Author's Note: Hey, to all of you who are still reading this. I'm glad that
you decided to check back on it. I'm thinking that the meeting between
Brooke and Nathan will be in the next chapter. I'm having a little trouble
thinking of what she should say to him and stuff like that, so if you have
any ideas of suggestion, please let me know. Thanks for the reviews and
please keep them coming. Anyways, think that's about it. So, I'm done and
I'll let Peyton take over.
OTH
Peyton's POV
The only thing that I find worse than getting bad news, is having to give it. Especially if you have to give it to someone you love. It makes you feel just horrible about yourself, like you are some how responsible for causing whatever it is that happened. Like, when I told Haley that she couldn't have children, I just wanted to die right there. The look of shock, then the angry and then the pure devastation was just way too much for me to handle. I don't think I've ever seen Haley like that. I didn't think it was possible for her to look like that. I'll I've ever seen her do is smile at me. No matter how hurt or upset she was, she would always smile. It was like she didn't want me to see her cry, like I would think less of her or something. That couldn't be further from the truth, though. But when I told her that, I don't think she cared about hiding anymore, she was just too hurt. I should have known she would react this way. Haley comes from a big family, I think there are six kids or totally, or maybe she has six other sibling, I can't remember right now since I've only ever met her sister Kate, she was pretty cool. Haley was always talking about how she wanted a big family too. She just couldn't wait till she had kids. What was it she always said...There's nothing more satisfying like raising a child. Now she can never have that, she won't get to be the amazing mother I just know she would have been. I think the whole situation is finally starting to sink in for her cause her mask is slowly starting to crumble in front of us. A person like Haley can only take so much pain and bad news in one day before she breaks. And I think I finally may have broken her.
OTH
"That ah, that now you can't...you won't be able to...you won't be able to have children anymore." There, I said it. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel better for about two seconds, but then I see her face. My stomach tops to my feet. She looks like she's in shock. "Hales?"
"What?" she asks, her voice is so low, I could barely hear it. Actually, I don't think I did, but I saw her lips move and I know what she asked. Her eyes wonder back up to meet mine and my heart breaks at the genuinely lost look in her eyes.
"Last night," I began, surprised that my voice cracks. I look down at our linked hand for a second before looking back up at her. I have to be the brave one here. She's the one that keeps getting this horrible stuff happen to her, she needs to be able to break. "The doctor told us that you, ah you, you can't have children anymore."
"How?" she says. This time I actually hear the words come out of her mouth. Wow, her voice doesn't crack of nothing. How did I never know she was this strong before? I would have be a complete wreck long before this.
"I don't know, sweetie," I tell her. I've never been one to use the word sweetie when referring to my best friends before. I may occasionally call a boyfriend that, but never Haley or Brooke. I don't know why, it just always seemed so superficial, especially coming from me. I'm just not a sweetie kind of person, but if there was ever a perfect time for it, it was now.
"He didn't tell you?"
"He didn't know himself," I explain. "He did ask if this was your first time."
"What did you say?" she questions. "You're the only person I've ever told that I was a virgin so I know it was you that answered him. What did you say?"
"Well, I told him it was," I answered. I think I know what she's getting at and I was thinking the same thing at the time. I quickly squeeze her hand. "Hey, I know this doesn't really count. This doesn't make you a slut or anything. Nobodies going to look at you any differently." Okay, even I'm not buying that. Of course people are going to look at her differently.
"Of course people are going to look at me differently," she snaps. Oh, here comes the anger. I have to admit; I thought it would have come out a lot sooner. "I'm sick of all you people coming in here and trying to act like everything is the same. Everything is not the same. In fact, they couldn't be any more different."
"Hales, come on..."
"Everyone is avoiding saying it," Haley pointed out. She is right, hell I'm avoiding even thinking it. Just thinking about what Nathan did to her is even to make me ill. "You're all walking around on eggshells about it, acting like I'm in here for the flu or something. No bodies saying it."
"Saying what?" I'm not sure what she's getting at.
"That I was raped!" she screams. It wasn't that loud, but it certainly wasn't for lack of trying. I think it's because of the lack of food and water. I've heard Haley scream before, if she were up to full health, there would have been no person in this hospital that didn't hear it. "Nathan raped me. Okay, there it is. Did I break? No. That's what everyone has been so afraid to say."
