Author Website: http/orrymain. Category: Slash, Angst, Romance, Established Relationship Pairing: Jack/Daniel ... and it's all J/D Rating: PG-13 Season: 8 Spoilers: Cold Lazarus, Tin Man, Message in a Bottle, Learning Curve, Prodigy, Entity, Double Jeopardy, Menace, Unnatural Selection, Fragile Balance, Gemini Size: 29kb, short story Written: March 21-23,25, April 1,26, May 26, 2005 Summary: How do you define life, and when you're 16 going on 53, how do you survive day by day?
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. A gal can dream though!
Notes: 1) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically. Their "silent" words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of quotes, such as Jack, we can't
2) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with in front and behind them, such as Where am I? 3) This fic stands alone, but it does reference my other fics, "Tin Hearts"
4) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: QuinGem, Claudia, Ali, Allexandrya!
Between Two Worlds by Orrymain
"Gawd, Jack, stttoooppp!"
"Say uncle!"
"Nooooo. Nnnnnot fairrrrrrrr."
Jack kept up his tickling assault on his husband. The two were in their living room on a Saturday afternoon. It was early spring, the warm weather hinting that it might break through any moment.
The lovers were playing. It had begun when Jack's train, Ole Lucky 97, aka: the Flying Irishman, had derailed, and Daniel's train, the Egyptian Express, had won their latest race. It had escalated when, in the middle of their banter about who won, Daniel reached over and snatched one of Jack's Big Hunk candy bars. It had reached its current state when Daniel wiggled his hips invitingly, but then tried to evade his soulmate's capture.
Daniel might be a faster runner than Jack, but when he wiggled like that, Jack rarely lost the chase. Of course, when Daniel wiggled like that, he seldom intended for Jack to lose the chase, especially when he was wearing his ragged cut-offs that were designed to get Jack all hot and bothered in the first place.
"Say 'uncle', Danny."
"Jaaaaaack!"
"I can do this all day."
Daniel had tears of laughter running down his cheeks.
"Gawd, uncle!"
His body was convulsing from his fit of hysteria long after Jack stopped his fingers from tickling in just the right areas. Daniel had a few very sensitive ticklish spots, and Jack treasured each and every one. He lay down next to Daniel and kissed him.
"I love you, Danny."
"I love you, too, but that was so not fair."
"So sue me," Jack said just before kissing his heart again.
Their passion was flaming, but before the fire could really kick in, there was a pounding on the door. They might have ignored it, except that the pounding was constant. Clearly, whoever it was, wasn't going to go away.
"Crap!" Jack exclaimed as he got up. "Ouch."
"Knees?"
"I need a new pair."
"Sorry, Babe."
"You can kiss and make them better when we get rid of whoever it is."
"Deal," Daniel said, stealing another kiss from his lover.
While Jack headed for the door, Daniel located the Big Hunk that had been tossed by the fireplace. Finding it, he bent over to pick it up. At that precise moment, Jack opened the front door, and immediately, their visitor barged in, without waiting for an invite, and started talking.
"This isn't working. Do you have any idea how difficult the last year and a half has been? Daniel, you have to think of something, and for crying out loud, will you please get dressed!"
Daniel was stunned; so was Jack.
Standing in between them was Clone Jack, the one created by Loki during one of his renegade Asgard experiments. Loki had been beaming humans aboard his spaceship for years, replacing them on Earth with replicas. However, because of a marker placed in Jack's genetic code by the Asgard, the maturing process of this clone had been incomplete. As a result, Clone Jack's growth had ceased as a teenager, somewhere around the age of fifteen.
When the crisis with Loki was over, Thor had been able to save the clone's life, allowing him to grow and mature at a normal rate. By his choice, Clone Jack was allowed to leave the military's care and live on his own as an emancipated minor. The teenage Jack had decided to go back to high school.
By mutual agreement, the real Jack and his teenage counterpart had agreed not to stay in touch. It would just be too strange and difficult for them. At the time, Daniel had had reservations about the choices that were made during the crisis. While he didn't know what the answer was, he was concerned about the decision to just unleash the teenager into the world. After all, the boy was Jack. He was fifteen, but with all of Jack's memories and life experiences.
