A/N: You know I don't think I could do any stories without writing it in first person; At least I have a signature writing, I'll add different POVs in this fic!
Disclaimer: I will, must, have to; remember to add these to my fics, so all and everything I have written in Harry potter fan fiction are based on the books of our very well loved J.K. Rowling! w00t
I fell flat on the floor after the swirl of colors, that transported me ended, trying to regain my senses I pinched the bridge of my nose. I got up; swooning a little bit, but I caught myself. I dusted myself off a bit, and looked around to see my surroundings. It was huge, it was a very big house, I was shorter, much shorter, and I was thirteen. This was so weird. I was afraid to speak, afraid to hear the same scratchy voice a thirteen year old has.
I continued to look at that house, I took a step, suddenly fear enveloped me. "How can I do this?" I asked myself, "I killed them, they'll hate me, why should I ruin their peace, I'll ruin everything." I thought disappointedly, "they'll hate me, I can't do this!". I paced back and forth repeating the same sentence, glancing at the big oak double doors. The memories came again; I was willing the memories away, why couldn't they have gotten rid of these stupid memories! I stopped pacing, sat on the floor and stared at the doors. The memories, flashing by, tears ran down my face, I put my head in my hands, they'll hate me, I just, I just can't do this.
Sirius POV
"What's taking him so long, Moony!" I asked Remus, once again, I wondered briefly how he could be so patient, maybe I should stop asking the same question repeatedly, NAH. Remus looked at me, and raised one eyebrow.
"Sirius, it may take awhile, you know how long it takes to explain these types of things, and Harry is prone to ask many questions" Remus answered, again, for the millionth time.
"I know, but I haven't seen him, for like, forever! I haven't been there for him, what if he hates me!" I asked, my worries surfacing again.
"He won't hate you, he loved you more than you know, and he was devastated when you fell through the veil." Remus said. I sighed, and looked at my hands.
"I guess, I just wish I was there for him for the whole war, when I saw that you died, I couldn't take it, how can he take so much!" I asked.
"He's a strong kid, easy to love." Said Remus, I agreed whole-heartedly. I got up and started pacing.
"What's taking him so long!" I asked again, this time Remus sighed and gave me a look, okay one million one was his breaking point, got to remember that.
"If it'll make you feel any better why don't you wait outside." Remus suggested, good idea!
"Yeah okay, I'll go do that." I said, heading to the entranceway, I opened the big oak doors, I was about to take a step out when I saw a mop of black hair. The person was sitting on the floor, looking down. I stepped inside real quick and whispered harshly.
"Moony!" Remus walked over to me with a "what now?" face.
"Look, is that who I think it is?" I asked, eagerly. Remus looked out, he nodded with a smile, but it quickly turned into a frown.
"What's he doing?" Remus asked, concern creeping into his voice. Remus had gotten closer to Harry, when Sirius fell through the veil, and quite frankly this worried him…..a lot.
Remus and I stared at the short boy, the now thirteen-year-old boy. Sitting on the floor. His shoulders started to shake, and we knew instantly that he was not happy at all.
I ran to him, putting my arms around him. He stiffened immediately.
Harry POV
I tried to hold the crying in; I never grieved like most people. I usually, felt the pain right when they died, then put on a hard façade, till it broke. It broke, my shoulders started to shake, the memories all the memories. I lost everyone, now I had them back and all I could do was cry, for I couldn't imagine them loving me, when I was the reason they died.
I felt arms wrap around me, my reflexes kicked in and I stiffened immediately. The hug felt oddly familiar, a memory of me in the hospital wing right after the third task, a memory of leaving for the trial, when I used magic on the dementors, the memory of me leaving right after Christmas, in my fifth year. The same hug, same smell, same warmth, it was Sirius, he was hugging me.
Did people who hate you hug you? I asked myself, trying to calm down.
"Shh, Harry, it's going to be okay." He said softly.
Did people who hate you comfort you? I asked myself, slowly calming down.
