I am alive… this fic is alive… sorry for the delay! Your comments are awesome. I can see that it's kind of a fifty-fifty opinion. Half of you guys think Kai's overreacting and half of you think there's nothing wrong with the way he responded. XD Personally, I don't even have an opinion. Sad, no? Ahaha… sorry for the cliché-ness of this. I'll try to make it… somewhat unique… if that's possible later on. Oh yeah, and I have not forgotten about Rei and Caleb. Enjoy.

Chapter Thirty-one

a flickering flame

"It was really him? Kai, talk to me!" Wyatt stood and bit his lip nervously, watching his roommate search for his keys. Kai found it a wonder that he was able to keep his fingers from shaking.

"Yeah," he answered. He was also surprised at the fact that even though he felt like his entire world was about to slip through his fingers and never be able to be retrieved again, he could think in a semi rational manner. It was almost six o'clock; rush hour was already underway. Driving to the hospital would mean sitting in traffic while the love of his life could very well be dying for all he knew.

"Is he okay?" Wyatt was growing frantic. Kai closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath.

"I don't know. I can't get anywhere through this traffic. The hospital's not far from here, anyway."

"What if he's dying?"

"Wyatt, stop." Kai went to the door, forcing down the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. Tyson will be okay. He cannot die on me. "I'm not going to wait for the roads to clear up. I'm going now."

The day was pleasantly mild, good weather for long, contemplative walks, which was what Kai assumed Tyson had been doing before the accident. He hit the sidewalk and couldn't even think of walking. Time was a luxury that he was afraid he didn't have much of. He set off at a run, hoping, praying that Tyson was all right, that he wouldn't be too late. He knew the thought of a life without Tyson would stop him dead in his tracks, so he kept his mind on a short leash, forcing himself to think of nothing but the present. Despite his resolve, memories of the previous day leaked through as he half-excused, half-shoved his way down the sidewalk.

If only I hadn't said those things to him… God, I didn't mean any of it, why did I say it? Wyatt's right and I can't believe it had to come to this for me to realize it. Please let Tyson be okay. He has to be okay. Why did this have to happen to him? Anyone but you, Tyson!

It seemed as if the sidewalks were especially cluttered, but Kai realized it probably only looked that way because of his current situation. He managed to weave his way through the busy mass of moving people and keep his ever-rising panic under a tight lid, constantly assuring himself that Tyson would be all right. The dirty looks that were directed at him for almost knocking a few people over went ignored. Right now, he wasn't going to stop for anyone.

By the time he reached the hospital he was nearly out of breath, but wouldn't even think about sitting down to rest. Tyson would have been taken to the emergency room, which is where he headed. It was even busier than the sidewalks outside, but he found a passing nurse that seemed as though she would have the time to help.

"Excuse me, is there a Tyson Kinomiya here?" he asked quickly. She stopped and flipped through a clipboard that she held in her hand.

"He's here, yes, but he's being treated right now. I'm going to have to ask you to wait in—"

"I have to see him. Is he all right? Where is he?"

"Sir, he was rushed in here not ten minutes ago. Doctors are working on him right now." She pointed to a cluster of rooms that seemed to have medical personnel running in and out every time you looked. "You can't see him."

Kai gazed at the bustle, drawing in a slow breath to calm his nerves. "When can I see him?"

"That's impossible to tell right now. Are you related to him?"

"What?"

"We have to restrict his visitors to immediate family only."

Kai felt like pulling his hair out. "You have to let me see him. I'm the one closest to him right now!"

"If you're not immedi—"

"He's my fiancé, does that count?"

She did a double take and coughed. "Your… fiancé?"

"Yes. Look, you don't understand. I have to see him. I can't let him go through this thinking that I don't love him, because I do and I'm not ashamed to say it. I need to see him… he needs to hear this."

The nurse paused before taking him by the arm and leading him to a room amidst the busy circle of doctors and nurses. Kai looked through the Plexiglas on the doors, seeing people hovering over a bed. His heart wrenched painfully.

"Right now no one can do anything. You just have to sit and wait until they're through treating him and see how it goes from there."

"Is he going to live?" Kai asked in a low voice, his eyes never leaving the window. Tyson was in there right now, possibly hanging by the last threads of his life. The nurse hesitated.

"I can assure you that we're doing everything in our power to save him. Mister…"

"Hiwatari," he answered distractedly. I love him and he might die right in front of my eyes. This can't happen, not to you, Tyson.

"Mr. Hiwatari. Please, if you'd just come to the lobby…"

The doors burst open suddenly, startling both Kai and the nurse. A doctor in a customary white coat was barking out orders.

"Clear a spot in the O.R. We don't have any time to waste."

