Torn Away: Scenes From a Memory by Tradiferis

Disclaimer and Author's Note: I don't own Harry Potter, and never have. I don't own the movie Magnolia or the song "Regression" by Dream Theater, of which some likenesses of have been used in this chapter. This chapter is rated M (R) for violence and language.

Thank you for the wait.

Chapter Eleven
The Brilliant White Light

I've often wondered what would have happened if I hadn't have done it. Would I have so radically changed the future that I would have ceased to exist? Or would I have been smart enough to at least to remember to send myself into the past?

Part of my job is to examine variables like this. Should I let this event happen? What are the consequences for not letting it happen? What can be learned from this event? Should I let the Ministry actually know about this event? Oh, and my favorite: How much paper work does this event entail?

I come to the decision, however, that I must follow the rule that is seemingly the golden rule for being an Unspeakable: The time line must remain. I suppose if more people knew about this rule, their question of all questions would be: How do you know that you are letting the time line remain?

I don't know. It's a gift I suppose. Either that or one of the Heads telling me to take my wand out of the picture and let the event happen. I've often wondered how they know so much about the future events. The one time I gave great thought to it though, I realized that it was something I should not contemplate for fear of getting a horrendous nosebleed. So I just now put it up to the fact that they're not the Head's of this department for nothing.

Or it's need to know information, and I don't need to know.

As I stare at the ruins of Hogsmead from my perch on top of the former Three Broomsticks, I still can't help but think of that faux question. How do I know I'm not altering the time line? As I look at Snape fully declare his loyalties, I realize that you can't know, or at least you don't know until you've blown up the galaxy.

Which means that you just have to go with the flow. I smile as I remove my wand, for this is a day I have been dreaming about, quite literally, ad infinitum, for the past eight years.

I remove my Invisibility charm and jump down, landing directly behind four Death Eaters.

"Stupefy!"

Harry stood pacing outside of the ward. When he had been recalled to England, he knew a few things had happened: 1) Voldemort had returned, 2) The Department of Mysteries skirmish had occurred, 3) Sirius was now...dead, and 4) Tonks was injured and at St. Mungo's.

Of course, he couldn't let on that he knew all of this, but it wasn't like he needed to do an amazing acting job. His concern for his girlfriend was genuine, and that overrode any acting that he would need to do.

After doing some quick paperwork on the damage done to the Department, he was given the okay to go to St. Mungo's. When he arrived, he found the chaos that normally occurred at the magical hospital, but through his immense training he wasn't distracted, for he couldn't be distracted from his current goal: He needed to find Tonks.

After getting a run around, and then finally resorting to his "special privilege" that he was granted for being an Unspeakable, he forced the receptionist to tell him where Tonks was. After he got to the ward she was being held in (he still couldn't remember the name), he talked to the Head Healer, and found out that he should have been let in all along seeing that he was listed on her information papers that he should be considered kin.

"Ms. Tonks is currently getting treatment for a punctured lung, and a severe concussion Agent Waechter," the Healer had told him, looking at a clipboard for a moment, and then back up at him, "While it isn't anything that we can't fix, it does take some time and some intricate spell work to make sure that her system heals correctly. If you would like, you can wait outside the ward, and when we're finished, an orderly will get you."

Two hours later he was still outside the ward, and if he had looked down, he would have seen that the floor was magically repairing itself of the thread he had worn into it. He had only left the short hallway outside on the ward for five minutes, and that was to send an owl to Patrick about being back in the country, and where he was now.

Conjuring up the most basic of chairs, because that was as much as he could concentrate on at the moment, he put his head in his hands and started to massage his temples. He could feel the box in his pocket almost burning with it's own heartbeat. He had been waiting for this moment for a while now, and although he knew it was going to be like this, he wished that it hadn't.

He looked down at his hands and started to go through his Metamorphmagus training on a stress-reflex. He watched as his hands transformed into old and craggy, and then back again. He was so caught up in concentrating on his hands that he didn't hear the orderly approach him.

"Whoa...that's a neat trick," Harry heard from above him, causing his hands to snap back to their normal state. Harry whipped his head up to look at the young man that was standing before him.

"Yes?" Harry asked, giving the boy a piercing glance that seemed to scare him.

"Uh, you can, er...you can," the orderly said, stumbling over his speech. Harry waved his hand in a gesture that indicated for the boy to hurry up. This surprisingly helped, "Healer Johnson said that you can see Ms. Tonks now."

