Chapter 5: Missing you

Helen brought Tess and Kate to see their father a few hours after Doug had woken up. She wanted to make sure that they were fed before taking them out again, both girls knew that something bad had happened but no one had fully explained it to them. They were anxious to see their Daddy and Helen had a hard time keep both girls from running through the hospital to get to him.

Doug held open his arms when both girls appeared in the doorway, he was tired and sore, but still managed to put a smile on his face for his two precious daughters. Relief swept over him when he saw that they were both indeed okay. Still not fully remembering everything from the accident the night before.

With Tess snuggling up on his left side and Kate snuggling up on his right, he gave both girls hugs and kissed the tops of their small heads. He never actually realized just how lucky he was to have them in his live until the moment when he thought that he had lost everything. With a sad expression on his face and a heavy heart he knew that he was going to have to try and explain to them what had happened. He never thought that he would have to give this kind of news to his own small children.

Carter was still there. He had been there all night keeping an eye on Doug as much as he was trying to keep Doug company, knowing that right now was not the time when he should be left alone. What he had to be going through right now, was a personal nightmare, and tossed carelessly into his own personal hell. While John knew what it was like to lose a brother, a grandmother, a child, and knew how hard the loss of a loved one was, he had no idea what it was like to lose the love of your life. To be left to wander through life alone with out the one person that you thought would always be there for you.

He just looked at Doug holding onto his girls, it was almost as if he was afraid to let go of them, that if he did they too would be gone in a blink of an eye just like Carol. The hard part was about to hit and Carter knew that. He stood up getting ready to leave and give Doug a few minutes alone with his twins.

"I'll be just down the hall if you need anything." Carter said, he felt bad, almost as if he was abandoning his friend, but he knew that Doug needed to be able to tell the girls with out having Carter hovering over him.

Doug just simply nodded, as if he knew why Carter was leaving and in a sense knew that he wouldn't be gone for long. All Doug would need to do was call and Carter would be right back where he had been all night.

Doug took a deep breath in just sitting there for a minute, almost uncertain of what to say. Sure he had talked with other kids when they had lost a parent. But these were not just any kids they were his kids. How did he begin to tell them the news? He was struggling with it.

He once again kissed each of their heads, formulating what he was going to say and everything that came to his head just didn't seem like what he wanted to say to them. Slowly and cautiously in a soft tone he finally began to speak to them.

"Tess, Kate, baby," He said keeping his tone soft with them having a hard time sucking up his own sadness, "you know that mommy and daddy were in a very bad accident last night right?"

Both girls looked up at him, "yes daddy," Tess was the first to speak of the two, then slowly but surely Kate answered yes to him.

"Can we see mommy?" Doug heard a very soft voice, nervous and anxious as him.

It took a minute for Doug to realize that it was Kate who was talking to him, for her voice was so soft and tiny in that giant sterile room that it was barely audible.

"No baby," he said softly, "we won't be able to go see mommy." He was choking back his own tears. Not that he didn't want the girls to see him cry, he needed them to know that it was okay to cry that right now more than ever it was okay to be sad.

Kate sat up a little and looked at him with wide eyes, unsure of why he would tell her that they couldn't go see mommy. All she knew, all that she had been told, was that they couldn't right now. "Why?" Was what she asked next, it was the question that every child asks a parent on a daily basis sometimes hundreds of times.

Doug tried hard to be able to tell them, trying to put this into words that his young daughters would understand. "Kate honey," he wasn't' sure that they were going to understand but he had to try, "Mommy was hurt very badly in the accident, the doctors tried everything that they could to help mommy, but she died." Doug paused for a minute, "she went to heaven and she can't' be here with us anymore."

That was a very simple explanation, he knew but sometimes the simplest of ones were the best to use. And right now there simply was no other way that he could think to tell them. He braced himself for what questions might come next.

"We can't see her anymore?" Tess asked looking at him awkwardly.

"No baby we can't," he replied softly as he pulled both of them back into him.

"She's gone forever?" Kate asked, "She's not just sleeping?"

"Yeah baby she's gone forever, she can't wake up." Doug said as he heard both girls start to softly cry. It was one of the saddest sounds, pulling at his already broken heart hearing his daughters, his sweet innocent children crying like that.

"I want mommy." Tess choked out from behind her tears.

"I know you do darlin', I miss her too." Doug said, "But it's okay to be sad, and it's okay to cry." He tried to reassure them now, "and it's okay to miss her."

He held both of his girls tight right now, as the four of them sat in the room, crying tears. Tess and Kate had lost their mother, Helen had lost her daughter, and Doug had lost his soul-mate and wife.