Hi everyone. We've got snow here, so I'm huddled up with my hot chocolate. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Thanks for your reviews also. A couple of them got me thinking and have influenced the chapter after this next one. More of that later.
Thanks to JessiokaFroka for betareading this chapter even though she was flying to Phoenix the following day.
Chapter Twenty
SOMETHING OF THE NIGHT
A week, almost two went by.
Her mood swings kicked in. Andi found herself one moment full of self-confidence and capability, a great sense of responsibility towards the baby growing inside her; of course she could raise this baby alone, and in the Muggle world if she had to. Her Gran had managed, and that had been almost fifty years ago when there were
untold prejudices against unmarried mothers.
Then the next moment her world would come tumbling down around her and she would collapse into a tearful heap at the loss of Severus, the worry of how he would react when he returned and she told him the news
and the fear of being solely responsible for the welfare of another human being.
She was in the latter mood one evening, sitting in her rooms drowning in self-pity. Sinead O'Connor had been crying in her head throughout the day:
"It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away... "
And in an effort to flush it out, she now sat listening morosely to Getting Sentimental Over You on the gramophone over and over.
There was a knock on the door.
"We thought you needed cheering up," said Vincent as he and Sylvia waltzed in without being asked, armed with wine and chocolates.
"Besides," said Sylvia, going over to the gramophone. "If I hear this fucking tune once more through my wall..." She turned it off.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you could hear it," said Andi, still bewildered at the invasion.
"Your tune, is it?" said Vincent, gently. "Yours and Severus' I mean."
"Something like that," she replied quietly, a bittersweet memory rising of that romantic Christmas Eve when he had been so gentle, so giving, that she had dared to think he might have cared for her a little.
She squashed the memory like a fly.
"Well, come on," said Sylvia pouring and handing Andi a large glass of wine. "Have a drink and a laugh with us. Vincent, tell her about your crap date last night."
"Oh, Gods! Where do I begin?" laughed Vincent, dramatically.
"Dickie's off the agenda then?" said Andi, grinning.
"Dickie!" he screeched. "Once was enough. Sweetie, that woman has been had so many times, when we screwed I swear I never touched the sides!"
Sylvia yelled with delight.
"Vincent, you are evil," Andi scolded, but giggling in spite of herself.
"I was full of anticipation last night," he said. "Unfortunately, I got saddled with a tight-arse - and not the kind I was hoping for..."
"Y'know whacha need," slurred Vincent, an hour and a half later.
"Apart from a bloody good screw," quipped Sylvia.
"Y'need somesing to take y'mind off things - off Sev(hic)Severus."
Andi had sat sipping the same glass of wine, watching the other two get slowly sloshed. Not only was she avoiding alcohol for the baby's sake, but she wanted to remain on her guard. She thought her present volatile state mixed with alcohol might send private problems tumbling from her lips. No one but Albus and Liz knew she and Severus had split up; no one but Liz knew about the baby.
"We have the Easter concert to put together," she told them.
"Tch, no. Somesing y'can get totally immersed in."
"The concert's only a few songs at most," said Sylvia. "You need something bigger."
"Don't we all, darlin'," quipped Vincent, sending himself and Sylvia into gales of raucous laughter.
A trail of thoughts gave Andi the idea.
Yesterday she had seen that awful boy, Nott, for the first time since he'd broken into Severus' quarters on the last day of term and been suspended for a month. He had stared at her insolently, before a smug little grin cracked his face.
How she hated him for rifling through her things; being in the room where she and Severus slept; producing that offensive poster.
It was the poster that brought her thoughts to a head. The words '...Hogwarts...present their...production of..."
"We could do a show!" she said.
"A show?"
"Yes, an end of year show - a musical. What do you think? Do we have the resources? What am I saying? Of course we have the resources, we can magic them up. Do you think Albus would agree?"
"You can only ask."
"And I'd cast the main characters from the sixth-year, as the years either side will be concentrating on exams."
Albus leaned back in his chair and looked at her with a smile. "I am pleased to see you putting your mind to other things, Andrea."
"Yes, well, I think I might go mad otherwise," she said.
"I think it is a wonderful idea. You have my full support."
"Oh, thank you. I'll have a look through my manuscripts and decide which might be the best show, and then I'll run the auditions in a week or so. Thank you, Albus," she smiled at him and stood up. "I needed this. Have you... have you heard from Severus at all?"
"No, my dear. He will not communicate until it is safe to do so."
