Diary of Harry Potter

It has been a week since the end of Christmas Vacation and everyone's return to Hogwarts. Classes started again and again I fell into a fitted schedule of waking, practicing, making lessons for the D.A and potions. All seems pretty normal except for one thing, Malfoy.
Things have actually gotten worse since his return; actually they are worse than they have ever been in the past five years. Back then it was only simple name calling, or small pranks to get on my nerves or make me angry, now he is out right attacking me!
It started in Potions, or I should say after potions. During the entire class period he did not say a word to me, but some how he kept breaking things and getting them blamed on me. I kept my mouth shut however, I am use to Snape yelling at me over things I did not do and I refused to let him provoke me into an argument. But I hadn't noticed that the few Gryffindors in the potions class were getting mad at my misfortunes, and the fact that it was costing Gryffindor house points.
When the class was over I packed up my things as slowly as possible, I was hoping, praying for an opportunity to talk to him, to say one word to him. But he left quickly and was beckoned by his group of friends outside the door to the dungeon. I followed him quickly, my pulse quickening as I saw Ginny, Seamus, Neville and several other members of the D.A waiting for me outside as well. This was bad and I knew it, like a two trains about to collide.
I stepped out into the hall right behind Malfoy and watched as he joined his friends and then I joined my own, two sides of the hall way. Malfoy wasn't looking at me, and I was trying hard not to look at any of the Slytherins. But the same was not true for the rest of the people in our houses; each group was glaring directly at one another with anger, hate, and other strong and equally dangerous emotions.

"Oy, Potter….you really think that hiding behind that group of nobodies is going to save you?" A Slytherin boy called out from the left of Draco whose name I didn't know.

"Better than hiding behind the filthy mask of a Death Eater." Ginny said, pure anger over her features and I saw her reaching into her pocket for her wand.

"No." I said loudly and everyone's eyes turned to me, and though I wasn't looking at him I knew Drano's were on me as well. "I hide behind no one. These are my friends; they choose to stand beside me. Unlike your 'master' who gives you no choice." I said turning to face the Slytherins and furious silver eyes met mine.

"Shut your mouth, Potter. You talk about choices, ha! You think you have choices? Are you so thick as to think that Dumbeldore has let your strings go? No…you have picked the losing side, Potter." And with that Draco's wand was out and pointed at me, ten other wands flew from pockets and cloaks to be pointed at their chosen enemy. But I did not pull mine out.

"Losing side, eh?" Ginny said, her eyes glued to a Slytherin girl as though waiting for her to dare move.

I raised my empty hands, not in a threatening motion. "Come on, guys…." I said to my friends, "They're not worth it." Repeating the phrase Draco had said to his friends not two months ago standing outside the same room. Slowly, one by one the Gryffindors lowered their wands. But the Slytherins did not though I noticed a few glancing at Draco for a sign of what to do next. And then I turned my back to them.

"I'm sick of these games, Stupefy!" he shouted and then a spell was cast from every wand held by a Slytherin. The Gryffindors who had put their wand away gasped and I saw Neville put his body between Ginny and an oncoming spell.
I hadn't needed to hear Draco's words to know he was planning on casting at me. I know him well enough by now. It didn't take much energy or thought to react to it.

"Protego." I muttered under my breath and suddenly just as the cast spells came to us they were reflected off of a large force field made up of my simple spell. Each spell flew back to its caster. I turned around back to face the Slytherins, many of them had dodged their spells but one or two had been stunned, knocked out, or petrified. Draco was on the ground but was quickly untangling himself from Goyle.

The Gryffindors behind me laughed at the scene before us, all of them had their wands out once more, though now they knew they could rely on me to protect them if someone else were to cast again.
"Losing side? No…it's is all of you who have chosen the darkest path possible…and I promise you all…Voldemort will fail. And I swear, if I have to, I will take each one of you down with him." I said in a very cold tone. I turned and walked back through my small circle of friends heading back to the common room.

"Watch your back, Potter!" Malfoy yelled after me in an angry agitated tone.
"No…Malfoy…that wont be necessary." I said coolly. I could feel his rage, he wanted to curse me, and I mean really curse me. And I found that I welcomed it. 'Come on,' I thought to myself more than to him, 'What are you afraid of?'

After that incident I found myself always surrounded by D.A members and Draco always surrounded by Slytherins as though preparing for another attack but the rest of the week went by smoothly.

