Oookay. Hi. Yes, I understand that most of you are ready to shove a broom or two down my throat for that last chapter, and I don't really blame you all that much.

Hilary: Hi there. I've noticed that I don't seem to be pleasing you with this fic. The only thing I can ask you to do is to please stop reading, because telling me to kill them both to end my pathetic excuse for a love story isn't going to get either of us anywhere.

Kiina: Thanks for voicing your opinion in such a reasonable manner. :) I honestly tried to take everything you said to heart, and I totally understand that that was not a flame.

Peppermint-Angel: I realize that a lot of authors lose confidence in themselves when they receive insulting comments, so thank you for your kind review in defense. I promise I'll see this fic to the end, even if I drive away every person who's reading! XD Um… hopefully that won't happen.

Thank you all for your comments. There's only about two or three more chapters after this one, so we're almost done. And I'm fairly certain this time. Ah… I think saying this is like stating the obvious, but if angst is not something you want to read about, do yourself a favor and don't go on. Here we go.

Chapter Thirty

of shattered hearts and lives

Stumbling around the night blindly while shock, sorrow, and rage all fought for dominance within his soul had never been Kai's style. He was known to make bad decisions, but at least then he'd been able to make the decision, poor as it was. Now he found that he could hardly think. He didn't know what to do or where to go, and his indecisiveness was frustrating. He didn't want to go back to his dorm. Too many blissful memories of Tyson and him together were held in that room. He considered going to the park, but even there he'd be reliving that first electrifying kiss they'd shared so many weeks ago.

He reached up and touched his lips, wondering how many other people had felt Tyson's mouth against their own. Hopeless despair washed into him as he questioned himself for what seemed like the fiftieth time on whether he'd ever be able to love someone again. Right now he couldn't even imagine trusting anyone again.

How he found himself where he did, he didn't know. He had somehow managed to get himself into a bar, knowing full well that one, he couldn't hold his alcohol; two, it wouldn't do an ounce of good; and three, he'd be sick come morning. None of these things seemed to matter. He was seated on a barstool, but held off on ordering anything.

"Hi. You look lonely," a soft, feminine voice said. Kai turned and looked, finding a woman in a little black dress with a plunging neckline sitting on the stool beside him. Her hair was dyed blonde and her face was made up. She wasn't stunningly beautiful, but when Kai took in her petite body, he was sure she would have no trouble at all finding a man. She crossed her legs, her pointy black heels shining in the light. "You look like a nice guy. What's wrong?"

Everything. "Nothing," he muttered.

"Surely that's a lie. You look as if you've just gotten your heart broken."

Kai didn't say anything and after a thoughtful pause, she went on. "Or maybe that's guilt I see on your face."

"I didn't do anything wrong," he said vehemently. I didn't. It's Tyson's fault!

"Chill out. I didn't say you did."

He turned his head away in a huff, attempting to snub her. She didn't speak for a minute, but after listening to the sounds of glasses clinking and people socializing, she piped up again.

"Maybe you don't look miserable because you've gotten your heart broken. Maybe you've just broken someone else's heart."

"Who the hell are you?" Kai demanded, struggling to keep his voice under control. Her last words cut deep, although he was convinced that Tyson had brought it upon himself.

"Just a lady passing through… no need to get all worked up. I understand how that feels."

"Understand how what feels?"

"Breaking the heart of someone you really care about."

Kai grimaced, turning back to look at her. "Look. I don't need you trying to pry into my life."

"I'm not trying to pry. I'm simply trying to make you feel better."

"I don't feel like talking." Kai gazed impassively at the large racks of various beverages on display behind the bartender's counter.

"So, do you come here often?" she asked.

"No," Kai replied, allowing his annoyance to seep into his voice. He rubbed his eyes and thought about how nice it would feel to not be able to feel anymore.

"Why are you here now?"

"It's really none of your business," he said sarcastically. She arched an eyebrow at him.

"That's no way to talk."

"I don't want to talk right now."

