Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please don't sue me.
For all those readers who wish to know, this fic was inspired by two things: taekwondodo's fic "Playing With Fire" and Smashing Pumpkins song: Bullet with Butterfly Wings. The latter of the two truly gave me the inspiration since I was thinking about everyone's favorite fuzzy elf as I heard the song on the radio the other day. Taekwondodo brought up an interesting point about Kurt: what about that tail? It's not completely impossible that Kurt's tail is an errogenous zone for him. In fact, this idea could be part of the reason why the fuzzy elf is such a devout Catholic: he feels impure by the way in which someone touching/stroking his tail makes him feel. Now, I know that in many fics, Kurt uses his tail to wrap around the waist of whichever girl, Kitty/Amanda/OC he seems to fall for. However, what if that sort of touch can only be prompted by him without such impure feelings coming to mind? This fic deals partially with Kurt's past, but also with his religious beliefs. Kurt is with Amanda at the beginning of this fic, but will she stay with him? Or will one of them botch the relationship. Only time and inspiration will tell. Now, on to the fic...
I Still Believe That I Cannot Be Saved
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been vone veek zince my last confession." said a young male voice with a thick German accent. He sat in the booth of the confessional as he extolled his sins on the waiting ears of the priest in the adjoining booth. He always came to Mass regularly and confessed as regularly as possible, but a part of him still felt dirty, vile, and unworthy of his God's unconditional love. After all how could anyone, even a divine entity, love such a demonic-looking being. Part of him always wondered if all those people back in Germany had been right when they called him a demonic moster...one of Satan's spawn. After all, despite the people at the Institute accepting his looks, not one of them failed to recoil from his visage when first presented with the REAL Kurt Wagner. Except of course for the Professor. However, he guessed that even the mighty telepath recoiled somewhat when he first glimpsed at Kurt when Cerebro first registered his powers manifesting.
"Please tell God what has happened to make you sin, my son. God, in all his benevolent mercy will help you."
"I have lusted vor another. I am impure in zpirit, Father."
" I understand, my son. Please perform your prayer of contrition."
" Dear Lord, your humble and unvorthy zervant asks vor your eternal and almighty vorgiveness. I have lusted vor a girl who iz very dear to meine heart. I ask you, my Lord almighty, bestow upon zis unvorthy zervant ze strength to overcome ze trials put before him. I ask zis in ze name of your son Jesus Christ, meine Lord and zavior. Amen."
"In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost I absolve you of your sins. As a penance, I would like you to pray three rosaries and talk to the person for whom you lusted about your feelings."
"Ja, Vater. Dankeschön."
"You are very welcome, my son."
With that, Kurt Wagner, aka The Fuzzy One/Nightcrawler/Elf, left the confessional and headed home.
* * *
As soon as he was within the gates of the Institute, he quickly teleported to his room in the mansion's second floor. As he appeared in a puff of smoke, he quickly went to his nightstand and pulled out the top drawer. There he found a small metal case with an embossed picture of Saint Vincent. He opened the fragile clasp and removed a small silver rosary. He quickly closed the clasp and set the case on his nightstand as he teleported to the roof of the Institute.
He had always found that he prayed best in solitude. But no solitude was ever grander than staring peacefully at the sky from the Institute's rooftop. In fact, there was no greater place to commune with God than where the ground met the sky and this was the closest he could come to that and not get ostracized for it. Soon, the muttering chant that is the praying of the rosary began. He quickly finished the first two decades of the rosary and within thirty minutes he was completely done with his first rosary. Since the priest had told him to pray three rosaries, he decided to meditate in between them so that he could give each one the attention to which it deserves. So, he sat crosslegged on the Institute's roof and began to contemplate what he would say to the girl whom he was thinking impurely of. During this contemplation, he said a silent prayer to God to give the strength of will and character in order to do what must be done to satisfy the absolution given to him by his priest. After that prayer, he once again focused on his rosary and prayed the four decades again. He continued this pattern until this portion of his penance was complete. By the time he finished his three rosaries, it was already 1pm in the afternoon. He had spent all of the morning performing the tasks of this symbolic ritual and it was still unfinished. Knowing this fact he teleported back into his room.
* * *
While he knew he had to do this, he was silently dreading it at the same time. Kurt knew that his priest would most likely ask him to perform this task as his penance, but it still did not make telling that person any easier. In fact, given how he felt about the person, it was going to make the task nigh impossible.