"Thank you," Harry said, standing up, and walking into the ward were he saw that many of the beds were sealed off from each other through cloths hanging from the ceiling. Looking around, he saw the Healer that he had talked to earlier marking down something on a clipboard.

"Ah, Agent Waechter, I see Orderly Smith found you?" the Healer, apparently Johnson, said.

"Yes, how is Tonks?" Harry asked, getting right to the point. This didn't seem to affect the healer at all, as he was probably used to this.

"She's currently relaxing, and she will need to be for the next day at least," Healer Johnson replied, "We currently have warded her section to be soundproof as to much sound would not be conducive to healing the concussion that she received."

"I can see her though, right?" Harry asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Oh, of course, just don't get her overly excited," Healer Johnson responded, motioning towards the clothed, and apparently warded, off area next to him. Harry gave the man a firm nod before he entered to see the love of his staring a hole into the curtain that was hanging two feet away from her. Harry put a small smile on his face.

"Dora," he said, just above whispering. He watched slightly amused as Tonks slowly shifted her head, almost non believing, towards him, before a huge grin broke out on her face.

"Oh my God...LUDDIE!" Tonks said as Harry walked over next to her and pulled her into a huge embrace, before giving her a passionate kiss.

"I've missed you so much," Harry said, still holding Tonks in his arms, as he felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He pulled back slightly and saw that Tonks was much the same.

"You'll never believe what-" Tonks started slightly anxious before Harry cut her off.

"Shh...calm down," Harry said, laying her back down on the bed, mindful of her injuries, "I already know."

"Then you know about-"

"I know about everything," Harry said, giving her a serious look, "It did happen in my department, honey."

"Has Fudge acknowledged it yet?" Tonks said, looking at Harry, who nodded his head. He reached his hand down into his pocket to take out the box that was pushing into his thigh.

'I wonder if Healer Johnson would consider this as 'getting her overly excited' much,' Harry thought with a small laugh in his head.

"Dora, we've been together for six years now, give or take," Harry said, taking her hand, as she looked at him with a questioning look on her face, "And I know that I'm not always by your side, which believe me, pains me as much as it pains you, but I like to think that over these years together we have forged a bond that is unlike anything I have ever felt before in my life."

Harry looked at Tonks and saw that she was nodding, and the tears were still in her eyes, "Now, as our world enters this uncertain time, I feel that it is especially necessary to do this, for as they say, when the times get bad, you always have your loved ones. Dora, honey, I want to have you always."

He heard Tonks give out a slight gasp as he produced the box, and opened it, "Nymphadora Tonks, love of my life, would you give me the pleasure of being my wife?"

Harry looked at Tonks' face, and saw that tears were pouring out of her eyes, "Yes, I would like that more than anything else in the world."

-

Harry looked at the papers in front of him. It just didn't make sense. How could Voldemort always be just one step ahead of both the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix?

Dumbledore insisted that there wasn't a spy this time, that he had taken much more precautions than last time, but it seemed as if all the evidence was pointing towards this.

"Don't worry Mr. Waechter," the old Headmaster had told him, "I have done enough research, it only appears as if Voldemort just has more luck than us at this moment."

Even the time Harry had brought what he thought was indisputable evidence that a spy was in the mists, he was unable to convince Dumbledore to more heavily investigate the dilemma.

Harry ran his hand through the think black hair that was currently adorning his head. Looking at his watch, he decided to go home, for he was just working his way towards a mental breakdown if he didn't take a break. Besides, maybe in the morning he would be able to find a solution in the morning from a fresher mind, and he also was supposed to meet with Tonks so they could do a little planning for their wedding, which still didn't have a specific date.

Bewitching his desk so that only he would be able to read what was on the papers that were scattered across it, he walked out of his office and towards the officially Apparation point.

Later that night, as much as he didn't want to, he returned to his office. It was long after Tonks had fell asleep, and long before he was needed to come in, but something was bugging him about this situation, like he should know what the problem was.

"Okay Ludwig," he told himself, "Let's list everyone that would have access to the strategies...again."

Three hours later, he had listed every member of the Order of the Phoenix and every Auror that made, or was let in on, tactical decisions. He had also, through Moody, been able to eliminate many of the people on the list. Turned out that the ex-Auror had a vast spying network himself, and regularly used truth potions on many members of the Order of the Phoenix. He was also able to cross out most of the Aurors on the list, at least the ones that were given random truth tests.

