Chapter Thirteen:

Day Two

I don't know how long I've been running. Everything looks the same when you're in the dark. Hell, I can even tell if I'm going anywhere! Those red eyes are still behind me, but they seem to be fading away. I stop myself and begin to wonder why I've been running in the first place. The Shredder is gone. Dead. Why am I running from someone who is no longer here?

Then I see the black that sits around me is fading into red, then into orange. I can see dirt beneath my feet, and a cool breeze passes across my face. My eyes focus in the light and I gasped as I realize I was standing in the middle of downtown New York City. The buildings that surround me are broken and decayed; the streets are cracked. That's when I see something else. I'm once again clothed, but in the Mutant Militia uniform I had once donned. I feel the wind catch the tendrils of my face mask, and the weight of my katanas on my back. Wasn't I here before? I've been in this nightmare. I know what happens next.

The ground beneath my feet begins to shake. I close my eyes and brace myself against a power poll as the shaking increases. The Earth opens up into a gapping crater and a dark figure rises out of the escaping steam. As I open my eyes, I expected to find the Shredder before me, but it was Splinter instead.

Sensi?

He said nothing back to me, and I stared blankly at him. He was levitating over the open hole, and his eyes were glowing red. I then knew that it was not my master.

Before I could reach for my swords, he flew at me and knocked me to the ground. I laid stunned for a second, then forced myself to my feet, my body feeling like it was weighed down by lead. I grabbed the handles of my swords, and as I yanked them out of their scabbards, I began to wonder why they felt more light than normal. Evil laughter from the floating being above me rang out as I look at the empty handles that sat in my hands. I could feel my anger growing inside of me as I threw down the blade-less handles to the ground and ripped the scabbards off of my back in frustration.

The laughter from the being grew louder, and I could feel my blood boiling. Why was this creature tormenting me? It suddenly changed form, becoming nothing more than a black mass, and it once again charged at me, knocking me back down before I could react. What is wrong with me? My skills are the best they've ever been, and yet I still find myself on the ground. It took me longer to regain my footing this time, and I suddenly felt very tired. Was that thing, whatever it is, draining my energy? I studied it closely as it floated above me, and it had seemed like it grew in size.

We are deep within your subconscious mind, my son.

I recalled what Splinter had said to me. If that statement was true, then I should be able to defeat this thing. But how? I have nothing to stop it with.

The anger and hatred that has collected inside of you over the years...

I lifted my eyes back up. Is that what that thing is? Is that why I can feel it drain away my energy? Splinter always told us that anger and hate would eat away at your soul and leave nothing but an emptiness inside of you.

Open your heart...

Is that what has happened to me? Did I do the one thing he said to never do? Did I let my anger toward Linda kill me inside? I watched as the black mass started to spin around like a tornado, and it came smashing down to the ground.

Think with your heart for once...

As the cloud of dust settled around me, the black mass that had crash into the ground had taken another shape. I could feel a sudden chill creep over me as the figure stood upright and look at me with her large brown eyes. Her long black hair caught the passing breeze and it whipped around her face, and I lower my eyes down to the sword in her hand. The rubies in the dragon's eyes shone brightly, and the long black and red ribbons wrapped around her as they blew in the wind. I could feel an ache in my heart, and as she moved closer to me, all I could do was say her name.

Linda...

Man, what the hell am I doin' here? I must be insane!

Raphael shoved his finger into the white doorbell again and heard the chimes echo within the house.

Geez, even the freakin' doorbell is gold, he thought as he studied the paneling around the button. This guy must think he's King Midas or somethin'.

As he crossed his arms over his chest and impatiently tapped his foot, Raphael began to think about the way Vanessa had sounded over the phone, and why it was so important that he drive all the way into Queens just for her to talk to him. Vanessa's voice was all jumpy with excitement, and even if he didn't admit it to himself, Raphael knew her secret was killing him.

After another minute, a housemaid opened the door and apologized to Raphael for taking so long. He nodded in response and entered the foyer of the house, once again seeing the gold that trim the white walls of the mansion. Raphael scoffed at the decor, then followed the housemaid to the living room. After whistling at the immense size of it, Raphael guessed he could easily fit the house he and his brothers shared in the room and still have space for a good sized lawn.

" I will go and tell Vanessa you have arrived." The housemaid then quickly disappeared from sight. Raphael thought about taking a seat on the white and gold couch, but decided against it, figuring that it worth more than his old Mustang. He then began to wonder around, looking at all of the paintings and various pieces of art that were scattered here and there.