"Daniel, get dressed," Clone Jack ordered in a raised voice.
Jack opened his mouth to object to his clone talking to Daniel like that, but closed it again when he saw Daniel shake his head.
"I'll be right back," Daniel said, staring at his husband for a couple of moments and then going up the stairs.
"So, how goes things?" Jack quipped in question.
"How do you think?"
"You were going to high school."
"Yeah, and that's turned out to be such a peachy keen decision."
"Hey, I tried to warn you," Jack said, raising his hand and waving it to emphasis his words.
"You could have tried harder," the clone replied as he picked up a small statue and began to fidget with it.
"Put that down," Jack ordered, not wanting any harm to come to one of Daniel's favorite artifacts. Receiving a glare back that said, 'You do it all the time', Jack returned to the hot topic at hand. "What did you really expect me to do?"
"Exactly what you did: wipe me out of your mind," the clone answered.
"You knew it wouldn't be easy."
"Easy? EASY? Have you ever tried to make out with a girl in the backseat of a car and suddenly have your wife pop into your head? Or, try this. You're babysitting some dude's kid only to realize he has the same shaggy hair and eye color of your son, and yet he's only a few years younger than you? Or, wait, I can do you one even better. How about not being able to stop thinking about your best friend, your best friend who is actually ..."
"Stop," Daniel said, taking the last couple of stairs slowly. He looked over at Jack and then back at the teenage version of the man he loved. "What's going on?"
"I think you know," Clone Jack answered sarcastically. "Geez, you didn't have to wear blue."
Daniel looked down at his clothing. He hadn't even realized that he'd selected blue jeans and a navy blue shirt. So much of his wardrobe was blue anyway.
"I'm, uh, sorry."
"Right. Daniel, get me out of this," the teenager said.
"Out of what?"
Daniel crossed his arms in front of his chest and stood near the wall. He knew this day would come; he'd just hoped it wouldn't have.
"Here. I don't know what to do anymore, but I can't deal with this. I'm not sixteen, and acting like it is driving me out of my mind. Everyone thinks I'm loopy or something."
"Too much Froot Loops."
"Can it, Jack," the clone said to the real Jack.
"Okay, let's, uh, talk about this calmly."
"Daniel, you have to do something."
"What do you want me to do?"
"What you should have done the first time." The teenager saw Daniel's questioning look, then added, "Find a way for me to live without every second of every day being a nightmare."
"I don't know how," the archaeologist replied softly.
"Find a way."
There was a belief in Clone Jack's eyes that melted Daniel's heart. The clone was Jack, just younger. The eyes -- Daniel couldn't avoid them.
"I ..." Daniel shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know how."
"Yes, you do. You can do anything. I have faith in you, Daniel. I know you. You always find a way. Help me," the clone pleaded, and as he did so, his brown eyes bore in Daniel's blue ones, and what Daniel felt, tore him in two.
He's hurting, Jack.
"Of course, I'm hurting."
Daniel blinked several times. Real Jack looked between them and was horrified when he realized what had happened.
No! No friggin' way. That silent communication thing is ours. "All right, that does it," the real Jack said angrily. He moved forward to face off against his teenage self. "Listen, you want our help, fine. You can ask for it, but you're not going to barge your way in here and take over, especially by trying to bully Daniel and ..."
"Jack, it's okay."
"No, Daniel, it's not. The little wimp is trying to ..."
"Trying to what, Jack?" Daniel asked pointedly.
"Wimp?" the clone said at the same time Daniel spoke.
"Daniel, what can we do?" Jack asked his husband.
"I don't know, but I told you then it was wrong."
"What do you want him to do, move in?"
"Great idea," the teenage version of Jack chimed.
"No!" both Jack and Daniel spoke in unison.
"Way to make a guy feel unwelcome," Clone Jack said, moving to stare out the patio window. "I miss them," he said, looking out at Bijou and Katie, Jack and Daniel's two beloved beagles, as they lay sleeping under a tree on the grass.
There was an awkward silence as the poignancy of the moment filled all three.
"Okay, let's think this out," Daniel said, walking towards the door.
Standing next to the clone, Daniel looked outside at Bijou and Katie, wondering if they would be able to sense that the teenage boy was Jack.
