure that Tyson would stop by after he came back from work, either to check on him or to demand his birthday present. He would ask him then, and while he sat, he hoped to God that he was completely wrong, that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation to the whole thing. Tyson just wouldn't do that, not ever, and especially not after that incident with Cleft. He can't be that heartless. He wouldn't do this to me, or to anyone.

The waiting was the worst part. The pressure and all the what ifs were wearing him down and he eventually found himself pacing back and forth and wishing he could just get the whole thing over with. He went to the kitchen and brewed himself a cup of tea to settle his nerves, then sat at his desk again, staring sightlessly at the wall. After what seemed like an eternity, he heard knocking at the door. He had purposely left it unlocked.

"Kai? You in there?" Tyson's familiar voice called out before opening the door and spotting him. "There you are. And you're still up! I wanted to…" his words trailed off. "What's wrong? You look so… sad…"

"Tyson," Kai said softly. He paused for a second, then reached down into Tyson's gift bag and pulled out the folded ad. "I met your roommate today."

Stark realization spread across Tyson's face before a dismayed look settled in his eyes. He briefly looked at the floor. "Oh. I see."

Kai didn't respond for a moment and the silence grew thick enough to cut with a knife. He was frustrated that Tyson wasn't bringing forth that reasonable explanation that he was so sure he had. He gave him a few more minutes, which proved to be fruitless.

"Tyson." Kai lifted his eyes and looked him in the face, not bothering to hide the hurt and disappointment that was threatening to spill over. His throat closed at that moment and he found himself unable to even speak. Tyson sighed softly.

"I was hoping… that you'd never have to know."

"Why? Because you knew what kind of reaction I'd have upon finding out something like this?" Kai swallowed. "Did you want to spare me the pain by lying to me?"

Tyson shook his head. "I didn't lie to you."

"I asked you if you were a virgin!"

"You didn't ask. You assumed that I was when you told me you wished you were, too. I never said if I was or wasn't."

Kai stared at him. "It's called lying by omission. And that means… you aren't." He turned away, feeling a burning sensation in his eyes. "At The Golden Gate… is that where you first lost it?"

"Kai—"

"Just answer me."

Tyson bit his lip. "I…" Another heavy silence ensued before he answered in a barely audible voice. "Yeah."

A small whimper escaped Kai's lips as he shut his eyes. "Dammit, Tyson… I wanted you to prove me wrong."

"Kai, listen…"

"How could you do something so stupid? You were always the biggest idiot I knew, but this… this is just plain cruel."

Tyson watched him with sorrowful eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, Kai."

"Too fucking late, Tyson." Kai sniffed and stood. He shook his head lightly, gazing at him remorsefully. "I can't believe this." You were the one person that I could count on. Things weren't supposed to end up this way.

"Kai, I care about you a lot…"

"I do, too. Tyson, I love you. I don't want to lose you." Kai came forward, his heart ready to burst inside of him. He linked his arms around Tyson's neck and buried his face into his hair. "Listen… just tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that there's a reasonable explanation for this entire thing. I don't even care what it is, just tell me that I'm wrong! This isn't happening and you didn't sell your body or give up your virginity in such a…" His voice broke and he wrapped his arms tighter as Tyson's hand came up to stroke his back gently. Kai squeezed his eyes shut. "Just tell me, Tyson, and I'll believe you."

"Oh, Kai…"

"Tell me! I want to believe it so badly… and if I just hear you say it, it has to be the truth."

Tyson felt his eyes welling up with tears. "I won't… I can't lie to you."

"Tell me that this isn't happening… please." Kai lifted his head and looked at him, his wine-colored eyes glistening. Tyson averted his gaze hesitantly.

"It… it is happening, Kai. I don't know what to say."

"You bastard!" Kai recoiled and shoved him back against the wall, his angry tears spilling over. "I know exactly what you should say. You should tell me why you did something so… so stupid! How could you? Was I the one who drove you to this?"

"No! It wasn't you at all," Tyson said adamantly. "It was completely me."

"But the Tyson I know wouldn't ever do this." Kai shook his head. "You wouldn't."

"I had to…"

"Why?"

"Kai, it's not…" Tyson stopped and growled, frustrated. "Look, it's simple, it's hard, and it's so stupid all at the same time. It all comes down to one thing—money. I couldn't pay my way through college. They were gonna kick me out—"

"They don't kick people out if they can't pay."

"Well, they were, okay? My grades weren't as high as the required standards… but I had to find some way to stay. I studied more, but this place is hard. So, I needed the money. I had to pay my way through somehow."

"That is the stupidest reason I have ever heard! You could've gotten a real job, or you could have asked me, Tyson! I can't believe you!"