Malfoy is quite most of the time, silently glaring at me with hate filled silver eyes, but still I sense something about him that is not quite right. Something like that of what I felt inside him before Christmas, as though deeply hidden within him is the real Malfoy. But why did he get so close only to pull away again? What happened! The question is driving me mad.
I can't sleep…I hardly eat…I just keep trying to convince myself that it was all just a dream. That he was only using me that he got close and then tried to hurt me by returning to who he was. But I just can't make myself believe it.
Ginny and Neville have been trying to distract me , though I haven't told them what is on my mind, they apparently know something is up. Ginny has tried several times to get me to 'loosen up' as she puts it, but I find that I am just not attracted to her as she is to me. I just can't bring myself to want her. I find my dreams wondering to a kiss I should have never received. Merlin, why does he haunt me so? Why can't I just let him go?

Diary of Draco Malfoy

I went walking tonight, as I do most nights, covered by my invisibility cloak. I walk for hours it seems, trying to make the hours pass. My mind wonders , depression can do that to a person. I don't know what made me go there…but I was there before I even realized where my feet had taken me. The place where I had found a door I had never seen before, half opened. The room where I found Harry Potter alone, almost like he was waiting. The secret room where I had foolishly pressed my lips to his.

I went there but the door had vanished but I pressed my invisible hand against the wall there as if praying that somehow the door would reappear and he would be there waiting inside for me. I know that I have to hate him, for my sake and for his. I have to stay away from him, but every part of me wanted him near wanted talk to him, to help him understand. So lost was I in the shallow grave of my mind that I did not sense him, but he had sensed me.

"Hello, Malfoy." He said in a soft whisper and I turned, though invisible, to stare in surprise at him. There he was, just …just standing there…watching me…I didn't know how he could see me but I know he could. His expression was placid, unemotional, and I could read nothing from him. I let my eyes move over him, he was dressed still in a black sweater , black pants , and a floor length black cloak. Surrounded by so much shadow for a moment I thought him an illusion his tan skin highlighted by the single torch on the wall and his dazzling jade eyes watching my invisible form from behind his glasses. He was such a sight that my breath caught and I nearly forgot to breath.

A hundred questions started going through my mind at top speed; what was he doing here? How did he find me? Did he feel me thinking about him? Was he reading me the entire time? Why is he here, alone, with me, again? Can he sense what I am feeling right now? How long we stood that way I do not know.
These revelations startled me, I couldn't let him see, let him know….know what I am not sure…but I couldn't let him get close. With a flick of my hand I pulled off my hood and then had my wand pointed at him throwing my invisibility cloak over my shoulders and making myself seen.

His eyes moved to my wand and I saw a hint of sadness with in his green eyes as he tilted his head to one side.

"What do you want, Potter?" I asked in an icy tone after a few moments of silence between us. He took a step to me and I moved back, stepping into the wall behind me where there once was a door.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked in a soft , sad whisper.
"You are my enemy. If you are not here to fight me then you are a fool and good night!" I said but did not move away from the wall. How dare he corner me.

"Am I really your enemy?" he asked stepping once to the side and he broke eye contact with me. "Do you really want to fight with me? To be honest it's not a very wise decision…but I guess if it is what you want." He said turning back to face me, "Go ahead."

"What?"

"Go ahead…attack me…if it's what you want….go ahead." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm not a fool, Potter," I said, my wand had not wavered but my pulse was racing. Did he want me to attack him? And could I force myself to do so? "I was there too, you will just reflect anything I throw at you.

He shook his head, "No…I wont…maybe…maybe I want you to kill me?" he said slowly, then he took a step closer, and I had nowhere to go. "Maybe I just want it all to end, just like in the shrieking shack…when you found me…I wanted to die then." Another step, I had quit breathing by then , "Just like you wanted to die…that day In the hall…" my hands were shaking. He was too close, much to close, step…after step…until he was right in front of me…not a breath away.

"Go ahead…." He said, my wand was pointed directly at his chest, touching him.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"I screamed, and moved forward and pushed him hard away from me and he stumbled but he did not seem surprised.

Finally I was able to get away from the wall.

"What? Are you scared , Malfoy? Are you scared to attack me? Are you scared to kill me?" Harry said in a taunting voice, pulling himself to his feet slowly as I circled around him wand still directed at his chest.

"I'm not the one who is suppose to kill you!" I retorted and he smirked surprising me.