"What happened that's so bad that you wouldn't want to talk about it?" She smoothed a hand over her sheer, black hosiery, giving him her full attention. Kai felt like breaking a bottle over her head.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. Not that I would tell a complete stranger about my life, though."

"Bitter, aren't we?" She looked at him from underneath her dark eyelashes. "Perhaps you're in need of… companionship."

Kai picked up the thinly veiled hinting in her voice and was confused for a moment before realization dawned on him. He almost laughed at the irony. Of course, you idiot. Where there are bars, there are always whores.

"I could make you feel better," she said softly, then in an even softer voice, she stated her price. "It'll be a thousand dollars a night."

He didn't say anything right away, but was painfully aware of her sitting next to him, patiently awaiting his response. He somehow got the feeling that she was used to this. As he turned to look at her, his vision suddenly blurred as unwanted tears pooled in his eyes, and he turned away just as quickly.

"I don't want your services," he said, somehow managing to keep his voice from breaking. She stayed for a moment longer before standing soundlessly.

"Well, I hope you apologize to whoever soon. That's definitely guilt I see on your face," she stated in that same gentle voice. She moved away, her heels clicking on the floor, and Kai watched her walk to the other side of the room, discreetly seating herself beside a well-dressed man who looked as if he would welcome her with open arms.

This is not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong, Kai thought, frustrated. Tyson's the one that messed everything up! I did not break his heart. It's the other way around.

"Hey, son, you want to order anything?" the bartender asked, wiping a rag over the countertop. Kai looked up at him with clouded eyes and nodded.

"The strongest thing you've got."

"You broke up?" Wyatt sounded incredulous.

"Yeah…"

"But you explained everything to him, right? The same thing you just told me… it's not like you went off and did it because you wanted to!"

"I did, but he didn't want to listen, I guess. I think he just doesn't understand."

"I think he's being a jerk."

"But can you really blame him?"

Wyatt let out a sigh and twisted the phone cord around his fingers, thinking. "Yes. I think I can blame him."

"Ah, Wyatt, after everything he's been through…"

"What about everything you've been through? It isn't fair, Tyson."

"Life isn't fair."

"That isn't the point. He's wrong."

"What I did was wrong, too."

Sighing again, Wyatt leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. Tyson had called sometime before three in the morning, shortly after Wyatt had returned from a weekly cram session. He had been wondering why Kai wasn't around, but then Tyson told him what had happened.

"Kai's not there, is he?" Tyson asked, his voice sounding uncharacteristically dull.

"No, I haven't seen him at all."

"God, I hope he doesn't do anything stupid."

"That's almost too much to hope for," Wyatt muttered under his breath, seething silently. Tyson had explained how their conversation had went, and now he was steadfast in his belief that Kai was the one who was in the wrong, not Tyson. He knew that his roommate could sometimes blow things out of proportion, but he never expected Kai to be driven to tell Tyson that he hated him.

"Do you know where he is?"

Wyatt's expression saddened slightly. Tyson's voice sounded hollow in his ears. "I don't have a clue."

It was Tyson who sighed this time. "I feel so guilty."

"You shouldn't. I don't think Kai should have reacted the way he did, and some of those things he said… I think he stepped over the line. They were really hurtful."

"Well, what I did hurt him, too."

"That doesn't make it right for him to completely dump the blame on you. You both are only doing the best you can… well, at least you are. I don't know what the hell Kai is doing."

"I can never understand how he feels… sometimes I just don't know how to act around him."

"Tyson, you have such a fear of hurting Kai," Wyatt stated in a gentle tone.

"It's only because he's so…" Tyson made an aggravated noise on the other end, the liveliest thing Wyatt had heard from him so far. "You remember him from when we were kids. He doesn't act that way anymore. I mean, he has that same stubborn, irrational streak, but…"

"Inside, he's the same arrogant, conceited bastard he's always been," Wyatt said seriously. He was surprised when Tyson actually laughed.

"Only a friend could be able to say that."

"It's true! I know he cares for you, Tyson, it's just—"

"He doesn't. Not after this… we had our chance and I guess it just wasn't meant to be." That despondent tone was back, and Wyatt was getting annoyed.

