Disclaimer: anything you recognise isn't mine! God bless JK!
Chapter 4 - Beyond the Grave
Reminder: But my experiment had worked I realised miserably, and that knowledge tore me apart, because what is eternity when you can't feel the wind on your face?
*~*~*~* First Steps*~*~*~*
The rest of the week seemed to flow by in a blur, I occasionally caught sight of one of the house ghosts and people I knew around school, but I wasn't interested, call it self pity if you would, I just didn't want to know.
In life I had never been that popular, the whole diary thing when I was in the first year made others shun me, although It's possible I realise now that I distanced myself from them, my fear of letting anyone get close, the knowledge of what I could be preventing me, holding me back.
I suppose this is why I tended to stick with Hermione, Ron's friend, although this was probably because she frequently spent her summers with us, at The Burrow, and later at Grimmauld Place.
My only other true friend really was Luna Lovegood, other people just didn't understand Luna, perhaps it was this along with the fact that we had known each other prior to Hogwarts, whatever it was I had never held back with Luna, and we had been firm friends since our first year.
It was as I wandered the corridors of Hogwarts musing over my life and my death that I began to make my first steps to my new existence, well I couldn't really call it a life could I.
It's funny really, when you realise you have an eternity to spend, all time and reason goes right out the window, there's no need to rush, there's nowhere to go, and this in itself stops you, you begin to appreciate the smaller things in life, you notice things you never knew were there, people you never knew existed.
I found myself taking time, wandering aimlessly around the castle, in much the same manner as the ghosts I still can't think of myself that way always had.
I spent a great deal of time watching people, learning for the first time how each teacher had his or her own little quirks,
Professor McGonagall would sit and mark every one of her papers each evening, and at precisely 5pm she would stop for a drink of muggle tea,
Professor Flitwick meanwhile, would do a little jig on his pile of books every single time a student mastered a new spell,
I
can't believe I didn't notice that one while I was still in his classes,
it was really quite funny to watch, but It occurred to me that previously I had
walked around with my eyes closed, wrapped up in my own miniscule problems.
I also found that I now needed to keep an eye on all my family, It hurt to watch them but with a morbid fascination I could no leave them alone, I visited the burrow constantly that first week, and on every visit mums eyes were tearstained, Ron refused to leave his room (Dumbledore had given him, Hermione and Harry time off school to deal with my death) whilst the twins never smiled, and dad stayed sat in his favourite chair never leaving the house.
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The inevitable moment came when Dumbledore finally had to admit to the school what had happened to me, as they could postpone my funeral no further; he called a big assembly in the Great Hall, in fact only Ron Harry and Hermione were absent, I just stood to the side, listening to what he had to tell my old classmates..
They filled into the hall whispering excitedly, and I don't think anyone at that point realised something bad had happened, there were rumours flying around of course and I heard several whispers about me and Harry eloping together, like that would really happen, and whispers from the other sixth years that I had left school early along with Harry, Ron and Hermione to go to some special training camp for future aurors.
I also saw Luna as she wandered into the hall alone, her face as much of a puzzle as ever, and it was only momentary but I'm almost certain she sensed me, because as she drew close to my position she stared right at me,
"Luna?" I asked stepping forward, could she see me?
She didn't answer and I realised that although she was looking in my direction her eyes weren't focused on me but on the wall behind me, she eventually tuned away and starting humming to herself as she made her way to the Ravenclaw table.
When they were all finally in the hall and sat down, Professor Dumbledore stood clearing his voice and motioning for silence.
"It is my unfortunate duty, to inform you all today of another loss in our number. Many of you did not know Ginny Weasley, and many of you who did, never really took the time to get to know her. It is with great regret that Miss Weasley has become another casualty of Voldemort's uprising" a few people looked at him uneasily as he said the name and several even shuddered visibly.
"Miss Weasley was an excellent student and a true asset to this school" continued Dumbledore…
But I found I didn't want to know what he had to say about me, I closed my eyes and imagined myself to be at the Burrow, materializing there a moment later.
Dad had finally left his seat, today he'd even made an effort to shave, and looked semi presentable, they seemed to be involved in some sort of family meeting, and everyone but Ron was sat at the table, having some sort of discussion.
