Disclaimer: Still not mine. Yet.

Warnings: S-ai, which stands for Shounen-ai, which is just a fancy-pants word for gay love. Don't like it? Well, go find some sappy romance about normal human affections. Bah! I banish thee! You and your… Normal human-nature.

Notes:

xDDDDD

HOLY FREAKIN CRAP! I STARTED A BANDWAGON!

I am absolutely stunned by all the people who are making s-ai/yaoi stories on here now. And did you see the jump increase on the numbers of stories? Holy Crap! x) I'm so thrilled to see people getting to know that being gay isn't bad—And it can make a cute, sappy romance story.

So, please. Continue with your stories, loves. And I wish you all good luck in the near future.

Also, I noted a lot of typos and mistakes on my part. Like when it says he has black hair… All my Roleplaying characters have black hair. It was something so natural I didn't even noticed. And the spelling mistakes… I never re-read my crap. xD

By the way. A story was dedicated to me. I feel so loved.

Chapter five: Buttercup.

PS: Did you know that Buttercups are very poisonous?

I had a memory the night before… Of my past. And, frankly, it scared me. I didn't want it. But I didn't understand it, either. How could these things have happened to me, if I was found as an infant?

There I was. Sitting in the corner—No older then a small child, with tears streaming down my round cheeks, and sobs chocking through my lip and, the darkness hugging my frail frame. I was huddled, trying my best to huddle my figure deeper and deeper into the wall, to seep through the thick frame of the house, and disappear. It seemed that it's what everyone wanted to happen.

I looked to my mother, who stood with an off-white apron clung to her lean frame. The bun of her hair now lay in a mess, a few strands pasted to her brow, and a grumble on her pale lips. What was wrong? I didn't know why… But I received this guilty feeling of hatred from her. It might have been perhaps by the glares she sent me with her emerald eyes. I only remember vaguely what she was doing at the time, with her hands caked in mud and her long, lavender gown bleached by the sun as she walked through the door.

But I remember… My "room." The tightly packed shack, with but a candle with tears of wax rolling down the shaft, which hung on one of the walls, shedding it's soft aura into the dim area. The floor was just dirt. That's it. Plain earth, which rubbed along my palms and knees, dirtying my clothing—The rags I was forced to wear. I could see, as I glanced up, the hatred in her eyes.

"Mummy.." I said softly, "Mummy, what's wrong?" And I brushed the tears from my eyes to get a better look, but I immediately wished I hadn't.

"What's wrong?" She said, reaching down, and pulling me up by the shirt. I could almost taste the venom in her words, and winced at how hard she grasped me. "You're what's wrong!"

Then, it all hit me. Even in my original family—I was barely apart of it. Held to it by a mere thread of my heart, by the blood which ran through my veins. The blood I never knew. That woman, the woman I had claimed "Mother", wasn't even from my original birth. My Father… Well… Let's just say he liked to "sleep around." The thought hit me hard. My Mother… The one who I had been searching for my entire life, didn't even want me. She created me for money. That's how it was. And this woman, the woman my Father had originally married… Hated me.

I know there was someone else. Because… that one person was the reason I was still living today. I was completely fine with my Mother wanting to kill me. I no longer had emotions as she let me fall on the rough earth, my wounds beginning to ache at the movement, and she held the sledge knife, glinting in the soft moonlight which creaked through the open window, above her head, the poisonous smile on her lips… But someone else wasn't.

I saw an axe tear through her flesh. The vermillion blooming flowers detonated at her gut, the petals beginning to pool around her feet. I saw the horrified look on her face, her eyes wide and bulging, the pupils gone small, and the short, almost lifeless gasps for air her lips tried to grasp, a small trickle of blood emission from the corner of her mouth. A few diamonds of her blood splattered along my face, and I could feel the cold, trails it left behind as it rolled down.

I know she hated me. The glare she would have in her eyes whenever they happened to drive near my way. Because...

In my eyes she saw the man she loved, and a woman she would never meet.

Which was why I was completely satisfied with her killing me. Why should I live a life where my own Mother wanted me dead?

I guess… someone else thought differently.

Panting. Sweat glazing my flesh. A scream stiffly leaving my lips. Immediately, I heard Satoshi's soft coos to calm me down.

"Hush… It's okay… I'm here… It was just a dream…."

I closed my eyes to his soothing words… But it was taken. When his arms, which I had been oblivious to the entire time, had hugged me tightly, and immediate muscle remembrance dawned on me.