Deciding to do a 'field run' and try to glean some information from the less than respectable members of society, he adopted a slightly darker appearance, and transfigured his robes accordingly before leaving his office and letting the Heads of the Department of Mysteries know what he was doing.

The run proved to be pretty fruitless, for because of the length of this war so far, it had caused many people to openly declare themselves one way or the other, thus making it harder and harder to find people in the middle who could be used with just the 'right amount of persuasion.

After stopping back at his flat for a quiet dinner with Tonks (who was slightly frustrated that he had left in the middle of the night and not come back till then), he decided to check a few more places. However, this to proved to be just as fruitless as it had been during the day.

Just as he was leaving, he thought he saw a familiar face towards the back of the pub he was in. In fact...it was two familiar faces. Casting a "Notice Me Not" charm on himself, he walked to the back of the pub, and saw why the two faces were familiar. It was Rudolphus and Bellatrix LeStrange.

Trying his best not to let his emotions get the best of him, he calmly waited in the shadows, waiting for the best moment to make a move. His patience payed off, for roughly ten minutes later, Rudolphus stood up because he needed to "use the loo."

Harry followed him out the back door of the pub to the loo that was behind it. When they both entered, Harry cast a locking and silencing ward over the building. This sudden surge close to himself alerted Rudolphus to a presence near him. He whipped around with his wand out, but it was to late as Harry had already cast a full body bind on him.

"Hello Mr. LeStrange," Harry said, taking the charm off of himself, "Pleasure meeting you here this evening. Oh, allow me to introduce myself, I am Special Agent Ludwig Waechter of the Department of Mysteries, and I will be commandeering your likeness this evening. Have you anything to say?"

Harry waved his hand, allowing Rudolphus to speak, "Go to hell you-"

"Stupefy," Harry said calmly in Rudolphus' gruff voice. Putting a port key on the man's body which would take him to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, he shifted his body into that of Rudolphus' and walked back into the pub, and sat himself down next to Bellatrix.

"Took you long enough honey," the unstable witch told him with an almost normal expression on her face. Harry simply frowned, which caused Bellatrix to laugh slightly. Harry kept up simple conversation everyone that was seated, trying his best to gain any information that he could, while also waiting for his chance to get Bellatrix. His chance presented himself some time later, when she announced that she needed to "powder her nose," while winking at Harry.

"I think I'll go help her," Harry said in Rudolphus' voice, causing a laugh at the table, before following his 'wife' out of the building.

Something didn't feel right though, so he made sure that as he left he slowly and discreetly drew his wand into his hand. It was a good thing to, for as soon as the door to the pub closed behind him, a curse was flying at his head. He managed to duck and roll out of the way.

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with my husband?" Bellatrix demanded throwing another curse at him.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Harry growled, rolling out of the way of another curse before jumping and tackling Bellatrix, and applying a choke hold to her. However, Bellatrix was able to get out of it by somehow being able to conjure a piece of wood and smashing Harry in the head with it.

Harry shook the dizziness out of his eyes just in time to see the Killing Curse heading his way. Conjuring up a rock that blocked the spell, he was able to see Bellatrix Apparate away. He quickly cast a spell that gave him the coordinates for where Bellatrix had Apparated to. He quickly followed, and when he appeared, he noticed that he was in the middle of a forest.

Suddenly, he felt the hair on the back of his neck prick up, and he was able to turn around just in time to summon a branch of a tree to block another Killing Curse.

"How did I know you would follow me," Bellatrix said, emerging from the shadows, with a slightly condescending voice.

"Because you're scared," Harry responded, throwing the tree branch towards Bellatrix with as much magical force as he could. It just barely missed Bellatrix, who simply moved out of the way and gave Harry a superior smile.

"Missed me," she said in a baby-ish voice.

"No I didn't," Harry said with a slight smirk, as the branch leveled Bellatrix from behind. Harry watched as Bellatrix shakily moved her hand to the back of her head to feel the blood the was gushing out of it. He slowly walked over to Bellatrix, who was having a hard time trying to stand. When he made it over to where she was, she was kneeling, and looking at him with a fearful expression on her face. He smiled at her, while she looked up with him with a frightful gaze.

He flung his arm forward, causing her body to go crashing into a tree that was about three feet away. He continued to slowly walk over to where she landed. As he crouched down next to her, he saw that she was coughing up blood. Grabbing her hair roughly, he looked her right in the eyes.

"Before you die, I want to tell you a few things," Harry said with venom lacing his voice, "I want you to know that I hate you, I hate your fucking guts."

