Hey Everyone,

I am once again very sorry that it took me so long to get another update out but I was honestly having trouble getting this done the way I wanted it and started writting it three times before and threw it out, but I think this is basically how I want it. Let me know what you all think...plllleeeaaasseee! I know it says that this is the end, and it is, it is the end of Part one, beacause this story is solong and it goes between the 6th year and the 7th year I decided to make it in parts. But Don't worry I am already starting on the second . Oh, and If you are a little confused on what is going on just e-mail me, but trust me that it will all be explained in the end.
PhantomWriter

Diary of Harry Potter

'Is it over? Or has it just begun?' That was the thought that ran through my mind as my immobile body was being dragged by some unknown force. Swirling in my vision was the flickering ten foot high flames of the burning building that I was being saved from. Weather or not the soul dragging me knew, I would have preferred to be left inside the inferno behind us to suffer the dark fate I deserved. What side my rescuer was on didn't matter to me…in the last moments of consciousness, nothing really mattered.

But I am getting ahead of myself, aren't I? I should start from when we left, Pansy and I, left Hogwarts for Malfoy Manor. I was unable to tell if she was frightened or not, she had been well trained in hiding her aura as well as keeping her face totally void of emotion. We spoke little on the thirty hour train ride, arriving to Kings Cross and boarding a second train to take us far east, both of us lost in troubled thoughts staring out the window yet seeing nothing. Several times I caught her watching me as though there was something she either misunderstood or wanted to ask me, but she never did.

The few things we did speak of were only about what was going to happen when we arrived, how we were going to enter through the house elf entrance and then start our search together. I couldn't help but remind her a few times what would happen if she were leading me into a trap, but some how I know she is not. I can see in her eyes how truly terrified she is that we will be too late to save her fiancé. The whole time I felt numb , with a dull throbbing running through my head, like I was trapped in some surreal nightmare that couldn't possibly be coming true.

It was pitch black when the train arrived in a small Muggle village and we exited the train slowly, both cloaked in black head to foot and we had both placed very strong notice-me-not spells on ourselves and concealment charms on our faces. We stopped for something to eat in the train station but neither of us could stomach much. Then we began the long walk to Malfoy manor.

"Is walking really necessary?" I had asked her in a whispered tone as we walked from the end of the sidewalk to a dirt trail leading into a thick forest.

"Yes." She said in a short bitter tone. "It may not be the fastest but risking anything else would be far too dangerous…not to mention draw a lot of attention from the Ministry. Apart from apparating the only other way to find it with magic would be a port key." She explained in a tired impatient tone not even turning to look at me as she spoke.

Silently we walked on from then, stopping once or twice to rest and catch out breath. The darkness was overwhelming as though we were being swallowed by it inside the forest. The tree tops allowed no view of the stars and I felt claustrophobic. I longed to move faster to get find him and save him. My heart beat was a forever loud thumping inside my skull. Pansy must have felt it as well for I could hear her breathing grow shallow beside me. It seemed like hours before she finally signaled me to stop and muttered a silencing charm on her cloak, shoes, and body and motioned for me to follow suite.

Walking forward I realized she was holding her breath as we stepped out of the protection of the thick woods into a small clearing where a twenty foot high metal rod fence stood before us. It was covered in dried old vines and slightly rusted. Looking beyond I saw nothing….just a thick fog and the tops of trees lay beyond the fence.

"How can we see it?" I asked in a horse whisper leaning very close to her so that my voice would not carry beyond her ears.

Unanswering she pointed her wand directly at one of the large rods that made up the fence and muttered "manifesto nihil non". I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my mouth as in a golden wave of magic the fog faded , the tree tops vanished, revealing and enormous black and silver mansion before us in the distance. My eyes were wide in wonder as I looked over the place, it was incredible, like a small castle, actually I wondered if it was even smaller than Hogwarts itself. Tiers and stained glass windows adorned the black bricks. The entire place seemed to pulse and breath magic, and darkness.

"Come on, Potter!" Pansy hissed to me and I blinked to see that she had begun to move around the metal fence along the edge of the forest. We were running now, her cloak whipped out silently behind her as she moved in front of me. My eyes wondered back and forth between her and the dark mansion. The sense of forboding was overwhelming, but there was nothing that was going to stop me from getting inside that house.

After about ten minutes she stopped , I nearly ran into her. "Here." She whispered crouching down and looking out over the yard to the house, I could see that we were not obviously in the back of the house.

