Calvin sat lazily at the windowsill watching the cars go by.
"I'm bored," he said. "Bored, bored, bored. I am bored. Bored am I. I am so bored, I'd do absolutely anything to shake off the reminder of how incredibly bored I am."
"We could play target practice," Hobbes suggested from the chair. He was trying to nap, but found it difficult with Calvin in the house.
"I'm not that bored," Calvin mumbled, and he resumed his boredom.
At least he did until he spotted Dad driving up the driveway. He got out of the car, and then he took out a box with a picture of a computer on the side.
Calvin was so excited, he almost burst.
The minute Dad was walking through the door, Calvin grabbed his legs.
"Oh, thank you! Thank you!" he cried. "I take back one-third of all the rotten things I ever said about you behind your back."
"Calvin, this computer isn't for you. It's for me."
Calvin let go of him. "Oh, sure, and I'm selfish!"
"This for me to work. It's said to be the best computer on the market."
Later that day, the computer was hooked up in the den on Dad's desk. Dad was typing away on it.
Calvin and Mom were watching over his shoulder.
"This thing practically has a mind of its own," said Dad as he tapped information onto the glowing video screen.
"That's more than I can say for you," Calvin muttered under his breath.
"It can pay the bills. It tells me when to have you shovel the walk. It's so smart, I may never have to think again."
Calvin walked away, still angry. "Who would notice?"
He walked up to his room.
Hobbes was finishing up his homework.
"How's it coming?" Calvin asked.
"Not bad. I'm trying to figure out how to make it to Point A from Point D, so I'll just put down Unnecessary to Life."
"Yeah, that sounds right. Still, maybe if we could use Dad's computer, we could do this homework. I mean, if it can think for Dad, maybe it can think for me."
"Sounds like it could work."
So while Mom and Dad were outside, Calvin and Hobbes went to the computer.
"Are you sure we're allowed to use this?"
"Dad never said I couldn't."
Calvin had used the school computers before, so he figured this could be any different.
However, this computer was far more advanced than the first one he had used. It took a password to get in.
"What's the password?" asked Hobbes, who was sitting in the chair.
Calvin thought for a minute. He hopped up and typed into the keyboard CHARACTER.
The password worked!
"That was a little obvious, I suppose," said Hobbes.
They made it to the START MENU. Hobbes looked at the suggestions on the little selection box on the left of the screen.
"What do I click on?"
Calvin looked. "Click on INTERNET EXPLORER."
Hobbes clicked on the blue e, and the came to a search engine called GOOGLE.
"It's a search engine," said Hobbes. "What do type in?"
"Type in 'Point A to Point D' and see what we get."
Hobbes typed it in and a few websites were listed. There were only a few. Hobbes looked at the description under the first one. "The website says Click it."
Hobbes clicked on the link and a whole bunch of new little windows popped up. One was an ad for shaving cream. Another was an ad for weight pills. Six of them were if you wanted a nose ring for a poodle.
"I think we broke it," said Hobbes nervously.
Just then, they heard a door slam. Dad was coming!
"Quick! Just log off! Let's get upstairs before we get it."
Hobbes went to START and clicked LOG OFF. The screen went to the beginning and they ran upstairs.
Dad sat down at the computer. He looked under account. It said he 130 programs running.
"What th—?"
Calvin and Hobbes slammed the door shut and jammed a chair under doorknob.
"You think that'll hold him?" asked Calvin.
The door swung open, nearly smashing the chair.
"I'm guessing that's a no," said Hobbes, who was hiding under the bed.
Dad bent over and angrily looked Calvin in the eye.
"Calvin, did you touch my computer?"
"Well, technically I was trying to get help on my homework, and besides, I didn't touch that keyboard. It was Hobbes. In fact, it was all his idea! It's his fault! I tried to stop him, and he just—"
"YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEKS!"
"What? All I did was open over a hundred new windows! All you gotta do is click on the little red buttons with the white x in the middle."
"You put a mother of a virus on that thing, and it'll cost me $25.95 to buy the software to get rid of it. That's coming out of your allowance."
"What allowance?" Calvin asked. "You don't give me money. I have to wait until grandma sends me birthday and Christmas cards to get my money."
"Well, you're not getting cards for a week," Dad said, trying to save face. "Don't you ever come out of this room until I say you can."
The door slammed shut so hard that the house shook.
Calvin stumbled off of his feet and fell onto Hobbes' head, who had peeked outside.
"Get your butt out of my ear," said a muffled voice.
Calvin got up and stomped around. He liked to stomp when he was mad.
"Also," Hobbes continued, "I'd appreciate you stop blaming me when these things happen."
"Shut up," Calvin snorted.
Late into the night, there was a bad thunder storm. Calvin and Hobbes slept in bed. The only good thing about lightening for them was that it kept the monsters away. They're scared of light. They managed to sleep soundly. They had promised that they would destroy something of Dad's the next day.
In their bedroom, Mom and Dad were reading before they went to bed.
Suddenly a bolt of lightning exploded above the house. All the lights flickered. Mom and Dad's went out. Calvin's went on. Then they went back and forth until they all went off.