As he stared at the two, Jack fidgeted, his gaze going back and forth between the clone and his lover.
Clone Jack turned and walked towards the sofa, giving Daniel space, or perhaps he was just giving himself desperately-needed space. Two minutes later, the clone was tapping his foot as he waited impatiently.
"Daniel!" both Jacks said.
"Will you stop that!" the real Jack demanded.
"Okay, look, I need time. You have to leave. Come back in a couple of days, but I can't do this with you here."
Daniel hurried up at the stairs, not looking at either Jack.
Jack glared at the teenager.
"What?" the clone asked innocently.
"Get out."
"I hope you realize that you're not mad at me."
"Just do what Daniel said."
"I'll be back."
Jack walked into the den, hating what he saw. Daniel's head was leaning on his arms as they rested on his desk. Sighing, Jack walked to his husband and placed his hands on his shoulders. He began to rub gently, hoping to massage away the pain. Daniel's head shot up.
"Please don't."
"Danny."
"Jack, just ... leave me alone for a little while."
"Okay," Jack said, slowly backing away and leaving Daniel alone in the den.
If I ever get my hands on that Asgard clone machine, I'll break his neck, Jack thought about Loki as he stood in the doorway for a moment before going downstairs.
Three hours later, Daniel joined Jack outside. The older man had been puttering away on chores, though mostly, he was just worried about Daniel.
"Jack."
"Hey," Jack responded, turning off the hose and walking to his soulmate. He put his hands on Daniel's upper arms and rubbed gently up and down. "Are you okay?"
"I didn't mean to push you away; that's the last thing I'd want to do."
"I know; I wouldn't have left you alone for so long if I thought you were serious."
"I just needed to think."
"And now?"
"Now, I need you to hold me," Daniel said vulnerably.
Jack smiled and then wrapped his arms around his anguished archaeologist.
"I love you, Danny."
"And I love you. Jack, he is you. Don't you understand that?" When Jack didn't respond verbally, Daniel backed away slightly so he could look into his lover's eyes. "Come sit with me, okay?"
The couple moved to the patio steps and sat down. Daniel put his arm through Jack's and also held his hand.
"Jack, in our travels through the Stargate, we've come across so many different lifeforms. It's not just the aliens who look a little different like the Nox or the Asgard, but it's what we call life."
"Danny, is this going to be a lecture?"
"No, but I want you to listen, okay?"
"I always do, Love."
Daniel smiled then continued.
"Well, one of the first unique races we came across were the unity crystals. I remember kneeling down and picking one up. It was just a pretty blue glass. I thought maybe it was some kind of junk field. Then we found out it's alive and can do wondrous things. I learned a lot from that wrong assumption. Then there was Harlan."
"Oh, geez. Kumbaya-land. Nutcase."
"Jack, he's not, and you know it."
"He made copies of us, Daniel."
"He needed help, and he was lonely. He never intended to hurt us, or anyone else."
"So that makes it okay?"
"No, of course not, but Harlan's intentions were good."
"If you say so."
"Harlan was like a clone. He's a synthetic lifeform, but he's sentient, Jack. He thinks, and he feels. Jack," Daniel looked down for a moment, "I think our doubles may have been together."
Jack looked at Daniel in surprise.
"What are you talking about?"
"My copy: he, uh, was curious. I guess ... I mean I was, too, but I wasn't in a place in my life where I could admit that, not yet, but he was. He was looking ahead to a forever that was in an underground hole. He didn't think he'd ever be able to leave. He, uh, knew how you felt."
"You never told me."
"I thought about it, but you have to remember, Babe, that back then my world revolved around finding Sha're. I didn't think I had a right to think about myself when she was still out there because of me."
"So you think that Clone Daniel ..."
"Yeah, I think they, uh, got together before we did."
"How about that?" Jack said with a smile.
"The point, Jack, is that they weren't human, but they felt like they were. They felt things, just like we do, and from what you told me, they died, saving us. They were brave, but they didn't just give up their lives; they fought to survive, and when they lost a teammate, they grieved."
"I don't want to think about that. I mean, I know what you're saying. I just can't deal with talking about you, any you, dying."