The fuzzy blue mutant sat on his bed and stared at the phone on his bedside table. He stared at the portable phone for quite some time as though steeling himself for a battle which he thought that he could never possibly win. Eventually, he sighed heavily and resigned himself to his own execution. With a three-fingered, fuzzy hand, he slowly and carefully dialed Amanda Sefton's number. As he heard the phone ring, he was glad that her parents had not disconnected the private line to her room. Otherwise, this phone call would be alot tougher than it already was. As the phone continued to ring without someone picking up, Kurt began to become more and more agitated. He soon began to lower the phone to the receiver as he did not think he could take the idea of her not being there when he had something so important to tell her.
All of a sudden his sensitive ears picked up "Hello?...Hello?" In a flash, the receiver was returned to his ear.
"Amanda?"
"Kurt. Oh, I'm so glad to hear from you, how are you doing today, Fuzzy?"
"Not bad, liebchen. Um, is zere any vay you can get out of ze house to talk about zomething?"
"Sure, Kurt. Is something wrong?"
"Nein, liebchen, nein. Nothing is wrong. Can you meet me in ze park in about fifteen minutes?"
"Sure, Kurt. I'll be there waiting by the fountain."
"See you zere, liebchen."
With that, Kurt slowly hung up the phone. Well, he has gained a slim stay of execution. Now he has fifteen minutes to live before he breaks the news to Amanda. Donning his image inducer once again, Kurt grabs few snacks and begins his sequence of teleports to the park fountain. He makes sure to periodically eat the morsels in order to keep up his caloric intake which will allow him to teleport all the way to the park.
* * *
Amanda Sefton sat on the green park bench near the fountain of Bayville's main park. Surprisingly enough, there were few to no parkgoers today, so whatever she and Kurt would talk about would be in relative privacy. She brushed her chocolate brown hair behind her ears nervously as she awaited her boyfriend. She had no idea what Kurt wanted to talk about, but no matter what, she was here for him.
Her wait soon came to an end as she heard the familiar sound of Kurt teleporting into the nearby area. She looked around and soon spotted him walking out from behind a nearby tree. She saw he had his inducer activated and it tore at her heart. No one should have to hide behind a false image in order to go through life. It was simply wrong. She swore that if they ever got married, that she would make the world see Kurt for who he really is, not for what he appears to be without his inducer. As the pale-skinned boy with blue hair sat down next to her, she took his hand in hers and held it tightly. He smiled and unconciously tightened the grip.
Soon, his face became a mask as he stared at her. He could see that his facial expression and the unending silence was unnerving her, so he spoke. "Liebechen, Amanda, I have zomething to tell you." Before she could interrupt him he held up his free hand in order to quiet her. "The last few weeks I have been daydreaming about you. I know that this does not seem like a strange thing, but let me explain. These are no ordinary daydreams. In fact, they are quite sexual. Part of me knows zat such feelings zometime down ze line are more zan normal, however, at zis stage of our relationship, they are impure and wrong. I went to confession zis morning and ze priest zaid zat I should tell you about zem as part of my penance. I hope you can forgive me.
Amanda simply stared at Kurt. To say that she was dumbstruck would be an eggregious understatement of the facts. In reality she was utterly speechless. She did not know what to say or think about what Kurt had just confided in her. Part of her was overjoyed that Kurt would think such ways about her. Another part of her was concerned. After all, if she were to bear his children, would they look more like her or like him? Would they have to wear image inducers their whole lives in order to fit into society? Could she live that way, knowing that she may never live a normal existence again?
As Amanda asked herself these important questions, Kurt waited patiently for her response, any response from his girlfriend. Finally, after an excuriatingly long wait, Amanda finally spoke. "Kurt, I want you to know that I love you very much. What you have just told me is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. To know that I am wanted that way by someone I care so deeply about is very touching. However, we've only been going out a few months now and this is all rather sudden. In fact, it rather frightens me a bit. It has nothing to do with you, this is simply my own insecurities coming to light. For right now, I think it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore."
Then and their Kurt's fragile heart and psyche cleaved into a million tiny pieces. The unspeakable had happened. The person he was in love with wanted no part of him all because he was being truthful and carrying out his devout faith-life. He had been worried that she simply might get angry about what he said. To say that he was completely unprepared for such a turn of events is very understandable. In fact, it was absolutely true. Through the fog which had begun to envelope his brain he heard Amanda say her goodbyes to him and return home.
He sat there for hours without moving. He didn't care to move. Amanda, the one girl who truly showed him compassion and love, was gone and out of his life. He then looked upward to the heavens asking his Creator why such a thing was to happened. Then a little voice in his head spoke up. 'You are a monster. A demon. A demon cannot be saved.'