"He needs surgery?" Kai asked, distressed. The nurse spoke to the doctor for a moment. His eyes turned to Kai and he approached him with a clipboard in hand.

"You're his fiancé?" he asked, his words clipped and brief. Kai nodded, wondering if that lie would come back to haunt him. The doctor pushed the board towards him, a pen in his other hand.

"We need your written permission to operate on Mr. Kinomiya."

"How bad is it?" Kai looked uncomprehendingly at the form at his fingertips.

"It's serious. If we don't operate, there's almost a hundred percent chance that he'll die from internal bleeding. Sir, please, we're talking minutes. Will you or will you not give your consent?"

Kai scribbled his name down. "Is he conscious? I need to talk to him."

"He's responsive, but we don't have time. He's taken severe damage from—"

"Please! I have to tell him something… if he doesn't make it out of this surgery alive, I won't get the chance. He has to know this." What am I saying? He's not going to die!

"It'll take about two minutes to clear a spot in—"

"Two minutes is enough. I'll take it," Kai said quickly. The doctor nodded curtly before leaving, and Kai went into the room with the nurse at his heels. He hadn't known what to expect upon seeing Tyson, but he was both relieved and shaken.

Relieved because, upon first glance, Tyson didn't look as bad off as he really was. His face was free of any deep wounds; only a few sparse scratches and bruises were there. From the chest down he was covered with a sheet. At the same time he was shaken because he knew the seriousness of his condition, and he'd never seen Tyson look so weak before. Kai was almost afraid to touch him, he looked so fragile. There was an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. His eyes were closed, but they fluttered open slightly when Kai's footsteps scraped against the floor. Kai swallowed hard.

"Tyson," he said softly. He tried to make his voice strong, but it came out tremulously despite his best efforts. He gazed down at Tyson, who was laying still. His only movement was the rising and falling of his chest. Kai took a breath and went on.

"Tyson… I don't know what to say to you."

Tyson's coppery eyes held his for a second before closing. Kai was seized by a moment of panic, then Tyson opened them again. He looked at Kai wearily, his gaze sliding away as if it were hard for him to focus on one object. Kai lifted a hand and touched Tyson's shoulder.

"Does it hurt?" he asked with bated breath. Tyson paused and just barely nodded. Kai wanted to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay between kisses, but couldn't. At least Tyson could hear what he was saying.

"Listen, Tyson… you know you're going into surgery, right? You're going to be fine. I know you can pull through. You're strong, and…" Kai's breath caught in his throat as he looked down at him. There was fear mingled into his dark, auburn eyes. "Are you scared?"

Another nod, very faint and very weak.

"Don't be," Kai said poignantly, grief lacing his words. He swept Tyson's bangs away from his face with an unsteady hand. "You're going to be fine. I… promise."

Tyson painstakingly brought his hand up, his fingers going to his oxygen mask. He began tugging at it and Kai glanced at the nurse, who came over. She gently tried to push his hand away, but Tyson feebly struggled against her, continuing his attempts to remove it.

"He wants it off," she stated, her brows furrowing her forehead. Kai watched Tyson, seeing an intense look suddenly come over his eyes.

"Can he take it off for just a second?" Kai asked. The nurse hesitated, then slowly removed the mask.

"Just for a moment," she cautioned. Kai felt a stab of fear as he heard Tyson take in a wheezing breath. He bent his head close, knowing that he probably couldn't speak very loudly.

"Tyson," he said in a quiet voice. Tyson spoke after a moment.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice just barely at a hoarse whisper. Kai bit his lip and shook his head.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who…" He stopped as Tyson opened his mouth again.

"You… you're still mad at me…" Tyson rasped. He gasped in his next breath and the nurse positioned the mask over his face only to have him push it away, catching his breath slowly. Kai's expression crumbled.

"No, I'm not," he choked out, the words beginning to spill forth. "I'm not mad at you, Tyson, I don't hate you and I'm sorry for everything I said yesterday. I was way over the line and I know I hurt you and I'm so, so sorry… this is my fault, all this that happened to you. If I hadn't been such a jerk, you wouldn't have been out there walking around by yourself, you would've been with me, safe! I'm sorry, Tyson, I ruined your birthday, I've caused you so much pain and now this… your life… God, Tyson, if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me… I'm sorry, that's all I can tell you right now."

Tyson gazed up at Kai, his harsh breathing the only sound in the room. He closed his eyes briefly. Kai touched his cheek with the back of his fingers, blinking away tears.

"I don't know how you feel about us anymore, but I don't want you to go into surgery without knowing that I… I love you, Tyson. I love you," Kai whispered. Tyson took a long, winded breath.

"I do… too," Tyson managed to say, his words hardly audible. "Kai."