Bellatrix looked at Harry with even more fear in her eyes. He took her head and forced her to look at the sky, and made her gaze in a direction that he had memorized by now.

"Tell me, what is interesting about that area of the sky?" Harry growled, pulling on her hair painfully.

"I don't know!" Bellatrix cried out.

"Hmmm, why don't I help you then?" Harry said, pressing a hand into her forehead, and muttering a spell under his breath. Seconds later, Bellatrix was screaming as steam started to come out from under Harry's hand. When he removed his hand, Bellatrix had something carved into her forehead.

"Tell me, do you know what those coordinates are that I just put into your forehead?" Harry said, looking Bellatrix straight in the eye.

"They are for Sirius, the Dog Star," Bellatrix said, sobbing.

"Very good," Harry said, condescendingly, "Now do you know why I'm making you know this?"

"No," Bellatrix sobbed out. Harry smiled as he shifted his body into that of his true self. He watched in satisfaction as horror overcame Bellatrix's face as she realized who he was.

"Just fucking die, you fuck," Harry said, putting his wand up to Bellatrix's temple...

-

"Mr. Waechter, why don't you tell me what's going on," the Department of Mysteries Healer in front of Harry told him.

"I don't know," Harry responded, massaging his temples, "I haven't been able to get much sleep for the past few months, and I know it isn't because I'm stressed out. It seems to be like I'm forgetting something. It's like I have this nagging feeling like I should know something, but yet I don't know it."

The Healer looked at Harry with a calculating look on his face, before saying in an even voice, "Have you ever heard of Magical Regression Therapy?"

"Isn't that a type of Legilimency where a Healer walks the subject through their mind trying to find lost memories?" Harry responded, cocking his head to the side.

"More or less," the Healer responded, taking out a pad of paper, "I feel that this would be helpful to you. Here, take this to the Heads, so I can get clearance to do this for you."

Ten minutes later, Harry was laying on a couch, staring up at a ceiling as the healer talked.

"Close your eyes and begin to relax. Know, that I will not be able to see your memories. Take a deep breath, and let it out slowly," the Healer was telling Harry with a calm voice, "Concentrate on your breathing. With each breath you become more relaxed."

Harry felt himself sinking into his mental shields as the Healer went on, "Imagine a brilliant white light above you, focusing on this light as it flows through your body. Allow yourself to drift off as you fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind."

Harry felt his mental shields slowly relaxing, and the light he was seeing spread throughout his organized mind. Harry barely heard the Healer continue to talk, "Now as I count backward from ten to one, you will fill more peaceful, and calm. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. You will enter a safe place where nothing can harm you. Five. Four. Three. Two. If at any time you need to came back, all you must do is open your eyes. One. Imperomens."

Harry found himself almost literally standing in his mind. He looked around and felt a sudden urge to search for all areas of his mind where the white light that dominated his mind wasn't present. Looking around, he saw that towards the end of one hallway, the light seemed to get darker. As he walked towards it, he kept on sensing the need that he should stay away from it, but another more powerful voice in his head told him to keep on towards his target.

When he approached what was a darkened corner he noticed a Pensieve-like bowl was on the floor. Pushing away all thoughts that he shouldn't look at it, he put his hand into the bowl and was sucked into it.

He looked around and saw that he was in the middle of a battle. He was about to walk towards what looked like Albus Dumbledore and a younger version of himself talking, when a sudden memory of his own appeared before his eyes.

"Victory is mine Dumbledore!" Voldemort bellowed as Death Eaters entered into the area and started dueling with Aurors and members of the Order of the Phoenix. Harry shifted back into his previous form before Voldemort and the Death Eaters could see him. Dumbledore looked pleased to see Snape, but that look of pleasure soon turned into horror as he saw Snape firing killing curses off at will, picking off members of the Light one by one. Walking over to Dumbledore and Harry, Voldemort and Snape seemed to be moving in slow motion.

"It seems 'your' spy was really ours all along Dumbledore," Voldemort said with a maniacal laugh in his voice. Snape simply sneered, and then he recognized Harry, or rather the disguise of Harry. Snape's sneer became one of intense anger, and that's when Harry noticed the gash that was across Snape's face from the Severing Charm that he had used earlier...

"OPEN YOUR EYES AGENT WAECHTER!"

Harry snapped up into a sitting position with sweat pealing down his forehead. Looking over to the Healer, he saw the co-Heads of the Department of Mysteries standing there.

