AHHHH well okay…I was writing something else and I was like…THIS IS BORING I MUST LET OUT MY RANDOMNESS! So then the mad little bunnies in my mind found this story.
Chapter 3
OMFG NOT HARRYWhere we left off the insane Mary Sue tied Harry Potter to this huge bed with a magic wand spell thing.
The author just realized how wrong and nasty that sounds and had an ewe fit. It sounded something like this:
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Alright, so while the author was freaking out, Harry was busy eating the magical ropes that had tied him to the bed. Mary Sue was doing a victory dance to the Macarena dance of doom and was too preoccupied to notice.
"Damn author…fine don't help me…you'll see…" he said insanely to himself.
The author got over her ewe fit, but found it so amusing that Harry was talking to himself she did not interfere with his escape plan.
"I just got to get these stringy things off me….ropes …ropes… ROPES!" Harry was so excited he learned a new word (the OOCness was already catching up with him) he jumped twenty feet in the air and hit his head on the ceiling.
Mary Sue was still doing the Macarena dance of doom.
"Ow, pain," he said, realizing this new concept his brain had not previously been able to handle. The dead Mr. And Mrs. Potter would be proud.
The ropes had been undone when he jumped really high so Harry was free. Then Harry figured something out.
"I'm getting stupid… I'm turning in to one of Mary Sues OOCes! I must find Ron!" he said loudly. Mary Sue kept doing her dance.
Harry pulled out a paper clip from his pocket (just because) and it feel to the floor.
Mary Sue snapped around and cackled evilly. "I hear everything!"
Harry was going to protest but realized that would be a bad idea.
Mary Sue pulled out a wand from her robes. Harry freaked out so he attacked her and bit her arm off.
While she yelped in pain Harry ran out the door and up to the fat lady's portrait. Except the fat lady wasn't there. Which made Harry start screaming very loudly.
"What do you want?" asked the skinny woman who was sick of his screaming.
"Where's the fat lady?" cried Harry, done with his girlish screams.
"She went on Atkins," she said sadly.
"Oh," said Harry sympathetically. "Oh I'm sorry."
The lady bit her bottom lip as to keep herself from crying. "Password," she asked half-heartily.
Harry almost broke down. Not because he didn't have a password, but because she couldn't be replaced. She couldn't say it like the fat lady did. With a tear in his eye he said, "Some pointless weird word like watermelonfuzzies or something." The tear trickled down his check.
She nodded and swung open. What he saw was disastrous.
Every guy in there was over six feet tall, had huge muscles, and perfect crystal clear eyes. All the girls in there were wearing skimpy little outfits and had perfect hair.
Well imagine what they were doing. My clean mind will not explore that area of perverse!
Anyway Harry was all "RON! RON WHERE ARE YOU?" but Ron had turned into one of them. He was in the corner senselessly snogging with Padma. Harry starting shacking Ron to get his attention. Ron finally let go of Padma and turned around annoyed.
"WHAT?" he yelled.
"Ron, Ron not you too…" he started shacking and began to cry. Fred and George came over.
"Ohhh it's the suicidal!Harry, right?" asked George.
"Huh?" sobbed Harry.
"Naw…maybe it's just the depressed!Harry, he hasn't got cuts or anything," said Fred.
"No are you two blind! It's the Dark!Harry begging for support so he can turn around and kill us!" Ron said paranoid. So okay, somethings never change.
"Your all daft! You stupid morons it's the Stupid!Harry, duh!" cried Padma as she got up and threw herself out a window.
"Damn Harry see what you've done?" Ron said as he got up and jumped out the window too.
"Don't worry Stupid!Harry," said the muscular Fred.
"Ya, we know the school's gone insane," agreed the muscular George.
"You do? Wait, if you knew, then why are you all muscular, and doing that whole sitting on people's lap thing?" He asked, very confused.
"You think we were going to pass these up?" Fred asked incredulously, holding up his arm and squeezing his muscle. "Besides," he said putting down his arm. "You were surprised with the lap thing?"
Harry thought about it. It hurt but he did it. "No, not really." He concluded.
Banana.
"Good," said George. "All you have to do to over throw Mary Sue, is to slip some of this," he held out a brown taffy, "Into her pumpkin juice. Make sure it's pumpkin!" He gave the taffy to Harry.
Harry was very hungry and taffy seemed like a good snack. He was about to eat it when Fred said, "Oh, and Stupid!Harry, don't eat it, okay?"
Harry frowned and put it in his pocket and stormed out because he was really mad. He had to go find pumpkin juice AND he couldn't eat taffy. This was not his good day.
Harry eventually found a kitchen and got a glass of pumpkin juice. He put the taffy in the pumpkin juice and it started smelling really good. He was going to drink it, but decided against it because the taffy was in there. The author was so proud she had to leave to have a moment. Banana, banana, banana…okay back.
So Harry took it to that really weird room that Mary Sue was probably still in. When he walked in there she was, with some big map thing, devising an evil plan to get Harry back and take over the hospital wing.
"Um…Mary Sue?" said Harry slowly. Mary Sue turned around and a big smile formed on her flawless face. "I wanted to say, I'm sorry for eating your rope," he smiled at the thought of the new word, "but I wanted to go get you a drink. Because you're my favorite Mary Sue. Really, all the other Mary Sues went to Slytherin," he said, trying to convince her.
Mary Sue took the glass from him, very flattered by his speech but still very suspicious of the drink. See despite what is thought of Mary Sues, they are actually very smart. She thought about what might be in the drink, but then looked at Harry, and realized he was too stupid to figure out how to put something in a drink. Her plan had worked very well and Harry was losing brain cells rapidly. She kept them in a jar labeled, 'Harry's brain cells'. So then she thought about it.
(suspicious Mary Sue Not suspicious Mary Sue)
It was so sweet of him to get me a drink…Are you an idiot! He's trying to kill you!
Well maybe the OOC has taken over him already…No it hasn't!
Yes it has! No it hasn't! Yes it has! No it hasn't!Then Mary Sue realized she was arguing with herself. That was not good. So in order to stop arguing with herself she just drank it.
Harry who had been watching her standing there doing absolutely nothing, freaked out when she moved. He dived under the bed and watched her drink it. He waited.
Her face turned slightly green, then she threw herself to the floor and starting shaking and spasing uncontrollably. SIEZURE! Harry thought and ran out to help her.
Oh so NOW he's helpful in an emergency. Pfft.
But when Harry got there it was too late. She had already turned into a miniature male Chihuahua named Kooki (pronounced cookie, like the food).
Kooki ran around in circles barking viciously at nothing. Harry thought he was cute so he picked him up and cuddled him. Kooki peed on him.
Then Harry left the room to see what became of the other students. Everyone was slowly going back to normal. The muscles were deflating and the girls were getting their clothes back. Harry smiled heroically. Another triumph over evil.
Everyone turned around and threw tomatoes at him for ruining their fun. And they started booing. Kooki barked viciously at them, showing off his teeth aggressively. They all booed at Kooki.
He peed on Harry again.
THE END!
Okay yes I know…weird, probably weirder than my other chapters…but I'm in a very random mood today. Please review. Thanks to Leigh A. Sumpter, Da-Manta-Ray, niwrem (I died reading your stories), and ash vault rose garden for reviewing. HARRY MADE IT OUT ALIVE WOOT! I LOVE MY KOOKIWOOKI!