Depression – Part II in the Unrequited Love in Five Easy Steps series
Robin

Starfire is so beautiful it hurts.

I can't help but look at her and stare. She walks as if she's floating and it's an art. Her smiles are a beautiful entity all on their own and her eyes spark with a glow of green and…and…and I can't help but wish she were only looking at me.

I reach out in my mind's eye a hundred times a day to caress her flawless skin. I think about doing it in the real world and prepare to put my thoughts into action.

I ready myself for the boldest move I've ever made and she looks my way. Her eyes lock with mine and I'm trapped like a deer. Her compassionate eyes look at me with curiosity and the spell is broken.

I bolt.

Later I will make up some excuse for my sudden and strange behavior, but for now I can only hide in the darkness of my room. I speed-walk with as much dignity as possible. I avoid the others and hope that no one will question me on my way to my room. No one comes.

The shadows comfort me in their stillness. Unlike the brightness of day, I know they will only move if I move. They will react to my action. They will do as I predict.

I wish Starfire would do as I predict. And yet, I know she will not. Can not.

I expect things from her that she is incapable of giving. I forget that she is inhuman – alien. Even Beast Boy, green and elfin, is more human than she. She is my Martian in Earthling clothing. Or rather, my Tamaranian in Earthling appearance.

And that hurts.

These things play over and over in my mind and each time something different happens. I tell her over and over that I love her. She accepts my love. She rejects me cruelly. She becomes angry but accepts me later. She…

But none of it will happen and none of it is real. I've already told her and she has already shown me her reaction.

I told her I love her and she smiled. Starfire's magnificent eyes widened a tiny fraction and my heart pounded fast. I knew she was going to say she loved me back. I could see it in her face, in her open caring expression.

And then my world fell apart. Then I knew I should never have revealed my deepest thoughts. Because she cocked her head to the side and she smiled a bigger smile and walked away.

I was devastated.

I deluded myself for a few moments more, telling myself that she was only shocked. But Starfire was never shocked. She often misunderstood, but never got surprised. Not unless it was about little things like drifting apart.

It somehow ended up that I was surprised. I heard her talking to Raven. She asked her what was love. Raven did her best. Raven tried to explain an emotion she never let herself feel. And Raven explained it well.

But Starfire couldn't understand. She never rejected me. She just did not understand.

Starfire, for all her care and beauty, didn't understand love.

For her love is just a word.

And affection is the most she can give.

She's still beautiful to me. And it hurts.

AN: So, Robin is being all angsty. Big surprise? Probably not. Starfire? Probably. I never REALLY thought of her as being so heartless, and I really do believe she has the capacity for love. I'm all for Robin/Starfire. Just didn't happen in this one. It wasn't for this fic.

Raven's up next, and she's feeling thoughtful. Kind of. I guess everyone is, but she's feeling more mellow than the rest. As always, please review.