What is up with rich people? Everythin' has to be big and expensive.

He glanced up at a painting that sat above the enormous fireplace. The painting was of a wheat field that seemed to be blowing in a breeze, and the sky above the field depicted a sunset. But, to Raphael, it was like a kid had taken a paint can and splashed the paint on the canvas. He shook his head in disgust and turned back to the open doorway.

"Raph! You're here!" Vanessa walked up to the turtle and threw her arms around him. Raphael could smell the scent of orchids rising from her fur and figured that she must have been outside in her garden. As he pulled away, Raphael then saw the huge smile that was spread across Vanessa's face.

"Where's Mister Money bags?" Raphael asked without offering a 'hello'.

Vanessa rolled her eyes and sighed. " He had to go to Florida for some business meeting with his father. He just left about an hour ago."

" Now what was so big that I had to waste gas on?" Raphael asked as Vanessa pulled him over to the couch he had passed up earlier.

"Okay," Vanessa took a deep breath as they sat down. " Remember the other day when Angie did that Tarot reading on me?"

Raphael suddenly felt uneasy. " Yeah?"

"And do you remember what she said about a marriage proposal?"

He then felt his heart fall to his feet as he braced himself. " Yeah."

"Guess what!" Vanessa squealed as she shoved her hand into Raphael's face. He brought his eyes slowly done to the three carat princess cut diamond ring that sat snugly on Vanessa left ring finger. " Chad asked me to marry him this morning! Isn't that great!"

As she pulled her hand back and admired the ring, Raphael dropped his eyes to the floor, and instantly felt his fallen heart break into a million pieces. He sighed heavily as he buried his face into his hands and rubbed at his eyes, refusing to let any tears fall.

"Raph?"

He pulled his hands down quickly as he felt Vanessa's hand on his shoulder.

" Are you okay?"

Raphael looked into her eyes for only a second, then turned away. " Yeah, I'm fine. I, I uh, I gotta go." He stood up and headed for the doorway. Vanessa jumped over the back of the couch and stood in Raphael's way.

" What's wrong with you?" Vanessa said as she pushed Raphael back into the living room. " I thought you would be happy for me."

Raphael couldn't stand her brown eyes staring at him, and he darted his own eyes around as he talked. " No, I am. I just remember I got shit to do, so we'll talk later, 'kay?" He again tried to leave, but once again felt Vanessa's hand push him back.

"Okay, what gives? Why are you acting so funny? And why won't you look at me?"

Raphael was becoming agitated with Vanessa's third degree. " Nothing, okay!" His voice rose in anger. " I just have stuff to do, so if you don't mind-" He pushed her hand away, then noticed the anger in her face.

" Yes, I do mind!" Vanessa yelled back. " Why are you being an ass about this? I thought you would happy for me, and yet you act like you don't give a shit!" She lowered her voice a little when she noticed the housemaid pass by. " I know you can't stand Chad, but you don't know how much he has changed."

Raphael took a deep breath and calmed himself. " It's not about that, all right? I do care. I just- I just don't wanna have this conversation right now."

Vanessa then pushed him back farther into the living room, refusing to let go of the front of his T-shirt. " What conversation? What are you taking about? Tell me."

" I just-I-I" Raphael stammered, wanting to bite his tongue, but at the same time wanting to confess to Vanessa the secret he had been carrying for the past two years.

"You what?" Vanessa asked, her voice laced with impatience.

"Aw, forget it!" Raphael threw his hands into the air and moved around Vanessa. " I ain't good with this talkin' shit!"

"Raph-" Vanessa started but was cut short by as Raphael turned around sharply to face her.

" No!" He yelled as he reached his boiling point. " I'm done with this! Just go back to your happy little existence with Chad and everythin' will be fine and dandy, just like before!"

Vanessa's mouth dropped open in disbelief, feeling Raphael words stinging in her brain. She couldn't understand with he was being so hateful toward her, and instead of feeling sad, his words only brought out Vanessa's own bad temper.

" Fine by me! I was only trying to share the best news of my life with my best friend, but you obviously don't give a shit about my happiness! You are such a selfish asshole and I -"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YA!" Raphael blurted out, then he took in another deep breath. " There, I said it. Happy now?"

Vanessa stood silently, her eyes wide with shock, and she then dropped back onto the couch. Raphael moved back around the couch and stood in front of Vanessa, watching as her mouth as she tried to speak.

" You're- in love with me?" Vanessa's mouth finally formed the words she was thinking of. " How- how long have you felt this way?"