"See that small door beneath the stairs?" she asked right in my ear, so close I could feel the moisture of her breath. I only nodded in response. "That's where the house elves go in and out….that is probably the only way to get in undetected."

"what about the House elves? Wont they alert Malfoy?" I whispered in return. "I'll take care of that…."

"How are we going to get through this gate?" I asked raising and eye brow but figuring that I had trusted her so far that she would be able to handle the House elves true to her word.

She smirked then and looked up at the sky towards the end of the twenty foot high fence. "Mobilicorpus" she said pointing her wand right at me and I felt my body grow weightless and like a orchestra conductor guided me over the top of the gate. About ten feet from the ground she said, "nox" and I fell the rest of the way, landing roughly on my feet and nearly falling into the fence. I straightened and gave her a glare but she only smirked.

I did the same spell to her, only I was kind enough not to drop her from ten feet up and we then proceeded in a near crawl towards the mansion. It was so dark , there were no lights in any of the windows and I wondered what time it was for no one to be moving about, even a house elf.

Once at the foot of the mansion I was once again overwhelmed by the mear size and structure of the thing. No wonder Draco was so spoiled, living in a place like this, so vast. A soft "Alohomora!" brought my attention back and I turned to see Pansy pushing the small black door open , strangely no light emitted from the opening of the door. She turned to look at me once before she slid gracefully into the house and I followed soon after, falling a small distance into a hallway no taller than the doorway its self. Though crouched down I pointed my wand directly ahead of me in the pitch darkness. I could feel and hear Pansy to my left but even though she was right next to me I could not see her.

"We need light." She muttered but did not light a lumos spell, it would have been way too bright and she and I both knew it. With a mental sigh I conjured a ball of blue mage light into the palm of my hand. It illuminated the hall way just before us. From the corner of my eye I could see Pansy watching me with a slightly surprised expression before moving in front of me hunched over to walk slowly down the filthy hallway.

Several moments later she stopped and motioned me to put the light out, doing so I saw the golden light flickering just before us. In the light I could see her reach into her pocket and pull out something small and silver that I could not quite make out. A few small steps forward and she pushed the object out of the hall way and into the orange light.

"Cover your ears!" she directed to me in a hiss, her doing the same. I put my palms over my ears though I did give her a strange expression. After several minutes she moved forward again to the end of the hallway and dropped into the room with the orange light. As I followed her, with some difficulty since I still had my hands over my ears, I dropped out of the hall way which appeared to actually be some sort of shoot that led directly into the kitchens. Looking around I saw that there was a small fire going in a large fireplace which flooded the room with golden light. I held back another small gasp as I saw about twenty to thirty house elves laying un-moving on the ground.

With an impatient poke in my side Pansy motioned me to move towards a large door to the left of the room. As silently as possible she pushed the door open, looked out of it and then moved out of the warm kitchen into an icy hall way.

"What did you do to them?" I asked after the door closed behind us.

"Shhh!" was her only response as she moved away from the door and pressed her back against the wall. There were green flamed torches lining the stone hall way and I assumed we had moved into some part of a dungeon for there were no paintings, rugs, tapestries or anything else to suggest that this portion of the mansion was occupied.

"We have to move down this hall and up the back stair case, Draco's room is on the third floor east wing….I just hope that he is there…." Her voice trailed off sadly as she raised her wand to eye level and moved down the hall way. I still don't know how she was able to keep her aura and emotions so internal, I couldn't read anything from her and it had begun to concern me. I wanted to know for certain that she wasn't leading me into a trap but what other choice did I have?

I followed close behind her, keeping my wand at the ready, though I knew that if something were to happen my wand wouldn't really be necessary, though it did help me concentrate my powers and would keep me from depleting my magical energy as quickly in a duel in a bad situation my abilities in a way took over with out my minds guidance.

At the end of the hall we came to a spiral set of stairs that was intricately carved into the very stone of the wall and worked it's way up through what I would have to guess was the center tier. As we walked silently upwards I noticed the ominous details of serpents adorning the walls and steps. As we reached the end of the third spiral Pansy moved with her wand directly in front of her out onto the landing of the third floor. I followed soon after and did the same, turning with my wand in a circle to look in all directions, but there was nothing, and no one. Unlike the dungeon like hall now three stories below us this portion was magnificently decorated with Silver and Green, the Slytherin crest adoring the plush rug beneath our feet, Snakes and the Malfoy crest ran along the walls leading to twin double doors. Green torches once again lighted our way, casting our shadows before and around us.

The silence of the house was deafening, even this late there should have been some sound, something to alert us to weather or not anyone was even at the house.

