CHAPTER FOUR
Realizations
Boom-ba-boom
I wish to see you and not seeing you. I wish to talk to you and not talking to you. I wish to look for you alone and not finding you.
The coffee shop at Diagon Alley was the most unusual thing on Hermione's mind. Maybe because she'd only be there on her youth and young girls don't go around looking for coffee shops instead of grocery shops. The witch who ran the place, like in most of business, owned the place and had stared at her sadly; as if Harry was planting her.
What did he want to talk about anyways? She definitely should stop holding hopes and stop listening to her foolish heart. If he had never showed feelings for her in the seven years they were so close, why would he do it four years after being so apart from each other? Why if the flame inside of her had frozen, her heart was still yelling at her? She hoped she could use a siliencius spell on it. And was it even her heart? A lonely heart is definitely not a heart at all.
"Hi." said Harry with a wide smile as he sat in front of her. He seemed anxious.
"Hi." she answered back avoiding his eyes. She could not stand staring at them any more, they just hurt so much "what's that so important that you wanted to tell me?"
He raised his hand asking her to wait a moment and searched through his coat a little black velvet box that showed her a moments later.
Boom-ba-boom
Yesterday and tomorrow I dream on this day.
"Open it," he asked her handing it to her "what do you think?"
What do you think? What kind of a question was that? Unless… unless all he wanted from her was her only opinion, she felt she wasn't ready to do so.
"It's… very pretty" she answered observing it carefully.
"I thought you might be able to help me. It takes a woman to know the likes of another one. I didn't know who else to ask. Do you think it's good enough for a girl? I mean not any kind of a girl… but you know what I mean"
Boom-ba-boom
My strategy is that one day, I don't know how and I don't know what pretext with, you'll need me.
"But not this way." she whispered not realizing Harry caught her words.
"What? Well… it can be modified, what is it? Is the model? The stones? I… I"
"Oh no, no. the ring is perfect. It's… gorgeous. Don't listen to me, I'm crazy," Hermione spoke nervously as she took her purse and her coat getting on her feet "It'll be ok, don't worry, your girl's gonna love it. Say Ginny I said congratulations. Sorry to leave you here but I have other things to do and…"
She could not finish her sentence, she was leaving. She had to leave in that moment if she didn't ant him to see her cry. But soon, Harry's steps were following her. A hand stood on her back so she took a deep breath and twisted on her heels offering him the widest and fakest grins of all.
"It's shameful the way it notices," he said very serious and now holding her hand leading her back to her seat.
He sat again where he had been moments before, closed his eyes for a moment and looked at her again. Hermione was fighting against herself not allowing herself to drop a single tear. She knew what was about to come, he'd say that it was time for her to let go and all those things she had said to herself so many times before.
"But it's much more shameful the way I didn't notice it before." He finished the sentence he had started earlier.
"Yeah! Well… each person carries his own weight, right?" Harry frowned as he listened to what she had o say "You shouldn't think that there's something you must do about it. I've lived with this for so long and you've finally found the girl who complements you," Hermione tried to smile failing on her attempts to look happy for him "It's not as if you were looking around everyday to see if there was this silly girl falling for you"
"I wasn't complaining about your feelings, Hermione…" Harry's voice dropped while his eyes lowered to see his own cup "I made a mistake; the most stupid mistake," he continued stroking his fingers around his cup "I should have never let you suffer like this. I should have known…"
"It's ok, Harry; Everything's dome now. Sometimes things happen in a way for a reason. If you don't love me the way I…"
"And who ever told you I don't love you?" this time Harry looked back at her. There was something in his eyes that made Hermione want to faint. However, she wasn't going to allow he hopes to go that high again.
"I never said you didn't. As a friend…"
"Not exactly like a friend" he corrected her. This time Hermione didn't know what to think.
"But… but… How come? What about Ginny? She complements you, doesn't she? You told me that once"
"And it was true," replied Harry. In is eyes there was as much confusion as Hermione could guess there was in hers "It was true then; when I was so stupid at not realising that the only way she complemented me, it was because you gave me everything else"
Hermione's mouth opened trying to articulate the words she didn't have. A battle was occurring inside of her, something old started to move inside her stomach but couldn't remember what it was; it had been so long…
"My mistake was taking you for granted. I thought I could find in Ginny whatever I needed, but I was mistaken. Poor Ginny, she suffered a lot trying to take your place. By then I didn't realise that it was you what I needed. We don't date since last year; something inside of me told me she wasn't the one. I felt desperate and lonely"
"And then it hit me," he continued reaching his hand to take Hermione's "I wanted to see you; I HAD to see you. I've lived all this year trying to figure out a way to make you come back to me. I was an idiot; I used to think that maybe you would feel differently… I had to know.