Kai leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. As he straightened, the nurse replaced the oxygen mask, and this time Tyson didn't refuse it. Kai gave him an encouraging smile, camouflaging the fear he felt inside.

"The minor details aren't important. We'll work them out when you're better again, together," he said. Tyson, despite the hazy clouds in his eyes, looked more contented. Kai took a deep breath. "You just relax. I'll be strong enough for the both of us. Don't worry, Tyson, you're going to be okay."

The doors flew open as the horde of medical personnel came back in. Kai stepped back from the bed and watched uneasily as they rolled Tyson out of the room and into the waiting elevator. After a moment the nurse took him by the arm and told him to wait in the lobby, speaking in gentle tones. Kai complied without really thinking about what he was doing, and he found Wyatt pacing in the waiting area. The brunette nearly knocked him over in his hurry to find out about Tyson.

"They wouldn't let me see him! Kai, is he all right? You saw him, right? Where is he now?" Wyatt asked frenetically, pulling Kai into a chair and seating himself beside him. Kai heaved a sigh.

"No, he's not all right. He's in surgery."

"Surgery?"

"Yeah."

"Did you… talk to him?" he asked tentatively. Kai shut his eyes, not speaking for a moment. Wyatt reached over and gently patted his hand, giving him a sympathetic look. Kai leaned back in his chair and nodded finally.

"I told him I was sorry and that I loved him… and I think he forgave me," he said. He settled his jaded gaze on Wyatt. "What if he doesn't make it out of this?"

"Kai, don't talk like that. He'll be okay. It's Tyson, for crying out loud. He'll make it."

Kai shook his head faintly. "I told him the same thing."

"Just don't worry. There's nothing we can do right now."

And so, the waiting began. For Kai, it was the most excruciating eight hours of his life. Eight hours in which he simply felt suspended in time, helpless to do anything. Wyatt had tried to coax him to eat once night fell, but Kai was wound much too tightly for that. He did drain seven cups of bad hospital coffee, though, which kept him awake while Wyatt dozed lightly beside him. Kai found himself thinking back to those first few nights after everything was over and he was finally home—bad memories for him, but recalling how Tyson had always been there was a comfort.

Tyson had always been there. Through the best of times, through the worst of times, he was always there. Tyson had always made sure that Kai was all right before thinking of himself. He had never left him alone when he needed someone. For the past few weeks, he'd shown nothing but selfless compassion, support, and understanding even when he didn't understand what Kai was feeling. Tyson was perfection on earth.

And what was he? He was nothing compared to Tyson. Tyson made people laugh and smile, made them feel good about themselves and their dreams.

That was just on the outside, though. Kai was finally beginning to understand that Tyson had been suffering just as much as he had been. The strain of seeing a loved one in pain, the terrible memories and heartache of the time Kai hadn't been there, consoling him upon his return, the stress of life in general and keeping up with classes on top of that—it was a heavy load to carry. Kai had completely neglected his studies for so long that he wasn't quite sure how he was going to work that out, but he'd think of something. Tyson was far more important right now. Tyson had done more good in his life than everything else combined. No one else seemed to care quite like he did.

Kai took a small sip of his drink and grimaced, feeling his stomach churn. He put the cup aside and leaned forward in his chair, resting his arms on his knees and staring at the floor. He felt as if he were going to throw up due to his anxiety or the bad coffee. Maybe both. He closed his eyes for a minute, praying that Tyson would be okay. He'd never talked to God much before but right now he was, and feeling like a damned hypocrite to boot.

Life would never be the same without Tyson. Kai didn't see how he could live on if the worst became a reality.

"Mr. Hiwatari?"

Kai's head snapped up and he saw a doctor standing near his seat. He stood up shakily, swallowing the torrent of words that were threatening to break through.

"Is Tyson all right?" Kai asked carefully. The doctor paused for a brief second.

"His surgery was successful."

"You mean he's okay?" Wyatt exclaimed from behind him, startling them both. Kai hadn't noticed that the other boy was awake. He felt like screaming and throwing his arms around the doctor, Wyatt, the passing nurses—

"His condition is a bit more complicated, though," the doctor said, his eyes leveling with Kai's. Wyatt's celebratory tone died right away and he grew fearful. Kai inhaled slowly to settle his nerves.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Tyson is in no immediate danger. His recovery will take eight to ten weeks, depending on how fast his body becomes stable again. The complication is that he suffered head trauma in his accident. He's damaged essential—"

"Is he okay, though? Can he talk? Can he walk? Will he—"

"Wyatt, let him finish," Kai said, cutting him off. Wyatt bit his lip and stared at the doctor. He seemed to understand and went on in a gentle tone.

"He is not paralyzed, but due to the damage he's suffered, he will not be able to walk. He will have to completely relearn his movements again. He'll be spending time in therapy in a rehabilitation center after he heals, and there he will be taught the skills that he's lost."