"Okay, look. Stop thinking about his feelings."

"But—"

"No buts. Forget him and focus on yourself. You keep going on and on about how much you hurt him, but what about how much he hurt you?"When Tyson didn't respond, Wyatt pressed harder. "He treated you in a way that you didn't deserve, not after everything you've done for him. He wouldn't even hear your side of the story!"

"I know, but he was…"

"Acting completely selfish."

"I deserved it. And he was shocked."

"You did not, and even if he was, that doesn't excuse the things he said to you. I can't believe he would talk to you like that after all you've given him. He couldn't have meant it."

"I think he did," Tyson said softly. "He was so angry… and so hurt. You should have seen him, Wyatt. I really think he meant what he said."

"When people get caught up in their emotions, they say a lot of things that they don't really mean," Wyatt insisted.

"Even if he does forgive me one day, I doubt he could ever look at me the same way. And I'm not sure if we have anything left between us."

"Tyson… c'mon, man. Don't give up just like that, I'm sure with a little time, Kai'll come around and things will get better. Where's that uncanny ability of yours to bounce back?"

Tyson let out a humorless laugh. "I'm done. See you around, Wyatt."

Wyatt let out a resigned sigh. "Bye, Tyson." The phone line clicked off and Wyatt placed the receiver back down. He was angry that Kai wasn't around to see just how disheartened Tyson was, and angry that Kai would say such things to someone who so obviously cared deeply about him, and angry that Kai was either purposely acting stupid or just plain dense. He didn't buy into the whole Kai-was-too-shocked-to-think-rationally theory proposed by Tyson. He just couldn't believe that Kai would simply dump Tyson after everything they'd shared.

He glanced at his watch, then went to the window and looked up at the night sky. It was nearing four in the morning and despite his irritation with his roommate, he wanted Kai to come home in one piece. He did have that tendency to do foolish things.

Thirty minutes later, Wyatt heard the door opening and turned around in his chair to find a very worn out looking Kai. He shut the door and Wyatt spoke.

"Where have you been? It'll be morning in a few hours."

Kai seemed to have trouble finding his voice and answered after a long pause. "I don't care. Sorry if I worried you."

"Oh, you didn't worry me. I know you can take care of yourself. There's someone else I'm a little concerned about." He gave Kai an even look. Kai didn't answer and he went on. "Tyson called me earlier."

"So, I bet you know all about what happened." Kai's voice was flat. Wyatt frowned.

"I do. And I'm really… appalled by your behavior."

"My behavior? What the hell did I do?"

"He told me what you said."

"And?" Kai's eyes were smoldering with anger. "Was I too harsh on him?"

Wyatt was slightly taken back by his sudden sparks of hostility, but found himself growing angry as well. "You could say that," he snapped. "I think you went way over the line. You really hurt him."

"I was just repaying the favor. If you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly thrilled with him, either."

"That doesn't give you the right to say anything you want without any regard for his feelings. I can't believe you'd say things like that to him after everything he's done for you!"

"Wyatt, look. You weren't even there. This is between Tyson and I and my personal life is none of your business." Kai held a dismissive tone in his voice and looked irritated when Wyatt kept going.

"No, you look. It is my business—you and Tyson are both my friends, and right now you guys are on this downward spiral and if you don't fix it, you both are gonna crash and burn!"

"There's nothing left to fix, so just drop it!"

"That's bullshit, Kai. You guys have so much." Wyatt glared at him defiantly. Silence settled in the room when Kai didn't answer. Wyatt watched him close his eyes and suddenly clap a hand over his mouth, making a beeline for the bathroom.

"Hey, Kai? What's wrong, you sick?" Wyatt asked, standing and going to the bathroom door. He made a face when he heard Kai retch into the sink, then frowned when the strong scent of alcohol reached his nose. "You were out this long because you were drinking?"

"So what if I was?" Kai managed to ask.

"Why would you? You have zero tolerance for alcohol."

"I felt like it."

Wyatt held his tongue, crossing his arms exasperatedly. Kai was being absolutely impossible. He felt like picking up a book and giving him a sound whack on the head. Maybe that would bring him back to his senses.

