Behind the Cast

Episode 4

Hiei

His life isn't as sad as it seemed on the show. As a child, he was given the best of toys and a lots of love.

His grudge against Kuwabara goes way back. Their mothers entered them in a beautiful child contest, but Kuwabara, being the sexy beastly beast that he is, swept the competition. Hiei won second prize, and became very angry towards women, feeling that he had to control them all, since the panel was all women.

Later in his life, he landed a part on YYH. He founded a Chinchilla ranch from his earnings, and raised hairless cats in his basement. Eventually, he began to run a whore house, on nights and weekends, for a hobby. Though whores are usually treated like shit, his whores had the best of accommodations. They would sleep on piles of chinchillas, the softest ones of the herd, and would eat the finest of bread and chinchilla stew. They wore soft chinchilla fur clothing, and got to pick the best of the litter of the hairless cats for pets.

He was definitely known as the biggest Pimp in all of Australia, Antarctica, Indonesia, and North Chicago. (Everyone knows Kuwabara had the South Side). The real reason Hiei looks so hunched over is the vast amount of "bling" he would wear under his dress, which he called a "cloak". The giant "H" which he favored above all, weighed in at an amazing 48 pounds, and was measured at 31 inches high and 28 inches wide.

Being the pimp master that he was, he would be able to run a very successful club/restaurant. In July of some year that nobody cares about, "Shorties" opened its doors. His club had many requirements to enter. People would have to be measured before they entered, and if they were over 5'3", they could not come in. If the really tall people wanted to come in, which they did, they'd have to walk on their knees and be made fun of for being tall. Being short became the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Hiei earned many street names, some of them being: "Pimp Masta G", "H-Dizzle", "Home Slice", and "The Discriminater". He had commandeered the pimping industry when he had overthrown the other pimps. He suffered from a massive gunshot wound but got the culprits back by force-feeding them razors and pouring CLR down their throats. He threw a giant party at his whore house, though he kept the good ones to himself.

He fell in love with a young girl named Gina. She was a whore, and had just been admitted to join the pack at his compound. She didn't know she'd be sleeping on top of chinchillas, and she was deathly allergic to them. She died the first night. Hiei was heartbroken, but the drugs helped him to cope.

Hiei had an odd problem with drugs, but only the kinds that he could sniff. PCP, LSD, Crystal Meth, and many other inhalants. Hiei carried handkerchiefs with him everywhere, each with the letters "P I M P" embroidered on them in gold. He was very defensive about his handkerchiefs, claiming that he was not an old lady.

One night, when he came home, his chinchillas attacked him. They bit him in nasty places, and not so nasty places. They burrowed into his digestive track, and ate his liver. Hiei died a slow, painful, and very furry death.

The cause of the chinchilla rampage was started by the hairless cats, who were very angry with how Hiei was running the place. They bribed the chinchillas with chinchilla-nip and chinchilla whores, and they obeyed. Hiei came home smelling a little different, from a new pimpin' colonge, which drove the chinchillas mad. The bottle read: Do Not Wear In The Presence Of Chinchillas. If only he knew how to read. The cats set the whores free, and took charge of the chinchillas, making an army and taking over all of Antarctica, putting the poor penguins into cruel concentration camps. Quote a Chinchilla, "Insert Chinchilla noise here." We aren't sure what he said, but we're pretty sure it was insightful.

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