Thanks again to all the reviewers, you guys are great! I'm writing as fast as I can to finish this, so I can move onto a Jimmy/Manny story (I know, weird) I have in mind and a little bit of an ensemble cast fic about the death of Mr. Simpson. Not to mention all the other t.v. shows I want to rewrite in my head. This is addictive!
A Decade Under The Influence
You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck.
The lights snapped on, flooding the room with fluorescent brightness and momentarily blinding Emma. As she dealt with rush of pain to her head, she head Jay swear viciously and felt his weight leave the mattress.
"This room's taken, buddy, so find another – Cameron. Hey, man, good to have you back."
Emma groaned inwardly and sank deeper into the covers. She hoped Jay had the common sense to get rid of Sean quickly, but if he didn't, she would gladly smother to death buried in blankets that smelled of Sean – the ocean and sawdust - rather than reveal herself.
"Jay." Sean sounded slightly taken aback to find his best friend entertaining in his bedroom, but nothing in his voice indicated that he even suspected the identity of Jay's latest conquest. Which meant he'd paid the rumor mill little to no attention on his first day back, since Emma was its favorite topic lately. "What's up, man?"
"Same old, same old," he answered casually.
She could just picture him; leaning against the doorjamb lazily, the very essence of footloose and fancy-free, shirtless and disheveled. And Sean would be fully clothed but no less attractive; his sandy curls raked back by nervous hands, his eyes – that piercing, captivating blue – peering curiously over his friend's shoulder.
"How 'bout you, guy?" Jay continued, and she heard him clap Sean's shoulder. "Just couldn't stay away, huh? So tell me, man. You came back for Ellie, right? Realized how much you couldn't live without her?"
Jay was too cruel. She could hear the grin in his voice, knew from experience it would be glinting wolfishly as his eyes glittered with mischief. It was a sickness, truly. Should anyone really enjoy causing other people pain so damn much?
"Not exactly, no."
Sean sounded vaguely uncomfortable. Probably because Jay was right on target, Emma thought bitterly. If there was one thing she'd learned about Jay Hogart over the past few months, it was that he had an uncanny ability to read people. Like he could just look at you and see printed on your forehead the long list of personal problems and private tragedies attached to your name.
"Ohhh." It was a dangerous sound, Jay's soft appraisal as understanding dawned. "I get it. I do. You're here for Greenpeace. I'll be honest, I've always thought that 'star-crossed lovers' label was a bit much, but I stand corrected. I mean, you did save her life, so I guess that cinches it, but –"
"Jay, I didn't come back for Emma."
Of course not. A tear slid down her cheek, so hot it nearly burned. That would be too much to ask, wouldn't it, for someone to love Emma so unconditionally?
"Or Ellie," Sean finished. He'd come back for himself, because something had been missing in Wasaga, and the sooner everyone accepted that, the less likely he was to explode. "But right now, I am looking for Emma. Paige wants her downstairs. Have you or you – er, friend – seen her?"
There was a pause. Emma's heart thudded like a war drum in her chest. Please, oh, please, let Jay be a decent human being for once in his miserable life. I'll do anything. Please.
God, apparently, had taken off on a long, Hawaiian vacation. Either that or he wasn't one for plea-bargains. Either way, what happened next was the complete antithesis of Emma's fervent prayers.
"Emma. Hmm. Well, let's think. If I were a cold, sanctimonious bitch looking for a way to escape the problems in my life, where would I hide?" Sean's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as Jay feigned hard thought, tapping his finger to his chin. "Ah. Perhaps we should try the most obvious choice, hm, just to get it out of the way?"
"What are you …"
Sean trailed off as Jay ambled over to the bed and stood over the huddled, hidden form. Paige's words echoed in his mind: She started to hang out with Jay. A lot. But … no. It couldn't have meant what he thought it might.
His worst fears were confirmed as Jay ripped the covers off with a triumphant, "Voila!"