"Oh? I guess that means you're afraid you can't….you probably aren't strong enough…." He laughed, a cold low , mocking laugh which filled me with a rage so great that I shook with it's force. He must have noticed the change for his cynical expression returned to that of the placid mask he had earlier. "Isn't this what you want? The opportunity to kill the one person who stands in the way of Volemort coming to power? To serve your fathers master? To make your family proud?" he asked in the same mocking tone.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT I WANT!" I screamed at him. How dare he presume to know anything about me...I didn't mean for it to happen...but it did...it slipped between my lips as easily as air, "Avada Kedevra! " I shouted loudly and my mind screamed its indignation. I instantly felt the spell surge forth from the core of my magical being and burst forth from the end of my wand. Dazzling, blinding , green light flashed before my eyes ...reminding me of his eyes...the light slammed into the chest of Harry Potter and with a soft sigh from his parted lips he collapsed to the marble floor.

"No." I said aloud softly to myself , my head shaking a bit. "No...No!"

I kept saying over and over, stepping ever closer to him until finally I ran to his side. "Noo...oh...Merlin...no..." I begged. I hadn't realized tears were streaming down my face as I fell to his side. My wand forgotten beside me , I slowly reached forward and touched his arm. He was so warm, even through his sweater he radiated heat. What had I done.

"Please...no..." I had killed him, I killed the one person I had been trying to protect. It was all over, all of it...until I heard the sweetest, softest sound I think my ears will ever hear.
"D...Draco..." his voice, soft...nothing more than a harsh whisper. And then he moved!

I stared wide eyed at his body on the floor beside me, too shocked and stunned to move and to afraid that if I blinked he would have returned to the world of the dead. As though painfully he slowly rolled over so that I could see his face contorted with pain. Then he opened his eyes, his beautiful eyes that a moment ago I feared I would never see again. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks as he moved into a sitting position in front of me.
"H...how?" I stuttered and to my surprise a small smile formed over his lips. He reached, before I thought to stop him, with a hand and carefully, daringly smoothed a tear from my cheek. My body shuddered at that contact and I closed my eyes for a moment and leaned into his touch. He tilted his head to one side, his eyes locking with mine.
"You can't kill someone...unless...you truly mean it..." he said and before his words even sank into my mind he leaned forward and in an instant his lips were upon mine. I couldn't help but sigh and lean into the kiss, adding pressure of my own to his heated delicate lips. My eyes closed of their own accord and I lost myself to his sweet lips. I felt hot, my head was light and dizzy and I lost all hold on time. Beneath my lips I felt his part only slightly as though fearful I would pull away at any moment, he had no idea that I couldn't pull away even if Voldemort himself were standing there commanding me to do so.
Another sigh escaped me as his shockingly warm wet tongue smoothed over my lips as though silently asking permission to venture further, which I granted without hesitation. He tasted like chocolate and mint...as though he had brushed his teeth and then stolen himself a treat...his tongue swirled over mine in a slow dance. It was deliciously teasing and I couldn't help but want more of the sweet kisses that I had been remembering for the past two weeks. Slowly I slipped my arm around his waist, drawing nearer and suddenly he gasped and broke his lips from mine. For an instant I was too stunned and disappointed from the loss of his lips against mine that I didn't realize why he had pulled away.

