Denial – Part IV
in the Unrequited Love in Five Easy Steps series
Starfire
Perhaps I should start at the beginning. I was born into the monarchy of the planet Tamaran. My mother and father were somewhat close, but they left the parenting to my k'norfka as was the custom. My k'norfka was one of the best, as was set by the standards for a princess, and taught me the values of a Tamaranian Princess well.
Obviously things were not so well for my sister.
But that is not of the matter. My k'norfka taught me about friendship, caring, acceptance and forgiveness. I understand all of these things. I do not understand this concept of 'love.' I do not understand the practicality of it.
My friends will say that love is not practical. But are not all things to be practical? Friends are excellent for companionship and alliance. Caring is good to maintain relationships. To care ensures a high-quality rapport. Acceptance and forgiveness is also a maintenance tool. I will accept many things within a relationship.
For example, the new rising of hatred within the Earth people's world for the homosexuals is surprising. There have been homosexuals since the time of the Greeks. If one believes in Christianity, it is in evidence there. But I would accept my friend 'coming out of the utility shed.'
Robin told me that he loved me. He had such sad eyes when I smiled at him. I didn't know what to say. I could have said I loved him back, but I didn't think it was appropriate. I asked dear friend Raven what love was.
She told me it was an emotion. I knew that. Many things I understand about humans and emotion – emotion being an integral part of my being, I understood that much.
Then she told me that it was an extended (or perhaps she said expanded?) version of friendship and caring. As I said before, I understand friendship and care. But how does one extend those feelings?
These concepts are rather ridiculous, if one were to ask me. I mean, friends are friends. During the ordeal with my sister and the snot being I was touched by Robin's concern for me. I think I understand now that it was not only out of friendship that he was concerned.
I guess my attempt at humanity has fallen short. Perhaps it would be best if I were to leave. I can deny the feelings Robin has for me, but I can feel his hurt every time I see him. I can tell it affects Raven as well. She gets a strange look on her face each time I and Robin are in the same room.
Maybe emotional repression is a good thing. Of course, this would be detrimental to my powers. But it seems to me that Robin would be better off with a containment of his emotional aura. I do not completely understand the intricacies of the human anatomy, but it is clear to me that Robin is making foolish decisions in his time of emotional trauma.
Sometimes I find myself wishing I had just said I loved him. But it is not the truth. Or at least as I understand it. Perhaps there are particulars to this emotion that I am not aware of. For it seems to me that parents tell their children they love them on this planet. And they certainly could not mean that they would like to start a romantic relationship, could it?
That is some highly disturbing information. I shall have to research this extensively. Am I realizing the pain I am putting others through by my 'rejection' of dear friend Robin? Perhaps. I don't really care to look. One day, possibly.
Until then, I am content with knowing that love is impractical.
AN: Well, that was...hard. But, I thought it was a little bit of a prelude to the future. Just because the future isn't set in stone doesn't mean there's more than one road to the same place. In any case, Beast Boy is up next, and is the last. Last but not least. Definitely not least. Please review!