IvoryRavyn
2005-03-26
ch 8, signed
i remember the story saying that hermoine couldnt remember the faces of her attackers so no beside the death eaters would even kno that it was draco
Hello IvoryRavyn, thank you for reading my story and for leaving a review. I am not quite sure what it is you were asking me but let me clear up the plot a bit for you since you are obviously lost. Yes, Hermione could not remember the faces of her attackers her memory had been altered. The only reason the whole school knows who her rapist was is because Pansy found Draco's diary and shouted out that bit of information. Sorry you found it confusing but I hope you continue reading.
P.W
Fefs Malfoy
2005-03-22
ch 13, signed
Oh my God, this fic is so perfect! I love when they don't just jump in each others lap and say i love you! This fic has this implied situations.. oh, so exciting! And finally something happened! Please, please update soon! I don't know why the hell i didn't read this before!
Hey, just so you know, you only accept signed reviews... Some people that don't write fics can't review your fic this way... It's kinda of annoying... A few months ago i was on this situation then sometimes i wished to review but i couldn't. Take care and congratulations, you're a fantastic writer!
Hugs!
Hi Fefs Malfoy, Thank you very much for your kind comments, I am so glad you like the story. This is actually the first one I have ever written about HP, and is the first Slash story I've ever tried my hand at. This story has been more trying than I had initially expected, it's harder than it looks! But I am trying to get it written as fast as possible. Thanks for reading!
P.W
Diary of Harry Potter
Something has happened, I don't know what, I can't get to him and make him tell me! But something definitely happened over Christmas break. I think he hates me more than ever now. He won't even look at me anymore at meals. Why am I being so strange about this? Isn't this what I want, for him to not be spying on me? For him to not use me? Then why am I still thinking about him? Why do I now watch him all the time?
On the first night of everyone's return to school I looked for him through the crowd of people coming off the carriages from a good distance away on the snow covered lawn. When I spotted him I sighed with relief, he was alive at least. I knew it would be bad if I ran down to see him so I went and met Neville and Ginny in the entrance hall. As I stood there listening to them talking about their Christmases a group of Slytherins including Draco walked past us and every single pair of eyes glared directly at me. For an instant, only a second really, his hate filled silver eyes met mine.
I felt all color drain from my face so much that Ginny asked me if I was alright. It wasn't just the hate in his eyes that shook me but the silver orbs that once held such beauty and mistery were dulled reminding me of Hermione's browns that had altered so much after one summer. It was like he had been …broken…as though something inside of him was dead and would never come back….taking apart of me with it.
His group moved past me tough all continuing to glare until passing the group of Gryffindors. I didn't go to dinner that night, I couldn't stand to see him again. I know he hates me…not only is it obvious on his face but I sense it in his aura, a rage poising his entire being. It's as though everything that happened before Christmas, his talking me into coming back to Hogwarts and the kiss he gave me the last day I saw him, was all just a dream.
I know I have to talk to him but he is always surrounded by his group of Slytherins. He and I are still going to have to be partners in Potions…I wonder what is going to happen there? Maybe I should just stop going , it's not like they would enforce anything upon me…or at least I don't think they would. No, I have to keep going , it might be my only chance to get to him. I have got to find out what happened…and why he has changed.
Diary of Draco Malfoy
I'm alive. I guess in the end that is all that really matters, I made it back alive. Why did he have to be standing right there when I came back? Why did I have to see him right away, couldn't it have just happened later? Oh and the surprise on his face as his eyes met mine. Have I changed so much Potter that you can't even recognize me? Do my eyes reveal so much? What did he read from me? The hate? The anger? The desire to kill him and bring the Dark Lord to power? Or did he look far enough into my soul that he was able to find the truth? Able to find me underneath this mirage I have be come?
I guess I should start from the beginning, from the day I left. I was on the train, I knew what I had to do. I had been taught well by Snape to use my mind as a shield, as a weapon, as a mask. Sitting alone on the train I concentrated on my mindset, I had to program my mind and my very conscious to not only think but truly believe and feel exactly what the son of a death eater should feel. Hate was the first, and the easiest. I have spent my entire life hating others and more specifically hating Potter. I found it buried deeply in my conscious and I pulled it forth letting it overcome my entire reasoning. Desire was the second. The truest desire of a Death Eater is the success of the pure-bloods, and to assist the Dark Lord in rising to power.
It was long trying work and it wasn't until I arrived at Platform 9 ¾ that I was fully comfortable in my new persona. I met with my families driver who then took me on the long drive home to Malfoy Manor. I was so exhausted that I slept most of the way, so drained I was from the excursion of my magic. When I arrived home it was very late and neither mother nor father were home which is not unusual. I went to my suite and promptly went to bed. The next morning I found that my things had been unpacked and I was all settled in. After a long shower I went to breakfast but dined alone.