"You're hurt!" I said in surprise , finally coming to my senses and seeing his face contorted in pain. To my surprise he chuckled a bit.
"I said you couldn't kill me...but you can definitely hurt me...I must have really hit a nerve." he said wincing again. I still had my arm around him with no intention of moving away.
"We should get you to the infirmary. "I said starting to help him stand.
"Ha...right...'Yes ...sorry he just happened to slip and said the wrong unforgivable curse' that would go over really well." he smirked at me, most of his weight leaning against me.
"Well then what do you suggest then?" I said in a dry tone, he did have a point however much I didn't want to admit it.
"Help me...we need to walk past this wall five times..."
"Are you sure I didn't alter your brain when I hit you?"
He laughed again but this time choked a bit and was gasping for breath and leaning heavily on my shoulder. I looked up into his face with a worried expression and he opened his eyes and smiled softly down at me.
"I'll be fine...just please. trust me."
Trust. Now there is a concept. I don't remember the last time I actually trusted anyone. But regardless of weather or not I believed him I did oblige him and we began walking up and down the hall way. I watched him closely, making sure he wasn't going to black out.
After the fifth lap, I was about to say something about his mental state again when the door appeared.
"How did you...?"I started.
"My little secret." he said with a wink as I lead him over to the door and opened it. Once inside I was startled to see how the room had changed. No longer was there a large round table with bookshelves and pillows but there was a rather large four poster bed and next to it was a table filled with small bottles and jars. To the left there was a small roaring fire and the room was nicely warm. I lead him over to the bed, careful not to hurt him anymore than I had already.
"I still think you should go see the nurse." I said walking over to the table with the bottles.
"Right...I'll take that into...-gasp- consideration..." he said and I turned at the sound of his pained gasp only to see that he had taken his sweater and cloak off and now sat half dressed on the bed. He wasn't looking at me but at a small bruise on his left side and I was frozen in place staring at his lean muscular torso.
"Hand me that purple one..." he said motioning to the table in front of me.
"Excuse me, but I think I know which potions to give you." I asked in a dry tone, but I was trying to keep my eyes off of him.
"You sure you're not going to poison me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and a small smile.
"Really now...I am not the one failing potions."
"I am not failing." he said with a small glare.
"Take this, you bloody stubborn Gryffindor." I said tossing him a green bottle of pain numbing elixir.
After pulling several other things and mixing a few I moved slowly back to the bed beside him, even from a few inches away I could feel the heat radiating from his half nude form.
"Here." I said offering him the potions which he took without hesitation and I wondered if he trusted me not to poison him or if he had been watching what I had added to them. In a small bowl I had mixed a few ingredients to form a pain reliever and something to ease his bruises.
"Lay back." I whispered after swallowing uncomfortably and moving to sit beside him on the bed. He complied laying back with a small wince.
My hand was shaking as I took some of the newly made ointment and then brought it to his heated skin. He gasped and I looked at him, but instead of pain he had a smile over his features and was biting his lower lip. "Cold..." he explained and I smiled at him in return.
Slowly I massaged, as carefully as possible, into his bruised side. Beneath my fingers his flesh felt wonderfully soft and warm. I watched as my hand moved how the paleness of my hand contrasted with the tan of his skin. Not meaning to my touch deviated from it's original intention and moved up his smooth abdomen. My hands shook slightly , it was so amazing to me how soft he was, how warm...how the touch warmed me.
"Draco..." he whispered softly, his voice was slightly husky and filled with emotion and I looked up in surprise to his face. I felt a flash of heat tremor through me as I saw his eyes, watching me, lids half closed, and their color! They had changed from a jade to a dark forest green that intrigued and delighted me. My hand stopped, lifting from his flesh as though I was afraid of what I was doing all of a sudden. With reflexes so defined I didn't even see him move his hand held my wrist.
"Don't...you don't have to stop..." his voice was quivering and I saw the fear of rejection in those beautiful eyes. My breath deepened at the idea that this was something more than I had ever dreamed of. He was afraid of losing me...and I had learned not fifteen minutes ago how truly terrified I was of losing him. My hand moved up his other side and I moved to hover slightly over him, ointment forgotten. Slowly, as though waiting for him to tell me to stop, I leaned down to him and kissed him.
A wave of delight and intense heat spread through me once more as our lips moved together and our tongues danced slowly. I felt him reach an arm around me and slowly lower me to him and I rested my chest against his. I could feel his warmth through my clothing and with out warning a soft hardly audible moan came from my throat and I realized for the first time how much I was physically aroused by him. That was when I broke away.

This was all happening too fast, it was too much. Not to mention the fact that I was suppose to be trying to keep away from him! Getting close to him is what they want me to do...what the Dark Lord wants me to do. I broke the kiss and looked down at him breathlessly. His dark eyes watched me through their half closed lids. My lips felt as though they were throbbing, begging for more of his sweet kisses. I rested my brow against his and attempted to catch my breath.
"H..Harry..." I started and had to clear my throat, for my own voice was quite husky with the tell-tell signs of arousal. "This...is ..very dangerous." I finally said closing my eyes tightly. His arms tightened around me, warm delicate hands moving up my back and neck and I shuddered. I felt him nod once and I lifted my head to look down at him. His eyes met mine as one of his hands move up to cup my cheek. "I know...," he said in a sad way, his eyes roaming over my entire face, lingering hungrily on my lips. "I...Draco..I can't...I just...I don't..." he shook his head a tear rolling down his cheek beneath his glasses, "I don't care." He finally said and pulled me down to him and finally I let go...and surrendered to him.