Thank you so much for all the kind words! It's so fun to have control over Sean and Emma because, let's face it, they just can't keep it together on their own. I'm so glad there are still people interested in reading this story, it makes me that much more motivated to finish. As always, hope you enjoy!
Number Five with a Bullet
We're so hit or miss but in spite of that …
"Emma. Psst. Emma."
She was dreaming, Emma decided when Sean's voice invaded her subconscious. That was the only explanation for why he'd be whispering her name at well past midnight after kissing her senseless earlier that day. There was no other possible, plausible reason for it.
"Come on, Em. Open your eyes," Sean urged, leaning over her sleeping form to shake her lightly. "Wake up, we have to talk."
She was definitely dreaming, because there was no way Sean would ever utter the words 'We have to talk.' That was her line, most often brushed off with a sneer or a snarl from him. But then again, her dream visions of Sean didn't usually have him fully clothed, peering at her impatiently from the foot of her bed.
Emma sat up groggily, her vision bleary, her throat dry and scratchy. "S – Sean? What are you doing here?" Her mind raced with frantic thoughts of disasters that could being him to her bedroom so late at night. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?"
Go easy on her, break it gently, his conscience cautioned.
"Ellie and I broke up," he blurted out, then had to refrain from slapping his palm against his skull.
Subtle as a steamroller, came the mocking inner voice.
It was too late to take it back, that much was certain. The jig was up. Emma's eyes widened comically at the news, going as big and round as planets. Her face paled dramatically. Sean would have laughed, had he not been somewhat concerned.
"Em? Did you hear me? Ellie and I … we're done."
"You're … done," she repeated faintly. Was the room spinning? She felt off balance, somehow, as if someone had kicked her pedestal out from beneath her and she was teetering precariously at an impossible height. "Okay. Why?"
"Why?" It was Sean's turn to be confused. "What do you mean, why?"
What did he mean, what did she mean? Obviously, if she was asking why, she meant why? As in, why would he dump Ellie when they'd gotten along so well together? As in, why was he sneaking through her window to inform her of the latest development in his relationship? As in, why did he think it was right or fair to any of them involved to be here like this?
She had too many questions and hardly enough answers to be satisfied, Emma decided. She didn't like being clueless. Most of her frustration worked its way out in the terse words she forced past the lump in her throat.
"I mean, why? I mean, what in the hell possessed you to end things with Ellie, just when everything was going so well for the two of you? I mean, are you crazy?"
She was working her way into a tangent, he knew, and he could say from his own personal experience that it wouldn't be very pretty. When Emma got wound up about something, it was a good idea to duck for cover until the storm had passed.
Still, he loved the way her eyes gleamed when she got all riled up about something.
"Em, calm down," he advised. "Take a deep breath, count to ten, you know the drill."
"Okay, okay." Because she thought she'd hyperventilate if she didn't, she obeyed. "Now will you please explain yourself?"
He took his own deep breath. "After you left this afternoon, Ellie and I talked and … I don't know, we both just realized we weren't right for each other. It wasn't working. So it's over."
"You don't 'just realize' something like that, Sean," Emma sputtered. "Ending a relationship is a serious decision!"
"Yeah, but it was the right one for me and Ellie," he insisted. "Trust me, we talked it all through and everything."
Emma fell silent for a good thirty seconds, which was probably some kind of record, as she mulled over the new information. "And what, exactly, prompted this little epiphany? If you don't mind my asking."
This is it, he told himself. This was opportunity knocking – no, pounding – on the door to the wall that had been between them since last year. This was his chance, threatening to disappear as the seconds ticked by and he struggled with his answer.
"Actually … it was something I've known for a long time and just didn't want to face," Sean admitted. He hated to feel his muscles quivering with nerves, his palms clammy, and his heart skipping every third beat. He hated being uncertain of where he stood, especially in Emma's eyes. "And then, for a while, I thought it was too late. But here's the thing: it's not."
Emma wasn't following. She could barely hear his words over her own pounding heart, much less understand them. "Not … what?"
