The Celestial Tiger's Notes: I wrote this because I love frozen chocolate and my passion for it is usually met with skepticism and sometimes aversion. I thought that projecting this little quirk onto Duo would make for an amusing short story.

Duo and Frozen Chocolate

It was a rather boring morning. It was Saturday and not much was happening. Hilde was sitting at the small round table in the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. Even though she and Duo did business on Saturdays, they usually didn't open until about 1 p.m. This gave Duo the leisurely mornings he demanded on the weekends.

Hilde picked up a half of a bagel smeared with cream cheese and was just about to bite into it when Duo suddenly rounded the corner into the kitchen and shouted, "GOOD MORNING!" in his usual boisterous manner. The problem was that Hilde had fully expected him to still be in bed and was therefore not prepared for his overzealous tidings.

She shrieked and jumped about two feet out of her chair, the bagel leaping out of her hand and landing cream-side down onto the floor. "Damn it, Duo!" she griped loudly, turning to face him. "Not only did you just scare five years off of my life, but you made me drop my breakfast!"

Duo smiled innocently and batted his eyes. "I'm sowwy, Hildeee," he drawled, making his voice sound like a child's.

Hilde rolled her eyes and sighed. "You dork. What are you doing up this early on a Saturday anyway?"

Duo plopped down in the chair across from her and grinned. "I dunno. I just felt like getting up." Then he made a goofy face at her. "Sorry, you'll have to put up with me all day today!"

Hilde gave him a wry look in return. "Damn…and I was looking forward to peace until noontime."

Duo laughed jovially and stretched loudly. "Well! Think I'll eat breakfast!"

Hilde looked at him pointedly. "We don't have anything. You've already eaten all of your sugar-saturated cereals and that splort on the floor, which I expect you to clean up by the way, was the last of the bagels."

Duo looked over at the face-down bagel half. "Why should I have to clean it up?"

"Because you were the one who scared the hell out of me and made me drop it! And since it was the last of the bagels, that also means that you robbed me of my breakfast! I think cleaning it is the least you can do!"

Duo grinned cutely and put up his hands as if a gun were pointed at him. "Ok! You win, babe!" He shuffled out of his chair and cleaned up the mess while Hilde kept a watchful eye on him to make sure that he didn't do a half-assed job.

When he was finished, Duo washed his hands and then walked over to the refrigerator. Hilde watched him and shook her head. "I told you…there's nothing in there. No pizza, no lunch meats, and no hot wings…though I have no idea how you can eat that stuff in the morning anyway."

Duo cast a grin back over his shoulder at her. "No worries. I'm not going into the fridge." He then opened the freezer half and began rummaging through one of the drawers.

Hilde watched him partly in curiosity and partly in trepidation. She couldn't even begin to imagine what could possibly be in the freezer that would still be edible. They hadn't cleaned it out in a long time.

After a moment, Duo emerged with a pastel pink and green rectangular box. "Ah! I knew I still had some of this left!" he proclaimed triumphantly.

Hilde's eyes widened in horror as she realized what it was. "Duo! That's…that's…your chocolate bunny…from Easter! It's September!"

Duo plopped back down in his chair and opened the box. "Yeah…I know! Chocolate never goes bad!"

Hilde had a stunned look on her face which shifted to disgust as Duo pulled out a half-eaten chocolate rabbit. "That's gross, Duo. That's just gross."

Duo examined his prize for a moment. "Naw, it's still fine! Hey, you want some? I'll share!"

"NO!" Hilde exclaimed without hesitation.

"Suit yourself," Duo shrugged and with that, he began to gnaw on a corner of the chocolate. Now, this wasn't one of those hollow chocolate bunnies. This was solid milk chocolate, at least three-quarters of an inch think.

Hilde's eyebrows scrunched as she stared at him incredulously. "You're eating it frozen?" she sputtered in disbelief.

"O'course," Duo muttered from around the chocolate. "Ich good dis way." He gnawed first this way and then that way, trying to get the chocolate gooey enough to come loose. He pulled it back for a moment to inspect his progress. There were dozens of teeth marks embedded into the chocolate but it didn't look like it was quite compromised enough to break off.

Hilde's lip curled up in revulsion. "Oh god, you're going to make me sick."

Duo grinned at her, his teeth brown with chocolate. "I'm not forcing you to sit there." He then resumed working on the corner of the bunny. He gnawed more ferociously until he was finally rewarded with the telltale CRACK.

Hilde gasped. "Was that a tooth?" she asked, cringing.

Duo was chewing, however, each bite down producing a smaller crunch. "Nope," he said simply and then he swallowed. "Just the resounding crack signaling my defeat of the frozen chocolate adversary."

"That can't be good for your teeth! How can you stand that?" Hilde questioned in horror.

"It's great!" replied an undaunted Duo. He then began to work on his next bite.

"I swear, Duo!" Hilde fussed. "You look like a little kid!"

"So?" was his unconcerned reply. CRACK! "Ha ha! Victowy id mine!" he mumbled as he rolled a large lump of chocolate around in his mouth.

Hilde covered her face with her hands. "Geez, Duo. Just….geez…"

Duo continued in this manner until he had finished the rest of the bunny. By this time, his hands and the perimeter of his mouth were covered in chocolate. He moistened a paper towel and cleaned himself up. His teeth were tingling and the corners of his mouth were red and irritated from all of the sideways gnawing, but he looked happy as a clam.

"That was a great breakfast!" he announced contentedly.

Hilde groaned. She didn't know why she had sat there the whole time. "Great," she grumbled. "Now you'll be on a sugar high for the rest of the day."

Duo winked at her. "Yeah…chocolate makes me frisky. Better watch out! Heh heh!"

Hilde shot him a warning glare. "You toucha my ass, I breaka you face!"

Duo laughed aloud at that and then stood. "Who said I was after your ass?" he said, smiling darkly. When Hilde gave the desired response of stunned silence, Duo's evil smile instantly transformed to his classic cheerful expression and he began to whistle innocently as he walked off. He was stuffed full enough of chocolate and mischief to make the day very interesting.