Disclaimer: anything you recognise isn't mine – god bless JK!!

 Chapter 9 – Beyond the Grave

Reminder: I Ginny Weasley attacked Harry Potter, the boy who loved me -- heck, I deserved to die.

*~*~* Sinking *~*~*

            "Mum, I can't find my black shoes" whined Ron rushing into the kitchen,

            It had been three days since I remembered attacking Harry, three days spent alone, I hadn't heard from Cedric since our argument, and I was certainly in no mood to go looking for him. Besides anything else I wouldn't even know where to start.
            The time had passed in much of a blur; I was too caught up in my own thoughts to notice anything going on around me, and had found my only solace sat in mum's kitchen, the focal point of burrow life.

            Even here I found I felt oddly detached, my world slowly slipping into an old memory, as I found myself more and more distanced from my family, from the living.

            "Ron, leave your mother alone" hissed Hermione, "can't you see she's having a bad enough time of it as it is"

            I looked up at Hermione; her bushy hair had been dragged back into a severe bun, very mcgonagallesque, and my brother stood by her side, a muggle suit beneath his pitch black robes.

            Mum sat in her favourite rocking chair by the fire, completely unaware of the commotion around her, and she rocked herself and gazed into the flames.

            "Molly, we need to leave, or we'll be late" said dad placing an arm on her shoulder for comfort.

            "my baby's dead" she said in a low voice, "it's her goddam funeral, they can wait"

But even as she said it she had risen from the seat, and gave the assembled Weasleys and appraising look,

"Fred tuck in your shirt, Bill, take out that dratted earring, show a little respect for your sister" she snapped,

            Bill looked ready to do a murder, and he spun around making no effort to remove his earring, as he clumped out of the room, near the door dad reached out and grabbed his arm,

            "She's under a lot of pressure today son" he whispered,

Bill looked at him,

            "we all are, Ginny may have been mum's little girl, but she was also my little sister, don't you think it kills me knowing that she was hurting and that I did nothing to help, I was too busy spending all my time with Fleur to even notice her, If I.."

He broke off,

            "If I had listened, if I had been there for her, none of this…. We could have stopped this happening, she was my little sister, she trusted me, and I couldn't save her" he said his voice breaking,

            Dad reached out as if to embrace Bill, but Bill pushed past him, leaving the room, and those assembled there in silence.

*

            I had always been close to Bill, he was always the one who looked after me, he hadn't laughed at me when I was 8 years old and certain there were Lethifolds well at that age leafycolds under my bed.

            I had always thought him ever so brave, when he would crawl under my bed, popping out the other side confirming there were no monsters there to get me.

            Charlie and the twins had always laughed at me, and a twelve year old George even put a black sheet under my bed once just to scare him.

 He had yelled at that one, making me think the 'leafycolds' had come once and for all to get me.

            That night I had screamed the house down, I think I even scared the ghoul in the attic, I laughed to myself as I remembered the telling off Mam had given the twins the next day.

            So this was us, the Weasleys, always poor, but always happy, always united.

Until now…. My death was tearing the family apart.

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            "What's wrong with Bill?"

A voice interrupted my reverie, and I looked up to see Harry stood on the staircase, also sporting the customary shade of black.

"Not now Harry" mouthed Hermione,

He nodded in understanding and ran his hand across his head in an attempt to flatten his unruly hair. Looking closer I could see that he looked in real need of sleep, his piercing green eyes appeared glazed and lifeless and his skin looked sallow.

            He stayed in the doorway uncertain of what to do, and focused on the old flagstones that made up the floor of the kitchen.

            A moment later Bill reappeared, and said the ominous words I had been dreading.

            "It's time"

            Mam went off into a fresh fit of sobs, and dad led her towards the fireplace, pulling a fresh pile of floo powder out of the pot he yelled "Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade" before ushering her into the flames.

            The others quickly followed suit, until it was only Harry and Hermione left.

"I'm not sure if I can do this" he confided in her,

"You have to, for Ron, for his family, and more importantly for Ginny" she replied,

He looked sharply up at her, "you knew?"