"Kai," Wyatt said, trying to sound patient. "I know you're in pain, but—"

"I am not in pain!" Kai said vehemently. "I'm fine. You're the one who's upset over our breaking up—not me—and it's getting annoying hearing you go on and on about it. We're through, all right? I don't want to… see him anymore." His voice lost steam at the end, the last statement sounding halfhearted. Wyatt shook his head.

"You're a liar. You're lying to me and you're lying to yourself. You know that's not true."

Kai turned around and threw him an aggravated glare. "It is true. Would you just leave it alone?"

"No. You're drunk."

"I'm not drunk," he muttered. "I didn't drink that much."

Wyatt was quiet for a minute before speaking again. "You know, it's really hard seeing you like this."

"Seeing me like what?" Kai asked, turning back around and ignoring his reflection in the mirror.

"Seeing you purposely acting like the world's most ignorant jerk… because it hurts too much to come to terms with what you've done," Wyatt stated softly, but in a firm voice. Kai's expression hardened.

"It's not what I did."

"That's where you're wrong. If nothing else, you owe Tyson a huge apology."

Kai let out a bitter laugh. "I don't owe him an apology. I owe him my life."

His statement surprised Wyatt. "Then… why are you acting like this?"

"I'm forever going to be in his debt and right now, I can't stand that." Kai pushed past his roommate, going to his desk where his eyes fell upon the framed picture of the Blade Breakers that he'd kept for so long. "I can't believe he'd do something like this."

"But, Kai, you're hurting him, too. Open your eyes!"

"Just drop it, Wyatt! I refuse to continue this conversation." Kai picked up the picture and gazed at it dispassionately, a bitter sound coming from his throat. "It's over… all of it. I'm through with them."

"You're through with them? What, you're just going to abandon the very first real friends you've ever had?"

Kai's eyes narrowed slightly. "Life was less complicated before I met them, if I recall correctly."

"That's because you were empty. What's life without friends… without love?"

"Easy, that's what it is."

"And since when have you ever taken the easy way with anything? I can't believe you're acting so… so cowardly! You're giving up too easily… you've never gone down without a fight. What happened? This isn't the Kai I know."

"Maybe the Kai you know is tired of fighting."

Wyatt let out a despairing sigh, watching Kai run his finger over the glossy surface of the frame. "You can't just give up… you love Tyson, and he loves you. That's the truth and we both know it. People just don't fall out of love in a day, especially not the two of you. You've known each other for so long." He paused, waiting for Kai to respond, and felt like strangling him when he was met by silence. "Kai! Are you listening to me?"

Again, he didn't answer and Wyatt went forward, grasping Kai's shoulders and sticking his face inches from his. "I know this isn't what you want. Answer me!"

"It doesn't matter."

Wyatt growled. "Maybe it doesn't to you, but I know it matters to Tyson. He loves you! Does that not matter to you anymore, either? Do you think you're the only one who's suffering? He's had to watch you go through everything—think of how he must have felt when the only thing he could do was hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay when he knew that you needed so much more. Do you know how hard it is to watch a loved one in pain? Do you have any idea how many times he's cried over you? Think of all the sleepless nights he went through while you were gone, sick with worry but unable to do a thing to help. And you say it doesn't matter!"

Kai shut his eyes and pulled back, taking a shuddering breath deeply ridged with pain before glaring at his friend with what he hoped was a firm gaze. "What do you want me to do, Wyatt? I'm at the end of the line—I don't know what to do anymore!"

"You need to go… and make things right," he answered, lowering his voice. Kai clenched his teeth and slammed the picture down onto the desk, facedown. Wyatt wanted to jump at the sound, but managed to keep his body still, watching as Kai seemingly fought a separate battle within his own mind.

"No," he said, sounding drained. "I'm not… I can't."

"Yes, you can. You won't!"

"I can't! I just can't bring myself to! I told him I wanted to forgive him, but I couldn't do it," Kai said as he turned away, rubbing his eyes wearily. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"That's not fair, Kai. Not to Tyson," Wyatt said. Kai turned around, looking ready to strangle someone with his bare hands.