Emma was curled into a ball, looking small, miserable, and trashed. She was dressed, thank God, but her clothes were rumpled, her blond hair tousled, leaving no question as to what had been going on.
"Mystery solved, Cameron," Jay smirked. "You're free to go now, I'll send her down to Paige when we're done."
Sean held up a warning hand. "Don't start," he said, voice low and threatening, then approached the girl lying limp on the bed. "Emma? Em, you okay?"
She batted lazily at the hand he waved in front of her face. "Sean. Fancy meetin' you here," she drawled, then burst into high-pitched giggles. You're drunk, Emma, her semi-rational half coached. And furthermore, you don't care what he thinks of you. "Did you come looking for little ol' me?"
"How much has she had?" It was directed at Jay, who shrugged in return. "Emma. Em, can you tell me what you've been drinking?"
"Alcohol." She smiled dreamily at him, her eyes dazed enough to make her look lovestruck, and he remembered how good that look felt when she was sober. How it had always convinced him he was important. "It was goooood."
"Our little Naturefreak is quite the lush, once you get her started," Jay said proudly.
"Yeah, good to know," Sean said shortly. "Emma, I'm gonna take you home, okay?"
She pouted, and it was a beautiful thing. "No. Jay will take me home later."
"Much later," Jay promised, and Sean fought the urge to punch him. He had to focus on Emma right now. She was in no condition to be left alone with scum like Jay. Decision made, he gathered Emma in his arms, cradling her knees and neck, and stood up. "Hey, dude, what're you doing?"
Sean shot him a hard look. "I'm taking her home." His tone left no room for argument. "Find another life to ruin."
"I wasn't ruining anything," Jay defended. "Emma's a big girl. She makes her own decisions."
"Yeah!" Emma agreed, the word muffled from her mouth's position on Sean's neck. He hissed as her warm breath hit the sensitive skin. "I don't need your help, Sean. I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, you're doing a great job of that, Em. A-friggin'-plus."
Noting his sarcasm, and the temper that boiled just below the surface, she wisely shut her mouth. She'd let him drive her home, she decided. If she was feeling really generous, she'd even let him think he'd helped. After all, she owed him something. It was the least she could do.
-X-
She was painfully thin. How he hadn't noticed it when he'd been admiring her form was beyond him. Lifting her from the bed had been about as tasking as plucking a flower from its roots. And carrying her out the back door to the Jeep she pointed lazily to, all he'd been able to see was each individual rib protruding from her midsection.
He chose the back door to save face, for both of them. He knew Emma would die if her classmates saw the shape she was in. And the last thing he needed in life was the whole school trading 'will they, won't they?' gossip about them.
They wouldn't. He was with Ellie now, and she had too many problems for him to add himself to the list. And Emma … well, Emma didn't seem to pleased with him at the moment, though he couldn't fathom what right she had to be pissed. She'd been giving him the silent treatment for most of the drive but, as they waited at a red light on Merrimack, she spoke.
"We weren't doing anything, you know." Sean didn't answer. "Me and Jay."
"Yet," he muttered darkly.
"Aw, you don't approve?"
Sean blanched at the acidic tone. "I just think you would've been making a mistake, that's all. Jay's not a long-term kind of guy. He was using you, Emma."
"No more than I'm using him," she said, softer but no less bitter, and let herself out of the car.
"Emma! God damn it!" Exasperated, he punched the steering wheel before pulling over and following her lead. She was weaving down the sidewalk, teetering on her heels and getting nowhere fast. He jogged lightly to pass her and block her path. "Emma, just calm down a minute."
"I've been seeing Jay since you moved, Sean." She jangled her collection of bracelets for emphasis, deadly calm. "I know what kind of guy he is. I just. Don't. Care."
Sean felt like he'd punched in the gut. "Wh – Emma. Why?"
"Because it's easy," she snarled, too angry to notice that she was crying. "Because I know what he wants and it's something I can give him. Because he knows I'm dirty and broken and he likes me all the better for it."