"You don't think I tried? This was my last resort!" He looked down, shaking his head slightly. "And there's no way I could've taken anything from you. Your grandfather went stark raving mad and pulled your inheritance, remember?"

"That's not the point. We could've worked something out together," Kai said, the ache in his heart slowly growing more unbearable. "You should have told me!"

Tyson shook his head again. "You had enough to worry about."

"Maybe I did, but now look at how things are turning out!" Kai exploded. "Things couldn't be any worse if you had just told me. You're supposed to be able to trust me and come to me with anything. When I say I love you, it doesn't mean I'll only love you if you don't have any problems!"

"But you don't know it is! Kai, you were falling apart right before my eyes. When I got you back, you were completely different… it was so hard to tell myself that you were gonna be okay. I wanted to tell you, believe me, I wanted to share everything with you, but you already had so much stuff to deal with. I felt like if I pushed you just an inch further, I'd lose you." Tyson looked at him with pain-filled eyes. "I didn't want that, so I kept it to myself."

For a moment, Kai didn't know what to say. He knew Tyson had been affected by his behavior, but he never thought that it would lead to this. His arms had been pinning Tyson against the wall all this time, and he finally let go.

"This is all my fault," he said in a low voice, raising a hand to stop Tyson from interrupting. "You walked on eggshells around me, didn't you? Afraid that I would… break, or something."

"It's not your fault," Tyson insisted. "None of this is your fault."

"It's my fault that you felt you couldn't talk to me about your problems."

"No, I was just… I was so focused on your pain. I was mad at everyone who hurt you and that blinded me for a while. I forgot that I could hurt you, too."

Kai sighed, brushing his bangs aside with a worn out flick of his wrist. "How could you stand it? How could you stand being around me?"

"That was never the question. How could I stand not being around you?"

"Tyson… all this doesn't change the facts," Kai stated softly. Tyson looked down and slowly nodded.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Kai. You have to believe me, it didn't mean anything."

A short pause ensued as Kai shook his head in disbelief. "It didn't mean anything?"

"No. It didn't mean a thing."

"How… how can you say that? It didn't mean a thing? You gave up your virginity and it didn't mean a thing? How can you throw something like away that so carelessly? You can be so heartless sometimes!" Kai yelled.

"It didn't! I mean, yes, it's important, but Kai, you have to understand that none of it meant anything to me. I wanted to be with you."

"You went off and had sex with people for money—of course it wouldn't mean anything to you! Do you not understand how valued something like that is supposed to be? It's a privilege, it's something you do with someone you love! How could you just go off and have it with anyone?"

Tyson was shaking his head. "I'm sorry…"

"That won't ever bring anything back. I can't believe you'd do this even after what happened to me!" Kai stopped, his breath catching in his throat at the reference he'd just made. He quickly recovered and narrowed his eyes at Tyson. "It's all coming together now. The late hours, all the sidestepping whenever I brought up your job… and that man that approached you at breakfast when we went out. Now I know where he recognized you from."

"It didn't mean anything, Kai."

"But why did you do it? I still can't believe you'd do this."

"I already told—"

"Money can't be the only reason. I know you, and this isn't you at all!" Kai paused uneasily. "It had to have been me."

"It wasn't!"

"It makes perfect sense. I couldn't give you what you wanted because of what Cleft did…" Kai swallowed, biting his lip nervously. "I wanted to, Tyson. I wanted to totally give myself to you, but I was so scared." His last words came out in a whisper. Tyson clenched his teeth, bringing his hands up and cupping them around Kai's face. His heart felt as if it were about to burst.

"I was never dissatisfied with you, Kai… I wasn't looking for just a sexual relationship in the first place. You gave me so much more. You did give me all of you! You gave me your heart, your feelings, your faith… those are the things that matter."

"And what did you do with them?" Kai asked in a low voice, turning his eyes away. "You took them and you stepped on them, and let me tell you, it hurts a lot more the second time around." He looked at him fiercely. "Maybe I was an ass to you when we first met, but I don't think I deserved this!"

"This isn't revenge! I know you don't deserve this… you've never deserved any of this."

Kai pulled free of Tyson's gentle grasp. "People use me, they abuse me, and then they kick me to the curb when they're finished or when they find something better, and I'm tired of it. I can only start over so many times, Tyson. I'm not invincible!"

"I could never find anything better. You're what I want!"

"If that were true, you wouldn't have done this."

"Kai, listen. I messed up and I'm sorry. I hurt you, I know, and I wish I could just go back in time and change all this."

"Wouldn't that be great? I'd go back in time and make it so I'd have never met any of you! Not you, not Rei, not anyone." Kai took a deep breath, seeing the hurt on Tyson's face. "Did that sting? Then you know a fraction of what I feel right now!"