"We aren't afraid, Haley," I tell her. I am so lying. "They're just words." She looks at me straight in the eyes, not even blinking. Oh, no. I know what's coming. I take it back. We are afraid, I am afraid. Please don't say what I know you're going to say.
"Then say it," she states. There it is. I can't believe I was so stupid that I didn't see this coming. I know Haley better than that. She's looking in my eyes and I know she can see the begging in them, she just doesn't care. "Come on, Pey, you can do it. They're just words." She's mocking me.
"Haley, please," I beg. I have to fight to get past the thump that has formed in my throat. I shallow and it hurts. "Don't make me say it."
"Why not?" she asks. She can't be serious. Does she honestly think that I can just scream it at the top of my lungs like she did? She may be brave, but I'm not. I'm a coward and I'm not afraid to admit it.
"Hales..."
"I can say it," she continues. Our hands have long been disconnected from each other. "I was raped by my boyfriend. That's all you have to say. Come on, Pey, I know you can do it."
"No, I can't," I blow up, getting off the bed to pace the room. "You think this is easy for me? You think I enjoy watching my best friend suffer? What, like I get some sort of sick pleasure from it or something?" I glance at her and her expression hasn't changed. She's still angry as hell, but now so am I.
"I'm just asking you to say it," she states in a robotic tone. It sends chills up my spine because I have never heard or seen her like this.
"I can't," I tell her. "If I say it, I'm going to break down right here. I can't do that to you, you need someone strong. That person is not me, okay, Brooke's your girl for that." I lean against the door and rest my head against to calm myself down. "I've had to deal with my fair share of pain in my life, but I have never felt like this before. I feel like every time I see you, my heart breaks just a little bit more."
"I know that it's hard, Pey," Haley replies. Well, at least she knows that. She was acting like this whole situation doesn't affect me. "But I need you to say it."
"Why?" I sigh. I know I sound pathetic, but I really don't care right now. I will do anything to not have to say it. "Why do you need me to say it? Why are you trying to destroy me?"
"Come here," she says, motioning towards the bed. She can tell that I'm about to breakdown, but then again, I think anyone could tell right now. I slowly walk back over and sit down on the bed. She opens her arms and crawl further up and lay down so I'm right beside her. I rest my head on her shoulder and drape my arm over her stomach. She wraps her arm around me and pulls me closer. "You have to say it."
"I can't," I mumble into her shoulder. I sound like a baby and I don't care one bit. I don't care that we must look like a couple of morons; it feels too comforting to care. She runs her hands through my hair. "If I say it, then it'll be real."
"You have to get past it," she explains. My grip tightens on her stomach and she plants a kiss on the top of my head. "You can't just keep pretending it didn't happen, if you do, you'll never get over it. You need to expect that it happened and in situations like this, saying it is the best way to do that."
"But what if it just makes it worse?"
"I was raped and robbed of future children," she points out. I have to close my eyes to stop the tears from spilling over at her words. She says it like it's nothing. "And you're shaking in fear in my arms. Do you really think it can get any worse?" She does have a point.
"I guess not."
"Then say it," she pushes. She puts her other hand on top of mine that's resting on her stomach. "I'm right here, nothing bad is going to happen, I promise." I'm still not sure if I can do it, but then she says the thing that she knew was going to put me over the edge. "Do it for me."
"You don't play fair," I mumble. I can feel her giggle under my hand. I take a deep breath and tighten my grip even more if that's possible. "He raped you." I state. It took all of my strength just to say those three words, but she was right, I do real a little better. "Nathan raped you."
"See," she whispers in my hair. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" I want to tell her that that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but instead I shake my head.
"No," I choke out. Finally the tears make their appearance. I've been waiting for them. Neither of us more to clean them off, and I can tell that she crying too. Neither of us move from our positions, we stay wrapped in each other's arms because I think that we are both afraid what might happen if we let go.
"Do you feel better now?" I nod my head a little, but I know she saw it. It's not like I magically feel wonderful about the whole situation, I don't at all really, but I know that she was right. I'm comforted by this feeling that maybe everything wasn't lost last night, that maybe we can someday get back to the way we were. Maybe we can all be happy again after all.
