Chapter 2

Transformations

Memories of years past surged through my head as the change painfully ripped through my body, the magic that the most recent visitor to the court had used was primitive at best. I thought of Teirnan and what he would do now.

We grew miles apart, my brother and I. We were like enough in appearance as two brothers could be, sharing the waving blue-black hair -- his always cut fashionably short and mine long because of indifference -- and deep royal blue eyes that we must have inherited from our noble mother, for our father was a great red bear of a man. Ever since I was old enough to wish that I was someone other than myself I wanted to be more like Tiernan, until spring before his 16th birthday.

We had just entered at the rear of the Great Hall, talking quietly, when the voice of my Father, King Kail of Eisgairdin, echoed throughout his court, "Son, Prince Tiernan", he summoned my brother. This was the first time Father had addressed either of us in public. Ever since our Honored Mother's death, shortly after my birth, the royal children had barely even been spoken of at court. We were both expected to attend, but we were always told by our nannies and later out tutors never to speak. Naturally it was Teirnan he spoke to first, he was the elder.

"Your Majesty, Honored Father, I am at your esteemed service," Tiernan effortlessly turned on the courtly gush we had been cheerfully ridiculing only moments before, "You have only to utter your pleasure."

"Prince, you will journey with Us to the Castle Hafodan and stay for the coming summer," He told us and apparently the entire court for the first time and then immediately moved on to other business. I had not moved from the massive doorway and Teirnan had to walk back and physically drag me to our usual seats along the wall.

We sat silently as I marveled at this sudden hypocrisy in him. If it had been I who was so abruptly singled out by Father, I would have retorted either curtly or sardonically, even at the green age of 13, after I finished reeling from the shock. I suppose, looking back, that Teirnan had been as stunned as I, but he dealt with it differently. And once the stone began to roll he did not know how to stop it.

Later, as we were walking down the lavish castle corridor leading to Tiernan's private rooms, my stride slowed with the weight of the uncertain thoughts that had begun plaguing me as soon as we left the Great Hall. Tier had kept walking at our usual pace and was a few feet down the corridor when I finally voiced my reservations.

He turned around swiftly, his mood the complete opposite of my own, almost jovial. I could not tell if it was feigned or genuine as he pulled his hands behind his back and began walking backwards, still facing me. He spoke matter-of-factly as I sped up to hear him, "Well, you can not have thought he would ignore us forever, Mahon. I am the heir to the throne, and you after me. He must make sure Eisgairdin is left in what he believes to be the proper hands. We just have to humor him for a while. Do not worry brother, this trip will be fine, things are not going to change that drastically. You probably will not even notice I have gone. You always have your nose in one of those dusty old tomes anyway." With that Tier reached out and ruffled my hair out of the ponytail I had hastily tied before court and turned around, walking the few remaining steps into his chambers with an easy smile. I stood before his door for a moment, before following him inside, thinking about what he had said.

Even at that time, these remarks seem a trifle short sighted on Teirnan's part. Father could ignore me as long as he liked, for he only needed the older son. Teir would have to humor Father for the rest of his life and I would most definitely notice his absence. We did everything together, always. However, I did not say any of these things. I suppose I just wanted to believe what my brother told me. So I went in, sheepishly told Tier I would miss him, and helped him pack his things silently.

He promised to write to me and the letters came regularly enough at the beginning, but gradually become more infrequent and the contents more distant and brief. They consisted of his daily courtly activities but nothing of what he thought of the place, as if he only wrote to me as an afterthought before he went to bed. Soon our correspondence stopped altogether.

I understood that Teirnan enjoyed the exclusive attention of the offspring of our father's cronies. We had both been starved for it during the long years of family and public negligence, but Tier always felt it more than me. I was contented studying with our tutor, Conroy, and wandering about the castle and its vast gardens with just my brother as my companion. But I often caught Tier looking longingly at the great hall or in the direction Father had led the hunt, and I saw it more often as we grew older. I felt the change when Father made his decree and I knew it in the look in Teurnan's eye when he turned his gaze on me as he dismounted in the courtyard on the day he returned. He would not be outside of the court any longer. He would turn his back on me if necessary. I became the only outcast prince of Eisgairdin.

The years passed by and I began to lock myself in a study adjoining the library that I decreed to be my own. Hardly anyone noticed or cared. Every once in a while I would contemplate swallowing my pride and joining Tiernan, he would undoubtedly welcome me. But I knew I could not abandon my moral opposition to the methods of Father's rule. There was no way they would accept me without the mask that I refused to don. I studied everything I could find and in the later years, after digging and pouring through everything in the main stacks, I delved into the dark shelves full of mystical tombs under the main floor. I tried to teach myself their contents, having nothing better to do, but most of my experimenting backfired with disastrous results, and I resorted to close reading and study.

I desperately missed the long discussions Teirnan and I would have with Conroy about the state of the land. Throughout our younger years we saw our Father's lack of governance and while we both were disgusted by his self-indulgence, Teirnan raged against it. We would discuss the proper rule of the land and he would go on for hours about the changes he would make when the rule fell to him. I once tried to ask him about one of our favorite discussion points but he turned his wide court smile on me and replied, "Come now, brother, it will be many years until our Honored Father leaves the court to me. He is young yet and we are more so. You should learn to lighten up, join us on the hunt tomorrow and enjoy the pleasures of the court. I'm sure our Honored Father would be pleased to see his second son in attendance, for you so rarely grace us with your presence."

I felt my heart wrench in my chest as the cold courtly phrases sweetly spilling from my passionate brother's mouth. I marveled at the drastic change in him and, for a moment, could not say anything in return. I must have looked as though I'd seen a ghost as I slowly backed away from him, shock and hurt taking hold of my features and twisting them into a stone mask. "Honored Brother," I softly intoned, the first words I ever uttered in the courtly vernacular, "I am undoubtedly overjoyed that you would think of me joining the hunt, however, I find I am called back to my studies by the neglected cries of our people. My only hope is to try to alleviate them before they disturb the quiet seclusion of you and your precious court." I let a triumphant smile play over my mask as I saw Teirnan's drop at the silken harshness of my words and a guilt ridden version of his old countenance surface. I bowed gracefully before I turned my back on him.

After this episode I silently hoped I had gotten through to him. He tried to avoid me, but I would find ways to make my silently accusing presence known to him. I would stand at the back to the court's great hall, my gaze always lingering on him alone. I knew he felt my eyes, I knew he wished I was not there, and I knew I had broken through to his abandoned conscience that we both knew he possessed. If only I had had more time, now I will not know if my last message to him made any difference at all.

My front paws were sore already as I tore out of the great doors of Eisgairdin Castle. I had never used them before and I knew I had a long journey ahead of me.