Diary of Draco Malfoy
Stupid , Stupid Draco! How could I do something that foolish? Why did I even go in there? Did I really want to see him that badly? Oh lords my chest...it's like I am drowning there is so much pressure. Why did I have to go through that door? Why did he have to be standing there alone?

I have been watching him ever so closely in the past weeks, wondering at how much stronger he is becoming from the near corpse I found in the shrieking shack that night. But I did not expect to see him as he was tonight; when he turned to me, his wand directed at my chest I felt his presence, the strength of his magical aura on edge ready for anything. I know of his 'army', of everyone involved few have lose tongues. I once again have kept this information to myself in the hopes that no other Slytherin will discover them.
I couldn't even look at him, I had been a fool to think that he would have understood my reasons for playing the cruel slytherin mask of prior years and when I saw the anger pulsing from him I flushed at the hurt I felt. After explaining I was surprised how his anger softened, oh Harry you're always surprising me. When he asked me why I was there I told him that I came to say good-bye. I didn't mean to say it but it must have been the truth for when I said it felt some how right.
As I said it new emotions spread over me. I knew, in that instant, that I didn't want to leave knowing that there is a chance I will never see him again, without saying 'good-bye'. But it was deeper than that. I didn't want to lose him. I wanted to stay near him no matter what...so many things I wanted to tell him in that instant but I couldn't.
And then he said he was sorry! Gods why did I look into his eyes? Through his eyes and those two small words he revealed everything to me. He understood, or at least he wanted to. And I could tell there were things he wanted to ask me, but couldn't. Brilliant jade orbs were all I knew before I achieved the unthinkable. I kissed him! I can still feel his petal soft lips pressed against mine. They were so warm and the contact sent goose-bumps all over me. The feeling was utterly unexplainable, I could have melted against him in that instant and I praied time would stop and freeze us together in that moment forever.
But time did not stop and the kiss ended but my heart raced on. So stunned was I by my actions and by the sensations that a simple kiss created through out me I looked at him in surprise. I saw the same surprise in his face. Fearfully I left, not wanting to risk him coming out of his small shock for I know he will most likely be angry. How could I be so stupid! He probably hates me now...how unwanted is a kiss from his enemy?
I returned to my room as fast as I could run and once behind the safety of my door with sound proof wards and protection charms I broke down. Falling to my knees, a hand clinching my chest in pain, I couldn't breathe...gasping over and over I pulled my self togeter slowly...I hadn't even noticed I had been crying!
Malfoy's do not cry! What have I become? Some slobbering pitiful creature over a boy? Merlin, please..what is wrong with me! I'm not suppose to show any emotions..I'm not suppose to care about him...why does it hurt to think that I will never see him again, and that his life will go on the same without me because I am nobody to him.
I am not bringing this journal with me I do not want my father to find it and read all of this for then I would surly be doomed. I haven't slept all night, I leave in the morning to return to Malfoy Manor..I have never been so terrified of returning to my home. I have to snap out of this! I am trying to clear my mind of anything having to do with Potter, trying to concentrate that he is my enemie..but then I see his eyes in mymind...and I feel his lips against mine and I know I will be unable to fool anyone.let alone the DarkLord himself.
I have accepted my fate..and I will accept what ever happens, though I know I will have no choice...and if I die Forever will I be haunted by the kiss that I never should have stolen.

Diary of Harry Potter

Time is not my friend for now it drags on, minutes seem like hours. I have tried to keep myself busy, I have spent over half the hours practicing spells. Professor Mcgonogal helps me daily with my Ani-magus form but it is frustraiting work and I find that I cannot concentrate my mind keeps wondering to Draco. I see him in my mind when I close my eyes and I catch my self thinking about where he is...weather or not he is alright...and then sometimes it goes further to remember the feelof his lips the sensation of his presence aroundme.
This morning Dumbledore called me to his office, I have not spoken with the headmaster and my ex-mentor since my return though I see him at meals I ignore his existence completely. But this was the first time he had actually called me to his office since then and I figured it was time to talk to him.
It was Christmas eve and I was standing outside his door. He called me in.
"Have a seat, Mr. Potter." he offered he was sitting behind his desk as usual but the normal twinkle that I had grown to despise was no longer in his eyes. I didn't sit, or say anything.
"Well, I will get right to the point then..." he began giving mea sad look but I was un-phased and continued my silence. "I met with the members of the Order of the Phenoix and after a vote they have agreed to asking you to join them."
"No." I said with a firm shake of my head. "You are their leader and I will never take orders from you." I said in a cold tone and the old head master sighed. "Is that all?" I asked about to turn and leave, just being in his presence was more than my temper could stand.
"No..Mr.Potter..Please..I must give you a word of caution." he stood from his desk then and raised both his hands as if in defeat. He looked at me very seriously and I did not leave. "I am aware that you and Mr. Malfoy have become something along the lines of acquaintances. But my spy with in the ranks of Voldemort has been made aware of the fact that Mr. Malfoy was given specific instructions to watch you, take notes and send reports back on everything he observes."
I felt my fists clinch at my side, "So...then he is doing exactly what you have been doing to me for the past six years, spying on me..."
"Please, Mr. Potter." he said with a cool voice
"And what makes you think I hadn't already thought about him telling his father everything about me? I am really sick of you knowing everything about what I am doing. Why can't you just leave me alone?" I was nearly yelling at this point my anger was getting out of control but I had mastered my powers enough now so I knew that I would not cause him or my self-harm by my loss of temper. I had had enough and I turned to leave.
"He is going to get the mark. He has been told to get closer to you, he is only trying to get more information out of you...he is going to betray you." He said and though his voice was calm I could tell his anger was rising.
"You would know...you're the master of betrayal." I said coldly before turning and leaving. But as I walked I knew he had a point, I had no evidence not even his own word that Malfoy wasn't going to be a death eater. I don't know how much of what Dumbledore said was true but it gave me much to think about. I am still trying to work out my feelings about the last time I saw him...there is only one thing I can do...wait...wait for him to come back so I can try and talk to him. Before I make any decisions on how I feel towards him I need to know whose side he is on.

(later)

It's two in the morning , Christmas morning to be exact, I couldn't sleep, again. I dreamed of him tonight. I dreamed he came to my room and woke me and before I could ay a word his icy , blissful lips were upon mine. We kissed for an eternity, tongues dancing slowly. He laid his body down to mine , hands wondering freely. After what seemed to be hours of this pleasurable illusion he broke the kiss and stared down into my eyes with a soft genuine smile. With delicate fingers he brushed my bangs from my brow and then ran a soft finger down the shape of my scar then cupped my cheek with a hand. Then his pink lips whispered softly and sweetly, "I love you, Harry Potter."

I woke instantly and immediately fell out of bed. I pulled myself to all fours and gasped, I don't know if I had knocked the wind from me or if it was because of the dream but I couldn't breathe…it was the same feeling as the day he left. Even though it was just a dream it felt so real. I have had my fair share of sexual dreams but this was the most erotic, intense and arousing of them all. Why on earth would Draco Malfoy say that he loves me? Is my mind playing ticks on me? I am I under some spell? And firstly why am I having sexual dreams about someone I've considered an enemy all my life and kissed once? I am so bloody confused...and frightened. This is getting dangerous…and what if he doesn't come back? Would they really kill him? Would his father let that happen?
What is wrong with me?