Two days after my return home one of our House Elves came to my room and informed me that my father wished to speak to me in his study. I had been anticipating this for a few days now, waiting for my punishment for my failure.
I pulled my mental mask on over my true self , thoughts , and feelings and went down to the study. When I went in he was sitting behind his large desk. He looked the same as always, platinum hair combed perfectly down his shoulders, his expensive robes and suit displaying his business attitude. He did not acknowledge me for a long moment, he appeared to be reading something on his desk.
"Sit." He said quickly not looking up at me. Then I sat in the chair before his large desk, concentrating on not thinking about what he would do to punish me for failing him. He looked up t me, eyes running over me completely as though searching for some flaw. He leaned back in his chair studying me.
"Why did you break off your arrangement with Miss Parkinson?" he said in his cool tone as his eyes stared into mine like ice.
"Because , Father…she was unfaithful." I said quickly, which is the truth, she had been with almost every Slytherin in our year. He raised an eyebrow at me before slamming his fist down on his desk making me jump and I looked at him.
"Draco…You are the only heir to the Malfoy family line…the line must continue with pure blood. She was the purist of all of the females."
"But father, it is not my fault if she went and dirtied herself with others." I said with a disgusted tone.
"It does not matter!" he said in a loud voice, his eyes glaring , daring me to talk back against him again. "So long as she does not breed with any of them it will not hurt your blood line. I will write to her family to make sure that she stops this foolishness. You will re-establish the marriage agreement.—" I opened my mouth to scream my anger at the very idea, my hands clinching at my sides but I held my tongue, I knew better than to aruge with him espically over this subject.
"Now…" he began leaning forward in his chair . I swallowed a bit. "Our lord has called for you. Tomorrow night you will go before him. And you will fulfill your heritage…and honor the name of Malfoy." He said proudly and I couldn't help but smirk a bit though inside I was shaking.
"That is all." He said and then returned to his papers. I left his study, returned to my room. I didn't sleep that night, I remained on my window sil staring out into the falling snow. I wondered for a while what would happen …would I ever see Harry again? I know that if I never return his life will continue the same as always, his world will go on turning. Will he even think of the …kiss…? It was morning before I pulled myself together and forced my mind to return to it's shell. My undefined emotions hidden deeply. Christmas eve. At the time it didn't even phase me.
The hours passed too quickly and by night fall I was ready , waiting. I dressed in black robes and a black cloak with a hood. A bit past mid night he came for me. Dressed as I feared he would be in his Death Eaters cloak and mask. I followed him from the house wordlessly.
We walked through the snow, taking the same route as before to the port-key which then transported us not to the condemned house as before but to a large cemetery. In the distance I could see a large bon fire with dancing green flames and standing around it in a circle were the masked and hooded figures of the Death Eaters.
When my father and I approached them he joined them in his place in the circle and pushed me forward closer to the flames. It was then that I noticed that I was not alone . Four other figures unmasked stood nearer the flames and though their hoods were up and covered their faces and their cloaks hung so that it was difficult to tell anything about any of them, from the bulk of two of the figures I knew Crabbe and Goyle were two of them, I could only guess that the others were other Slytherins who's parents were already in the ranks of Voldemort.
Then he came before us. He was cloaked the same as his followers but his head was not masked or hooded. Everyone around him knelt in respect for their master, including myself. Though I could not see him I felt his snakelike blood red eyes upon me. Snape had once warned me that Voldemort's skills in occulmancy were so advanced that one could not detect weather or not he was inside your mind. This was a frightening concept. I concentrated on my emotions, what I should have been feeling; anticipation of what was to come , the desire to make my father proud, the hate for anyone unpure, and the desire to kill Harry Potter.
I not only heard him laughing could I could feel it in my bones.
"Welcome, my servants.." he began in his hiss like tone. I knew I was not to stand, but I heard and felt the Death Eater circle get to their feet. Their attention was on their master who walked around the five of us in the inner circle still upon our knees. "My most loyal today have given me their greatest offering…their children. The few who have sustained their trials are now before us. They have the desire to join us…my children." He stopped directly in front of me, I could see his robes though my head was lowered. I closed my eyes. "But …there is one among them who has already failed my commands…" I felt his hand on my shoulder , forcing me to rise. Once to my feet I kept my head lowered.
"Lucius…come forward…" I felt my breath hitch a bit but I did not turn to see my father move from the circle. "You must punish your son for his failure…he must learn that failure is not acceptable."
I didn't breath in that instant, I didn't hear the word come from my fathers mouth, I didn't see the light of the spell as it struck me. I only felt the pain. It is totally an indescribeable feeling, like having every bone broken in your body , like every pore on your flesh is being ripped open, like your head is caving in. I don't know if I screamed. I don't even know how long it was happening for. In my head I cried for my Father to stop. Cried for the pain to end, for my life to just end.