"Look." Pansy said into my ear and pointed with her wand to the bottom of the doors down the hall, there was a soft golden light coming from beneath the doors and I felt my heart skip a beat. If there was a fire then there had to be someone there, if that was Draco's room then it must be him? That means he's alright? Right? My mind was inisiting but I had to reason with myself before busting in expecting the best , hopes high. The silence, the light, how easy it was to get into the mansion, it was all too much like a trap….and I shouldn't expect any less.
But Pansy moved quickly to the door, "Wait!" I whispered but she beat me to the door and I couldn't stop her as she reached for the snake like door handle and pulled the door open, a bright wave of yellow light hit us and I raised my hand to my eyes, though I was still moving towards Pansy. She had stopped in the door way and I ran right into her, flinging my arms around her too keep us both on our feet as the door slammed shut behind us.

"Welcome to my home, Mr. Potter." Came the all too familiar aristrocratic, sly tone of Lucius Malfoy from right infront of us. "Accio wands!" he said instantly and both out wands flew from our un-expecting hands to where Malfoy Sr. sat in a large black leather chair and he caught them both with one hand, never taking his eyes or wand off of us. Taking my arms from around Pansy I stood beside her. Just looking at the mans arrogant face caused my blood to boil and all I knew then was the desire to cause him as much pain as he had caused me and my friends.

"So nice of you to lead Mr. Potter here for us, Mrs. Parkinson."

"What?" she asked blinkingly turning to me with a shake of her head.

"You've done well…the dark lord will be pleased with you." He smirked at her watching the dismay on her features , but she was not who I was after, even if she had led me in to this trap it was the platinum blond death eater infront of me that I held the utmost loathing for.

"Where is he?" I asked , my voice cold and shaking with my fury.

Surprising me and apparently Pansy Lucius laughed out right. "Were you really concerned for him, Mr. Potter? Did you really think that I would harm my own son."

"You have before." Pansy said between gritted teeth and at her words the elder Malfoy stood his icy gray eyes burning holes into the girl beside me. Those three words sent a cold chill down my spine.

"Foolish girl…." He said with bitterness dripping from each word as he turned his wand from me to her, "You will pay for your disrespect! Crucio!"

"No!" I shouted, knocking Pansy out of the way and taking the full blast of the spell to my own chest I yelled as my body was overcome with intense maddening pain. It was as though every bone in my body was being broken and my blood being pushed from every pour of my skin all the while laughter from my attacker rang like lightening in my ears and I struggled to remain conscious.

"Playing Hero to even those who have betrayed you…." His words broke through the fog of pain, I opened my eyes to see Pansy on the ground watching me with a pale horror stricken face, a tear rolling down her cheek as my body curled into it's self of it's own accord. "That was you're parents fatal mistake as well…the good are too trusting. Did you really think that Draco loved you?" of all the pain I was suffering those words caused the worst of it all. How did he know? Was it all really just a lie? Did Draco really use me to lure me into a trap?

Suddenly the pain stopped and I groaned loudly hearing a soft yell from where my attacker was. Pansy was wrestling with the Death Eater , it looked as though she had tackled him straight to the ground and was now fighting to gain the upper hand. I watched helpless as I struggled to regain the ability to use my limbs , finally I got to my knees just as Malfoy pushed Pansy off of him wand in hand.

"Ava---" he started a furious expression over his features, his wand pointed at Pansy. "Stupify!" I cried out pulling what available magical force I had inside me and forced the spell towards the man.

Blocking the spell was enough to give Pansy time to move away from his wands line of fire, the spell was reflected back to me and I rolled out of the way and to my feet just in time to avoid being knocked unconscious by my own spell.

I swayed a bit but managed to stay up this time though there were little white stars in my vision and my entire body was still throbbing with the aftermath of the spell.

I held my hands up at the ready to reflect and cast a spell at any moment.

"Put your wand down, Malfoy!" I said icily as I moved around the room keeping up with him as he circled me. As Lucius laughed at me for the second time I saw Pansy slip out of the room and I could only hope that she was going to find Draco.

"You are just like your father…so full of him self he can't see when he is defeated…but don't fret you will meet the same end at the hand of my lord. Impedimenta!" he cast at me but I deflected it easily and he dodged it, this time I recast the stunning spell and it was reflected back to me. We tossed spells back and forth for a good few minutes when he laughed again.

"Do you really think you can win? You're already tiring….just give up…like that Muggle born whore did….did she tell you that she started moaning like a tramp as my son ravaged her?"