"If you're broken, it's because he made you that way," Sean argued, tapping down rage at his friend. Correction – former friend. No way would he let Jay get away with ruining Emma like this, with making her feel like she was less than dirt.
"I let him," she said stubbornly. "It was my choice. To get in his car, to go in the van. Jay doesn't expect me to be perfect." She spat the word out like it was poison on her tongue. "He doesn't care that my dad's dying and my mom's losing it and I almost got shot. He doesn't give a fuck. And when I'm with him, neither do I."
"Emma, no one expects you to be perfect. You've had a bad year, and no one –"
"Shut up!" Furious, she beat at his chest with bony fists. "You don't know anything about it, Sean! Not anymore! You left. You went away and I was stuck here, with people staring at me everywhere I went like I had two heads. Worse, like I was just going to shatter into a billion pieces right at their feet. And now you're back and, what, you think you can save me? You think I should be like I was, like nothing's changed? What do you want from me, huh?"
She collapsed then, and he moved just quick enough to catch her against him before she toppled to the ground. "Oh, God," she moaned into his neck. "I'm so tired."
Stunned, Sean rubbed her back in slow, comforting circles. If anyone had told him that his first night back in town would end with him soothing a drunken Emma, he would've laughed in their face. Or advised them to join a program. Emma Nelson did not drink. She didn't lose control, ever. So he really had no idea how to handle the sobbing mess of a girl currently using his sleeve as a box of Kleenex.
"Can you just … take me home?" She pulled away from him, but avoided his eyes. "Please?"
He held her steady by gripping her elbow and waited until she met his gaze, the big brown eyes that had always been his undoing wide and wet. "Em. For what it's worth … I missed you. Every day."
She nodded slowly. "Well. Doesn't do me much good, but thanks for the thought."
And for the second time that night, she gave him her back and walked away.
-X-
"Home sweet home," Emma muttered as they pulled into her drive. She hadn't so much as glanced at him for the remainder of their trip. Now, as she fumbled with the door handle, she seemed to realize something. "Oh. How are you … getting back?"
Sean was going insane. One minute, she was all soft and pliable in his arms, the next a cold, hard bitch, and then nothing but a concerned acquaintance. He wondered if it exhausted her as much as it did him. "I don't know," he bit out. "Haven't really thought about that part yet."
"You could … take my car, if you want. I can pick it up tomorrow after school. Jay will –" She stopped abruptly at the thunder that flashed in his eyes at Jay's name. "I can get a ride there."
"No." No way was he going to be the reason she spent another second with Jay. The only thing sustaining Sean right now was that come Monday, he'd get to track his good buddy down and grind him into dust. "I'll just call Craig in a while. The party should be breaking up soon."
"Fine." She didn't care one way or the other. Right now, all she wanted was her pajamas, her bed, and an eternity of uninterrupted sleep. Her last shred of common decency prompted her next words. "Do you want to … come in, while you're waiting?"
Better than parking your ass on the curb, man. And that was how Sean found himself in Emma Nelson's bedroom for the first time in years, sitting awkwardly on the edge of her bed as she changed clothes in her closet.
She emerged, looking ridiculously cute in drawstring pants peppered with penguins and an oversized sweatshirt that he recognized as his own, from Grade Seven. "That's mine," he realized.
"What?" Emma glanced down. "Oh, yeah. I always meant to return it, but … we never spoke civilly long enough for me to remember."
He waved his hand. "Keep it, looks better on you."
She flushed, grateful she'd hit the lights already. With a sigh of contentment, she collapsed on her bed, immediately burrowing in the mass of blankets and pillows that adorned it. Sean shifted over to allow her more room.
"Here." Drowsy already, she thrust a pillow his way. "Take a nap, 'til Craig gets here. Not much else for you to do in the dark." There was silence for a moment, as he lay back and got comfortable, careful to maintain a respectable distance. "And Sean?"
"Yeah?"
"For what it's worth … I missed you, too."