"You now know what you're here for Mr. Potter," the one on the left said.

Harry looked up at the two with a serious expression on his face, "The Battle of Hogsmead is occurring right now isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the co-Head on the right told Harry, "God speed Mr. Potter. You can Apparate directly from here."

Harry nodded, and concentrated on the village of Hogsmead before a small 'pop' indicated that he was gone.

-

"Victory is mine Dumbledore!" Harry heard Voldemort shout as he fought his way towards where his younger self and Dumbledore were standing. He watched as Snape picked off people with his wand, making his way with the Dark Lord towards where Harry himself was trying to get.

He quickly fought his way towards where he saw Voldemort talking to Dumbledore and his younger self. Voldemort raised his wand, and was about to cast a spell.

"No!" Harry shouted out, although it was hard to hear over the fighting. He quickly waved his hand, cause Snape and Voldemort to be thrown back. He was going to continue his way over, when a Death Eater fired a Stunning Curse at him.

"Reducto!" Harry shouted back, causing the Death Eater's wand arm to be blown off of his body. While the Death Eater was looking in horror down at the stump where his arm had formerly been, Harry quickly swung his arm and hit the Death Eater with a closed backhand across the face, which knocked the Death Eater out.

Looking back to where he knew Voldemort and Snape to be, he saw Snape standing over his younger self. Running as fast as he could, he shouted the one spell he knew that would take care of the one person that had made his life such a living hell, "Avada Kedavra!"

Harry watched as the curse flew through the air and hit the Potions Master in the back, killing him. Turning around quickly, he was able to just barely avoid a pair of curses that flew over his head. He quickly engaged the two Death Eaters in combat, but he knew time was running out. He couldn't let his younger self go back in time with knowledge of what Snape was. It would screw up his reason for being where he was, and thus cause the feared paradox.

He punched one of the Death Eaters in the face, breaking his nose, while he stunned the second one. Turning his attention around, he saw his younger self turning the dial back on the Time Turner. Thinking of the knowledge that he couldn't know, Harry concentrated on the one spell that would shape the rest of his life, before shouting out, "OBLIVIATE!"

He couldn't watch the spell though, for the Death Eater whose nose he had broken had recovered enough to try to engage him in hand to hand combat. As he quickly knocked the person out with a well placed elbow to the head, he knew his spell had hit it's mark, for he was still there.

Running over to Dumbledore, he looked at the Headmaster in the face.

"How come it didn't work Harry?" the dying man asked him.

"You should know that you can't change time, it is always how it is supposed to be," Harry responded, a tear falling down his face, as he watched his mentor die.

"The power Harry," Dumbledore choked out, "Is your ability to lover, even if you must kill. Your power is your love my boy, remember that."

Harry watched the man close his eyes, and he knew that he had died. Looking up he saw Voldemort struggling to stand.

"Is the old man dead?" Voldemort asked, looking at Harry.

"Yes he is Tom," Harry said, standing up also, with a note of power in his voice.

"Who are you?" Voldemort asked shakily, for he could feel the power radiating off of the man in front of him."

"I think you know Mr. Riddle," Harry said, as he shifted into his true form.

"Potter!" Voldemort shouted out, "But you just-"

"Went back in time," Harry said, walking over to Voldemort, who Harry noticed was without his wand, "Now I'm back. Tell me, did you ever figure out who killed Bellatrix?"

"You..." Voldemort said, looking at Harry with fear in his eyes.

"Tell me, did you know that while the Killing Curse is almost always cast out of immense hate," Harry said, waving his hand, causing Voldemort's body to stiffen again, "Did you know that it was originally casted out of love to let a dieing man out of his misery? No? Didn't think so."

"You tried to take everything away from me," Harry said, looking at Voldemort, before knealing down next to him, "But something happened when I went back into the past. I found a family, and I found true love."

Harry held up his hand so that Voldemort could see the ring on his finger, "And through this love, I am going to put this chapter of my life to an end. Know that I cast this spell with total love for everyone that has ever loved me, and for everyone that loves me know. Goodbye."

Harry raised his wand up to the terrified shell of a man's temple, and thought of everything that he had just said, the last picture in his mind being Tonks, "Avada Kedavra."

End Chapter.

A/n: Thank you once again for the wait! Just one more chapter left in this entire story! Thank you all also for the reviews, they have been great. Check out my yahoo!group (link in my profile) for more information on this story, and to also find out about updates to this story and my others.

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