"Shut up!" I yelled, my heart was racing, pounding loudly in my chest as he taunted me, still circling one another.

"What a fool you are, Potter…to think that someone as pure as a Malfoy could ever love something as filthy as you, did you really think he wasn't going to lead you into this trap? Why not give up? Make it easy on yourself? No one wants you anyway, your best friends hate you, your lover betrayed you…and you know the future…don't you?" he asked, my eyes went wide. Did he know about Draco's prophecy? Of course he did, he's Draco's father…he must have known.

"Yes…just give in to your destiny…there is no fighting it. Draco is the one who has betrayed you with his kiss…and defeated you."

"No…no…" my voice cracked, I shook my head slowly. Draco loved me, I know he did I could feel it inside him could feel it when he was near me…no one can pretend those kinds of emotions…can they? Despite my minds refusal to believe that it was all just a lie, a trap…doubt began to cloud my thoughts.

A feminine scream from somewhere below us startled us both and Lucius Malfoy took the fact that I had turned towards the sound to attack me once more. The stunning spell was too late to block and just as it hit me with a soft pop I turned into my animagus form and staggered back. Lowering my head I bared my tiger teeth at the man whom I hated with every part of my being, but growing dread for the safety of Pansy over came it and I moved quickly out of the room. Lucius finally getting over the shock of my transformation cast a spell after me but hit the door as I ran beneath it, lighting the wood of it on fire.

Not looking back I ran down the green lit hall way, slipping a bit on the stone as I followed it to an open spiral stair case that lead out into an enormous center foyer

As I lept down the stairs as fast as I could I finally came to the main floor and the vision there froze me to the spot and made my blood run cold. There towering over a deathly pale Pansy was a cloaked and masked death eater, it wasn't the fact that a death eater besides Lucius Malfoy was there it was the aura of this death eater. The familiar senses that racked the edge of my nerves and the feeling that I had every time I was near him this time sent a powerful sensation of dread, fear, and made my chest feel as though it had been drained of all air.

The Death Eater turned to me and let out a soft gasp backing away instantly. Was he afraid of me? Did he forget my form?

"Father!" Draco's voice cried out and he looked up behind me and I jumped just in time to get out of the way of another spell and I nearly landed on Pansy who screeched and moved out of the way. With a pop I changed back into my human form.

"YOU!" Draco's voice rang with anger and hatred that I had once known a year ago and it caused my heart to break, "Draco…." I muttered, our eyes meeting and I could feel the true hatred inside his soul that once held such love for me. "Why…" I whispered shaking my head in wonder as I stared at him. He raised his wand at me , "Avada Kedavra!" he cried out sending the green lighted spell directly at me.

"No!" yelled both Pansy and Lucius Malfoy, Pansy ran right at me and tackled me to the ground, nearly winding me and the spell hit the main entrance to the house, a large metal door.

"Don't kill him, son…he's for the Dark Lord…remember…" Lucius said as he joined his son on the floor to our left. I pushed the now sobbing Pansy off of me and rolled to my feet.

"Let her go…" I said once and they both laughed.

"What the bloody hell do you care about that blood traitor for?" Draco asked as he turned his wand to her and his father kept his wand on me. They were cornering us, I was backing away closer towards the door when there was a loud banging on the other side causing Pansy to yelp in surprise and for the two death eaters in front of us to jump back.

Using their distractedness, "Accio Wands!" I called out and both wands flew into my out stretched palm from the pocket of Lucius Malfoy. With an angry yelled the elder Malfoy cast at me again, "Crucio!"Even at such a short distance I was able to reflect the spell back towards the two death eaters, just as another loud, ear splitting bang came from the other side of the door and the Cruciatus Curse struck Draco right on and he screamed in pain. It took his father a moment to realize what had happened before he was able to end the painful spell, until then I watched in fixated horror as his body struggled with it, his hood falling back revealing his blond hair and pale face tightened in pain.

Suddenly the door behind me and Pansy burst forth opening with a loud bang and slamming into the stone of the wall behind it, once again the Slytherin girl let out a yell of surprise as she and I ran away from the opening doors. Through those doors walked two white clad wizards and one witch with lime green hair. Later I would realize that they were infact the aurors of the Order of the Phenoix but my mind did not have time to register this as spells and curses were instantly being called between the two death eaters and the three aurors.

The green haired witch ran to me and Pansy, "GET OUT SIDE NOW!" she yelled over the noise of the spell casting. Pansy was only too happy to oblige and moved quickly around the aurors, but they were being pushed back outside by the incoming spells of the two Malfoys.