"I love you Harry, you're like the son I never had." Sirius said, I calmed down right after that. I composed myself, and looked at Sirius, he looked younger, like Azkaban never existed, so did Remus; was he a werewolf anymore? Sirius helped me up, I dusted myself off. Remus gave me a one-armed hug, and one of his famous reassuring smiles.
"I've missed you so much, I can't say you've grown, but you're size has changed." Sirius said, I smiled, half-heartedly. I looked at the house; it was big, huge, get-lost-in big!
"Wow that old guy went all out for you guys, didn't he?" I said, as my voice echoed through the house, I was slightly startled by this.
"Yeah he did a lot, to make us agree with him. Hermione and Ron are dying to see you again though; I remember when Hermione came to the afterlife, she practically screaming at the old guy to send her back. It was Ron who calmed her down." Said Sirius.
"Yeah I missed you guys, a lot. It- it was hard to fight with so little." I said. Sirius and Remus smiled comfortingly.
"It was hard for us too. The afterlife may be great, but things weren't them same." Remus said.
"Did you meet my mum and dad up there?" I asked, that was one reason I wanted to die.
"Oh yes, they wanted to be with you so bad, they wanted to come here, but the old guy wouldn't let them, I had to hold back Sirius, he was about to knock his face out." Said Remus. I sighed; I wish I could have met them, right before I left. I thought.
"Don't worry Harry; I'm sure here will be nice. In this reality, you died and killed off ol' Voldie when you were just one, and we died from trying to save you. This will be quite a shock for James and Lily. But You, Remus and I need to be in disguise so the secret doesn't get out." Said Sirius, I half expected Remus to say that. I nodded, excited about meeting my parents, even if it was in a different reality.
We toured the house, my room was big, it was done in Gryffindor colors, I wasn't surprised, we were all Gryffindors in this house. I walked into my room, and laid on my bed. Looking at the ceiling, I got lost in my thoughts, I figured that Sirius and Remus sensed that I needed time alone, I heard them leave.
Remus POV
Sirius looked forlorn as he closed the door. I had a good idea what was bothering him, and gave him a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder. We walked to one of the many sitting rooms, and I sat down on one of the chairs as Sirius plopped down on the sofa. He looked at me sadly,
"I don't know what to do, it's like he's broken apart beyond fixing1 I should've been smarter, and kept my guard up, I should've been there for him, and not fallen through the veil!" Sirius exclaimed, of course he was blaming himself again. I put my hand up,
"Sirius, it's not just you, he's had a lot taken from him, be here for him now, don't ponder the "what ifs." He's been through so much; he doesn't need you to be guilty of things he probably doesn't even blame you for. If I know Harry, and I do, he's probably blaming himself. What kind of example are you setting, doing the exact same thing? Be strong Sirius, be strong for him." I said, looking at him encouragingly.
He sat silently, and looked at me with determination, and nodded, something I would expect from my old friend.
"You're right moony." He said, smiling.
"When am I not right," I said playfully, Sirius just grinned and got up.
"I'm going to check on Harry, and get some sleep. We're going to the Weasleys tomorrow, we have a lot of preparations to do." Said Sirius. I nodded, and took a book that was on a side table. I was trying to sort my mind out, a book would put me at ease, I watched Sirius head out, I was left alone to my thoughts. All my thoughts were mainly on Harry, he's changed so much, but is still so much like himself. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days where he was sneaking out of Hogwarts to go to hogsmeade with his friends.
Now, smiles seem so rare, and true happiness happens so little. I wish I could give it all to him, I guess that is what many would wish. Now, he's going to see his parents, I wonder how Lily and James are fairing here, without us that is, I wonder if they had any kids. I would think they would. It would probably not be good to let all of our life on them, especially Harry's; we'll have to take this a little bit at a time. Not just with them, but we got open up Harry, and help him a little bit at a time.
I sighed and opened my book, getting enraptured, in the intellectual intricacies.
