Chapter 8: Some wounds heal

Six weeks had passed since Carol's funeral and Doug was struggling to get back on his feet again. His injuries from the car accident had healed enough that they were able to clear him to go back to work now. But while everything might have appeared fine on the outside there was more going on than what was skin deep.

The thought of packing everything up and going back to Seattle had crossed his mind but that would mean taking his girls away from their grandmother and right now that didn't seem fair to them. He'd do what needed to be done right now for the sake of his children rather than for his own happiness. Doug had always felt that his girls needed to come first, now more than ever with them trying to grasp the reality that they had all found themselves in, living without Carol.

Tonight was his first night back at County, truth be told he hadn't been able to take himself back there since he had been discharged. It just seemed to be too painful when even thinking about it, but it was time that he got back to work, he needed to make a living for his girls and right now County was his place of employment. Finding another job in Chicago would be hard enough if he left, especially after all the bridges he had burned the first time. He knew he was lucky to have this job at all.

He got off the EL now, not wanting to drive, he could have taken the jeep but it just didn't seem right to do. He didn't trust himself behind the wheel of a car right now, something inside him told him that just wasn't a safe thing to do. He stood now looking at the intersection where it happened, where he had been told that it had happened. Some memories just didn't want to return, maybe he was forcing them to hard, or it just wasn't meant to be, that his mind didn't want him to remember the most horrific moment in his life.

There was just a sinking feeling in his gut, followed by extreme sadness, he couldn't remember the accident, he didn't remember them being hit, and all he remembered was waking up to Carol being gone. But that was more than enough to remember, those feeling alone were enough to bring tears to his eyes.

Slowly he made his way closer to those ambulance bay doors, his mind wandering now was this the way his gurney came, he needed to be strong and not think about that but something inside him was taking over him. He pushed himself too hard sometimes but when it came to something that needed to be done Doug was not about to let anyone down.

He made his way to the lounge forcing what tears were there to stop falling now wasn't the time for this, but there it was hitting him between the eyes with the force of a two-by-four a picture of Mark and Carol taken one Christmas hanging by the coffee cups. "God I shouldn't be doing this. It's to early for me to be working, I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Susan said as she entered into the lounge to get a cup of coffee before she realized that Doug had been in there talking to himself.

"Nothing." He said his voice flat, lacking any emotion now. He and Susan were good friends, nothing ever more than friends but they were none the less good friends. They had joked around when he was at County the first time, he a fellow and she a resident. They had become good friends, with one friend in common and that was Mark. She had nicknamed him Dr. Intercom, most because when it came to keeping secretes, Doug wasn't very good at it.

"First day back?" Susan was well aware of the fact that it was his first day back, after all she was Chief of the ER now and it was her job to make sure it was staffed, she had worried about him coming back after only 6 weeks but when he asked her to put him back on the schedule, Susan knew better than to ask Doug a million questions. He wasn't on to talk about things like that.

"Yeah Chief." He said as he quickly got into his locker putting his things in there grabbing his lab coat and stethoscope before closing, "but don't you worry any I'm at the top of my game." He shot her a classic Doug wink so that she'd think all was well even if it wasn't. "I can take on whatever Chicago has to offer tonight."

"I know you can, but still take it easy would ya tiger, for my peace of mind." She said with a smile on her face, "It would look bad if you saved all of Chicago and I did nothing tonight."

"Got it boss." He grinned at her knowing that was Susan's way of saying she was worried about him with out actually saying that she was.

"Helen have the girls tonight?" Susan asked now as she filled up her coffee cup, the board was fairly slow right now and she needed a java jolt to help get her through the long night.

"Yeah they like staying over there." He said, "I think they missed grandma while we were away, it's nice that they can spend time with her now."

"That's good." She said, not wanting to ask but doing so anyway. "Are they doing okay?" She would keep the conversation away from him and he was doing just for Doug's sake, but she knew he would talk about his girls they were his entire world.

"Tess seems to be." Doug said, "but she was always the stronger of the two. Takes more after me than her…" he paused for a minute, "her mother." He didn't realize just how hard it would be to talk about Carol when talking about his girls, "Kate is having nightmares, but I think she'll be okay in time, it's just been hard on them."

Susan knew it had been hard on all of them. "Well I guess we'd better get out there before everyone and there dog decides tonight is the night to visit our lovely hospital." She hadn't meant to lead him into a painful conversation but at least she could use them needing to save the sick as an excuse, "I'll flip you for the drunk bum in five with maggots."

"Oh no dear chief see this is where I get to say, I'm not a grown up doctor, and a drunk bum that's a grown up." He smiled as he said it. "That's what you get when you hire a pediatrician."

"Ah so true." She said, "and here I thought I was going to be able to get out of it by saying I'm the boss you're the minion get to work."

"Not this time, unfortunately if you want to do that, you will need to find some poor schmuck of a resident to pass your lovely maggot invested bum upon, but me my dear I'm off to save the little people."

"I'll remember that one Doug and the next little person that walks through the door, is all yours." She smiled as they headed out towards the admit desk.

"Ahh the sound of a child in pain music to my ears." He said sarcastically when they reached the admit desk. "And when I say little people my dearest Susan, anything under eighteen I will treat, unless of course you need help with a nice trauma."

"Thanks Doug, leave the dirty work to me and you get to come in for the glorified save, that's a man for you." Susan poked back at him as she picked up a chart.

"Yes sir that's me, here to serve." He took his chart and headed off to work.

Susan just watched him go off, she knew that tonight was going to be hard on him but Doug no matter what wouldn't say anything to anyone if he got in over his head, part of his personality, while you could always count on Doug if you needed something, he would very seldom ever come to anyone when he needed help. He was the strong one and wanted to keep it that way.