Daniel leaned forward slightly, and, at the same time, brought Jack's hand that he was holding to his mouth. He kissed it and then ran his cheek alongside it a couple of times. He didn't say anything, instead, letting their hearts speak.
After a minute or so, he continued.
"Okay, well, I'm sure you remember the orb."
"Like I could forget."
"Me, either. Gawd, I thought it was a time capsule, not a lifeboat."
"At least, you figured it out."
"We can't blame them, either. Life seeking survival, just like the little energy bugs from M4C-862. We don't understand them because they aren't human or humanoid. They don't even fit our standard definition of an alien."
"Creature from the Black Lagoonish?"
Daniel chuckled as he agreed.
"Yeah, some nasty-looking creature bent on our destruction, but even so, those tiny beings were, I mean, are life. Then, uh, there's Reese."
"Danny, do we have to talk about her?"
"She was a machine, Jack, but she had feelings. I'm not sure she was as advanced as Harlan, but her actions were that of a spoiled child who only wanted to be accepted and be loved."
"She created the Replicators. You remember them: nasty Lego-things that think they are the Borg and will assimilate us."
"Unfeeling, unthinking nothings just swallowing up the universe? Is that what you're saying."
"Exactly."
"What about Fifth?" Daniel challenged.
"What about him?"
"He cared about Sam. He betrayed his ... his kind to help us escape."
"Probably defective," Jack smirked.
"He cared about her, Jack, and we lied to him," Daniel responded, still feeling guilty about their betrayal of Fifth a couple year's earlier.
"We didn't have a choice."
"Maybe."
"Daniel."
"Okay, I know, but it showed an evolution."
"Danny, I'm not trying to argue here, but what about that Replicator Carter? From where I sit, I didn't see an ounce of Carter's compassion or caring in that machine."
"I don't know. Jack, all I'm saying is that life out there comes in a lot of different packaging. It might not be life as we'd live it, but Reese felt emotions, and she fought for her survival; that's not wrong. Remember Merrin?" Daniel asked with a small smile on his face.
"She's human."
"Yes, but there we were, inflicting our values on the Orbanians' society, and we almost ruined them. We made an assumption based on our experience, which, again, wasn't wrong, but ... well, it reminds me again that the Nox were right."
"I know, Daniel. We're young." There was a pause as the two looked out on the yard. "Danny, this has been such an exciting stroll down 'Unpleasant Lane', but why?"
"Jack, I mean, young Jack, he's alive, and he's you, and just because he's a clone doesn't mean we can take him for granted. Jack, I didn't have the answer then, but I knew it was wrong. He knows everything you know, and he feels what you feel, at least up until the time he was created."
"And so?"
"So when you talk to him, I think you need to remember that he knows what it feels like to have his son die in his arms, and that he, uh, loves me."
"Daniel, he's ..."
"He's you, Jack. I know you, and I know what you've done in your mind is try to say that he's you in high school, but Thor wasn't able to wipe out his memories. We don't know how to do that. Jack, we unleashed a mini-you with Special Ops training and a lot of pain into high school, and we expected him to go on dates and pretend that the worst part of his day was whether or not he got a new zit."
Jack gave his lover an odd look as he remembered the angst of zits on his teenage self. Then, he shook his head.
"Danny, it's hard. I don't know how to deal with me as a teenager, especially if he's not really a teenager. I'm sorry he's having a hard time, but what am I supposed to do -- assign him to an SG-team and give him visitation rights?"
"No, Jack, of course not, but you have to be aware that he's living between two worlds, the past that he's not allowed to share and the present where he has to pretend his past never happened; and in his case, the lines are very blurred."
"Danny, you're giving me a headache."
"Young Jack: he remembers Sara, loving her, losing her. He knows what it felt like when we were on Abydos, and he was about to kill an entire planet. Jack, he has memories that a child shouldn't have. You need to remember that. It's not his fault that Loki created this situation. All he is trying to do is survive, just like Reese, the energy beings, and the unity crystals: just like us. He's just ... trying to live as best he can."
"I can't think about him, Danny. I know what you want, but I can't."
"Babe, you don't know what I want."
"Daniel ..."
"No, you don't understand. Jack," Daniel spoke softly, his eyes moist from the emotion of what was flowing through him. "You don't understand. He's you. It kills me to not be able to help him."
