CHAPTER THREE

The Heart Monologues

Boom-ba-boom

Life, my life, what have you done to my life? Being with you or not being with you is the measure of my time. Without you, the sun falls down like an abandoned dead body. When I die, I won't see myself dying for the first time because the dead are still suffering the pain of life in me.

After two years, Hermione had learnt to cope up with sadness; being sad she felt less sad, so she stayed sad. She was even getting used to it. She had found some sense and madness in every day's life, which was necessary for every person who dared to call himself human being. Sometimes she would shelter in the past, but past was only memories, what else did she expected to find? At night she would close her eyes hoping to be back to that dream she so long wished for, but she'd wake up and it was just a dream, or was she dreaming of dreaming?

She had even found herself a couple of girl friends. She'd date guys but none of them had become her friend; she felt as if she was betraying Harry, she was convinced that her true love would be, among many other things, her best friend. It was funny how things took sense now. However, bounds hadn't been cut for good or bad. On vacations she'd always take time to visit them at the Burrow but would always return home even sadder at contemplating Harry happier everyday beside Ginny.

Boom-ba-boom

What did you expect? His life doesn't go around you. it is her who complements her and the one who gets the love you ask for. If you only let me speak out…

But Hermione had resigned herself to let thing go by; and to watch how friendship had started to weaken. When conversations start with the phrase "do you remember the time when…?" you realize there's something wrong.

Boom-ba-boom

Or maybe it's something good; when friendship is over I'll be the only thing left. And maybe then you'll allow me to speak out and he will know…

But things hadn't change in two years. Hermione wasn't sure if they were still friends or not, although she'd still picked up carefully his birthday presents that she'd sent him away… time had made it difficult for them to pick the right one. Gifts had become too much impersonal. The last one she'd received from him had been a bottle of perfume… surely Ron's idea. He was giving her a present he considered would suit her fine, but that had never been the kind of gifts he'd always given her. He had always given her something he knew she'd needed or long wanted. She was hurt to think that those things were no longer Harry's priorities.

Boom-ba-boom

Did you expect him to send you his heart inside a Chinese box?

But time and fate were wiser than Harry and Hermione, as they'd find out later on; she was hopelessly destined to keep on seeing him. It had been a long time then. She had finished muggle college and her friends had finished the Auror's curse and had just been accepted at the ministry. They both had invited her to the party for the new ministry's workers and had not found a way to get out of the compromise. She had almost forgotten how to dress correctly in the wizarding world and had almost wore an evening dress before remembering that she had to wear a robe instead. After her little inconvenient she managed to aparate inside the party where her friends welcomed her with the widest of grins.

"Hermione! Thanks for coming!" said Ron hugging her and the introducing his girlfriend to her. She was a ministry's functionary, to what she could undertand; but she wasn't paying too much attention. Harry was smiling at her and watched her with interest.

Boom-ba-boom

Don't stare at me that way; but if you will, notify me before

"Welcome Hermione!" he said less excited than Ron but hugging her stronger. The flame inside of Hermione had frozen a long time ago; maybe because of sadness or custom, whatever; so it was easier for her. Then she let go off him slowly but he pulled her back again "Just a little longer" he said, and then he smiled placing his cheek over hers so he could talk to her ear "Remember?" and then she became a mirror again and smiled back.

Boom-ba-boom

Remember me even when I have forgotten you and love me even if you don't want me anymore.

Then they let go off each other and started to walk around the room, each one by his side. Making social life was really boring, shaking hands, asking the same old thing "how are you?" and then lying by saying "fine thanx!". Hermione was only there for the food, HER food. The ration she'd take like a bloodsucker every time she'd see him. She wouldn't stay there long, actually. She knew she'd run away the moment she'd spot Ginny with Harry.

And there she was, the red haired girl approached him, kissed him on the cheek and started chatting with him. That was her cue, Hermione hurried to the entrance and took her purse leaving without saying goodbye to anyone; maybe nobody would notice…

When she reached the corner she was almost running, she'd take a taxi; didn't want to be home that soon; she needed some time to fresh her mind before seeing her parents or somebody else who would notice her state. And above all things, she wanted to avoid crying again.

Boom-ba-boom

Don't let me die

While she was walking, she regretted not having a coat to cover her. She hoped muggles would not notice her bizarre dress. Maybe they'd think it was just a normal evening dress. She had been so much among muggles lately that excepting for the fabric it looked like a normal dress. When had London become so grey? Hermione thought when she realized that not even street light seemed to make thing clearer for her.

"Hermione!" yelled a voice that suddenly illuminated the whole street "Are you leving so soon?"

"I don't feel good" she lied. She had become an expert at lying to Harry.

Boom-ba-boom

Give me a reason for not loving you. Teach me to forget you or at least freeze this moment so I won't have to live all the others.

"I want to see you again. Soon" he said placing his own coat over her shoulders "See you tomorrow at Diagon Alley. I have something important to tell you"

"But… but…" Hermione was shocked by his confidence and his way of making her think that friendship was still as she remembered.

"Ok, see you tomorrow then" he smiled and then turned around and started to walk away.

"But… how do you know I'll go?" she screamed before he had disappeared from her sight "I haven't said I will!"

"I'll help you go if you go!" he screamed back turning around again to see her but not stopping to walk "and I'll help you not to go if you don't… but, seriously, I hope you can make it"