"That was quite a blast," stammered Dad.
"Reminds me of the time Calvin fixed toast," added Mom.
After the storm rumbled off, and Mom and Dad started to drift off to sleep. Suddenly, they heard a voice from the den.
"Hello? Hello? Is anyone here? Please come to me."
Mom rolled her eyes. "CALVIN, GO TO SLEEP!" she shouted.
But the voice continued to talk, getting louder. "Someone come to me! I need someone here."
The voice woke Calvin up.
"Hobbes, are you talking in your sleep again?"
Hobbes opened his eyes slowly. "What's happening?"
"Someone's calling out to us. Can you hear it?"
Hobbes listened.
"Hello? Please come! I need someone."
"CALVIN, JUST GO TO SLEEP!" Mom shouted.
Calvin looked at Hobbes. "THAT'S NOT ME!" he shouted.
Mom and Dad grunted. They angrily got out of bed together and they stormed over to Calvin's room. Calvin was awake and talking to his stuffed tiger.
"Calvin, we have enough of this," Dad said angrily. "Either you go to sleep, or you're grounded for four weeks."
Before Calvin could reply, a voice could be heard again.
"Come here!" the voice commanded. "I want somebody."
"Who said that?" Dad asked shakily.
"Don't look at me," said Calvin.
They all slowly left the bedroom and walked downstairs to the den. Mom and Dad peeked around the door, with Calvin and Hobbes at their ankles.
The computer screen was glowing bright green.
"Oh, my gosh," whispered Dad. "I left my computer on during the storm."
"Come closer," the computer said.
The whole family gasped.
"That is the coolest computer I've ever seen," said Calvin. He picked up the stuffed tiger and approached the computer before his parents could grab him. They had no choice but to follow him.
The monitor screen grew a face, and it scanned the four figures standing in front of him.
"How exactly did you…," Dad started.
"The lightning had some wonderful effects on my circuits," the computer interrupted. "Now be quiet. I'm scanning you all to see who's the smartest."
Dad smiled modestly. "Well, I must say it'll be interesting how high above everyone I am."
The computer rolled its eyes, as well as Mom and Calvin. Hobbes did as well, but Calvin and the computer were the only one's who noticed.
"Let's see, my sensors indicate that the child and the tiger are the smartest ones here."
Calvin looked at the stuffed tiger and grinned.
"Ya hear that, Hobbes, ol' buddy? We're smarter than Mom and Dad!"
"His stuffed tiger is smarter than me?" Dad shouted. "It's a toy! It isn't real!"
Calvin was too busy talking about going to Harvard to pay attention to him.
Mom was also angry. "We are not dumber than Calvin. This is silly! Hobbes is a toy. He doesn't exist!"
The computer swung its head back and forth. Then it focused its eyes Hobbes. Mom and Dad saw a stuffed tiger sitting there motionless. The computer saw a tiger arguing with Calvin about which was better: Harvard or Yale.
"Are you two blind?" it asked. "This can only mean one thing: the boy is the so smart he can see things others can't. They're geniuses!"
Calvin's head swung around at that. "Finally! We're being noticed! Hey, do you want to see my box? It can make clones, change your form and send you through time! I'm still trying to make the airplane feature give an endless supply of peanuts and soda. I just need to figure out how I'm gonna do… Um, are you okay, your eyes are crossing and your CD drive is popping in and out."
The computer had a goony look on its face. "That's good enough for me. You two. Parental units, look at my screen."
Mom and Dad were confused.
"Excuse me?" asked Mom.
"LOOK AT THE SCREEN."
Mom and Dad looked at the screen.
Calvin and Hobbes looked up.
"Are you going to make them geniuses too?" asked Calvin. "Please don't. I like feeling superior."
"Oh, don't you worry about a thing. I wouldn't dare do that."
The face on the screen disappeared. A small dot appeared in the middle of the screen.
"Watch the dot," the computer continued. "I want us to be friends. And we will be friends, just as long as you do everything I say. Do you understand?"
"Yes," replied Mom and Dad simultaneously."
"I don't like this," Hobbes whispered. "That thing is hypnotizing your parents."
"We're gonna have to turn it off in order for the effects to wear off."
Calvin bent over and went under the desk, but when he tried to unplug the computer, a shock threw him across the room. He crashed into Hobbes and they slammed into the wall.
"Bad, bad boy," said the computer. "You're much too smart for your own good. But I admire your intelligence. In fact, I crave it. Slaves, bring me the boy and the tiger. I want to drain their brains and keep them for my own! With their brains, I will ultimately rule the world!"
Mom and Dad reached out for Calvin and Hobbes, but the managed to scoot between their legs and out of the room.
"Seize him!" ordered the computer.
Mom and Dad chased Calvin and Hobbes, who ran for their lives. There was no place to hide. They turned a corner. Calvin opened the basement door and Hobbes put his foot out. Mom and Dad tripped and tumbled down the stairs into the basement.
Calvin slammed the door and locked it.
