Ad Nauseam
By
Russ Flinn
© Russell Flinn 2005
Platform 1 seemed deserted. There had been a minor fracas moments before, The Face Of Boe demanding that the hot water for his bath be rectified. The air had briefly turned blue with plumbers and maintenance staff, but now there was discreet silence.
The Doctor checked his pocket for the key, retrieved it – checking that he had the right suite – and glanced up and down the corridor to ensure that nobody was about before waving the small gold key at the lock and watching the crenellated steel glide apart, the hydraulics giving a sensuous gasp as the open portal invited him in.
The room was tastefully decorated with ferns and flowers, a scent of pine hanging in the air, minty-sweet.
He took a deep breath of the oxygen-rich atmosphere, the crisp odours sending a revitalising tingle through his body. His mouth was dry, his pulse racing like a Zarbi to a picnic. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this nervous, but then, he couldn't remember the last time he had been in a woman's private sanctum either. Except Jackie Tyler's, but that had been more of a Cave Of Crystal for the libido, leaving him shaken, sweating and in dire need of change. To think she actually thought he would mate with someone a two-hundredth of his age. You could get arrested for that.
It was just as he was squeezing his eyes shut at the thought of Rose's mother's obvious intentions that he heard that beautiful voice announce the arrival of the reason for his momentary indiscretion.
"Why, Doctor," Jabe cooed, "I never expected you to take me up on my invitation."
She glided into the room with regal grace and infinite poise, lifting her gown just enough to remain tantalisingly discreet.
The Time Lord gave her a cheeky grin, taking out the delicately-veined note that the key had come wrapped in. "If you come down to the woods today, you're bound for a big surprise," he read. He wrapped the key back up in the oak-leaf and threw it onto the bed. "How was I supposed to resist, being the curious bloke I am?"
She giggled, coyly draping her elegant form across the queen-size bed of moss that took up the greater part of the room. "Curiosity killed the cat, didn't it?"
"At least he died happy then," the Doctor replied, feeling his face flush.
"I hoped you would come though," she smiled. "I worried that I was coming across as the unattainable regal personage."
"Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book then."
"Oh, Doctor!" She threw herself back, gasping at his brazen words. "You're obviously not put off by the class difference, are you."
"Nah," he admitted, beaming uncontrollably. "I bet your bite is worse than your bark."
She gasped at his daring. "My, my. You are quite the bold adventurer, aren't you?"
"What can I say, I'm just an explorer, petal." He boldly took his seat on the edge of the mound of moss. "And I reckon if you've got to pick a flower, you might as well go for the one in a dress."
She slapped his arm playfully. "Cheeky thing!"
"I came first in Cheek". He leant back, propping himself on one elbow and gazing into her eyes.
"Really?" Jabe purred. "And what else did you come first in, Doctor?"
He shrugged. "Nowt. Always think it's polite to come second. Don't' want to get big-headed," he chuckled slyly. "Leave that to The Face Of Boe."
The tree sprawled langorously, letting herself fall back, arms spread wide, knees rising and falling beneath her gown provocatively.
"It's nice to meet a man my age who isn't afraid to speak his mind," she whispered, the soft light catching her eyes and making them gleam with an inner warmth. "And with such a fertile imagination."
"You're just getting the potted version, trust me," he replied, smitten by the sight of the elegant flora before him. Had Jabe been a bloom in a summer's glade, he would have been hard pressed not to pluck her.
"An intriguing thought," Jabe conceded breathily. "What more is their to know?"
He ran the tip of his tongue over his lips, worrying that he might lose his hearts again. "I used to like pressing flowers."
"I'm not into that kind of thing," she said, hurriedly.
"Oh, that was ages ago. I'm much better behaved now."
"You don't strike me that way!"
"Maybe, maybe not. You know what they say about Time Lords, if you've got the time, we've got the space…"
She reached over and rested her hand on his, careful not to crush his fragile bones with her sturdy grip. The Doctor looked down at her hand, observing that the sleeve of her gown had ridden up, displaying the fine structure of her outer layer.
"Blimey," he said. "You've never got wax paper and a crayon when you need them have you!"
"You can see more," she winked. "That's if you'd like to?"
He cleared his throat, shifting onto his stomach and propping his chin on his hands.
"I've always been a keen student of botany. Would I be a fool to say no?"
Slowly, Jabe took each end of the robe's belt and pulled them apart, letting the folds of the golden material fall on either side of her body.
"Very nice!" He grinned wolfishly. "Lovely pair of knots, Jabe."
"You think so?" she replied, looking down at the solid finish of her tan body. "So, do you ever take that jacket off?"
"Only for special occasions. Torture, usually. Why? Are you asking?"
"Maybe." She put her hands behind her head, letting herself creak seductively.
"Fair do's," the Time Lord replied, leaping off the moss and slipping his jacket off. "What about the rest?"
"It's tempting," she admitted, glancing down his body. "Oh, Doctor," she chuckled wickedly. "It looks like I'm not the only one of us with wood!"
He glanced down, blushing.
She delighted in his embarassment, biting her lip. "Does that get bigger on the inside too?"
"I dunno," he replied, rising to the bait. "Wanna find out?"
"I think I do. It's been an age since I last had a 'woodworm'," Jabe beamed. "Only safely though. You'll find some lacquer in the rain-room. We don't want to be having any chips off the old block, do we, Doctor?"
The Doctor allowed himself a brief, novel image of himself proudly cradling their child. I christen you Pinocchio, he thought happily.
He took a deep breath, slipping this year's jumper over his head. Here we go then, lad. In for a penny, in for a pounding.
Sensuously, Jabe slid from the green-down of her bed, standing before him and letting the rest of her garments fall, giving him the first view of her bough.
"Need free legal advice, subject to status", came the voice from between her thighs. "Why not call Jolko And Jolko, solicitors to the stars."
The Time Lord's eyes bulged in astonishment.
"What the hell…?"
"Maybe you have had an accident at work, or have had planning permission declined for your wormhole…"
The Doctor put his head in his hands, moaning. "I don't bloody believe this!"
"I'd decided to leave my employer after many years of excellent service," a new, booming voice announced from one of her pouting knots, "But I sought advice from Jolko And Jolko after I suffered respiratory collapse upon being handed my gold watch…"
The Time Lord flashed an angry glance at Jabe then called out to the whole room, "I'm supposed to be off your list, you know. 'No spam dreams', that's what I ticked!"
He woke with a start, Rose's hand shaking his shoulder.
"I think we've landed," she said cheerily. "Are you alright?"
He shook his head to clear the image of the male-shot. "I'm fine, I'm fine," he responded, hesitantly. "Just give me a minute."
"You look awful," his companion noted, letting a hand rest on his arm. "Can you stand?"
"Not right now, Rose," he snapped.
She looked hurt. "Fine, whatever. Good thing I'm not this grouchy when I wake up!"
"Sorry," the Time Lord said, taking her hand. "Just had a bad dream, that's all. I'm fine now…"
"Yeah." Rose sauntered over to the console, frowning slightly. "I had the weirdest dream too. Can't remember it now except that it was barmy."
The Doctor struggled to his feet, pulling his jacket closed around him.
"That's fine. You're bound to have the odd dream. Happens all the time in this game."
"I guess so," Rose replied, a distant look in her blue eyes.
"You know something?" she realised. "I really, really fancy some chips now…"