"Not too late!" he responded, impatient with her uncharacteristically slow thought process. Here he was, practically bursting at the seams with all the love he had for her, and she was standing in her pajamas, staring at him like he had four heads and obviously wanting to go back to bed. "For us! Emma … I love you."
Her reaction was hardly what he'd been expecting. She looked … stricken, he thought, as if he'd just backhanded her or dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over her head. Her face paled dramatically and he could've sworn he'd seen a vein in her neck form where there'd once been smooth skin.
"What?" she spat out, stepping away from him like he was a leper. "You what?"
"I love you," he repeated, crossing the room in two great strides to be as close to her as he could. He took her small hands in his much larger ones, clasping them gently, marveling at the fit of their fingers and the softness of her skin. So enraptured was he, in fact, that he could hardly notice that she was less than thrilled by the bomb he'd dropped.
Emma thought she might throw up. Or scream. Or throw herself off a building and pray to God no one took it upon themselves to call 911. All three seemed like viable options at this point. Of everything that had flown through her head when Sean said they needed to talk, him being broken up with Ellie and back in love with her hadn't so much as crossed her mind.
It's too good to be true. If memory serves correctly, you've tried being a couple before and failed miserably. Several times.
"No," she said, her head shaking to reinforce her denial. "You don't love me, Sean. You just think you do because of everything that's happened with us in the past and …"
"And more recently," he filled in, his mind traveling back to the moment they'd shared earlier.
Her mind wandered as well, but she brought herself back before getting too lost. "You need to go home to Ellie and talk this through with her, Sean."
"Can't. She's gone. She's back at her mom's, probably until University."
Emma gaped. "Isn't her mom an alcoholic?"
"Recovering," he assured. "And if she falls off the wagon at any point, Ellie knows she has a place to crash for as long as she needs."
"So you … parted on good terms?"
He thought it over. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess we did." He was proud of that. He'd always been the type of guy to sever all ties and move on quickly, before the pain could register. The fact that over the course of just a few months, he'd managed to make peace with his parents, call truces with most of the enemies he'd made, and have a healthy, mature breakup with Ellie made him feel … older. Like he was growing up or something. "We're still gonna be friends."
"That's good to hear," Emma said in all sincerity. "But, Sean, you need to think before rushing into things. I mean, you've been single for all of an hour and –"
"Four hours," he interrupted. "And I have been thinking. About you. For weeks, now. Months, years, I don't even know anymore."
She couldn't resist being flattered in a big way. She'd always been so wrapped up in Sean, so in awe of every word he spoke and move he made. It was nice to hear that she had a similar effect on him, even if he was better at hiding it.
"That's not what I mean," she tried to explain. "I mean, think about what you want to do with your life. Think about what you need."
"You. I need you." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, not that he wanted to. "Emma, we've got something, okay? You can't keep pretending it doesn't exist. You can't just brush me off 'cause you're too busy or too tired or too overwhelmed to deal with this, because this is important. This is me and you."
"That's why I'm so afraid!" she burst out. "Sean, me and you make crashing and burning look like a recreational activity! We don't work together! Haven't we seen that firsthand a thousand times before?"
"That was different," he argued. "We've changed since then."
"Yeah, for better and worse. I mean, you've finally gotten your act together and become the person I always knew you could be. And me …" Emma looked at a loss for a moment. "Sean, you don't even know me anymore. Just because we have a past doesn't mean we should have a present."
"I don't know you?" His temper was rising at a drastic rate. He could feel his adrenaline start to pump as he geared himself for the fight of his life. "Don't give me that crap, Emma. I know you. I know the way you twirl your necklace when you're nervous and how your laugh gets all girly and giggly when you really think something's funny. I know the exact length and shade of your hair, the feel of your lips, the way you smell and smile and sigh.