"So yesterday I held you and tried to listen to your heart. I was paying attention this time; not like the day you held me at the train station, when I had thought, for a fraction of a second, that your heart was trying to tell me something, but I had discarded it by confusing it with friendly love. And then a few moments ago I understood it at least. I read it on the strange language of your eyes… Hermione, you love me the same way I…"
"¡Shut up!" she stopped him placing her hand on his lips; her eyes full of tears already "Please, stop… I don't want to listen to you anymore." She finished placing her hand back on the table. She was starting to feel warm. There was something burning her insides. The ice was melting and was finding its way out through her eyes. Harry was speechless as he heard her whine. But then it changed into laughter.
Harry could not help but to smile back. Hermione looked up and saw what she was looking for in is eyes.
Boom-ba-boom
I came from dying, not from being born.
"Hermione… I have to tell you that..." insisted Harry holding her hands.
"The problem with the soul is that you it can't be seen" she said holding her grip tighter "The problem with the spirit is that it can't be seen" she added now placing her other hand on top of his "Where does this conspiracy of invisibility come from? Words are not visible. Words don't make love but the absence of it"
"Then I'll sow you" Harry didn't wait for Hermione's answer. He bent over the table like a magnet and she did the same instinctively.
He closed his eyes letting his lips find their own way; she was all he had imagined and more. Her lips tasted so sweet and found himself not wanting for that moment to be over. He knew he wasn't mistaken this time. She was the one.
He kissed her long and tenderly and she kissed him back. And the flame inside of her finally got out, from her lips to his lips. If somebody else in that room had the ability to see with the heart, he would have contemplated a splendorous colourful explotion, from her flame and his flame which had found each other in the way and had been strong enough to bring back colours even to dust. It wasn't just love, it wasn't just affection. It was being able to breath, smell, hear, talk, taste, feel… live… dream again.
"But…" she interrupted the kiss catching breath again "What about all that suffering? What about everything that happened in the past?"
"In the past there are only memories" he answered giving her small kisses all over her face "What else did you expect to find? Life is made with moments and time has frozen this moment for us" after saying this, he kissed her again.
"But time will go on"
"Then we'll stop it as many times as necessary. Whenever we feel time is going too fast, we'll create new moments"
"What if you don't want me anymore? Will you still love me?"
Harry smiled still holding her face on his hands.
"Don't worry, love. I'll always love you even when I don't want you anymore"
Hermione smiled back and was about to kiss him again when she remembered the reason she was there on the first place.
"And what about the ring?
Harry arched his eyebrows and looked for the small black velvet box inside his jacket. Hermione wasn't sure about it since they had just accepted their feelings towards each other.
"A ring can mean many things," he said taking it out and holding her right hand "and I want this ring to mean that you're mine. And now that I have you, I'm not willing to let you go." He finished placing the ring on the right finger.
"I've been yours for a long time. And I'll be yours even without the ring"
And they kissed and loved each other. Hermione's heart never stopped talking, singing or dreaming. People say that things happen for a reason and that pain is sooner or later made up. But Hermione and Harry couldn't care less what people say. Hermione knew that her heart's strategy had worked out; that dreams do not come true because it is always better to keep on dreaming. And that dying a little is sometimes necessary in order to be able to live, because only by dying, life can be enjoyed.
Boom-ba-boom
Life is just this: breathing and kissing you, kissing you and breathing. If you let me do this every single day of my life, I swear I'll live a hundred and sixty eight years.
THE ENDFirst of all, I'd like to thank to the people who reviewed this ficts. Thank you veru much, guys! That means a lot to me.
And, on second instance, I know disclaimers are usually at the beginning but I wasn't very sure which authors was I going to use. Now that I know, here I go:
Disclaimer: All characters and proper names of places are property of JK Rowling tm and WB tm. Hermione's heart first monologue is inspired on Alvaro Carrillo's Spanish song: "Un poco más ("a little more"). The title of my fict is based on the Argentinean movie "el lado oscuro del corazón 2" ("the dark side of the heart 2") and most of Hermione's heart monologues are based on that movie too. But, some phrases of that movie belong to several Latin American poets such as: Amado Nervo, Oliverio Girondo, Mario Benedetti, Jaime Sabines and Pablo Neruda.