OTH
That's all for now. Please tell me what you think. Also, if you have any suggestions for the big confrontation next chapter, please let me know. Thanks.
OTH
Peyton's POV
The only thing that I find worse than getting bad news, is having to give it. Especially if you have to give it to someone you love. It makes you feel just horrible about yourself, like you are some how responsible for causing whatever it is that happened. Like, when I told Haley that she couldn't have children, I just wanted to die right there. The look of shock, then the angry and then the pure devastation was just way too much for me to handle. I don't think I've ever seen Haley like that. I didn't think it was possible for her to look like that. I'll I've ever seen her do is smile at me. No matter how hurt or upset she was, she would always smile. It was like she didn't want me to see her cry, like I would think less of her or something. That couldn't be further from the truth, though. But when I told her that, I don't think she cared about hiding anymore, she was just too hurt. I should have known she would react this way. Haley comes from a big family, I think there are six kids or totally, or maybe she has six other sibling, I can't remember right now since I've only ever met her sister Kate, she was pretty cool. Haley was always talking about how she wanted a big family too. She just couldn't wait till she had kids. What was it she always said...There's nothing more satisfying like raising a child. Now she can never have that, she won't get to be the amazing mother I just know she would have been. I think the whole situation is finally starting to sink in for her cause her mask is slowly starting to crumble in front of us. A person like Haley can only take so much pain and bad news in one day before she breaks. And I think I finally may have broken her.
OTH
"That ah, that now you can't...you won't be able to...you won't be able to have children anymore." There, I said it. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel better for about two seconds, but then I see her face. My stomach tops to my feet. She looks like she's in shock. "Hales?"
"What?" she asks, her voice is so low, I could barely hear it. Actually, I don't think I did, but I saw her lips move and I know what she asked. Her eyes wonder back up to meet mine and my heart breaks at the genuinely lost look in her eyes.
"Last night," I began, surprised that my voice cracks. I look down at our linked hand for a second before looking back up at her. I have to be the brave one here. She's the one that keeps getting this horrible stuff happen to her, she needs to be able to break. "The doctor told us that you, ah you, you can't have children anymore."
"How?" she says. This time I actually hear the words come out of her mouth. Wow, her voice doesn't crack of nothing. How did I never know she was this strong before? I would have be a complete wreck long before this.
"I don't know, sweetie," I tell her. I've never been one to use the word sweetie when referring to my best friends before. I may occasionally call a boyfriend that, but never Haley or Brooke. I don't know why, it just always seemed so superficial, especially coming from me. I'm just not a sweetie kind of person, but if there was ever a perfect time for it, it was now.
"He didn't tell you?"
"He didn't know himself," I explain. "He did ask if this was your first time."
"What did you say?" she questions. "You're the only person I've ever told that I was a virgin so I know it was you that answered him. What did you say?"
"Well, I told him it was," I answered. I think I know what she's getting at and I was thinking the same thing at the time. I quickly squeeze her hand. "Hey, I know this doesn't really count. This doesn't make you a slut or anything. Nobodies going to look at you any differently." Okay, even I'm not buying that. Of course people are going to look at her differently.
"Of course people are going to look at me differently," she snaps. Oh, here comes the anger. I have to admit; I thought it would have come out a lot sooner. "I'm sick of all you people coming in here and trying to act like everything is the same. Everything is not the same. In fact, they couldn't be any more different."
"Hales, come on..."
"Everyone is avoiding saying it," Haley pointed out. She is right, hell I'm avoiding even thinking it. Just thinking about what Nathan did to her is even to make me ill. "You're all walking around on eggshells about it, acting like I'm in here for the flu or something. No bodies saying it."
"Saying what?" I'm not sure what she's getting at.
"That I was raped!" she screams. It wasn't that loud, but it certainly wasn't for lack of trying. I think it's because of the lack of food and water. I've heard Haley scream before, if she were up to full health, there would have been no person in this hospital that didn't hear it. "Nathan raped me. Okay, there it is. Did I break? No. That's what everyone has been so afraid to say."