"I know your biggest fear is failure and that you sleep with your light on when you're scared," he continued when she tried to interject. "I know you want to see the world while you're saving it. I know that you could exist on Chunky Monkey ice cream alone and that when you're in a bad mood, you play that stupid Bangles song over and over again. I know that deep down, the only thing you really want is to be how you used to be, when you didn't know how badly life could suck. And I also know that, no matter what's happened, you don't really think life sucks, because you're one of those annoying, glass-half-full kind of people that I hate with a passion. So don't try to tell me how much you've changed or how I don't know you anymore, because I don't buy it."
Emma was torn. Should she laugh or cry, hit him or hug him and never let go? The fact that he knew all those little details about her, things she barely noticed about herself, warmed her insides to the point of melting. But it wasn't just that he could recite statistics, it was the way he had recited them. All that fire and fury, his words rushed and his eyes lit with passion.
He really did love her, she realized. He loved her like she loved him, like she'd always loved him – wholly, without reserve or restraint or common sense. There was no cause for it and a whole pile of reasons not to bother, but it was there, just the same.
"Okay," she said dumbly, reeling from the realization.
"Okay?" This wasn't turning out exactly as he'd hoped. He couldn't have imagined a worse response to his confession than the lackluster one she'd given thus far. "Okay, what?"
"Okay, you love me." Saying the words out loud may have changed Emma's entire view on life. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her chest. Her back straightened, her shoulders set, her chin lifted. A smile began to work its way across her lips tentatively, unsure if it would be allowed to stay. "You love me."
"Yeah, we've established that, Em. I love you."
"I love you, too."
"You what?" Sean did a double take. His heart flip-flopped and collided with his stomach as his ears worked to clarify what he'd heard. "Say that again, please?"
She laughed lightly and complied. "I love you, Sean Cameron."
"Again," he demanded, crushing her to his chest. His lips flew across her face, landing tiny, promising kisses on her nose, her ears, her cheeks.
She shrieked with delight and wrapped her arms around him, returning the embrace with every fiber of her being. "I love you, love you, love you. I've loved you forever."
"Ditto," he said breathlessly, and crushed his lips to hers without another word.
She was falling, falling, falling and then – flying. Soaring above the earth, powerful and fearless and free. Sean's arms were the only things that anchored her firmly to the ground, holding her in place when she would've floated away on a cloud of ecstasy and fulfillment.
"Emma?" Spike's voice at the top of the stairs was a sudden, devastating clip to her wings. They jumped apart, gasping for air as her mother continued, "Em, I heard a noise. Is everything all right?"
"Y – yeah, Mom, it's fine," Emma called back, stifling her giggles. Sean looked absurdly guilty, his face red and his eyes darting around the room for an escape route in case Spike decided to further hr investigation. "There was a spider that scared me, that's all."
"Did you get it?"
"Yeah, Mom." Emma smiled. "I got it. Good night."
They waited until they'd heard Spike's shuffling footsteps go back to the bedroom before meeting each other's eyes again. "I should – go," Sean suggested, gesturing vaguely to the window.
"Yeah," Emma agreed. "Sean?"
He halted in his tracks. "Yeah?"
She bit her lip. "Can we just … for now, at least … take this slow?"
"Em, it's taken us a good four years to admit we love each other. You want to go slower?"
"I don't want to mess this up again, that's all. Look at where we've gotten each other before. I don't want to go through all that ever again," she said, sticking to her guns. If she wrecked herself for Sean one more time, she didn't think she'd survive.
Because he understood that, because he had the same fear, he made his way back to her to look her in the eye. "We'll go as slow as you want. In fact!" He rubbed his hands together briskly. "What do you say to a date? We've only ever had that one in Grade Seven."
"When you dug through trash for me," she recalled fondly, running her fingers up and down his arms. "I think you stole my heart right then and there."
"I think you stole my sanity," he said truthfully, kissing her again. "How's Saturday? I'll pick you up at, what, eight?"
"Perfect," she sighed.
"Oh, and Em?" He stopped once more at the window and she paused in the process of crawling back into bed. "We're not going to mess this up again. I'm not going to let it happen."
Comforted by the faith he had in their relationship, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and dreamed of Sean reaching into trash bags to find what she'd lost and presenting it to her with a grin.
It was her own smile, every time.