"You don't mean that. Would you rather live your life completely void of love? You'd be empty inside."

"I'd rather be empty inside than go through this… over and over again. Why did you have to do this? Why does everyone have to be so damn stupid all the time? Am I the only one with a working brain on this planet? When other people do hurtful things, am I the only one who feels pain? Tyson, how fucking could you? You were the one that gave me a reason to live!" Kai buried his face in his hands, turning away and trying to stifle the sobs that were leaking forth. He felt Tyson take him in his arms gently, then hug him tightly as if he were trying to hold on to something he knew he was about to lose. Kai instinctively wrapped his arms around his neck, sniffling pathetically as he attempted to force out words between shaky breaths.

"I trusted you… all this time, and I thought… that I had really found something… with you, but then you had to go… and mess it all up, and now look at where we are!"

"I promise you, Kai, we can fix this. It doesn't have to end on a bitter note. We can start over!"

"I don't want to start over! I know it really hasn't been that long, but under the circumstances we learned more about each other in that short amount of time than I learned about Rei in all the years we liked each other. I don't want to throw all of that away and begin all over again, Tyson!"

"I know what you mean… I don't either. We have way too much."

Kai pulled back, his glistening eyes angry. "How can you be so calm about this? I'm on the verge of murdering you and you're talking as if nothing's wrong at all! Do you even know how badly you messed up?"

"I do know… and I'm sorry, Kai. I… there's nothing else I can say. It's up to you if you want to believe me… or forgive me, or not."

He took a deep breath to calm himself, but it didn't work. "You selfish… bastard!"

"What did I do now?" Tyson demanded.

"You're leaving it up to me. It's my choice to forgive you, so if I don't, it'll be my fault if we break up!"

"That's not what I meant at all!"

"But that's exactly how it'll work."

"Kai, if you don't forgive me, I'm not going to blame you. Hell, if I were you, I wouldn't forgive me!"

"Oh, yeah, put me on a fucking guilt trip," Kai snapped. "Tyson, what is wrong with you?"

"I've already told you I was sorry and that it didn't mean anything. There's nothing else I can say. What do you want me to do, Kai? I can't go back and change my actions. Don't you even want to try and save what we have?"

"Of course I do!"

"Well, you're being extremely difficult to work with right now."

"Put yourself in my shoes and then see if you can blame me."

Tyson stopped and closed his eyes wearily. "I can't, okay? I just can't. I don't know what it feels like to have gone through what you did, so I can't fully understand."

"Really," Kai said gratingly. "Well, let me help clear things up. You do know kind of what it feels like considering your… work… just in a less extreme way. You're always expecting it, right? And you get paid for it, so there's some kind of reward. Your work doesn't involve dirty jail cells or cowards sitting all around you who turn their heads away even when you scream."

"Kai…"

"At first you're scared because you have a vague idea of what might happen, but you'd never expect it to happen to you. It only clicks once you're on the floor with someone trying to tear your clothes off on top of you. It really sinks in then, and you feel like you're going to die, but it's only afterwards when it's all over do you wish that you would die because the memories… of how much it hurts in every way… are just too much to bear." Kai shut his eyes, unearthing those very memories. His voice began to tremble and he found it a wonder that he didn't burst into tears right then.

"I can't even begin to describe how much it hurt… it hurts you physically, it hurts emotionally… it hurts your pride, your life… I felt like such a whore! Your body will react on its own, no matter how much you fight it. Maybe I fought for way too long because it felt like it lasted an eternity. I… I kept on thinking someone was going to come and stop him because the damned place was full of people, but no one did, and I know I was begging and screaming for someone to help! I don't even remember half of what I was saying, but I do remember calling your name… and I was so scared that you'd never want to lay eyes on me again because I felt like it was my fault that it had happened. All that was going through my head while Cleft… he didn't stop even after I started crying and—"

"Stop it! Just shut up!" Tyson yelled, and when Kai looked up at him, he saw tears streaming down his face. Tyson shook his head, crying softly into his hands while Kai stood in stony silence. He eventually looked up, his auburn eyes full of tears and regret.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked finally. "I know how he hurt you, Kai… it affects me, too, more than you can imagine! God, thinking about what he did is enough to make me sick… knowing there are people like that out there…" Tyson slowed and took a shuddering breath, staring straight into Kai's magenta depths. "I can't make your pain go away."

"That's where you're wrong. I felt better around you. Maybe because you were so familiar to me, or because you're so easy to trust… I don't care what it was. All I know is that I did." Kai paused. "I did. I'm not so sure now."