I remember falling. There was a metallic taste in my mouth that I knew was blood. When I looked up there was a wand beneath my jaw and my eyes turned upwards to meet the blood red pair of Voldemort. "Answer wisely…Draco Malfoy…who do you serve?"
"Y…you.." I coughed out immeditally.
The next thing I remember I was being pulled to my feet from the grass by two pairs of strong arms. Someone was rolling up my sleeves. He stood before me and came closer, putting his hand on my chin and staring into my eyes. "Never fail me again." His hand touched my bare arm and fire erupted from his touch up my arm, through the bone , it felt as though it were being ripped from my body but I fought to not scream, to hold my tongue, to make my father proud. When it was over there was only the sickening high pitched laugher inside my head as I sank once more into the darkness of my subconscious.
When I woke it was morning and I had been returned to my room at Malfoy manner. For a brief sleep induced moment I believed it had all been a dream, a horrific one at that, but then an intense pain shot it was through the core of my arm which seemed to set off hundereds of hurt areas of my body all at once. I gasped, coughed for air, I was dizzy and my arm felt as though it would never move again. After finally calming myself I saw the bottle of blood replenishing potion on my nightstand along with few other unlabeled bottles. I was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the day. When I finally was well enough to get out of bed I saw a small stack of wrapped parcels at the foot of my king size bed and froze in surprise. I had forgotten about Christmas.
Presents forgotten I went to take a shower. Undressing before my mirror I was unsurprised to see my entire torso racked with black and blue bruises. On my right side it looked as though I had suffered from several broken ribs but someone had repaired them and only the brusing remained. And of course….the skull and snake symbol that identifies me as one of his servants. I felt filthy, and no amount of cleansing would ever make it go away.
I know this is my destiny, it has always been my destiny but why now that it has occurred is it incredibly hard to accept?
I was given my orders by my father the day before I left for school. Written by my Lord.
"Continue to watch the enemy closely and report back all activities of him. Try if you can to get closer to him, be friend him if at all possible. He is weak now, use it to our advantage. You will be given more orders as time progresses. And remember, do not fail again."
I was slightly surprised, how does he expect me to get closer to someone who is suppose to be my enemy? No, I wont let this happen. I wont get closer to him. I am his enemy. I always have been. I can't let him get too close. This is too dangerous.
When I returned to platform 9 ¾ I was joined by Pansy who instantly jumped me and hugged me. I pushed her away but not hard enough to make her fall and start a scene. She pouted and started talking on and on about how much she missed me and how glad she was that we were back together. After walking on to the train I turned to her, "Look…Just because my father is forcing me to marry a whore like you does not change the way I feel about you…why don't you just leave me alone?" I said between clinched teeth before going into an empty compartment and slamming the door in her face. About an hour later she, Crabbe, and Goyle joined me. Much to my annoyance.
"What?" I asked coldly.
"Draco…we were there…" Goyle said in a slow deliberate voice as though he had thought long and had about what he was going to say to me. He lifted up his sleeve and showed me his mark, which I didn't need to see of course. I glared at him and moved quickly to force his sleeve back down.
"You FOOL!" I yelled. "What if someone were to see you? You can't go flashing that about!" I said in an angry tone taking my seat back. "You're going to get us into a hell of a lot of trouble, do you two idiots understand what Dumbledore would do if he found out? He would try and force us to give up information on our lord. Is that what you want?" I yelled. Both of the idiots shook their heads, Pansy however was leaning against the door with her arms crossed over her chest watching me as though impressed.
"What are you leering at?" I asked her with a sneer.
"Nothing…just thinking that it is good to have the old Malfoy back." She said with a smirk and my two body guards nodded in agreement. I rolled my eyes at her and went back to looking out the window.
We returned to Hogwarts together in the same carriage, later joined by Blaise who did not say a word about the initation of the new death eaters and I was unsure weather or not he was one of the others who joined the ranks that night. Walking back towards the castle I saw him, more than that I could sense him and I knew the same was true for him. I concentrated on my mask of hatred, pulling it over my emotions , desires, and thoughts and focused on my pure loathing for the boy-who-lived. I know he felt it, I was projecting it strongly. I watched the color drain from his face, the surprise in his brilliant emerald eyes.
I walked right past him, still projecting the anger and rage I had for him. My 'friends' and fellow Death Eaters surrounded me as I walked to the dungeons, protecting me their leader. Once in my room I collapsed on my bed for a while before writing this.
Everything feels so surreal like a dream gone horribly wrong. I feel hollowed like something has been taken from me. I know my orders, to get closer to him. I know that I must stay as far away from him as possible, though if I fail my lord this time I know I will not escape with only a few bruises. I have to show them all how much I hate him, how I could never be close to him. I'm sorry Harry…it was too cruel of a thing to kiss you that day. Now you shall never understand why.