Kai was floored. He could hardly string together a coherent thought. "He… can't walk?"

"He cannot do anything. Simple things like picking up a spoon, dressing himself—he's lost these abilities and will have to learn them again. Millions have come out successful from this kind of therapy, and although the road is a difficult and painful one for both the patient and their loved ones, Tyson can be taught to live a normal life."

Imagining Tyson not being able to be active was next to impossible. Kai took a few more deep breaths and felt Wyatt give his hand a squeeze before running off to the bathroom. Kai watched his friend go and vaguely felt that he should probably go after him, but his mind was somewhere else.

"How long does this therapy take?" Kai managed to get out.

"Months. By the look of Tyson's situation, I'd say close to a year." The doctor cleared his throat. "There are a lot of details to work out, but I'll just focus on a few important ones for now. One very key component to the recovery of a patient is having someone they know and trust with them, supporting them. We've found that patients with families giving them support—or friends, for that matter—have a more bearable healing process."

"I'm sure Tyson's friends and family will be around, and I'll always be here for him."

"That's good to hear. It helps tremendously to have support from others."

"You don't know how much he's done for me," Kai said, shaking his head. "Tyson is selfless and caring. He'll have everyone with him."

The doctor smiled. "He sounds like a fine young man."

"He is."

"We'll do everything we can to make sure he has a speedy recovery," the doctor said. "Another pressing issue is the rehab center. They're quite expensive, but—"

"Money isn't an issue. I want Tyson to go to the best one and nothing less."

"Well. That will be arranged," he said, giving Kai another smile. "This isn't the end, Mr. Hiwatari. Think of it as a new beginning. I won't lie to you; it's a difficult process. But Tyson is one of the lucky ones. He still has his life, so he still has hope."

It started raining around midnight. Kai was outside the hospital doors, sitting on the stone railing of the steps, thinking. The doctors told him it would be a little longer before he could see Tyson, so he was passing the time by watching the rain fall. A humid breeze blew past, ruffling his hair gently. He closed his eyes and tried to relax before hearing the doors open. Looking back, he saw Wyatt.

"Hey, Kai," Wyatt said softly. "The doctor said it'll only be a few more minutes before you can go see him."

Kai sighed gently. "Finally."

Wyatt paused before speaking again. "Tell him I said hey. You know, they won't let me see him until sometime later. They didn't specify when later was, so if they don't let me in by tomorrow, I'm breaking doors down."

The thought struck Kai as humorous, and he smiled faintly. "Sure, Wyatt."

Silence passed between the two, and then Wyatt went to stand at the top of the steps. "I'm going to head home now. Night, Kai."

"It's raining," Kai pointed out. Wyatt shrugged.

"Who cares?" He ducked into the misty night and hailed a taxi, giving Kai a wave before climbing in. Kai turned around and went back inside, rubbing his eyes as a doctor approached him.

"If you'd like, you can see Tyson now," he announced. Kai nodded, steeling himself to be strong as he followed the doctor around a labyrinth of halls, finally stopping in front of one room. The doctor left Kai with a nurse, and she gently opened the heavy door and motioned him inside.

"He's still under the effects of all the drugs we gave him," she said quietly. "He'll probably sleep through the night."

Kai took a step forward and settled his gaze upon Tyson. The oxygen mask was still there, but he looked more at peace while he was sleeping. He was hooked up to all sorts of machines that Kai couldn't identify unless he studied them up close, but he was relieved that Tyson was there and alive.

"Are you spending the night, sir?" the nurse inquired.

"I'd like to," Kai replied distractedly. She nodded.

"If he wakes up during the night, press this button," she instructed, pointing out a flat button with an image of a nurse on it. "Someone will come right away to check up on him. He'll be able to talk, but take it easy. He might wake up confused or scared, so just talk him through it." She went to the door and smiled. "Good night, Mr. Hiwatari."

Kai nodded at her and waited until he heard the door click shut, then dragged a chair to Tyson's bedside. The room was white, sterile, and not very comforting at all. The thought of Tyson spending eight to ten weeks here wasn't very appealing. His eyes rested on Tyson's sleeping face again and he reached out and touched his hand, gently grazing his fingers over it. Thoughts of a Tyson that couldn't walk, couldn't run, couldn't punch his lights out for being a jackass filled his mind. The image of his laughing face surfaced with those bright eyes sparkling, those beautiful lips moving as he said something that was no doubt stupid or cheesy yet held volumes of depth in them. Kai just stared into nothingness, wondering why bad things happened to good people, why Tyson had to be the one to suffer.

He sat there, waiting for morning to come.

To Be Continued

Waaahh. There will be more soon...ish. I love Tyson, I really do. o.o Review?