"You're what's wrong!"

My eyes widened, and without thinking, I tore away. I scurried across the floor to the other side of the hallway, my back pressed up against the wall as if wanting to seep through it and disappear again. But it didn't work. So I just remained satisfied with hugging myself, comforting myself as the tears which had awakened in my eyes began to fall.

I was shivering again, and although I visibly tensed when Satoshi drew near, I eventually eased to his presence. What was I doing? I loved this man, and here I was fearing him because of some stupid dream?

But it wasn't a dream. It couldn't have been… It was all far too real.

Everything seemed unbearably quiet. Inside, anyways. Outside, the bird's song could be heard so clearly, and the tree's nail branches clawed at the windows. I sighed, lessening as he hesitantly brought out his arms, and brought me into a loose embrace, and he improved the pressure until the hug was tight. Until he thought for sure nothing could break our bond.

Neither of us said anything about my dream at breakfast. Which, yes, I did eventually break down and spill everything to him. And he had taken it all, sprinkling a few comforts here or there. I must admit; He does make everything seem like a fantasy. But I guess that's what love is, right? Everyone's fairy tale.

But breakfast didn't go so well.

The main problem was, Shuu decided to invite the guest. The one who had started it all –triggered the sadness dwelling in my heart. He sat just across from me, with his gleaming eyes and charming smile. But I couldn't look at him, it just triggered more.

Satoshi sat beside me, and on the end of the table was Tomonori, and next to Mourir was Shuu. Beneath the table, my pinky intertwined with Satoshi's, and I would receive warm smiles and his thumb rubbing along the rest of my hand each time I felt like running away and crying.

It always seemed like he could read my mind.

I didn't feel like eating that much, and so I barely ate what was on my plate. It wasn't like it wasn't normal… I naturally don't eat a lot. But this made me seem bulimic or something. Of course, no one noticed but the one person I didn't want to get attention from.

"You don't eat a lot, do you?" Mourir asked.

I glared, "No. And I'm completely fine with that."

He nodded, a light smile of his face, "Well, okay. But you should eat more, it's healthier for you."

How dare he? Telling me what I should and shouldn't do? I sighed.

A plan quickly zapped through my mind, and I "accidentally" flicked my fork off the table, clattering and clashing on the tile as it fell.

"Oh.. I'll get that…"

And I scooted down and began prodding hard on the floor with my foot on the ground, hard, until I finally got the reaction from Mourir that I wanted.

"Ow!" And he jumped, causing a few table ornaments chimed.

"Oh? I'm sorry is this—" My foot pounced on his again, "—Your foot?"

He nodded, "Ow! Yes! It is!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry.." Wow. As if you couldn't hear the sincerity in my voice.

I glanced down, "Oh look... My fork."

And, after I reached down to pick it up, I couldn't help the smug smile on my lips. This was war.

The rest of breakfast went fairly smooth. I didn't try anything after, because I thought maybe that would seem too suspicious. And I must say—It felt pretty weird to be watching my back. I never had this much suppressed anger towards anyone before, not even the kids who teased me.

But something in the back of my mind told me this was wrong. The curse of a good heart.

"I'm excusing myself.." I said softly, and the warmth of Satoshi's hand left mind as I pushed away from the table, and I could almost feel his worried gaze on my back, "I'm just going for a walk, I'll be back soon."

I really just wandered around, finding my way while hugging the loose jacket I had hugged over my frame. I really was improving, I think. The pain was now ignorable in my legs. It's funny—I've been here for a while now, and yet I didn't know Marr's Pass had a park.

I like parks a lot, I'll tell you that. Wandering around the soft earth, the long, hallow shadows from the trees littering along the ground. The leaves of autumn tumbled along the pathway at my feet, which immediately caught my eye. I don't know how long I wandered there, my mind always retreating from the outside world.

Eventually, I found a bench, plopping down on the wooded surface with a sigh. Knees knocked together, and the toes which just brushed the ground facing inward. I closed my eyes…

Silence. A pure bliss. And yet, at the same time, it was Hell even more. The gnawing solitude… It wouldn't go away. That is, until I heard a certain someone sit besides me, tearing me from my daydream, any fragment washing away.

I immediately glared, "What're you doing here?"

Mourir gave an innocent look, "Do you always have to seem like you hate me?"

"It's more than seem, love." I snapped.

"Ouch."