"I don't know what to say, Danny."
"You don't have to say anything; just ... listen with your heart. Turn it around, Jack. What if there was a clone ... mini-me, and he was in the same kind of pain that your clone is in? Wouldn't you care?"
Jack nodded. Having any form of Daniel, of the man he loved and treasured more than life, be in pain would cause him pain and distress as well. He sighed.
"Okay, I think I understand."
"I love you, and it hurts, Jack, to see him like that because I can't help ... I mean, he's you. My heart goes out to him."
Jack understood better now, but he still felt helpless. He didn't want his clone sleeping in the spare room.
Daniel smiled slightly and shook his head. He could see that Jack's awareness had grown, but he also knew that his husband still didn't quite get what Daniel was saying.
"Babe, I don't want him here, but we shouldn't have just turned him loose into the world, either."
"He can't be in the military. There can't be two of us," Jack refuted, frustrated at the lack of a solution to the problem at hand.
"I don't think he wants to be."
"So what are you suggesting? We send him to live with Thor?" Jack quipped.
"Something like that."
"Danny, I don't think Thor wants him around. He's a little busy these days."
"Right, so we try something else," Daniel said, a closed smile on his face as he and Jack looked at each other.
"Are you nuts?" the clone asked incredulously.
"Jack, just hear me out."
"Get to the point before I turn twenty-one again," Clone Jack said two days later upon returning to Jack's home, hoping Daniel had come up with an answer to his problem.
He was less than impressed with Daniel's solution.
"It's a chance to grow up, away from here, and be helpful while you're doing it. When you're older, maybe it'll be easier, and you can come back."
"Right. Can I at least have a Daniel double to keep me company?"
Clone Jack looked hopeful, real Jack looked outraged, and Daniel was torn.
"NO! No way. Daniel, tell him." Jack finally said, full of agitation.
"Jack ..." Daniel began, though his words were cut off.
"No, Daniel." Jack looked into Daniel's eyes. I do understand how you feel, Danny. I heard you when you explained that, and yes, I know how I'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot, but, Angel, I can't lose you again, not even if it's, he's, a copy.
Daniel sighed, but nodded; seeing that, Clone Jack's shoulders slumped.
"I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be right. Besides, there's no way of creating a double that would be your exact age. I'm sorry."
"So your way of helping me is to send me off-world?"
"It's up to you, but you know what you'd be getting into," Daniel advised.
"Daniel, he'd drive me crazy."
"Teach him how to fish," Daniel said lightly.
"There's no lake!"
"There's no fish," Daniel retorted.
"Smart aleck." Clone Jack ran his fingers through his hair, then paced the room. "Peace and quiet. No whiny girls. No stupid jock games." He looked at Daniel. "I want my Froot Loops, and my National Geographics, and a PlayStation." He paused just a quick second and added excitedly, "including one of those new portable ones!"
"I'm sure we can set you up with whatever you want and need, and teams go there four times a year to help out so if you need something, they can bring it."
"What if he really drives me nuts?"
"Phone home. You can always come back, if you want. The Stargate is there, and you know the number."
"To this messed up world? I think I'd rather own a cat."
"You don't like cats," Jack reminded his younger image.
"Exactly!"
"Are you ready?" Daniel asked as he double-checked his equipment.
"Anything's better than being here," the clone said, wearing a large backpack and carrying a duffel bag.
"I wish we had a better solution," Daniel said softly.
Clone Jack smiled and nodded.
"I can come back when I'm older and everyone doesn't look at me like I'm a freak." He chuckled. "Here's a thought. I could go back to Edora. Wouldn't Laira be surprised." The teenage duplicate saw Daniel's glare. "It was just a thought."
Daniel looked a little torn.
Maybe Clone Jack would be happy there. What right do I have to deprive him of that? "I'm sure we could arrange that when you get older." Nodding, he said more firmly, "Yeah, you could go there."
Clone Jack shook his head, flatly stating, "I don't want Laira; never did."
Daniel couldn't help smiling a little in relief. It was painful to think of Jack, any Jack, with Laira.
"Let's go," Daniel said.
