A/N: I am on break from school right now so I am working on getting my stories updated. Sorry for leaving everyone in limbo for so long. Please as always read and review, your comments are always welcome.

Chapter 9: Close your eyes and jump

Abby had been watching them, Doug would come and Carter would instantly go the other way. If Doug was at the admit desk Carter would find something else that he needed to do. The first night she didn't think anything of it, but when it went on for nearly a week Abby had to wonder what exactly was going on with Carter, it wasn't like him to completely avoid a friend. And she thought that's what Doug and Carter were, friends.

"Hey you." Abby said as she walked up behind Carter now, "I was going to go and grab something to eat; you want to come with me?"

"Going alone?" He asked with a soft smile putting his arms around her waist.

"I was thinking of seeing if Doug wanted to get something to eat, ya know, he's looking a little on the thin side." She said her arms going around him now but Carter pulled back away from her.

"I can't right now." He said his tune suddenly changed and not for the better.

"Why not?" She asked.

"I just remembered that I have a lot to do, why don't you take Doug feed him and you and I can get together later."

That was not the answer that she was expecting from Carter and she knew that there was more to this than what was meeting the eye.

Carter noticed that Abby had given him that look, "no really I have a patient that I need to finish up before I can go for food, don't worry." He kissed her forehead, but Abby could see right through that, Carter might have been good, but he wasn't that good.

"No I can wait for you." She said with a smile, "I can even give you a hand if you want."

"Abby," Carter said looking at her now with intent eyes, "I am going to be awhile I don't need a hand, I can do this myself." His tone with her was harsher than he wanted it to be. But right now he just didn't want to go.

"Okay," Abby said taking a step back. "I'll see you in a little bit, I'm going to go and get something to eat. I think you should come and get something too you seem a little bit testy there Doctor, won't be good for your patients."

"Abby I am fine."

She was silent for a minute as she compiled her thoughts, the way that she needed to voice this. There was something about the way that he was acting that wasn't sitting well with her. "Come on we are going to grab a cup of coffee." She said pulling on him now, "don't worry just the two of us."

Carter reluctantly followed, not that he wanted to but he really didn't have much of a chance to protest and when Abby got into one of these moods it was better just to go to with the flow.

She drug him outside and over getting coffee from Manning, granted it wasn't the best coffee, but hey it was better than what they could find in the lounge and then she drug him over to a bench indicating to him that she wanted him to sit down handing over a cup to him.

Carter sat down and his eyes avoiding making contact with hers. He had this feeling of what she was up to but just didn't really feel like doing it.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Abby asked looking over at him.

"There's nothing going on, I was just busy."

"That's not the answer that I was going for John." She said, "something is bothering you and you need to talk about it."

"There's nothing that I need to talk about." Carter wasn't sure why he was being so resistant about this but he just didn't want to get into this right now.

"No there's something John, you can tell by the way that you act, the way that you instantly changed your mind when I told you that I was bringing Doug to have lunch with us. What's going on with that, one would think that you were trying to avoid him at all cost."

"And if I was?"

"Carter there has to be a reason, you've worked with Doug for a long time, and you're his friend why all of a sudden are you afraid to be around him?"

Carter wasn't sure if he wanted to answer that, there was a reason but it wasn't something that he just wanted to jump right into with her, not right now. This wasn't the place that he wanted to have that kind of conversation with her out in the open. "Do we have to talk about this right now Abby?"

"Yeah we do." She didn't want to let him off the hook. She had this feeling that if she didn't do this now, if she didn't make him talk now, that she wouldn't get him to talk at all.

"I have things that I need to do right now; this isn't the time nor the place to have this conversation." He started to stand up.

Abby put her hand on his shoulder pushing him back down. "Try Carter."

"It's complicated."

"Carter everything in life is complicated." That was Abby's subtle response to that.

Carter sighed as he looked over at him, "you'll think it's stupid and say that I shouldn't feel that way."

"No I will not." Abby said, "you're feelings are valid no matter what they are."

Carter leaned back against the back of the bench before saying anything. Trying to compile his thoughts that he wanted to tell her. Trying to grab what thoughts where floating around in there and organize them into something that would make sense. "I can't understand the pain that Doug has to be going through," Carter said his words slow as he worked to get this out, "when I see him, all I see is this immense amount of pain. And when I think about it, I can't imagine what I would do if that had been us, if you weren't here anymore." He looked down now as he spoke, "Seeing that happen to them, to two people who have fought so hard to be together had a family and where finally in a place where they were happy and it to be all gone, it just breaks my heart. Carol turned him around and well I think you have done the same for me, you've given me direction and mean so much to me I don't want to… I'm afraid that… I love you and don't want to live without you ever."

Abby wasn't sure what to say to that, it did make sense and she didn't know what the right words were to respond to that. There had to be something that would be the right thing to say. Finally after a few minutes she found them, "No John," her voice was soft with him right now, "that makes more sense than you know. I would tell you that I am not going anywhere, but that's a promise that I can't make. But as long as I am here I will be right here. We can't think about those fears or we would never be able to step outside our own front doors. In our jobs we deal with the worst that mankind can do to each other… but we have each other and that's all we can hope to always have."

She leaned over and gave him a hug, "I know that this has been hard on everyone. But it time things will get back to some sense of normal for all of us. Doug has his girls to focus on, and having that will help him to keep going with life. We never forget the pain that we feel but we learn to deal with it a little bit better and it goes from the front of our minds more to the back of them, it's always there, just not as strong and not as raw. We need to be there and help him the best that we can. We can't ease or take away his pain, but we can be supportive and make sure that he has what he needs to make the transition easier."

They sat in silence now as they drank their coffee, occasionally looking at each other saying small things. Abby leaned her head on his shoulder, they stayed there for a few more minutes longer before the silence was broken by the sounds of ambulance sirens going off, music to a doctors ears. They got up and moved to get back to work.