Andi knew she should leave, that she'd taken up too much of the Headmaster's time, but...
"Albus, why did he go off? I mean, I know-"
"Why do you imagine he went off?"
"You told me he wanted to defend his family name, but-"
"When Snape Towers was attacked, the villains did not only destroy something that had been in proud possession of the Snape family for hundreds of years, they went one more vile step and desecrated the
family crypt. Severus' mother and sister are interred there."
"Oh!" said Andi, mortified. "I had no idea."
"If Voldemort cannot reach his enemies, he will attack those closest to them. With the defilement of his mother and sister's graves, Severus realised how dangerous your association with him had become-"
"Well that's OK then, isn't it, because he's ended the relationship. He doesn't care for me anymore; he never did, so I'm safe."
Albus looked at her carefully. "Do you really believe that?"
"That I'm safe?"
"That Severus doesn't care for you?"
She looked away quickly as tears sprung to her eyes; she sniffed, powerless to stop them.
"Oh, my dear," he said, his voice sounding as though his heart ached for her. "Obviously I cannot know or explain everything that goes on in Severus' mind - he is an expert Occlumens - it is difficult to see beyond the surface of his thoughts; but I truly believe Severus ended your relationship because he cares too much for you. He did not want you in danger.
"I shall leave you to work out why he might have gone away so soon after."
Andi couldn't sleep.
Her meeting with Albus filled her head.
The enthusiasm that had grabbed her with the thought of organising and putting on a show had blinded her to the reality of effectively committing herself to stay at Hogwarts until the end of the school year. Of course she would have to retract the idea - she would be back in the Muggle world by then, with the birth of her baby imminent and the great struggle of being a lone parent stretching before her. At least she would have something of his to love, something that would forever be the link between them - their child. It must have been this very emotion that had kept her Gran going all those years - something of Cornelius' to love and hold when she couldn't have him.
History was repeating itself and it brought Andi a new affinity with her Gran, a fresh appreciation of what she must have gone through and it fortified her, making her view the future with a new optimism, even if it had to be without the man she loved.
And yet...
Albus' words kept going round and round in her brain.
Severus cared for her? Was that possible? Was he right?
It was half past one in the morning with no sign of sleep coming her way.
Andi got out of bed, pulled on her dressing-gown and began pacing her living room, fidgeting with the photo frames and candlesticks on the mantelpiece.
Surely if Albus believed it, there was a good chance it was true.
Shuffling papers needlessly, tweaking cushions, fussing with the curtain fringes, she realized she was full of a nervous energy that would barricade any advance sleep made on her.
Severus cared for her?
What drove her to do it she couldn't say, but she let herself out of her rooms and went down to the dungeons.
Unlocking the door to Severus' quarters, she wandered through the many boxes still littering the place, went to the bedroom and climbed into his bed, feeling so comfortable, so close to him in these surroundings that, hugging a pillow she fell asleep in an instant.
She didn't know how long she'd been asleep, but somewhere in the distance she became aware of the bed dipping, the pillow being eased from her arms, then lips on hers, soft and chaste.
Her eyes fluttered open. "Am I dreaming?" she whispered.
Severus was looking at her, his face so close, his eyes searching her own.
"What are you doing in my bed?" he whispered back, his voice caressing her in the darkness. "I understood I had ended our relationship."
"Albus said you might have done it just to protect me." the words came out soft and sleepy.
"The Headmaster claims to know my mind, does he?" His fingers brushed hair from her forehead.
"It was his opinion - and I let myself believe it."
Her eyes adjusted to the dark. She noticed the clasp at his throat and realised he still had his traveling cloak on. He had the keen smell of cold air about him.
"You've brought the night in with you," she said.
His mouth twitched. "Do you know how adorable you look when you are half-asleep?"
He was so close, she could feel his breath on her lips and his black hair tickling the sides of her face.
"Now I know I'm dreaming," she said with a smile. "My Severus would never say something like that."
The pad of his thumb stroked her cheek as his hand caressed her face and she leaned into the palm.
"There are a number of things your Severus never said, that he really ought to have said," He kissed her nose and then looked back into her eyes, "And words that should never have left his lips, for which he begs your forgiveness."
Her eyes had become misty with tears. "You had that the moment I opened my eyes," she said, thickly.
He licked away the tear that had trickled from her eye then traced his tongue down her cheek to her lips, parting them and entering her mouth gently, lovingly - a small moan escaping him as she met him with her own, sharing the most wonderful kiss, her arms slinking around his neck to hold him close.