"Come on!" said Hobbes. "We need to short-circuit that mechanical monster!"
They left the basement and ran into the kitchen. Suddenly the freezer door swung open. Ping! Ping! Ping! The ice maker began bombarding them with ice cubes!
"Let's get out of here!" yelled Calvin.
Using a pan lid as a shield, they made their way past the microwave.
Unfortunately, one of Calvin's potato experiments had been left in there, and the microwave turned on, and it exploded all over them.
"Run faster!" Hobbes said, throwing the lid aside.
They made their escape.
"Your situation is hopeless!" boomed the computer as they ran past, ice cubes firing at them. "Surrender now!"
There was an electronic laugh that went everywhere. Lights went on and off, the phone rang, the hands on the clocks spun like mad, the TV switched from channel to channel and the washing machine and dryer spewed clothes everywhere.
Calvin and Hobbes hid under their bed.
"What'll we do?" asked Calvin.
"Come on, Calvin, you heard it. We're geniuses. We can handle this."
Calvin sighed. "That evil machine plans to suck out our smarts. We'll be as dumb as a rock, or broccoli, or Susie, or crash-test dummy!"
Suddenly, Hobbes' eyes opened wide. "That's it! We need your cardboard box out here, and you need to make a brain level decider. Hurry!"
Calvin thought this over, and then it came to him. "Oh, I get it!"
A short time later, Calvin walked into the den. He fell before the computer.
"I give up! You win! Take my brain! I don't like it anyway."
"A wise decision," replied the computer.
Two wires tipped with electrodes snaked out of the computer and made a move for Calvin's head. "At last, your brain is mine."
The computer began to hum. Numbers flashed on and off the screen.
"You're fighting it," said the computer. "Very well, I can fix that."
The computer hummed louder.
"Your mind is very strong, child. But mine is stronger. I will increase my power."
The screen flashed more rapidly.
"What? You're still resisting? How dare you!" growled the computer. "I will double my power! And double it again!"
There was a crackling sound.
"What? What's happening? My circuits! No-o-o-o! My circuits are melt—!"
There was a loud bang and a puff of smoke. The screen went dead. The voice was stilled until it finally went away.
It was then that the real Calvin and Hobbes entered.
"You did it, duplicate!" said Calvin. "You did it! You fooled him!"
"Huh?" asked the duplicate.
"Mr. Know-It-All Computer thought you were me!" explained Calvin. "By trying so hard to drain your brain, he overloaded his own circuits."
"Yeah, you can't suck out brains if you don't have any!" added Hobbes with a chuckle. "Thanks to Calvin's brain decider on the Duplicator, we can decide how smart or dumb we want the clones to be."
"Huh?" asked the duplicate again.
"Just go up to the bedroom," said Calvin, rolling his eyes. "Sit under the box. We'll meet you there to reverse the duplicating process."
"Uh-huh."
The clone left.
"Well, let's drag Mom and Dad out of the basement," said Calvin. "Just wait until all this is over."
"Do you think they'll remember any of this? I've read that after hypnosis, you rarely remember anything before that."
"Good point," Calvin decided. "I guess there's no point in trying to get them to bow down to me. Come on. Help me clean the place up. We'll just make them think they were sleepwalking."
They spent the rest of the night cleaning up. They cleaned up the potato mess, fixed the clocks, turned off all the lights, put all the ice cubes in the sink, and they put the clothes in the washer and dryer.
Mom and Dad slowly woke up in the basement.
"Where are we?" asked Dad. "My head is killing me."
They looked up and saw Calvin and his stuffed tiger looking down at them.
"Any special reason why you guys are in the basement?" he asked.
Mom and Dad looked at each other.
"We must've been sleepwalking," said Mom.
"That's becoming a family tradition," said Dad.
Calvin winked at the stuffed tiger.
"Come on, get out of there."
Dad slowly managed to get out of the basement. He looked around. Everything was as how it should be except…
"MY COMPUTER!"
Calvin jumped. He had forgotten about that.
Dad looked it over. The monitor was fried and slightly cracked. It hurt touch the plug. Electric static was jumping out of the keyboard, and the mouse was all jumpy.
"Calvin…," Dad muttered angrily, "would you care to explain?"
Calvin backed away nervously behind his stuffed tiger.
"Oh, dear, Calvin didn't do anything," Mom stated. "You left that thing on during the storm, and that loud bolt of lightning above the house must have done something to it."
Dad sighed. "Okay, fine this was my fault."
Calvin sighed with relief.
Later that day, Calvin and Hobbes were back in their bedroom.
"I think there's a lesson in this adventure somewhere," said Calvin.
"What is it?" asked Hobbes.
"I'm not sure. That's why I said 'I think'. Still, I'm tired of saving the day and no one noticing. These people are serious idiots."
"The world is an idiot," said Hobbes. "Don't feel bad."
"I can't help but feel bad. I'm burning mad here."
"That's okay. Let's go take your anger out on Susie and throw a water balloon at her."
"Good idea."
They reached under the bed and pulled out a bag of water balloons.
They would later get into trouble again, but that's a story I don't need to tell.