"I know, but life isn't fair."

"But you know you can do something to make this fair. If you have the power to make things right, you should put it to good use." Wyatt folded his arms, lifting his eyes stubbornly. Kai glared at him before shaking his head ever so slightly, and Wyatt pressed harder, taking on an exasperated tone. "Kai, how can you be this cold? He's done nothing but support you all this time! He's—"

"You don't have to remind me of everything he's done," Kai interrupted. "I already know."

"If you know so well, then how can you not go running back to fix this? How can you stand here knowing how heartbroken he is right now?"

"Because I have feelings, too, Wyatt! Because right now I'm mad, and hurt, and shocked, and… and I don't want to deal with this!"

"You have to," Wyatt persisted. Kai took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly.

"I'm done discussing this with you," he said. Wyatt stuck out his lip.

"We haven't discussed anything. All you did was stand there and make excuses."

"Wyatt, you're really pushing your luck," Kai stated. "You're about to shove it off a cliff."

"I'm trying to help you, Kai, since you obviously either can't or refuse to help yourself."

"Look," Kai said with a note of finality. "My personal life is none of your business. I appreciate your trying to help, but right now all I want to do is get some sleep. The sun will be up soon and I haven't gotten any rest at all."

Wyatt glowered, looking as if he wanted to say more, but didn't prod the situation further. "Fine. Maybe after your head is a little clearer, you'll realize what a jerk you're being."

Kai gave him an ambiguous grunt, going to his bed as Wyatt headed for the door. The brown-haired boy paused when he placed his hand on the knob, turning to look back. Kai had buried himself under the covers.

"Kai, you know I'm only doing this because I care, right?" he stated, his voice much gentler than before. "I do know that you've been through a lot… both you and Tyson, and maybe I'm being too pushy, or too hard on you or something, but… I just want to see you guys get the happy ending you deserve. Right now you're going in completely the opposite direction." He stopped, giving Kai a chance to respond. He heard a long, dismal sigh come from the bed.

"Yeah," came Kai's barely audible answer. Wyatt opened the door.

"I'll be back soon. Just get some sleep."

Kai closed his eyes. His mind felt like it wanted him to stay up and think, but fatigue mixed with the alcohol he'd consumed earlier was quickly pulling down a gray haze that made it hard to concentrate on anything. He turned over, his breathing evening out as the sky began to turn pink, painting the world in its early dawn colors.

A loud bang woke him some time later. Kai winced and groaned; the sound was intensified by his inevitable hangover. He cracked his eyes open and immediately shut them again as bright sunlight flooded his vision. Wyatt came out of the kitchen just in time to see him shift on the bed and let out a sigh.

"I didn't mean to wake you. Accidentally dropped a pot," he said sheepishly. Kai sighed again before sitting up, massaging his aching forehead.

"It's okay." He glanced blearily at his clock. It was nearing five-thirty in the evening.

"Do you feel more refreshed? You slept the entire day away. Twelve hours straight," Wyatt stated. Kai wrinkled his nose and shut his eyes briefly. He felt quite the opposite of refreshed, compliments of his hangover. He cursed himself for ever setting foot in that bar.

"Did Tyson call?" he asked automatically, then quickly shut his mouth when he realized what he had said. Wyatt raised his eyebrows slightly.

"No, but…" He picked up Kai's cell phone that was sitting abandoned on the desk and tossed it onto the bed. "You could always call him."

Kai stared at it unresponsively for a moment before picking it up and flipping it open, idly checking his messages. "Right," he mumbled, real life coming back to slap him in the face. Calling Tyson meant that he would have to try and forgive him, and even after that there was still a lot of patching up to do.

"Hey, Kai, you know the first step's always the hardest," Wyatt said. Kai slowly dialed in Tyson's number and gave Wyatt a look as he raised the phone to his ear.

"This isn't the magic phone call that's going to fix everything, you know. I'm still not sure I can handle this right now. I just want to see… if Tyson's okay."