"Whoa, wait a minute," the real Jack called out as he hurried into the gate room.
"What's that?" Clone Jack asked.
"This," Jack said happily, "is Samantha."
Daniel glared at Jack, but the clone laughed.
"You got me a dog."
"She's a great dog; a pup. I thought you might like some company."
Clone Jack handed his duffel bag to one of the Marines who would be going through the Gate with them and then took the dog and quickly rubbed his hand back and forth against her white fur. She licked his hand.
"Samantha, eh?"
Jack shrugged, quickly adding, "I didn't name her."
Daniel looked at his lover with suspicious eyes, but opted not to challenge him on the name issue.
Jack added, "Think 'Star Trek' and 'Harry Mudd'. You can train her."
The clone laughed, remembering the episode where a character created a robot of his nagging wife and programmed the robot to instantly stop talking on command.
"Thanks, Jack."
"You're welcome, Jack."
"Come on, Samantha. Let's go see our new home."
Shaking his head, Daniel followed the clone up to the event horizon, and just as they got there, Jack shouted out, "We'll send plenty of supplies; maybe even a dog run."
Daniel turned and looked at Jack.
Thanks, Babe, for trying to make this a little easier.
Had to, Love. He's me.
"Comtraya! Comtraya!"
Clone Jack turned around, practically bumping into Daniel.
"Where are you going?"
"I forgot how annoying that is."
"Jack!"
Clone Jack sighed and turned around to face the smiling Altarian who continued his warm greeting.
"Comtraya! It is so good to see you, though you don't look like yourself, but that is okay. We have lots of years; lots of years. Comtraya!"
"Yeah, yeah, kumbaya."
"Who is this?" Harlan asked.
"Samantha; she's my dog, and where I go, she goes."
"Yes, well, come, I will show you your room. We have lots to discuss. There is so much to be done."
"Harlan, no making copies of me. I'm already cloned."
"Oh, I have given up on that; not fair, but I had no choice then, but now, there is you. I will tell you stories about your elders."
Daniel watched as Clone Jack walked away with Harlan. The young version of his lover turned and glanced over his shoulder. He smiled.
You'll be okay, Jack.
Take care of him, Daniel, but I'm not sure he deserves you. He doesn't know what he's got.
Yes, he does, and so do I. Good-bye.
"So much to do. All will be better now."
"Better? Don't start that 'better' talk again, Harlan," clone Jack warned.
Daniel chuckled and then dialed home.
"Everything okay?" Jack asked when Daniel returned through the Stargate sooner than he expected.
"Harlan is driving him crazy."
"Daniel, you were only gone five minutes."
"How long did it take Harlan to drive you crazy the first time?"
"About sixty seconds," Jack answered. "You really think this is the answer?"
"I don't know, but it might be easier for him, distance and all that. Jack, the dog was a good idea. I'm, uh, not sure about the name, but it was nice."
"I love dogs; dogs can get you through a lot."
Daniel's smile was warm and tender.
"General, you have a call," Sergeant Davis announced over the PA.
"Tell whoever that ..."
"It's the President."
"Oh, be right there."
"Jack, don't keep the President waiting."
"Comtraya, Daniel."
Daniel chuckled and watched his lover exiting the gate room. He looked back at the circular ring and hoped Clone Jack would find some peace of mind.
It was Saturday, and spring had definitely arrived. As they had done the weekend before, the lovers hooked up their train sets and were racing the morning away, and as had happened the week before, Daniel reached over for one of Jack's candy bars.
"Ow!"
"You are not getting my Big Hunk this time, Danny."
"Jack?"
"What?"
"You are my big hunk -- my big, big, BIG HUNK."
Jack handed over the entire bag of candies, earning him a smile from his lover.
"Thanks, Babe, but, uh, I'd rather taste the real thing."
Daniel put the bag down and leaned forward to kiss his husband, slowly lowering him back to the carpeted floor from their sitting position. They kissed, and their passion flared as they edged toward euphoria.
"My Jack ... love you ... love you so much."
"I love you, Angel, geez, yes, oh, yeah, love you!"
With no interruptions, and as Ole Lucky 97 and the Egyptian Express derailed together, Daniel and his big hunk heated up their afternoon as only they could do.
Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?