Disclaimer: JKRowling's Characters, and you and I both know it.
Author's notes: Well...Heh...Sorry 'bout that. I've been meaning to update it, just haven't gotten around to it. Anywho...Godric, Salazar, Rowena and Helga. ::nod:: And the song Lily sings...part of a song I'm writing. It sounds better when sung.
Regulus and I didn't find James for some time. For most of that time, we walked in silence, watching the ground stretch beneath our feet. Strangely, we didn't seem to be getting anywhere quickly, no matter which direction we turned.
"I used to hate you, Sirius," Regulus announced abruptly. "I hated you until it ate me up, and I was no longer me. I hated you for so many reasons, which are so irrelevant and seem so inadequate for the situations that were presented to me."
I couldn't remember Regulus ever being this smart. He never said big words. He was always the one floundering in school. "Why did you hate me?"
"You were perfect, dearest brother."
"No one is perfect, Reggie." I reach out and touch his hand, meant to be comforting, though he had little reaction to it.
"You had the grades, the girls, the friends, the athletic ability, which you never used, I thought, quite up to your potential; you had everything I wanted, and you were brave enough to get it." A sorrow crept into his voice, though he smiled softly to me. "You will have to be careful here, of course. I seem to have brought my demon with me. Avoid being alone, brother."
"You had mother's approval, a place in the family, a place in society already cut out perfect for you…" I started counting off all the things I'd left behind when I'd run away at sixteen, and even before.
"Those things are worthless, when you are alone, Sirius," he murmured, interrupting me gently.
"You were never al-" I stop myself this time. Staring up at my little brother, I think of all the times I'd seen him in school: always alone in a crowd of Slytherins, always staring at me with some sort of longing that I could never figure out.
"You see, brother, Slytherins don't make friends, they make allies."
I nod dumbly. I know that.
Silence again covers our beings like a down quilt, suffocatingly pressing. Our footsteps echoed softly, which didn't seem quite right in my mind. Somehow, though, it seemed strange to ask about echoing feet in the middle of the…corridor?
I could've sworn we were walking on the grounds.
After a quick glance around, and one up, my eyes caught on James, leaning into the wall. "Trying to look suave, James? You're doing a horrible job, you know," I said with a grin.
He returned the grin. "Coming back to yourself, are you?"
Regulus shook his head. "Perhaps he simply does not wish to remember."
James tilted his head to one side, "Is that true, Paddy?"
Did I not wish to remember? Was there some part of me holding back the memories from myself? No. I wanted to know who I was. That much I decided firmly.
His limp hand fell away from his cold corpse. The wand stayed in his loose fingers however. "You-you…" I sobbed softly. "You bastard. You said you'd die with your boots on, remember? Godric damnit. You succeeded. You succeeded."
The corpse was cold. And I heard my impending doom come in the form of other voices. I had to leave…run…but…James was dead?
I gasped, managing only to look up at Regulus and James before my vision faded. The background of Hogwarts shimmered and dissipated, leaving only two shining orbs that were my brother and best friend.
"Harry?" I asked quietly. The green-eyed boy looked up to me. "We'll go to Diagon Alley someday. Just you and me. Whaddaya say?"
A small curvature of his lips. He liked the idea.
Another few breaths, as sweat pored off my skin. A scream wrestled its way from my lips before the next one overtook me.
There he was. That was my godson. The thin form sat on his trunk and I couldn't tell if he was crying or just angry. A great snuffle of my nose told me he was scared, and frustrated and so many other emotions. I heard myself whine and quickly took in a great huff of breath as if it would quiet me.
He looked behind himself. Undoubtedly, he saw little but my eyes. Then the Knight Bus came and turned his attention away from me, which gave me enough time to turn tail.
"This is too much at once!" I heard James scream.
"Then how do we stop it?" Regulus yelped.
"Sweeet sunshine…sweeeet storm…Forever mine, or nevermore…" Lily's soft voice rang out above the silence of the common room. I sat at the top of the stairs, listening.
"Sing it again, Tiger Lily…Just once more?" James whined like a child to his mother.
Lily started her song again, and suddenly my eyes were hot with tears. But boys don't cry, and I wasn't going to. I got to my feet slowly, intending to go back to bed, but suddenly found myself at the foot of the stairs. James and Lily were peering at me as if I were invading.
Everyone's allowed in the common room. I was just going to exercise that. I flopped down in front of the fire, glaring at the dancing flames.
"Sirius…" James growled.
"I think I'm going to go to bed, Jamie," Lily said with a fake yawn. "I'm awfully tired and I've got some more homework to do anyhow." With that, she crept away.
"Blessed Rowena, Sirius! You knew I'd be spending time with her!" James snarled, leaping out of his seat as soon as she'd gone from the vicinity.
I mimicked him…poorly and then glared as if that would get my point across.
"Stop being an ass and tell me what's on your mind…" James sighed as he fell into the seat beside me.
"I don't want you to like her better than you like me," I murmured earnestly. Silence reigned. James stared at me, and I stared at the fire. I don't think he knew what to say.
I lay on a cold stone floor, gasping for breath. I needed to know I still existed somewhere in all of this mess of past and present. I sent a groping hand to examine what I was. I found my pocket, brimming with small spheres. At least I got something out of this.
Catching my breath, I finally opened my eyes to find nothingness.
Hogwarts, James, Regulus, our mysterious echoing corridor…they were all gone. All that was there was my marbles, me, emptiness and a flowing black veil. Slowly, I worked myself to my feet, finding a heaviness that never seemed to be there before.
Gasping, I took in a few breaths before deciding I didn't need the air anyhow. Strangely, I didn't feel a need to breath after that.
A few staggering steps brought me to the fluttering shroud. A hand met the pocket of brimming memories, at the same time a whisper of a hiss sounded from behind me. At the same time, an unfamiliar, yet horribly familiar hand appeared to grab at my sleeve.
"Who's th-? Godric, Salazar, Rowena and Helga, save me," I heard someone, whom I suspect to be me, whimper.