"We aren't afraid, Haley," I tell her. I am so lying. "They're just words." She looks at me straight in the eyes, not even blinking. Oh, no. I know what's coming. I take it back. We are afraid, I am afraid. Please don't say what I know you're going to say.
"Then say it," she states. There it is. I can't believe I was so stupid that I didn't see this coming. I know Haley better than that. She's looking in my eyes and I know she can see the begging in them, she just doesn't care. "Come on, Pey, you can do it. They're just words." She's mocking me.
"Haley, please," I beg. I have to fight to get past the thump that has formed in my throat. I shallow and it hurts. "Don't make me say it."
"Why not?" she asks. She can't be serious. Does she honestly think that I can just scream it at the top of my lungs like she did? She may be brave, but I'm not. I'm a coward and I'm not afraid to admit it.
"Hales..."
"I can say it," she continues. Our hands have long been disconnected from each other. "I was raped by my boyfriend. That's all you have to say. Come on, Pey, I know you can do it."
"No, I can't," I blow up, getting off the bed to pace the room. "You think this is easy for me? You think I enjoy watching my best friend suffer? What, like I get some sort of sick pleasure from it or something?" I glance at her and her expression hasn't changed. She's still angry as hell, but now so am I.
"I'm just asking you to say it," she states in a robotic tone. It sends chills up my spine because I have never heard or seen her like this.
"I can't," I tell her. "If I say it, I'm going to break down right here. I can't do that to you, you need someone strong. That person is not me, okay, Brooke's your girl for that." I lean against the door and rest my head against to calm myself down. "I've had to deal with my fair share of pain in my life, but I have never felt like this before. I feel like every time I see you, my heart breaks just a little bit more."
"I know that it's hard, Pey," Haley replies. Well, at least she knows that. She was acting like this whole situation doesn't affect me. "But I need you to say it."
"Why?" I sigh. I know I sound pathetic, but I really don't care right now. I will do anything to not have to say it. "Why do you need me to say it? Why are you trying to destroy me?"
"Come here," she says, motioning towards the bed. She can tell that I'm about to breakdown, but then again, I think anyone could tell right now. I slowly walk back over and sit down on the bed. She opens her arms and crawl further up and lay down so I'm right beside her. I rest my head on her shoulder and drape my arm over her stomach. She wraps her arm around me and pulls me closer. "You have to say it."
"I can't," I mumble into her shoulder. I sound like a baby and I don't care one bit. I don't care that we must look like a couple of morons; it feels too comforting to care. She runs her hands through my hair. "If I say it, then it'll be real."
"You have to get past it," she explains. My grip tightens on her stomach and she plants a kiss on the top of my head. "You can't just keep pretending it didn't happen, if you do, you'll never get over it. You need to expect that it happened and in situations like this, saying it is the best way to do that."
"But what if it just makes it worse?"
"I was raped and robbed of future children," she points out. I have to close my eyes to stop the tears from spilling over at her words. She says it like it's nothing. "And you're shaking in fear in my arms. Do you really think it can get any worse?" She does have a point.
"I guess not."
"Then say it," she pushes. She puts her other hand on top of mine that's resting on her stomach. "I'm right here, nothing bad is going to happen, I promise." I'm still not sure if I can do it, but then she says the thing that she knew was going to put me over the edge. "Do it for me."
"You don't play fair," I mumble. I can feel her giggle under my hand. I take a deep breath and tighten my grip even more if that's possible. "He raped you." I state. It took all of my strength just to say those three words, but she was right, I do real a little better. "Nathan raped you."
"See," she whispers in my hair. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" I want to tell her that that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but instead I shake my head.
"No," I choke out. Finally the tears make their appearance. I've been waiting for them. Neither of us more to clean them off, and I can tell that she crying too. Neither of us move from our positions, we stay wrapped in each other's arms because I think that we are both afraid what might happen if we let go.
"Do you feel better now?" I nod my head a little, but I know she saw it. It's not like I magically feel wonderful about the whole situation, I don't at all really, but I know that she was right. I'm comforted by this feeling that maybe everything wasn't lost last night, that maybe we can someday get back to the way we were. Maybe we can all be happy again after all.
OTH
That's all for now. Please tell me what you think. Also, if you have any suggestions for the big confrontation next chapter, please let me know. Thanks.