Their mouths parted.
"Stay," she whispered.
"I cannot. I returned merely to collect some documents."
"Please," she murmured against his lips. "Just for a little while. I've missed you so much."
They melted into another kiss and during the kiss, he pulled back the bed covers from her body. Her pyjama top was unbuttoned, the bottoms rolled down and off before he moved on top of her and she settled him
between her thighs.
"You do realise I am still completely dressed?" he murmured, nibbling her ear.
"I want you to stay that way," she said, her fingers going to his waistband and unbuttoning his trousers. "I want to feel enclosed by you; by your cloak - give me something of the night."
He closed his eyes with a small moan as her fingers curled around him, releasing him from the constraints of his underwear, stroking him as she guided him to her.
He spread his cloak like a giant bird unfurling its wings, and she breathed nothing but the heavy masculine scent of him, their bodies heating rapidly under the thick cloth of the cloak. They both sighed as they finally connected, gasping with each push that brought him further in.
"I want you so much," she whimpered, her emotions high.
"You have me," he whispered, each gentle thrust more exquisite than the last. "I promise you have me."
She knew so well their rhythm, how they fitted together and moved together. She tightened her internal muscles around him as though trying to capture him and never let him leave.
He gave a deep groan against her throat that vibrated through her body to her very heart and she knew he was ready.
She didn't care that she wasn't ready. She didn't mind if he went ahead without her. It was enough just to have him back in her arms, to experience him making love to her again. God, how she'd missed him.
"Together," he gasped through ragged breaths.
His hand slipped down between their bodies, his fingers sliding between her folds and massaging her. A harsh cry escaped her at the sudden rush of excitement, pushing her at speed towards a climax she hadn't expected.
His moans became desperate as he sensed the approach of her orgasm, his fingers moving to the rhythm of their bodies until they both tensed and released with shuddering sighs.
He collapsed against her shoulder, sending hot, gasping breaths onto her neck. She held him tight, trying to imprint the scent of him, the feel of him, the weight of him on to her memory before he left her again.
"No, don't go," she protested quietly as, finally, he moved off her, his arms still around her.
"I must," he whispered.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"When I come home we shall talk."
"But this is important..." She stopped, stunned. "Home? You said 'home'."
"Yes."
She hesitated, extremely reluctant to spoil the beauty of this night if she could help it.
"Then come home soon."
"As soon as I can." He kissed her and then looked at her with those soft velvet eyes, as though he too, were hesitating to say something.
"Yes?" she breathed.
"You have...cast an Entrancing Enchantment, I suspect."
"What's one of those?"
He curled his lip, pleasantly. "I shall tell you when I return."
He snatched a final kiss and then disappeared quickly into the night.
The next morning she wondered briefly if it had been a dream;
'Did he appear
Because I fell asleep
Thinking of him?
If only I'd known
I was dreaming,
I'd never have wakened.'
but of course certain 'evidence' remained to dismiss that idea.
She stretched languorously, stroking her hand over her hardened belly. She'd missed the opportunity to tell him - made a selfish decision not to, in order to keep the romance going between them and she was not going to feel guilty about that. After all, this was hardly a thing to announce during a snatched five minutes, and he had said they could talk; not when he got back, but when he came home.
She hugged the pillow hard, feeling happier and more hopeful than she had for a very long time.
A/N - OK, I'm aware Andi saying 'we could do a show' sounds a bit like Judy Garland saying ' let's do the show right here!'. But she loves her music, bless her.
'Did he appear...' is by Ono no Komachi
Britchick - I'm blushing. I'm not very confident creating my own characters, so thank you.
Thouandl - Yes, Liz is a very good friend to Andi - but they have known each other since kindergarten, so they know each other well.
Emma Barrows - Hi again. So glad you fixed your computer.
josie - The title gave it away? I thought I'd been so subtle! The original title for that chapter was 'Positive' which I thought was too obvious.
Kerichi - You really like your Brit comedies, don't you! Well, Sylvia did have a sit down with Andi, but unfortunately got pissed rather than giving the earthy lecture.
May-Luna - Your review made me laugh. Thanks.
Queen of the Faeries1 - Yes, I mentioned to JessiokaFroka, my beta, that I thought the pregnancy might be a bit predictable, and yes I'm sorry Andi did fail to tell him (can you blame her, at that moment?); she'll tell him next time. You have my word.
Aries1 - Thanks Aries1. You always make me smile.
Helena Oe - Well, yes - I had hoped it came as a surprise. lol