"I guessed" she admitted,

"And then Ron confirmed my suspicions last week" she gave a wry smile,

 "You tiptoed around each other long enough didn't you"

            Harry nodded; "too long" he said a note of disparity touching his voice.

"We better go"

Hermione finished gently touching his arm. He looked at her briefly smiling, but I could see that it did not reach his eyes, which remained dark pools.

If eyes really were the window to the soul, then Harry was indeed suffering.

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

I milled around after I left, unsure if I wanted to follow them, unsure if I wanted to go to my own funeral, but inevitably I was drawn there, with the same morbid curiosity that drew me to the spot of my death.

I manifested outside St Christopher's in Hogsmeade.

I took a moment to stare up at the sandy coloured building in front of me, all old brickwork and alcoves. The huge stained glass window of St Christopher took up the majority of the facade of the building, beckoning in the traveller.

For a moment I wondered if I would be able to enter the church …. They thought I had committed suicide, and suicides were buried in unconsecrated ground.

What if some sort of mystical barrier prevented me from entering the church, what if I was damned? Like the vampires in muggle movies.

I stood at the threshold wanting to enter, but unwilling to try, wanting to be inside the building, the curiosity welling up, but unable to take a step forward, one step that could confirm if I was indeed damned for all eternity.

"You can go in"

I turned to the direction of the voice, "Cedric"

He repeated again, "It's alright, we can visit churches, and nothing is going to keep you out"

I nodded mutely and took the step forward, through the huge wooden doors, releasing the breath I didn't realise I had been holding as I passed through without obstacle or hindrance.

Moment's later Cedric appeared at my side. "Come on" he whispered ushering me in.

I moved forward not sure if wanted to be here, but still being drawn to the pulpit to hear the words of the person stood there.

The service was well underway, and with a jolt I realised that Harry was now making his way to the front of the church.

He stood at the lectern, surveying the small congregation.

"A lot of you may wonder why it is me standing here today, why not one of Ginny's brothers, her parents?

He paused

"For those of you who think that, I could argue that since the age of 11 the Weasley family have been nothing but family to me, but that would not be the real reason.

I am stood in front of you today because it was agreed that I was one person who really did know Ginny Weasley, her loves, her triumphs, and even her faults."

Faults, I thought bitterly, don't forget to mention that I tried to kill you Harry, don't forget that I attacked you.

"Many people did not know the real Ginny Weasley, the girl who appointed herself my protector, the caring courageous beam of light that brightened up the lives of people around her."

I gasped, he knew? I'd never realised…. so even he knew I had failed him. I had thought this day could get no worse, but it had just sunk to a whole new level…

"When Sirius died, I thought that my life would never be complete again, but Ginny helped me re-forge my life, she made me want to be a better person, I wanted to make the world a better place, so that nothing could ever harm her, and I failed, I failed her."  

Tears welled up in his eyes, and I realised that the whole new level had sunk even more, he took as breath to calm himself, then looked up at the crowd once again.

"What is there in this world that takes away the good, which takes away the beauty and life, the laughter and the very essence of light, Ginny was all of these things in my life, and so much more.
            Ginny strived to make herself better, and she overcame any obstacle that hindered her with flying colours…"

Not every obstacle….

"Ginny never knew it, but I loved her" he went on…

"And our time together was wasted, because we both focused on the wrong things; because we were too busy trying to defeat the bad to find a little happiness.

We shared one kiss, under the mistletoe, one Christmas, but both of us pushed our feelings aside, we both forced ourselves to be alone, because we were scared of the pain of coming into contact with other people.

And now it's too late, now Ginny's gone, and I am truly alone"

"I'm Sorry"

He whispered to my family before leaving the pulpit and running out of the church, amidst the whispers now passing through the crowd.

*

What else could I do, I followed him, I had to let him know that he wouldn't be alone, that I was here, and I would stand by him until he needed me no longer.

I brushed past Cedric and followed him out into the grounds of the church.

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[A/N more soon – Luna]