There was a pause, with another moment of perfect silence. Then I felt something hard on my lap. Glancing down, I let my eyes widen, my fingers trailing over the edge of the sketchbook I had managed to messily shove together.

"My sketch book! But how did you--?"

I glanced towards him, and watched as he sprawled out, pulling out a light cigarette and peeling his lips open, rummaging through his pocket for a lighter.

"Your boyfriend told me. 'Said you'd probably need it right about now.."

I smiled lightly. Once again.. Satoshi was right. I would've done anything to draw this scenery. I silently thanked Satoshi as I began to flip through the pages.

"…You must really like him."

I blinked, glancing up. "Hmm? Oh, you mean Satoshi?.." I blushed lightly, "Yeah."

"You think it's love?"

I shrugged, "..I don't know."

Finally finding his lighter, he lifted it to the edge of the cigarette, letting the bud glow for an instant before he inhaled, letting it sag and dust away. After he inhaled, he lazily pulled it away, letting the cloud billow from his lightly parted lips.

I glared. "Do you mind?"

Only his eyes shifted to me, "What?"

"Smoking!" The glare never dropped its menace. "Don't you know about second hand smoking? You're killing me as well as yourself right now."

He shrugged, "We're all going to die anyways."

"Well I'd at least like to wait until I'm actually supposed to."

Then, his eyes snapped towards me. He was in shock, and although I didn't know why, I ignored it. Quickly, like a viper, I let my hand shoot to the drug, pulling it from his lips and disposing it on the ground followed by a sharp ground of my shoe.

"W—Wait! Hey!"

I pouted, "Well you should have known better."

"So… Tell me about yourself. What do you like to do?"

"Draw." It was a blunt answer.

"Well, yeah. I sort of guessed that. I mean, tell me about your favorites. What's your favorite meal?"

"Eh.. Ramen. Curry, maybe. It's the only thing I can cook. Mother wouldn't let me in the kitchen much."

"Oh. Your Mother? What was she like?"

I smiled lightly, "Kind. And… Well… Motherly."

"Well that's good to know." As he spoke I glanced to him questioningly.

"Why?"

"Because your—" Then he stopped again, and sighed. "It just is."

My brows knitted together, "No. You had better tell me this time. It may not be your place, but you're the only one who can tell me."

He glance towards me, his eyes dull with seriousness. Something deep down told me this was a wrong idea, that I was playing with fate, and I'd eventually pay for it later. But right now, I wanted to know more than anything before. Somehow I knew that the answer he was going to give me wasn't the one I was searching for.

"Are you sure?"

That my old life wasn't the fairy tale I had imagined it as.

"Positive."

That maybe I was better off not knowing. But there was no turning back—I don't want to live my entire life not knowing.

"…Your Mother hated you."

I looked away.

"She didn't really even remotely like you. You were barely fed, and she would constantly tell you how much she hated you."

I bit my lip, so hard that blood drew, but I quickly lapped it away.

"..But I thought she died when she gave birth?"

"That's a lie." Eyes widen to his words, but he continued on as if he didn't notice, "…Just so you wouldn't know the truth."

"So you mean… everyone knew!"

He nodded, "Your entire caravan, anyway."

I held myself lightly, feeling the tear again. So, they thought they could just lie to me? They thought that if they made up my life, that I wouldn't know? That I could just live on happily?

Didn't they know my life was Hell already?

"And my Father?"

"I can't tell you he was a bad man—I never knew him enough. He left shortly after, because he knew he was in trouble with your Mother."

"Why?" I rubbed my eyes clear.

"Because you were born from a prostitute."

My fingers clawed at my tight jeans, fisting the fabric. "Is that why Mother hated me? Because I wasn't even her child?"

"Pretty much."

"What about my birth mother? Didn't she want me?"

"Are you kidding? She was about 18 with a whole life ahead of her, so your Father took you in. His intentions started out good, but then he left you behind."

I guess he finally noticed when my shoulders began to shudder to the sobs.

"I guess I shouldn't have been so harsh.."

"No. I wanted the truth." And once again I brushed the evidence of tears from my vision.

"Thank you, Mourir. I should head back now, the others might be worried."

He nodded, "Alright. I'll see you soon. I'm going to stay out here for a while."

And I left, a new kind of cold bearing in my heart as I stood, clutching my sketchbook in my arms tightly.

Review, thank-you. Haha. I'm a better poet than I thought. xD