Out side the night was cool but there was a brilliant golden light coming from somewhere above me, at first I thought day light was approaching but after further investigation I saw with absolute horror that the massive mansion was ablaze. "HARRY LOOK OUT!" Pansy screamed somewhere to my right trying to get to me away from the stray spells of the small battle that was slowly moving outside she was running towards me away from the burning mansion when she suddenly froze. Her eyes and mouth went wide in a moment of shock as the dazzling green spell struck her from behind and she fell. It was like watching a doll being dropped as her knees collapsed beneath her and she landed on the ground with a soft, sickening, thud.

From somewhere beyond I could hear and see Lucius Malfoy laughing in a high pitched insane laugh. "NNOOOOOO!" I yelled and I ran, I don't even remember becoming my animagus but in and instant I had lept from the ground with an angry murderous roar from my tigers mouth. Losing all sense of my self I landed atop the elder Malfoy my razor like claws sinking deep into his chest just as my mouth claimed his throat in a bloody massacre of flesh. Knocking his flailing form to the ground, I could feel his life force drifting away as the blood spilled from his throat and the wounds on his chest. The taste of his blood did not sicken me, quite the opposite actually I relished in it…the taste the feel the power it caused. My jaws remained around his throat until I felt the last soft pulse of his slowing heart beat. It was then that I pulled back from my prey , retracted my clalws, to see the victim of my anger.

"FATHER! NOOOO!" Came the strangled cry of Draco Malfoy as he became aware of what had just happened , I backed away slowly from the body of his father , and it was then that I realized what I had done.

I changed back into my human form but could not go back to standing , my mouth was filled with his blood.

"DAMN YOU POTTER! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" Draco screamed as he clung to his fathers broken and torn body and the mansion behind him burst into flame. He got to his feet and pointed his wand at me, the hatred and anger that poured from his words and from his eyes made my heart grow cold, what had I done? Three aurors pointed right back at him. Just as I was about to tell him to let him kill me there was an enormous explosion from the mansion, bursting out windows on all floors sending glass shattering down to all of us. The aurors shielded themselves from the falling glass and from the force of the explosion, I fell back wards, not even caring to protect my face from the glass. When I looked back to the castle Draco and his fathers body were gone and darkness was all I knew until I woke being dragged away from the towering inferno.

"Over here! Hurry!" Cried out a familiar voice and I was picked up into a strong pair of arms. "Harry…Harry listen to me, you have to hold on…touch this…everyone ready One…two …three…" I felt something rough and warm beneath my finger tips and then to my dismay felt the harsh tug at my bellybutton inwards and suddenly I was spinning around. "Port-key " I thought to myself dully. All I could see was the image of Draco's face as he damned me and swore to kill me as my body came to a sudden stop at our destination I landed face first on a soft grassy lawn. Managing to get to all fours I promptly vomited.

"We have to get him to St. Mungos."

I heard foot steps running towards me to the right but I was still too far gone to look at who it was. "Good Merlin what has happned, Tonks!" Another familiar voice came from the new person.

"We can't take him to St. Mungos…. They will ask too many questions." Said someone as they went to my side and put an arm around my shoulder and lifted me up, my head rolling uselessly on my weak shoulders.

"Harry….Harry can you hear me?" someone called and I looked up into the face of Mr. Weasley just as I blacked out again.

I woke today…ten days later….what happens now I don't know…but I don't even care any more…I'm no better than the death eaters, I'm a murderer…a cold hearted killer that deserves to be killed in the same fashion or put in Azkaban for the rest of my life. Draco, my Draco, is gone…or maybe he never was. My chest hurts anytime I try and think about it, it's as though I am slowly dying but I am not wounded. Anyone who has ever gotten close to me was only using me, no one has ever loved me…I wish he would find me, find me and kill me. If I ever see him again I will give him that chance. Why is it that even though I know that he has betrayed me why is it my love for him still remains? Why does my heart throb with such horrible pain when he turned against me? I should hate him…but I can't and I wont.

I am truly damned…and there is no salvation for murderers, but am I not destined to murder again? Though Voldemort has killed millions am I really right to kill him in return? Will I even be able to do it? Will Draco kill me first? Oh what has happened to my love? How could he just make up such an intense façade of loving me, how could he do the things he did with me and not love me? What is the point to keep going? Why should I keep fighting any longer when I am destined to loose at his hands?

When will it end?

------END PART ONE-----

Aren't I evil? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Don't worry though, Draco will be back! (and as yummie a ever!)