Tyson closed his eyes, Kai's vivid description fresh in his mind. He felt like he was tottering on the edge of a cliff, knowing he was about to get pushed off and wondering whether he should simply take the leap himself.

"Tyson," Kai said in a pained voice. "I can't… I just can't forget this. I want to forgive you… but I can't. Not now, anyway."

Something inside of him snapped right then, and Tyson suddenly felt detached. A numb feeling settled into his bones as he watched the only person he'd ever loved turn away looking as if he'd just thrown his entire life out the window.

"I love you, Kai."

Kai flinched, his voice unsteady. "I… I know."

I was so happy yesterday when he told me he loved me. I'll probably never hear that from him again, Tyson thought. How can I expect to after all this?

"I really am sorry," he said softly. "I guess you just deserve someone better… someone who won't hurt you, ever."

You could've been that someone, Kai felt like saying, but he kept silent. Tyson swallowed and tried to give him a smile.

"I hope you find whoever that is really soon."

Just shut up and leave. You're making this so much harder than it already is. Kai took an uneven breath and turned his gaze to his desk, where Tyson's gift was still sitting on the ground near his chair. He walked over and picked it up, letting the bag fall to the floor. The colorfully wrapped box was heavy in his hands, but not nearly as heavy as his heart.

"Things never turn out the way you think they will," he said in a low voice, mostly to himself.

"I guess that really is true," he heard Tyson say. Kai stared down at the box, and hopeless anger suddenly swept into his soul. This isn't the way it's supposed to be!

He didn't understand why things had to turn out this way. He had been so happy with Tyson, but now he just couldn't forgive him. He wanted to, but actually doing it was a completely different matter. It just hurt so much inside… to the point where he simply didn't want to think anymore. Being angry was so much easier than being hurt. It was like a high that covered up the pain.

"Tyson. I could never hate you as a person…" Kai gritted his teeth and stared into his eyes. "But right now… I hate you for what you did."

Tyson's expression was heartbreaking, but he pressed his lips together and nodded slightly, as if he agreed with Kai's words. "I can… understand that."

"Stop acting so calm! Aren't you upset at all? We just broke up!"Kai lashed out in bitterness. "And to top it all off, it's your birthday!"

"Oh, Kai," Tyson said jadedly, gazing at the floor with sad eyes. "I… if I let myself cry, I'm afraid I might never stop."

Kai felt a sob rising in his own throat, but he forced it down with no small amount of effort. Why do I feel guilty? He's the one who decided to become a whore!

"This is your fault," Kai ground out evenly. He walked over to Tyson and stood in front of him before dropping his present at his feet with cruel force. Inside the box, the sound of crystal breaking resounded through the room. Kai found it fitting to the state of his heart.

"Happy birthday," he said, his soft voice holding a steely edge. Without another word, he brushed past him and left, slamming the door behind him. The room was quiet before Tyson let out a tremulous sigh. His eyes were filmy with tears.

Kneeling before the box, he ran his fingers over the sleek wrapping. He fingered the small tag where Kai had written his name in his neat cursive, and then tore the colorful paper off, revealing a glossy white cardboard box advertising a beautiful statue of an angel made entirely of flawless crystal. There was an envelope taped to the side, and Tyson pulled it off and slipped out the card. The inside held Kai's writing.

Dear Tyson,

I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You're really an angel in disguise and if you hadn't pushed your way into my life when you did, I don't know where I'd be. You've given me so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. You were there for me when no one else was and you've showed me that you care in so many ways. Just your presence makes me forget how damaged my life is, and I'm constantly amazed at your selflessness and the way you treat me even when you're hurting inside. I know this hasn't been easy for either of us and I'm sorry that my life had to turn yours upside down in such a massive way. Thank you for the love, the tears, and all the support you've given me. You're always there and believe me, when you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll in turn be there for you. When I say this, I mean it every time. I love you.

-Kai

Tyson blinked, causing tears to fall down onto the card, smudging the ink of the felt-tip pen that Kai had used. He could imagine him sitting at his desk, writing this. Tyson could tell that his heart and soul had gone into the letter, and that he really had meant every word. He wiped his eyes and sniffed, opening the box of the now-ruined angelic figure. He gently lifted it out amidst the tinkling sound of broken crystal, then picked up the box and dumped the remains out beside it. Two large pieces lay on the ground and sorrow clutched at his heart as his sobs finally broke loose, the heavy realization of what had happened hitting hard.

The wings were broken.

--------

To Be Continued

--------

My poor attempt at symbolism, right there. Please review and tell me how much you want Kai and Tyson to get back together and how much you DON'T want me pulling another twist and complicating matters even further. Or if you do want that… you'll probably get your wish. I'm hopeless. It's like I won't let this thing end. XD