German Translations:
Liebchen - dear, love (as a person)
Dankeschön - Thank you
Vater - Father
Ja - Yes
For all those readers who wish to know, this fic was inspired by two things: taekwondodo's fic "Playing With Fire" and Smashing Pumpkins song: Bullet with Butterfly Wings. The latter of the two truly gave me the inspiration since I was thinking about everyone's favorite fuzzy elf as I heard the song on the radio the other day. Taekwondodo brought up an interesting point about Kurt: what about that tail? It's not completely impossible that Kurt's tail is an errogenous zone for him. In fact, this idea could be part of the reason why the fuzzy elf is such a devout Catholic: he feels impure by the way in which someone touching/stroking his tail makes him feel. Now, I know that in many fics, Kurt uses his tail to wrap around the waist of whichever girl, Kitty/Amanda/OC he seems to fall for. However, what if that sort of touch can only be prompted by him without such impure feelings coming to mind? This fic deals partially with Kurt's past, but also with his religious beliefs. Kurt is with Amanda at the beginning of this fic, but will she stay with him? Or will one of them botch the relationship. Only time and inspiration will tell. Now, on to the fic...
I Still Believe That I Cannot Be Saved
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been vone veek zince my last confession." said a young male voice with a thick German accent. He sat in the booth of the confessional as he extolled his sins on the waiting ears of the priest in the adjoining booth. He always came to Mass regularly and confessed as regularly as possible, but a part of him still felt dirty, vile, and unworthy of his God's unconditional love. After all how could anyone, even a divine entity, love such a demonic-looking being. Part of him always wondered if all those people back in Germany had been right when they called him a demonic moster...one of Satan's spawn. After all, despite the people at the Institute accepting his looks, not one of them failed to recoil from his visage when first presented with the REAL Kurt Wagner. Except of course for the Professor. However, he guessed that even the mighty telepath recoiled somewhat when he first glimpsed at Kurt when Cerebro first registered his powers manifesting.
"Please tell God what has happened to make you sin, my son. God, in all his benevolent mercy will help you."
"I have lusted vor another. I am impure in zpirit, Father."
" I understand, my son. Please perform your prayer of contrition."
" Dear Lord, your humble and unvorthy zervant asks vor your eternal and almighty vorgiveness. I have lusted vor a girl who iz very dear to meine heart. I ask you, my Lord almighty, bestow upon zis unvorthy zervant ze strength to overcome ze trials put before him. I ask zis in ze name of your son Jesus Christ, meine Lord and zavior. Amen."
"In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost I absolve you of your sins. As a penance, I would like you to pray three rosaries and talk to the person for whom you lusted about your feelings."
"Ja, Vater. Dankeschön."
"You are very welcome, my son."
With that, Kurt Wagner, aka The Fuzzy One/Nightcrawler/Elf, left the confessional and headed home.
* * *
As soon as he was within the gates of the Institute, he quickly teleported to his room in the mansion's second floor. As he appeared in a puff of smoke, he quickly went to his nightstand and pulled out the top drawer. There he found a small metal case with an embossed picture of Saint Vincent. He opened the fragile clasp and removed a small silver rosary. He quickly closed the clasp and set the case on his nightstand as he teleported to the roof of the Institute.
He had always found that he prayed best in solitude. But no solitude was ever grander than staring peacefully at the sky from the Institute's rooftop. In fact, there was no greater place to commune with God than where the ground met the sky and this was the closest he could come to that and not get ostracized for it. Soon, the muttering chant that is the praying of the rosary began. He quickly finished the first two decades of the rosary and within thirty minutes he was completely done with his first rosary. Since the priest had told him to pray three rosaries, he decided to meditate in between them so that he could give each one the attention to which it deserves. So, he sat crosslegged on the Institute's roof and began to contemplate what he would say to the girl whom he was thinking impurely of. During this contemplation, he said a silent prayer to God to give the strength of will and character in order to do what must be done to satisfy the absolution given to him by his priest. After that prayer, he once again focused on his rosary and prayed the four decades again. He continued this pattern until this portion of his penance was complete. By the time he finished his three rosaries, it was already 1pm in the afternoon. He had spent all of the morning performing the tasks of this symbolic ritual and it was still unfinished. Knowing this fact he teleported back into his room.
* * *
While he knew he had to do this, he was silently dreading it at the same time. Kurt knew that his priest would most likely ask him to perform this task as his penance, but it still did not make telling that person any easier. In fact, given how he felt about the person, it was going to make the task nigh impossible.
