It was just another day in my life. Just like any other.
When I woke up, I did what I always do. I ran over to James' bed and I made sure he was well and truly awake, by jumping on the lump under the covers. Then I got dressed, because I'm always hungry when I wake up and I plan on getting to the Great Hall in time to enjoy every bit of food I can.
Everything seemed normal…Why would I think anything was wrong?
It happened in Transfigurations. Professor McGonagall knew I was an Animagus. She made James and I demonstrate it to the class. Something…was terribly off.
"James," I whispered, as we stood in front of the class. "Does anything seem…I don't know, 'off' to you?"
James looked over the rims of his glasses, a small knowing smirk on his lips. I can't stand it when he does that, and I feel very left out when he does. "All you need to do is remember, Sirius, and the illusion will fade."
Remember? What illusion?
Well, for the rest of the day, I tried to remember. I tried to remember why this was strange. I tried to remember anything. All I came up with was a name, "Harry?"
Later in the dorms, while James lay on his bed reading some magazine or another about Quidditch, he answered me, "You know who he is, Sirius. Don't be an idiot."
"I-is he related to you?" I asked tentatively.
"Yes." Simple. Short. I wish he'd just tell me.
Maybe Remus would know. I took a moment to glance around the dorms. A blurred form sat on Remus' bed, muffled explanations of History of Magic being doled out onto the more rotund blurred form across from him.
Come to think of it, I couldn't remember actually looking at Remus and seeing him for quite sometime. A glance down at one of my hands brought me to the conclusion that I too was blurry.
"James?" I would ask one more time. Always one more time. I had to know what was it that was happening around here.
"Yes, Sirius?"
"What's wrong with Remus and Peter and me?"
"Nothing at all, Sirius. All you have to do is remember and you won't be like that anymore. Remus and Peter will be like that for a long time yet…Don't you remember yet?"
Remus. I try to remember his face. The gentle curves when the moon was dark and new, and the sharp angles closer to the full moon. I tried to remember how his grey eyes lit up with joy at every new book, and how he could admonish James and me with a look.
Teeth were clenched, grey eyes gleaming with a shining light that foretold of tears to come. Face was stretched taut with pain, though nothing physical that I could see. His arms were wrapped tightly around the screaming form of a boy, messy haired and green eyed. And as the tears finally fell down his cheeks he screamed, one incessant emotion-filled cry.
"James…" He is my only solid point right now. I can't stop myself as I break down into sobs. I don't like that thought…Was it a memory? Burning tears unfurl in my throat, run down my cheeks and tear at my heart. Why was it so painful?
James wraps an arm around me, shushing me quietly, rocking slightly. "You are starting to remember. It is always the most emotional memories that come first."
"I miss them, James! I need to see them…I need to be with them…" These thoughts all occurred in succession, but I could not place these needs back to anything in particular, but rather just needs deeply rooted.
"I know, Sirius. But you can't be with them until you remember what happened!" Did James, too, seem on the verge of tears? Pain stained his voice, his fingers tightening on my arms with his frustration.
Frustration with me. I wish I knew why. But I have my first memory.