"He's not going to be okay until he hears you tell him the truth that all three of us already know. You love him, Kai, and he loves you. You make everything so complicated."

"There's still the matter of forgiveness… and my sanity," Kai muttered. He heard the phone ringing and counted four rings before Tyson's voicemail came on. Kai felt an unexpected wave of guilt hit him as he listened to the cheerful voice on the other end tell him to leave a message. He pulled the phone away slowly, lightly snapping it shut.

"He's not there."

"Oh. Maybe he went to class or something… but you didn't leave a message."

Kai shook his head, his eyes downcast. Dialing his number and listening to his phone ringing was completely different from actually talking to him. He suddenly realized that he hadn't a clue as to what he would have said if Tyson had picked up.

"Kai… you know you have to apolo—"

"Stop badgering me," Kai said, but instead of the usual bite in his words, there was a hint of pleading. Wyatt paused and watched Kai pick up the television remote that he hardly ever touched, pressing the power button.

"Oh, please don't tell me you're going to sit in bed, watch soaps, and feel sorry for yourself," Wyatt said, arching an eyebrow. Kai gave him a dirty look, flipping to a news channel. He idly watched a woman speak about some current issue before switching to a local news station. When Wyatt began to speak again, Kai muted the T.V.

"Look… I really think you should find Tyson and sort this out. I don't know, it's just a feeling I have. The sooner the better, and by soon I mean like, now."

"It just happened yesterday. Give it a little time."

"You shouldn't wait, Kai," Wyatt persisted. Kai shook his head again.

"It's just not that simple."

"How many times do I have to tell you that Tyson will understand? He's not the kind of person who'll snub you for being a jerk."

"I know he isn't," Kai said, a faint hint of affection lacing his words.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Wyatt glanced at the television for a moment, absently reading the bottom of the screen. "Hey… there's been an accident."

"Happens all the time," was Kai's uninterested reply. Wyatt knitted his brows together.

"It's nearby our campus… turn it up."

Kai switched the mute button off and heard a female reporter speaking into the camera. He caught her in mid-sentence.

"—has been identified as a student of Tokyo University. The victim will not be named and is currently in critical condition and headed to the emergency room of our local hospital. Not much information is available at this moment, but the driver of the car was so heavily under the influence of alcohol that he did not see the student at the crosswalk. This is Kiara Ivans, reporting live from—"

"Kai!" Wyatt cried, startling him.

"What?"

"Look! Right there next to the stop sign. That's… no, no, it can't be…"

Kai squinted and suddenly felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on him. "That's…"

"It's Tyson's hat!" Wyatt turned to his roommate, his eyes going wide with fear. "Could that student have been him?"

"No, just hold on a minute. There are millions of those hats around," Kai said feebly. Wyatt shook his head.

"He's a student here. Oh, my God, what if it was him? He was hit by a car!"

Kai pressed redial on his phone as he got out of bed. A horrible feeling of dread was settling into the pit of his stomach and Wyatt's frantic cries were not helping in the least. He'd always heard stories about lovers fighting and then one of them would die before they could make up. That's impossible. That can't happen to us.

Tyson's voicemail came on again. "Hello? Tyson, are you there? It's Kai. Call me back as soon as you can."

"He's not there?" Wyatt asked, biting his lip. Kai shook his head, going to his closet to quickly change.

"I'm going down to the hospital to see," Kai said, keeping his voice calm. Tyson's fine. He has to be.

His phone rang.

"That has to be him," Wyatt said, watching intently as Kai answered.

"Hello?"

"May I speak to Kai Hiwatari?"

"Speaking."

"Sir, I'm calling to notify you that Tyson Kinomiya is in the hospital. A car hit him not ten minutes ago and this number was on his emergency number's list."

"Oh, my God," Kai breathed, feeling as if his blood has reversed itself in his veins. "Is he okay? I mean, is he stable?"

"He's in the emergency room right now, being treated. His condition has not been announced."

"I'm coming there right now. Don't let him die!"

To Be Continued

We're almost done. Thanks for reading and please review!