The fuzzy blue mutant sat on his bed and stared at the phone on his bedside table. He stared at the portable phone for quite some time as though steeling himself for a battle which he thought that he could never possibly win. Eventually, he sighed heavily and resigned himself to his own execution. With a three-fingered, fuzzy hand, he slowly and carefully dialed Amanda Sefton's number. As he heard the phone ring, he was glad that her parents had not disconnected the private line to her room. Otherwise, this phone call would be alot tougher than it already was. As the phone continued to ring without someone picking up, Kurt began to become more and more agitated. He soon began to lower the phone to the receiver as he did not think he could take the idea of her not being there when he had something so important to tell her.
All of a sudden his sensitive ears picked up "Hello?...Hello?" In a flash, the receiver was returned to his ear.
"Amanda?"
"Kurt. Oh, I'm so glad to hear from you, how are you doing today, Fuzzy?"
"Not bad, liebchen. Um, is zere any vay you can get out of ze house to talk about zomething?"
"Sure, Kurt. Is something wrong?"
"Nein, liebchen, nein. Nothing is wrong. Can you meet me in ze park in about fifteen minutes?"
"Sure, Kurt. I'll be there waiting by the fountain."
"See you zere, liebchen."
With that, Kurt slowly hung up the phone. Well, he has gained a slim stay of execution. Now he has fifteen minutes to live before he breaks the news to Amanda. Donning his image inducer once again, Kurt grabs few snacks and begins his sequence of teleports to the park fountain. He makes sure to periodically eat the morsels in order to keep up his caloric intake which will allow him to teleport all the way to the park.
* * *
Amanda Sefton sat on the green park bench near the fountain of Bayville's main park. Surprisingly enough, there were few to no parkgoers today, so whatever she and Kurt would talk about would be in relative privacy. She brushed her chocolate brown hair behind her ears nervously as she awaited her boyfriend. She had no idea what Kurt wanted to talk about, but no matter what, she was here for him.
Her wait soon came to an end as she heard the familiar sound of Kurt teleporting into the nearby area. She looked around and soon spotted him walking out from behind a nearby tree. She saw he had his inducer activated and it tore at her heart. No one should have to hide behind a false image in order to go through life. It was simply wrong. She swore that if they ever got married, that she would make the world see Kurt for who he really is, not for what he appears to be without his inducer. As the pale-skinned boy with blue hair sat down next to her, she took his hand in hers and held it tightly. He smiled and unconciously tightened the grip.
Soon, his face became a mask as he stared at her. He could see that his facial expression and the unending silence was unnerving her, so he spoke. "Liebechen, Amanda, I have zomething to tell you." Before she could interrupt him he held up his free hand in order to quiet her. "The last few weeks I have been daydreaming about you. I know that this does not seem like a strange thing, but let me explain. These are no ordinary daydreams. In fact, they are quite sexual. Part of me knows zat such feelings zometime down ze line are more zan normal, however, at zis stage of our relationship, they are impure and wrong. I went to confession zis morning and ze priest zaid zat I should tell you about zem as part of my penance. I hope you can forgive me.
Amanda simply stared at Kurt. To say that she was dumbstruck would be an eggregious understatement of the facts. In reality she was utterly speechless. She did not know what to say or think about what Kurt had just confided in her. Part of her was overjoyed that Kurt would think such ways about her. Another part of her was concerned. After all, if she were to bear his children, would they look more like her or like him? Would they have to wear image inducers their whole lives in order to fit into society? Could she live that way, knowing that she may never live a normal existence again?
As Amanda asked herself these important questions, Kurt waited patiently for her response, any response from his girlfriend. Finally, after an excuriatingly long wait, Amanda finally spoke. "Kurt, I want you to know that I love you very much. What you have just told me is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. To know that I am wanted that way by someone I care so deeply about is very touching. However, we've only been going out a few months now and this is all rather sudden. In fact, it rather frightens me a bit. It has nothing to do with you, this is simply my own insecurities coming to light. For right now, I think it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore."
Then and their Kurt's fragile heart and psyche cleaved into a million tiny pieces. The unspeakable had happened. The person he was in love with wanted no part of him all because he was being truthful and carrying out his devout faith-life. He had been worried that she simply might get angry about what he said. To say that he was completely unprepared for such a turn of events is very understandable. In fact, it was absolutely true. Through the fog which had begun to envelope his brain he heard Amanda say her goodbyes to him and return home.
He sat there for hours without moving. He didn't care to move. Amanda, the one girl who truly showed him compassion and love, was gone and out of his life. He then looked upward to the heavens asking his Creator why such a thing was to happened. Then a little voice in his head spoke up. 'You are a monster. A demon. A demon cannot be saved.'
German Translations:
Liebchen - dear, love (as a person)
Dankeschön - Thank you
Vater - Father
Ja - Yes