Chapter 12
Spike walked into Buffy's room to see that she was awake. He put the soup down next to her bed and sat beside her. "How do you feel?" He asked the concern evident in his voice and she took a breath before she answered him.
"I feel a little lightheaded, but nothing I can't handle." Spike nodded.
"I made you some soup, you should eat something." He told her and Buffy shook her head.
"I'm not really hungry." Spike sighed and then realized something.
"When was the last time you ate anything?" Buffy shrugged and looked away from him.
"I don't know." Spike now understood and he wasn't happy.
"Bloody hell, I should have noticed." He said more to himself than her. "Have you been trying to starve yourself?" Buffy shook her head again as she looked back at him.
"I just haven't been hungry lately." She told him and Spike didn't believe that.
"You're too thin and you're looking more pale than usual. When are you going to stop punishing yourself?" He asked her and she turned away from him again.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Spike cupped her cheek and brought her gaze back on him.
"You're still finding ways to punish yourself for everything that's happened, aren't you? It's not your fault that your father left, Buffy. He was a wanker for leaving you and if he was any real father, he would have stuck by you no matter what." Buffy felt tears in her eyes at what he was saying. "What's really going on?" He wondered.
"I just want him to love me again like he used to. I wanted him to at least acknowledge my existence and to show that he cares about me. I guess I thought that if he knew how bad things were going for me, he might decide to come back." She explained to him.
"So, you acting like this was just a way for him to notice you?" Buffy nodded.
"I figured that Giles would call him and tell him about the problems I'm having. I was hoping he would come back and take me home. I guess it was stupid to think that." Spike felt saddened at the thought that she wanted to leave, when she spoke again. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. I was scared and after Drusilla talked to me, I figured that you might decide to go back to her. I guess I wanted to end things with you before you could do it, figured then it wouldn't hurt so much." Spike grew angry when he realized Drusilla had something to do with what Buffy said. He looked into her eyes and caressed her cheek.
"Don't listen to anything she says, Buffy. I'm never going back to her. I've already fallen in love with you and there's no going back after that." He told her with a smile and Buffy was surprised as she felt more tears in her eyes.
"Do you mean that?" She asked a little unsure and Spike nodded as he moved closer to her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He pulled away to look in her eyes.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. I love you, Buffy." Buffy graced him with a smile this time and Spike was relieved for that. It didn't even matter if she said it back or not. He could wait until she was ready. He then grabbed the bowl of soup and held it out to her. "I want you to get some food in you, alright?" Buffy nodded and took the bowl from him as she started to eat the soup slowly. Spike sat with her for a little while longer. He then left her room to go back downstairs to tell his father that everything was okay. He just hoped everything would stay that way.