"the 5th of May then, next week" said Bill decidedly,
"but my little girl" whimpered Mum, while Charlie sat with his arm around her,
"mum it's for the best" he consoled, "Ginny's not going to come back, and she had to be buried sometime"
Dad meanwhile was sat with his hands on his head leaning on the kitchen table, whilst Fred and George both sat saying nothing, both of them looking decidedly white, and I was certain that George's eyes looked red and Puffy.
"Mum we have to bury her, Ginny's dead, and no amount of crying will bring her back, you have to face up to it!"
"Percy!" scolded Bill, "do you have to be so goddam cold hearted", he yelled
"that's your sister your talking about not some nameless nobody, she's not another bloody statistic" he continued, "It's our little sister, its my Gin" he continued breaking down and burying his head in his hands all anger forgotten, he shuddered visibly.
Percy meanwhile just set his lips in a grim line and glared around the room almost daring someone else to challenge him.
I couldn't do this, I couldn't sit by and listen detachedly while they planned my funeral, I couldn't sit and watch they're pain, Bill had even sworn for me, I'd never heard Bill swear before that, he was always so happy usually, I think that was my problem, they were all usually happy, and now the family was miserable and in tatters and it was all my fault.
I decided to check up on Ron, him being the only one not involved in this discussion, and I made my way toward the narrow staircase that led up to the higher floors and the bedrooms.
I paused for a moment as I passed my own room and looked in seeing my bed neatly made, and my belongings untouched. I went and sat on my bed, hugging my knees to myself, my room looked like I had never left it, and Mum couldn't have touched it since... well since any of it.
Sitting there on my own bed that I could no longer sleep in, amongst my own belongings, that I could never touch, was one of the worst things I could possibly do I became aware, this would just cause me further pain, further torment, it was like taking a child to a toyshop and showing it all the wonderful toys and then taking it home with no new toys, to play with its only doll a sad supplement for the magnificent toys in the shop.
I forced myself to leave my room, but instead of leaving by the door I passed through the wall into Ron's room, where he Harry and Hermione were all sat.
"Ginny wouldn't have done something like that" Harry said determinedly……. done what I wondered
"but Harry how else do you explain it" interrupted Hermione "they already decided on the cause of deat…"
"MY SISTER DID NOT KILL HERSELF" Ron roared at her, I gaped at him in shock, Kill myself? Suicide? What the heck were they talking about, "I was murdered! I wouldn't kill myself " I blurted,
"but that's where all the evid.. " Hermione replied insistently.
"Hermione, do you really believe that?" asked Harry quietly "If Ginny stood for anything it was life, she wouldn't have killed herself, she had no reason, and that wouldn't explain my attack either would it!"
"they could be unrelated" retorted Hermione persistently, "look" she said " I don't want to believe Ginny killed herself any more than you two do, but that is what the healers said, they do this job all the time, they wouldn't get it wrong"
"Ginny wouldn't do it, she was happy, she had friends, she had a life" replied Ron quietly having recovered from his previous outburst, "I know my sister, and she would have come to one of us if she had any problems" he continued.
"What about our second year, she didn't come to us then" persisted Hermione,
"She was a different girl then" replied Harry "she was scared and she had no-one to turn to"
"but she didn't have…"
"SHE HAD ME" Harry interrupted Hermione,
I looked at Harry seeing the tears in his eyes,
"it was my fault" he continued, "I should have looked after her, I should have been there to protect her"
Hermione realise she had pushed him too far,
"Harry I"
"Forget it" he interrupted bitterly and left the room …
What was all that about? Why was Harry so upset? He couldn't have done anything to save me, why would he? And why did they think I committed suicide? the whole thing its such a ..
Hermione interrupted my thoughts,
"I miss Ginny, why did she have to die" she said breaking into tears,
Ron walked over to her and threw his arms around her,
"I miss her too" he replied, "but you know Ginny wouldn't want us to be like this, at each others throats, she wouldn't want us to be sad, she would want us to move on"
Hermione nodded
"but what about Harry, he's taking this so hard, he always has to pro…."
"it's not that" interrupted Ron, "Hermione your so smart, but sometimes you don't see what's in front of your face, I mean look how long it took you to realise I liked you" he managed a small smile,
"Harry's not like this because he couldn't protect her, Harry was in love with Ginny, he told me the night before she died, he came and asked me if I would mind my best mate dating my little sister, I told him I couldn't be happier, but he never got a chance to tell her, she died, and she didn't even know"
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[A/N – more soon, please feedback, I want opinions on his chappie – luna]