Bargaining – Part III in the Unrequited Love in Five Easy Steps series
Raven

I have a demon inside me. It flails and it roars and it rages. I want it to stop. I would do anything to make it stop.

Meditation is nothing but a medication treating the symptoms. It does nothing to attack the problem. And really, there is nothing to be done about the 'problem.' I mean, it's actually half of my genetic material. How do I destroy half of myself? Without killing all of me, that is.

If there were a way, I would know about it. I read too much not to have known about it. Those books in my room? They aren't for decoration.

Some of them had solutions. Well, false ones, anyway. I tried them. I tried to exorcise the demon within. It wasn't possible. But most people don't actually have to deal with half-demons.

I even tried to use the exorcisms that were for full humans dealing with full demons possessing their body. That certainly didn't work. I ended up feeling sicker than I ever had before. Dr. Light will probably never fully recover.

So I gave them up. Well, gave up in a relative sort of way. I still look. I just don't really expect to find anything. It's a fully human half-hearted attempt. So I look to the people around me for support.

I know Beast Boy wants to like me. I can see it in his eyes and his aura every time I pass by him. Every time I run by his side into battle. But he never actually acts on it.

I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. Sometimes I think about going into his mind, but I don't think he would like that very much. I'm not even sure that I would survive the encounter with his full-on mind. Though he is immature, he is very powerful. Anyone with morphing powers like his is powerful.

Beast Boy is just too immature to leash it. Or maybe he's just too scared. Once he has it under control, that's it. There's nowhere to go but forward. By being stuck in this phase, he never has to grow up. He's a real, living Peter Pan. Green skin for tights, but it all works out the same.

And once he's all grown up, all he has to do is keep control. Maintaining control is harder than gaining it. Much, much harder. I would know.

And the other Titans are hurting. There is so much I would give to heal their hurts. If I could be sure that giving it all up wouldn't destroy the world. It's a little bit pointless to heal someone, only to blow up their planet.

Cyborg is so angry. I can no longer meditate near him. My own thoughtless cavern only echoes his anger and awakens my own rage. I want to give him peace of mind. I want to give him happiness. I could do it, if…

It always comes down to ifs. If I had this. If I could do that. But I can't. If – there's the word again – the Gods were merciful, they would let me do this without hurting them all over again.

But I have to wonder if they can hear my pleas above the fully humane of us. Or if my demon half reduces my plea's worth by half as well.

I saw Robin rejected by our resident stranger. And he is bleeding inside. It hurts so badly for him. I can feel it in my own heart. It's a stabbing pain every time he sees her – and he sees her often.

She is oblivious. Starfire doesn't understand. She can 'love' as much as anyone can. But she is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. She has the knowledge. She utilizes it to her utmost potential.

I can really only explain it in this way. There are certain emphases on words in the English language. In a girly, cutesy sort of way I could (but I wouldn't) ask Starfire, "Do you like him? Or do you like him?"

She would never understand. She would think I was repeating myself. She would reply, "I like him."

The nuance is lost on her. And therein is her trouble. She knows what love is. But she doesn't know. And I get the feeling she never will - here that is.

I meditate and I pray to the Gods. I pray to them that they will grant peace to me. And that they will heal my friends. I will give anything. I will do anything.

And by everything I mean nothing. For there is nothing I can do.

I only wish there was.

AN: I think Raven was probably one of my better characterizations. I really enjoyed writing Beast Boy, but unfortunately for you, Starfire is next. She was really, really hard for me. I can't even begin to describe the difficulty I had with her. You'll see that it's not as good as the other. Or at least I don't think so.

In any case, please review. It makes my day. And helps me write better. Constructive critism is ALWAYS appreciated. And flames make me laugh. Anything will do!