Sirius POV
I walked down the hallway, my room directly across Harry's; I knocked softly on Harry's room, and opened the door slowly. Harry was there, sleeping on his bed, he seemed restless. I drew closer, I watched his face scrunch up, and he was sweating all over. He was mouthing words, and tears fell from his face. I rarely saw Harry cry, it shook me up to see him do it twice in one day; well maybe while he's asleep didn't count. I cared for him so much; I wanted to be there for him.
I snaked my hands under his back and laid his head on my lap. He was so much younger, but so old. He seemed to never get a peaceful sleep; he seemed to calm down a bit with me near. I brushed away his tears, and ran my hands through his hair. His face relaxed a little but his body was so tense. I thought of song Lily used to sing, I know it sounded so corny, but seeing him right now, I couldn't help but feel paternal.
Fall away
Rock into slumber
Let your imagination soar
Don't let your heart encumber
Your dreams
I remembered the first time I saw him, they asked me if I was the father, I just laughed and pointed at James who fainted to the ground. The nurse blushed, and revived him.
They put him in my arms, and my breath was taken. He became apart of me, he was like a son. I came to their house everyday, making up silly excuses, just to visit him. The Potters just looked at me with knowing smiles, as I spun little Harry around.
For I am here, to hold you near
I am here, to wipe away your tears
I am here to wash away your fears
You are my very own, you are mine
With you the world stops, there isn't time
Let your soul rest
In the bed of divinities
Take your sword on imaginary quests
And fall off into unknown worlds
Let your spirits fly away
Over vast mountains
Let your mind drift and stay
Doze into the life's fountains
When I saw him in that rubble, his parents gone, I vowed to protect him, to be there. But he was taken from me. I was so miserable, I wasn't thinking, it was Pettigrew's fault this happened. I was driven by my sorrow I sought out for the rat, He won, I was unjustly imprisoned, and I had failed Harry. I lost hope for a while; it took a newspaper, and Harry's name to revive that paternal fire.
For I am here, to hold you near
I am here, to wipe away your tears
I am here, to wash away your fears
You are my very own, you are mine
With you the world stops, there isn't time
Close your eyes and be pulled away
Into the land you were led astray
Grab on to the lullabies
Of anxious muses
Who try
To take the world you insist on holding
Let it go, let your heart have molding
Don't resist your tired urges
Faint away into the deep
Take all the time to heart's content and
Let yourself sleep
When I saw him, at Hogwarts, he was everything I wanted in a son, even more so. He became my pride; he looked to me as father. He confided in me when he wasn't sure of himself. When I heard that he went right into Voldemort's trap, I had to keep my promise, but I ended up breaking it, with my foolishness. It won't happen again.
For I am here to hold you near
I am here, to wipe away your tears
I am here, to wash away your fears
You are my very own, you are mine
With you the world stops, there isn't time
My voice faded, as I saw Harry, sleeping peacefully. He seemed so much younger. I loved him, from now on; I'll never let anything hurt him. I'll never leave him all alone, without any will to live. He's all I got, him and Remus, they're my family, and I'll do everything to protect them.
For I am here to hold you near
I am here, to wipe away you tears
I am here, to wash away your fears
You are my very own, you are mine
With you the world stops, there isn't time
A/N: yet again, an immensely short chapter, well in my terms it is, 2500 words, is kind of short for me when I'm used to 3500-5000….lol I know the ending was kind of corny, but I wanted to add to the angst a bit, and give off the feelings of the three. I hope you like the different POVs….and the little song I made. It didn't take me too long I used one of my poems and morphed it into a song/lullaby; I thought it would fit well in here. I hope you guys are enjoying this! Thanks for reading, please review!
Side note: AHH finally, this sites been down for 2 days! I've had this written up for two whole days! evil!
Reviewers!
Atrista Starr: Thank you very much, I'm a big, alternate dimension fan along with a Sirius fan, anyway to get Sirius alive and kicking, I'll write it, so I wanted to give a unique flare to it, I do it with all my stories. Lol. Thanks for reviewing!
Ickle-princess: my loyal reviewer, you and me, we shall rule the world, with our write and review techniques…lol thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm updating my other fic soon, it's kind of fun to write two fics at once…lol