I've finished chapter 4 and like TopazSoarhire said, I could really use some constructive criticism, so please review. Hope you enjoy...
Chapter 4- Maury, You Idiot
"Spruuu!" Shrieked Minnie's Asprugi, as I looked frantically around in the darkness. I couldn't see anything, and Istarted to breathe hard and get nervous.
"Dang it! I forgot that the mall closes early today," I heard Minnie say. "I'll try to find the door…" I didn't know what to do. I was in the basement of a mall, in complete darkness.
"What are we gonna do…were trapped!" I shrieked out nervously.
" Dacian, just calm down…Yes! I found the door!" She said with enthusiasm. At this I heard Ivy squeal in excitement. She probably wasn't liking the darkness any more then I did.
"Dang it! Maury locked the stupid door!" I heard frantic banging on the door from Minnie. " Maury you idiot, open the door!" Not being able to get out of the basement got me even more nervous.
"Maybe… we should look for other doors, maybe other people didn't lock theirs," I proposed, nervousness still in my voice.
" That's a good idea," Minnie replied. We both started to look around for another door that was open. I had absolutely no idea what Ivy or Minnie's Asprugi were doing, but I was sure they were fine.
After what seemed like hours Minnie was able to find an unlocked door. " Dacian, I found one!" she yelled at me. I saw a small splinter of light, just enough to see the figure of Minnie. I rushed over to the light, and was immediately followed by Ivy and Minnie's Asprugi, Kingston.
We found ourselves in a store that had shelves of shoes everywhere. "Okay… were in the shoe store, we might be able to get out using the side entrance as long as the guards didn't lock it, just follow me," Minnie instructed to me as she navigated through the jungle of shoes. We both decided to put our Pokemon in our pokeballs, because they were probably tired from the previous battle.
"And what if they did lock the doors?" I asked. Minnie just shrugged and continued walking.
We hadboth made it out of the shoe store and were about to turn a corner when Minnie stopped rapidly. She looked back at me and said " Dacian, there are people here,"
"Good, they can help us out if the…" I started, but Minnie then thrust a hand on my mouth.
"Shhh. Guards are only posted on the outsides of the mall, and even if it was a guard, we'll get in trouble for being here after hours… but they don't look like guards," She slowly lifted her hand from my mouth. I thencarefully peeked around the corner to see what she was talking about.
There were three people dressed in all black trying to take apart a cart that had been left out in the mall. "Umm, Minnie your right I don't think they're guards, they look like burglars." I whispered to her.
"Well, we have to stop them," she said. Minnie then ran out towards the shadowy figures and released her Asprugi right in front of them.
"What the…" started one of the thieves, but before he could say anything more Minnie's Asprugi whacked him in the face with a vine.
" Are you crazy!" I said on impulse as I watched Minnie confront the criminals.
"You'll regret that you idiot," said one of the otherthieves, who was a women with long blonde hair, as she was about to release her own Pokemon from a Pokeball.
"Well, I guess you won't be able to steal whatever's in that cart…" Minnie said as she picked up Kingston and jumped onto the cart causing it to start to roll at a great speed away from the burglars. " If it's rolling away from you!"
I stared in disbelief at what Minnie had just did. This was unbelievable. She had just outsmarted three criminals and ran off with what they were going to steal.
"What… You two catch that girl! I'll take care of the kid." Yelled one of the thieves to the others. They both immediately ran after Minnie as fast as they could. He then turned to me. The guy actually looked pretty young, maybe no older then Minnie. It was at that moment that I realized "the kid" he was talking about was me. He then swiftly took out a pokeball releasing a Pokemon. In a nervous twitch of a movement I released Ivy from her pokeballin defense. Ivy's petalson her back wereorange with a tint of white, probably showing she was tired.The Pokemon standing in front of us actually looked like two Pokemon. It was easy to tell that they were fighting types. They both had rough tan skin, and small tear-shaped heads. They're bodies were human shaped and very skinny. These Pokemon's hands however were shaped like large, flat spurs. At the sight of this Pokemon I pulled out my Pokedex.
"Geminisci, the twin Pokemon, Geminisci are actually two different Pokemon that are inseparable from birth, so they both go into one Pokeball. Both Pokemon are limited to doing exactly what the other does, so the Pokemon League identifies this as one Pokemon, not two." Droned the pokedex. I quickly put it away and prepared to battle. You can imagine that I was pretty nervous. Not only wads I in a battle, I was in a battle with a criminal.
"Geminisci, whip that thing to shreds with double slap," said the thief. The two small fighting Pokemon began to rush towards Ivy simultaneously.
"Uh, Ivy hurry and whack them out of they way with your tail," I ordered to my Petapur. She turned herself around and whacked both of the Pokemon off their feet.
"Dang it! You guys, use another double slap, avoid the tail!" Instructed the criminal. Geminisci prepared to rush for Ivy.
"Ivy, catch them off guard with a Leer, then tackle them both!" I said. Ivy tried to glare at the Geminisci, but she had trouble concentrating on both of them and got hit with a double slap in the belly. Her petals then rippled a quick green.
"Okay, now karate chop the Petapur!" screamed my opponent. Ivy slowly got up as both of the Geminisci prepared for another an attack.
"Ivy get to your feet, and use a tackle. You can do it," I encouraged.
"I'm still a little tired from the first battle, I'll try…" I heard my Pokemon say mentally. Before she could execute a tackle both of the Geminisci attacked her with a karate chop in the head.
"Petaa!" she shrieked. Ivy then pulled herself together, shaking all over.
" Alright finish it off with…" the thief then fell down flat on his face. Standing behind him was Minnie with a frying pan in her hand. Not knowing what to do the Geminisci ran to their trainer trying to wake him up.
"Gotcha," Said Minnie, as her Asprugi rested on her shoulder.
"Ivy, you've worked hard, you need rest," I said as I returned her to a pokeball. I then looked towards Minnie. "What happened to the other two?"
"Well, not only am I a skilled battler, I am an excellent fighter," she said, making a fist.
" You sneaked up behind them and whacked them in the head with a frying pan, right?" I said to her.
" Yes, but we should leave now, I already called the police," Minnie said as she grabbed my arm a pulled towards wherever she was going.
"Shouldn't we stay here to…" I protested as she continued to pull me through the labyrinth of the shopping mall.
"Look, it would kind of be hard to explain to the police why we were in the mall after hours, because were really not aloud to battle in the basement of the building," she interjected, still pulling me through the mall.
"If it wasn't aloud, why didn't we just battle outside?" I asked. She then smiled at me and pulled me through the side exit of the mall. Unlike Maury, the guards did not lock this door.