Raphael didn't responded right away. He was still replaying his own words in his head. He felt a little relieved, but at the same time he wished he would have had better control of his emotions and not let his words come out so harsh. Raphael then sat down next to Vanessa on the couch.

" A long time," He voice was very low as he spoke. " I just didn't know how to tell ya. Or when to tell ya. You were just so hung up on Chad, I just-" He then stopped talking when he felt Vanessa's cold stare burning into him.

"How dare you."

Raphael felt confused. " What!"

"How could you do this to me!" Vanessa jumped up from the couch and moved away from Raphael. " Why now? Today, of all days! WHY! How could you do this to me?" She then felt tears welling up in her eyes.

Raphael then once again pulled his defenses back up and he yelled back his response. " Why does it matter to you anyway! I thought you loved that-that- pansy ass and his money!"

Vanessa's jaw dropped again. " Don't you dare call him that! Chad is a great guy, and I don't give a rip about how much money he has!" She then moved back to Raphael and stepped up into his face. " Is that why you think I'm with him?"

Raphael leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest and snorted in response, which made Vanessa even crazier.

" I cannot believe you think I am that shallow!" She brought her hands up to her face as the tears started to fall. " I just can't believe you. You're such a jerk, and I don't understand why I ever had feelings for you." Vanessa then gasped as she realized what she had just said, and the look of shock on Raphael's face proved what she had done.

" What?" Raphael's voice cracked as he blinked his eyes in disbelief. " You had feelings for me?" He then looked into Vanessa's tear filled eyes and knew her words were true. " Well, isn't this great? Now what do we do?"

Vanessa sniffed and narrowed her eyes. " We?" She swiped at her eyes again and started to laugh. " 'WE' are nothing, okay? There is NEVER going to a 'WE'! I'm going to marry Chad, and live happily ever after! Now, would you please leave!"

Raphael watched as Vanessa turned her back to him, and he could hear her sobs increasing, but his temper was already pushed to its limit, and he continued to speak without thinking.

" Yeah, I see how it is. Money makes your little happy world go around, and since I ain't got it, you can't be with me."

Vanessa didn't turn around, but Raphael could see her hands bunch into fists and his ears picked up the sound of her teeth clenching.

" Do I think you're shallow? No. I'm just startin' to think that you're a greedy,"

" Stop it." Vanessa whispered.

" Little,"

" Stop," her voice rose a little more.

" Bitch!"

" STOP!" Vanessa screamed, then turned and lunged at Raphael, her balled up fist meeting the exact spot where Leonardo had punched him days before.

" What the fuck is up with everyone punchin' me in the fuckin' jaw!" Raphael yelled in pain and staggered backwards, grabbing at his face, and bringing his eyes up to Vanessa's face. Her chest rose and fell very fast; her fists still sat in tight balls. She said nothing, only held her gaze with Raphael's blank stare. The silence that filled the air was deafening to Raphael, and it seemed to go on forever.

As he held his eyes to hers, Raphael finally noticed Vanessa's demeanor changing. Her face relaxed, as did her tense body, and he watched as her hands uncurled. He looked back into her eyes where the anger had disappeared and fear had taken its place. It was in that moment that Raphael felt something stir inside of him, and he realized he wanted Vanessa more than ever.

" Raph," Vanessa whimpered. " I'm sorry."

Before she could finish her apology, Vanessa suddenly felt herself wrapped in Raphael's strong arms and his lips firmly against hers. She panicked at first and wanted to push him away, but his kiss became deeper and more passionate, and Vanessa melted right into him. Raphael's lips then traveled down her neck to her collarbone and she tightened her claws into his shoulders. As she began to pull Raphael up the stairs, a low growl echoed up Vanessa's throat as she spoke.

" God, you are such an ass."

Later that evening, Raphael bolted upright and tried to regain his breath from the horrible dream he had just experienced. He shook his head and rubbed at his eyes, then started to focus around the room, which he knew right away didn't belong to him. Raphael then realized what had happened. He looked over at Vanessa, who was silently sleeping next to him, and he smiled as he recalled the long hours of lovemaking they had endured. He stroked her wavy auburn hair, then looked away as the tears welled up in his eyes. He loved Vanessa more than life itself, but Raphael knew he couldn't give her the life she wanted, and it pained him greatly.

"I'm sorry Vanessa," He bent down and kiss her on the forehead. " I just can't do this."

Raphael slowly slipped out of Vanessa's bed and dressed, then turned around and looked at her sleeping form once more before walking out the door, and out of her life.